THE 



LIFE 



OF 



MRS. MARY FLETCHER, 

CONSORT AND RELICT 



OF 



THE REV. JOHN FLETCHER, 

V 

Vicar of Madele^, Salop : 

COMPILED FROM HER JOURNAL AND OTHER AUTHENTIC 
DOCUMENTS. 



BY HENRY MOORE. 1 4 



The end of the commandment is Charity, out of a pure heart, and of a good con- 
science, and of faith unfeigned. — 1 Tim. i. 5. 

By faith,— choosing rather to suffer affliction with the people of God, than to enjoy 
the pleasures of sin for a season. — Heb. xi. 25. 

These are they which follow the Lamb whithersoever he goeth.— Rev. xiv. 4. 



SIXTH EDITION. 

/ 

LONDON: 

PUBLISHED AND SOLD BY J. KERSHAW, 
14, City-Road, and 66, Paternoster-Row : 
SOLD ALSO AT THE METHODIST CHAPEL-HOUSES IN TOWN AND COUNTRY, 



1824. 



A 



6 



Printed by T. Cordeux, 14, City-Road, London. 



PREFACE. 



A SHORT time after I was appointed to the Birmingham Dis- 
trict, the papers of the late Mrs. Fletcher were put into my 
hands. I was informed, at the same time, that the venerable 
person whose life was recorded in them, had mentioned me as 
one whom she wished to prepare and publish her papers ; and 
that an application to this eiFect would have been made to me 
before that time, had not the distance of my former appointment 
prevented it, Mrs. Fletcher having laid an injunction on her 
friend, to whom by will she had committed them, not to give 
them absolutely into the hands of any person whatsoever. 

I examined those papers with no common interest. They gave 
an account not only of the writer's own life, but involved, in some 
respects, that of her admirable Husband. I was certain that 
those records were desired, and would be received, by the most 
pious in these kingdoms, not as a common religious Biography, 
but as the record of an uncommon work of God ; and that they 
would not be expected to fall short of any account which has 
come forth in that great revival of Scriptural Christianity in our 
day, concerning which we have so often been constrained to say, 
" What hath God wrought ? " 

I have often wished to see such a display of that work as would 
show its genuine nature and fruits, free from the colouring of those 
Writers who were not directly concerned in it ; or of those who 
might be so anxious about its public reputation, as to forget, 
that the circumcision of the heart," is justified only by those 
" children of the light and of the day " who prove its power, and 

cry, Abba, Father, by the spirit of adoption : " and " whose 
praise is not of men but of God ! " It is much to be desired, also, 
to see such an account made living and powerful by being personi- 
fied ; — to see an individual thus " walking worthy of the Lord 
unto all pleasing, being fruitful in every good work, ai 'l in- 
creasing in the knowledge of God. " 

A 2 



iv 



PREFACE. 



A general History of this Work, including all the important 
circumstances, has been already published, especially in the Jour- 
nals of the Rev. John Wesley, the Father of Methodism, so 
called. In these we see, as in the Gospel, " the grain of mustard 
seed increasing and becoming a great tree," to the astonishment 
of those who witnessed its small beginning, — who " saw the cloud 
arise little as a human hand." The display given us in that ac- 
count, is distinguished by the same simplicity, purity, and class- 
ical beauty, which are observable in all the writings of that emi- 
nent Instrument of God. This large survey is highly satisfactory ; 
but the aid of living testimony is necessary to bring it home to 
the hearts of those whose inquiry is, " What shall I do to be 
saved ? How shall I walk with God ? " 

Religion is nothing less than the life of God in the soul of man. 
It is the offspring of God through faith, and is not, and cannot 
be attached to Churches or Religious Communities, though they 
are so highly necessary to its propagation and increase. It never 
was so attached ; though while the Covenant of God was esta- 
blished with the nation of the Jews, it had that appearance. 
But even then, " all were not Israel, who were of Israel. The 
children of the promise, and not the children of the flesh, 
were counted for the seed." The Gospel, however, to the 
stumbling of the greatest part of that people, put an end to that 
appearance. The National Covenant answered the design of 
Him who gave it. It foretold, typified, and prepared the way of 
the " only begotten Son of God." But who could " abide the 
day of his coming ? " Who could " stand when he appeared ? " 
It is true, He was meek and lowly in heart, and his every word 
and action towards even the greatest transgressors, demonstrated 
that " He came not to destroy men's lives, but to save them." 
But he exposed and resisted all those who walked in the " de- 
ceivableness of unrighteousness," and who boasted like their 
fathers, saying, " The Temple of the Lord, the Temple of the 
Lord, the Temple of the Lord are we ! " He looked for personal 
religion ; and all who attached it to names, ordinances, or com- 
munities, he answered with, — " Ye worship ye know not what." 
He enforced poverty of spirit, mourning, meekness, mercifulness, 
and purity of heart ; showing thus the beginning and progress of 
religion, as given to guilty, sinful, helpless creatures, in whom 
Us no good thing ; and who are thus to be made " rich in 
," and " heirs of the kingdom of heaven ; " and who thus 



PREFACE. 



V 



alone can be made new creatures, and meet for the inheritance 
among the saints in light, whose robes are washed and made 
white in the blood of the Lamb." 

These pure and high principles of Holy Writ, so agreeable to 
the exalted character of Jehovah, and to the fallen and wretched 
condition of man, were sought out and adopted by the band of 
Brothers in the University of Oxford, nearly ninety years ago* 
One great truth involved the whole, as necessary to salvation, — 

Without holiness no man shall see the Lord." They im- 
mediately followed after this, making every sacrifice, and order- 
ing their whole life that they might attain it. Some time after 
the Lord showed them, that His way of conferring holiness was 
by faith / and that he " justifies men, as being ungodly, through 
the redemption that is in Jesus," before he sanctifies them. 
They now knew the whole truth, and the Lord thrust them forth 
from their beloved retirement, to raise a Holy People. This was 
the one design of these chosen instruments, and every thing short 
of it they counted, to use the language of St. Paul, " wood, hay, 
or stubble." 

But did they spend their strength for nought ? " Were they 
disappointed of their hope ? Were not a holy people raised up ? 
Let the Life of Mrs. Fletcher speak. Let the pious reader say, 
if he be not introduced, in these Memoirs, among the excellent 
of the earth ; — all of whom with one voice would testify. 

Blind we were, but now we see j 
Deaf, we hearken, Lord I to Thee : 
Dumb, for Thee our tongues employ. 
Lame, and lo ! we leap for joy." 

Some who have separated from other Communities," says Mr. 
Wesley, " laid the foundation of that work, in judging and con- 
demning others ; we, on the contrary, in judging and condemning 
ourselves." 

I cannot, therefore, but greatly rejoice that these Memoirs are 
given to the public, and especially to that Community of which 
the writer was so long a highly honoured and useful member. I 
cannot but think they will be a great blessing to the people of 
God of every denomination ; and, especially, to all who desire 
''to walk even as Christ also walked," and who are conscious 
of an evil nature, opposing '' that will of God which is their 
sanctification." In this point of view, especially, these Memoirs 



vi 



PREFACE. 



will be considered J I think, as very precious to all who " fight 
this good fight of faith." The reader will find in them no painty 
nothing to set the writer off; no- extravagEince, but plain life 
raised and sanctified by constant attention to the duties and sacri- 
fices of the Gospel ; and issuing in a constant pleading of the 
great and precious promises," by which we are made partakers 
of the Divine Nature : with unremitting elforts to walk by that 
rule, " Whether ye eat or drink, or whatever ye do, do all to the 
glory of God," 

Luther observed, that there never was a work of God in the 
earth that lasted longer, in any Community, than the common 
life of man ; that is, upon an average, about thirty years. 
Generally about that period, the " vineyard which the Lord 
planted with his own right hand, has been let out to husband- 
men," who, yielding to their natural propensities, and accom- 
modating the work of the Lord to " the course of this world," 
have not been careful to render to Him the required fruit. Hence 
the visible state of decay, or of death, in those Communities 
which once manifested the divine hand of Him who formed them. 
But this work has lasted nearly thrice that time ! There are none 
alive who witnessed its beginning, and but very few who knew 
its early days. If any such meet with this work, they will call 
to mind the very glorious time when it was altogether the work of 
God ; when it was unsupported by any worldly power or wisdom, 
and had all that " is earthly, sensual, and devilish," combined 
against it. They will see also a consistency in the design, and in 
the mode of execution, which is truly edifying, and " not of this 
world." The instruments employed in this work, and especially 
that One so eminently called thereto, were not careful for such 
prosperity as worldly men desire. They knew, like their blessed 
Master, that " all whom the Father gave them would come unto 
them," and they did not desire to bring the world into His fold. 
The world is called and redeemed ; but to add to the family of 
God all who obeyed that call was their only ambition, and the 
object of their incessant labours. 

The great Superintendent of this work, under God, looked not 
for what the world calls great talents in his helpers. In this 
respect also he gladly used " those whom the Father gave him ;" 
were witnesses of the truths which they were called to teach. 
I who knew God, (in the only way in which He can be truly 
powerfully known,) " as being merciful to their unrighteous- 



PREFACE. 



vii 



ness, and remembering their sins no more.'' He was careful also 
to see that the true fruit accompanied their ministry, — " the jus- 
tification of the ungodly, and the sanctification of the unholy." 
He used to say, " The best physician is not he who writes the 
best recipes, but he who makes the^ most cures." When men of 
learning united with him in this divine work, he greatly rejoiced, 
and gladly received them. The late Mr. Fletcher was an eminent 
instance of that kind. His learning was deep, extensive, clear, 
and various ; but like his venerable friend, whom he always called 
Father, he counted even all these estimable advantages as dung 
and dross for the excellency of the knowledge of Christ Jesus 
his Lord.- ' So abased was this great man in his own eyes, and 
so entirely did he take the divine mould of the Gospel, that there 
was not one of those Helpers in the work whom he did not re- 
joice to call his brother in Christ, and whom he did not in 
honour prefer to himself," even in his own parish. 

The private members also were men and women of God ; and 
among these Miss Bosanquet always held in general estimation 
the chief place. Her superiority in natural and providential gifts, 
— her well known entire devotedness, — her constancy and perse- 
verance in the divine life,—her doing and suffering the whole will 
of her Master, all fitted her, as by general consent, to be the 
consort of that great man " whose praise is in all the Churches ; " 
whose admirable writings will live while piety and learning are 
honoured in the earth ; and which have forced even those who 
did not know his piety, or affected to lament that such talents 
should be so connected, to acknowledge his great superiority. 

That the highest principles of the Christian religion should be 
brought into common life, is the greatest display of the power 
of divine truth that is possible, and the most glorious victory over 
the world. It is thus that righteousness shall cover the earth," 
and bring glory to Him that sitteth upon the throne." How 
poor, how questionable, are all the refinements of the closet, the 
study, or the cloister, when compared with the "love of God 
and our neighbour," brought into act, and exhibited on right 
principles, amidst the common concerns and labours of life, and 
attended with its usual trials, afflictions, and mortifications ! To 
persevere thus, is indeed the perseverance of the saints, and 
realizes that old saying, too often quoted by pride and apathy, — 
" It is a sight worthy of God, when he looks down from heaven • 
to see a virtuous mind unswervingly struggling with adversity." 
+ 



PREFACE. 



Such a sight, I trust, the pious reader will behold in the Life of 
Mrs. Fletcher. Her one support in all her trials was, in sub- 
stance, that of Job, — " He knoweth the way that I take, and 
when he hath tried me, I shall come forth as gold." 

What indeed can be so interesting to a mind well informed and 
disposed, as to behold the daily walk of one, who from a very 
early age had devoted her whole life to God ? Not living in se- 
clusion, but walking in what Jeremiah calls the highway, — " the 
way of holiness, in which the wayfaring man, though a fool, 
shall not err ? " — To see our Lord's Sermon on the Mount brought 
into daily and hourly practice, according to the evident design of 
its Divine Author ? To see " the house thus built upon the rock," 
the "truth and love of God;" and then to behold "the rains 
descend, and the floods come, and the winds blow and beat upon 
it ? " Surely they who contemplate the scene, and behold its 
stability, will exultingly exclaim, — " It falls not ; for it is founded 
upon a rock I " 

That such a person " should be judged by men in the flesh, 
while living to God in the spirit," will not be surprising to any 
who learn what religion is by the Word and Spirit of God, and 
who know the real character of man. Mrs. Fletcher was thus 
judged. The common imputations she out-lived, or lived down. 
One perhaps may remain. It may still perhaps be said, she was 
an enthusiast. To many who use this word no answer need be 
returned. Any thing above the dead form of Godliness is with 
them enthusiasm. " A love to him who first loved us, and who 
gave himself for us, the just for the unjust to bring us to God," 
which would at all equal in its attachment the love that is of 
earth and sense, is with them all madness, folly, or hypocrisy ; 
" wisdom is justified only by her children." 

But more sober minds may object, that she too much minded 
impressions, dreams, and those inward feelings to which religious 
persons are supposed to be particularly exposed. That such 
things should be condemned, toto genere^ is hardly consistent 
with any true religion, seeing the oracles of God so frequently 
mention them : and not as attached to the prophetic or ministerial 
character, but as given to those who walk with, God in the 
humblest path of life. The wisest and best of men have not only 
spoken of such things with respect, but have made them a part 
• of the religion which they have held forth to ages and generations, 
inities and kingdoms. Concernihg religious feelings and 



PREFACE. 



ix 



impressions, the Liturgy of the Church of England, and her esta- 
blished institutes, bear the fullest and most honourable testimony ; 
setting the highest value on that mode of divine teaching, and of 
bestowing encouragement and consolation. We know the worship 
of our Church is so constituted, as, if possible, to impress the 
whole nation ; but there are parts of it that can only be considered 
as describing and edifying " the children of God." How striking 
are those passages in the Communion-Service, "where those who 
spiritually " eat the flesh of Christ and drink hi^ blood," are said, 
agreeably to the Holy Scriptures, " to dwell in Christ, and Christ 
in them;" to be "one with Christ, and Christ with them!" 
And in the Seventeenth Article, where there is the strongest de- 
scription of those adopted children of God, (so strong indeed in 
some of the terms, that not a few have mistaken this scriptural 
account of them, as descriptive of Mr. Calvin's system,) " who 
by the counsel of God are delivered from the curse and damnation 
due to sin, and brought through Christ to everlasting salvation, as 
vessels made to honour. Wherefore they which be endued with 
so excellent a benefit of God, be called according to God's purpose, 
by his Spirit working in due season ; they, through grace, obey 
the calling ; they be justified freely ; they be made sons of God 
by adoption; they be made like unto the image of his only- 
begotten Son, Jesus Christ ; they walk religiously in good works, 
and at length, by God's mercy, they attain to everlasting felicity." 
And "as this godly consideration of their election in Christ is full 
of sweety pleasanty and unspeakable comfort^ — to such as feel in 
themselves the working of the Spirit of Christy mortifying the 
works of the fleshy and their earthly members^ and drawing up 
their mind to high and heavenly things^ so it doth greatly establish 
and confirm their faith of eternal salvation^ and fervently kindle 
their love to GodJ'^ 

Now with all this life, union, and holy fellowship, are there 
no corresponding feelings and enjoyments? ,No "tasting the 
powers of the world to come ? " No lively impressions of " their 
heavenly inheritance ? " No consciousness of His love to them, 
or their love to Him, in whom they dwell ? No " peace or joy in 
believing ? " — If this were indeed so, then I am afraid, the life, 
the union, of which those feelings and impressions have been 
considered as the gracious marks, have no real existence : and the 
system which boasts of a peace, of which the possessor has no 
consciousness, a joy which raiseth not "the mind to high and 



X 



PREFACE. 



heavenly things," and a hope which is not full of immortality^ 
may triumphantly take its place in the congregation of the dead I 

But, it will he asked, Did she not lay an undue stress upon 
these things ? I believe not. I have not perceived it. On the 
contrary, I have seen, even when she believed herself led by 
the Spirit of God to do that good which was the settled purpose 
of her whole life, she manifested the greatest care to walk ac- 
cording to St. John's direction, Beloved, believe not every 
spirit, but try the spirits whether they be of God." In obedi- 
ence to this, she considered and pondered all her ways, and 
• brought every purpose and act to the only sure touchstone, the 
unerring Word of God. The same charge was often brought 
against Mr. Weslet, and for precisely the same reasons. An- 
swering the most respectable of those who thus laid to his charge 
things that he knezD not ; viz.^ Dr. Gibson, the venerable Bishop 
of London, he replies, In the whole compass of language there 
is not a proposition which belongs less to me than this. I have 
declared again and again, that I make the Word of God the rule 
of all my actions ; and that I no more follow any secret impulse 
instead thereof, than I follow Mahomet or Confucius." 

Let Mrs. Fletcher be " weighed in " this " balance," and I 
believe she " will not be found wanting." She, like Mr.Wesley, 
and her excellent husband, " served God in newness of the 
Spirit, and not in the oldness of the letter." Hence her "life 
was hid with Christ in God," and she had impressions, and con- 
solations, which are the fruits and evidences of that life. But 
she well knew that the Spirit of Truth never contradicts, never 
is inconsistent with Himself. His written oracles, and his lively, 
and life-giving teaching, agree together. She humbly and earn- 
estly attended to that direction, — " To the law and to the testi- 
mony ; if they speak not according to this word, it is because 
there is no light in them." A writer of the present day has 
strangely said, that he knew of no witness, no influence, no 
teaching, but the w ritten Word of God. Perhaps he does not 
know any other. But there are many who walk with God who 
do. But if that writer only means, that he knows, or acknow- 
ledges, no witness, no influence, no teaching that is contrary to 
that Holy Word, or that is inconsistent with its one design, to 
save us from all sin^ into all holiness^ every true Christian will 
applaud the sentiment. Mrs. Fletcuer was watchful in this 
respect, being aware of the danger. Hence, though she might 



PREFACE. 



err, she never deviated from the path. She might mistake ; but 
she was always preserved from any departure from her God. 

The pious reader will he glad to he assured, that the whole of 
these Memoirs are from Mrs. Fletcher's pen. In compiling 
her Life, I have left out much valuable matter, which was either 
contained, in substance, in other parts of these Memoirs, or, 
was not of sufficient interest to appear in the publication. I 
have also compressed what I thought was redundant, that the 
work might not be needlessly swelled. I have also thought it 
right to press her sentences into more conciseness. She wrote in 
the fulness of her heart, and with admirable sense ; but her style 
was rather too copious ; and sometimes too diffuse, for Narrative 
or History. But I have taken care, at the same time, to give the 
admirable issues of her enlightened mind, with all the force and 
simplicity with which she recorded them. 

Those who have read the Lives of those truly pious women, 
Madam Guion, Chantel, Bourignon, and others of the same class, 
which so abundantly prove, that even the cloud of Romish super- 
stition does not preclude the rays of " the Sun of Righteousness," 
and that involuntary ignorance God still winketh at, will be glad 
to See a Life in the Protestant Church superior to any of them. 
Especially, they will see, that all in her may be safely imitated, 
being all according to " the faith once delivered to the saints." 
They will see, also, not the fair picture only, but how it came to 
bear the stamp divine. They may trace its progress, and be en- 
couraged to believe, that the Lord, who is ever the same, will 
thus " work in them to will and to do," notwithstanding oppos- 
ing corruptions ; and they will be encouraged to give themselves 
up to that " grace of God, which teaches us to deny ungodliness, 
and worldly lusts, and to live soberly, righteously, and godly, in 
this present world ; looking for that blessed hope, and the glorious 
appearing of the great God, and our Saviour Jesus Christ." 

H. MOORE. 

Birmingham, April 14th, 1817. 



THE 

LIFE 

OF 

MRS. FLETCHER. 



# 

PART I. 

HER EARLY LIFE, AND CHRISTIAN EXPERIENCE. 

I WAS bom September the first, O. S. 1739, at Layton- 
stone, in Essex. From my earliest years, I can remember 
the Spirit of God striving with me, and offering me salvation ; 
but I slighted these most gracious calls, and many times re- 
sisted the most tender invitations. One day from a little cir- 
cumstance which occurred when I was about four years old, 
I received such a conviction that God heareth prayer, that it 
often administered much comfort to me in seasons of trial and 
danger. Of this I had the greater need, being by nature fear- 
ftd even to a degree of folly. How much this effeminacy of 
disposition has cost me in my Christian warfare, and what suf- 
ferings, as well as spiritual loss, I have sustained from it, is 
known only to my heavenly Father. 

When I was five years old, I began to have much concern 
about my eternal welfare, and frequently inquired of those 
about me, whether such and such things were sins. On sab- 
bath-evenings, my dear father used to instruct us in the 
Church Catechism. At those seasons I can remember asking 
many questions. I wished to know whether any one ever did 
" love God with all their heart, and their neighbour as them- 
selves ; and whether it was really the command of God that 
we should do so ; also, if the Bible really meant all it said ? 
It seemed to me that if it did, I was wrong,, and all about m<j 



14 



THE LIFE OF 



in danger ; for there appeared to be a great diiFerence between 
the description of a Christian, given in the word of God, and 
those who walk under that name. 

As I was a backward child, and of weaker understanding 
than the others, I was not well read in the Scriptures at that 
very early age; but sentences out of the word of God fre- 
quently occurred to my mind, and made a deep impression ; 
such as, " Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy 
heart/' I would answer, But I do not love God at all ; I do 
not know how to love him; and with respect to loving my 
neighbour thus, I am sure I do not ; for though my sister is 
dearer to me than any one else, I do not love her as well as 
myself. Again, that word struck me much, St. Paul says, 
" I have fought the good fight ; and when I was baptized, 
the Minister said, I was to be " Christ's faithful soldier and 
servant, and fight manfully under his banner." This amazed 
me greatly. I thought, I am sure I do not fight, neither do 
I know what to fight against. But above all, that sentence 
would follow me, " Narrow is the way which leadeth unto 
life, and few there be that find it ; " and, "If ye are not of 
the world the world will hate you.'' I did not feel it a narrow 
way, neither did the world hate me; therefore I questioned 
often whether I was not quite out of the way, yet it was not 
with any terror. I believed that if the Lord saw that I was 
wrong, he would make me right, and sometimes I prayed for 
it. At other times I was very careless ; yet these reflections 
still dwelt on my mind, and often perplexed me. I frequently 
asked questions about these subjects, but they were often very 
lightly treated. Those parts of Scripture were represented as 
very liable to be mistaken, and that they did not require 
obedience in all the strictness which I seemed to suppose. 
This well agreed with my carnal mind, and I thus soon 
quenched those tender convictions ; so easy is it to drown the 
soft voice of the Spirit by carnal reasonings. 

I now drew the following reflections : If the Bible does not 
mean all it seems to speak, with regard to the commands of 
God, certainly the same allowance may be made for its threat- 
cnings ; so that I began to believe there was no hell at all, or 



MRS. FLETCHER. 



15 



at least not half so terrible as I had been taught to think. 
This thought raised in me a dislike to the word of God, and 
great coldness and carelessness throughout all my conduct. 
But my adorable Lord did not give me up to the hardness of 
my heart, but still followed me with his drawings. Often I 
thought, Perhaps the Bible does mean what it says, and then 
I am not a Christian ; and greatly did I wish to know what was 
the truth. My sister, who was nearly five years older than me, 
was also under a concern for her soul; she wished to know, 
and do, the will of God. 

About this time there came a servant maid to live with my 
father, who had heard of, and felt some little of the power of 
inward religion. It was among the people called Methodists 
she had received her instructions. Seeing the uneasiness my 
sister was under, she took some opportunities of conversing 
with her. I was at this season with my grandmother. On my 
return home my sister repeated the substance of these conversa- 
tions to me. I well remember the very spot we stood on, and 
the words she spake, which, though we were but a few minutes 
together, sunk so deeply into my heart, that they were never 
afterward erased. My reflections were suited to a child not 
seven years old. I thought if I became a Methodist I should 
be sure of salvation ; and determined, if ever I could get to 
that people, whatever it cost, I would be one of them. But 
after a few conversations, and hearing my sister read some 
little books which this servant had given to her, I found out, 
it was not the being joined to any people that would save me, 
but I must be converted, and have faith in Christ ; that I was 
to be saved by believing ; and that believing would make me 
holy, and give me a power to love and serve God. 

The servant had now left our family, and we continued like 
blind persons groping our way in the dark ; yet though we had 
so far discerned the truth as to express it in the above manner, 
I could not comprehend it. My heart rose against the idea of 
being saved by faith which I could not understand. One day, 
looking over the pictures in the Book of Martyrs, I thought it 
would be easier to bum than to believe, and heartily did I 
wish that the Papists would come and burn me, and then I 



16 



THE LIFE OF 



thought I should be quite safe. Yet these troubled thoughts 
were mixed with a degree of hope. I thought, God does love 
me, I believe, after all; and perhaps, he will show me what 
it is to believe, and be converted. 

When I was between seven and eight years old, musing one 
day on that thought. What can it be to know my sins forgiven, 
and to have faith in J esus ? I felt my heart rise against God, 
for having appointed a way of salvation so hard to be under- 
stood; and with anguish of soul I said, If it were to die "a 
martyr, I could do it : or to give away all I have ; or when 
grown up, to become a servant, that would be easy ; but I 
shall never know how to believe. In that moment these words 
were applied with mighty power to my soul, 

" Who on Jesus relies^ without money or price. 
The pearl of forgiveness and holiness buys." 

They were accompanied with a light and power I had never 
known before; and with joy I cried out, I do, I do rely on 
Jesus ; yes, I do rely on Jesus, and God counts me righteous 
for what he has done and suffered, and hath forgiven all ' my 
sins ! I was surprised that I could not find out this before. 
I had thought every thing easier than to believe ; but now I 
thought the way of believing more easy than any other. A 
ray of light into the Gospel-plan shone upon my soul, and I 
began to adore the wonders of redeeming love. But, alas ! it 
was but as the drops before a shower ; in a few days I lost the 
power in a great measure,* though not the light of this bless- 
ing. I can remember many promises, after this, being at 
times brought to my mind. Something also of a confidence in 
the Lord Jesus I ever retained, and when fears would spring 
up concerning the day of judgment, I used to comfort myself 
with this thought, Jesus is to be the Judge, and I cannot be 
afraid of Jesus. But I had not yet learned that lesson, 

" Man, for the simple life divine. 
What will it cost to break } 
Ere pleasure soft, and wily pride. 
No more within him speak } " 

♦ She was not favoured at this time with Christian fellowship. She had none 
to help her in the way of faith. Editor. 



MRS. FLETCHER. 



17 



Some time after I had thus by faith " tasted of the powers 
df the world to come," I fell into an uncommon lowness, and 
weakness of nerves, which was accompanied with grievous 
temptations. I was oppressed beyond measure with the fear 
of sin, and accused in almost every thing I said or did, so 
that I was altogether a heap of inconsistency. This was 
followed by temptations unspeakably afflicting: it was con- 
tinually suggested to my mind, I had blasphemed against the 
Holy Ghost. The consequent effect of these temptations on 
my temper, drew on me very grievous burdens, and exposed 
me to so much anger and reproach from my parents, as made 
me weary of life. It appeared to them that I was obstinate 
and disobedient ; and my flesh has seemed ready to move on 
my bones, when I have heard my dear mother say, " That girl 
is the most perverse creature that ever lived ; I cannot think 
what is come to her : " and my heart used to sink like a stone, 
for I knew not what to do, and the grief of my mind quite 
destroyed my health. My grandfather and grandmother, who 
were to me the tenderest of parents, seeing me in such a poor 
way, as to my body, (though they knew not the cause,) desired 
to have me with them. I grew something better while I was 
there ; but on my return home, I became as bad as ever. 

This heavy season lasted, I think, nine weeks ; when one 
t day, opening my mind to my sister, (as indeed I had often 
before attempted to do, but could not explain myself,) she 
providentially used these words in her answer, " Why, you do 
not mean to blaspheme, do you ? " A light immediately struck 
into my mind; I weighed the thought, over and over, and 
could truly say, 'Lord, thou knowest I do not mean to blas- 
pheme.' I then recollected that I had heard something about 
temptation, and often wondered what it was. I thought, it 
may be Satan whispers this into my mind, like what we read 
about Christian in the Pilgrim's Progress, going through the 
valley of the shadow of death. I then determined never to 
regard it more, but always answer with these words, ' I do not 
mean to blaspheme, I will acknowledge Christ for ever : ' and 
in a few days I was perfectly delivered. I am the more full 
on this head, because it has been a warning to me ever since, 

B 



18 



THE LIFE OF 



not to be too severe in passing a judgment on the actions of 
children, whose reflections are far deeper, and their feelings 
much keener, than we are apt to imagine. 

I was now, I believe, about ten years old, and can recollect 
many comfortable moments in reading the word of God. The 
promises in Isaiah were in a particular manner applied to my 
soul, and I hardly ever opened the Bible, but there was some- 
thing for me : till one day I heard a person make this remark, 
that ' many people took promises to themselves which did not 
belong to them." Of some, she observed, ' they belonged to the 
Church ; others to the Jews ; such and such to the Gentiles, 
&c.,' and then began to blame the presumption of those who 
applied them to their own souls ! Such a thought had never 
entered my heart before. I knew the words were primarily 
spoken on particular occasions ; but the Lord had led me to 
believe that his word was written to every soul, so far as they 
were willing to receive it by faith. But, from the above con- 
versation, I was unhinged : * I knew not what to choose, or 
what to refuse, so that being cast into reasonings, I lost all 
my love for reading the Scriptures, and sunk into a very cold 
and lifeless state. When I was twelve years old, we went to 
Bath for three months. Here I met with many dissipations, 
and had, I may truly say, no enjoyment of rehgion ; only 
when in the midst of the ball-room I used to think, if I knew 
where to find the Methodists, or any who would show me how 
to please God, I would tear off* all my fine thmgs, and run 
through the fire to them : and sometimes I thought, if ever I 
am my own mistress, I will spend half the day in working for 
the poor, and the other half in prayer. 

When I was about thirteen, the things of God began to 
return with more power on my mind. One day my sister visit- 
ing Mrs. Lefevre,-|- found her truly awakened, and in earnest 
to save her soul. She told me this news with great delight ; 
for as our parents had no suspicion of her being a Methodist, 
we saw the Lord had opened us a door into that Christian 

* Here again she felt the want of Christian fellowship. Ed. 
t Well known in the Methodist Connexion by her admirable letters, pub- 
lished many years ago. Ed. 



MRS. FLETCHER. 



19 



liberty we so much longed after. At h^r house we got oppor- 
tunities of conversation with religious persons, which a good 
deal strengthened our hands ; though we often said to each 
other, these Methodists do not quite answer our expectations ; 
though our time is short with them, they lose much of it be- 
fore they begin to converse with us about our souls: the 
Apostles would not have done so. But we must not form our 
judgment by the rich, let us wait till we get acquainted with 
some of the poor among them; perhaps they will be right 
Methodists, and more like the first Christians. 

Sometimes that promise was brought powerfully to my mind, 
" Whatsoever ye shall ask believing, ye shall receive : " then, 
thought I, ' I may ask all the grace I will ; I may ask power 
never to oifend my God again.' Faith sprung up in my soul, 
and I was much drawn out in prayer for holiness ; till one day, 
speaking of it to a particular person, she raised many objec- 
tions to the thought of all sin being removed from the heart. 
I felt as if cold water were thrown on a newly-kindled fire, and 
the wings of my faith seemed dipt. Fearing lest I was wrong, 
I prayed the Lord to answer for himself by his word. So 
taking up the Bible, with much prayer I opened it, and im- 
mediately cast my eyes on these words, " Behold, I am the 
Lord, the God of all flesh ; is any thing too hard for me ? " 
It came with power; my heart, as it were, leaped for joy; 
and I cried out, ' Now I will wrestle, and I shall prevail.' 

Towards the end of the following winter, there was a con- 
firmation at St. Paul's ; and my father desired I should be con- 
firmed. This was a very rousing ordinance to me ; for some 
time before, I had felt how unworthy I was of it ; how unfit 
thus solemnly to devote myself to God, by renewing that 
covenant I had so often broken. I read the Order of Con- 
firmation, with the Ministration of Baptism, over and over, 
and besought my God to give me power to keep the charge of 
the Lord faithfully. For some months after, every time I ap- 
proached the Lord's table, I had a very peculiar sense of his 
presence, and sometimes I felt as if the Lord Jesus did from 
his own hand give me the sacred emblems of his body and 
' blood. 

b2 



20 



THE LIFE OF 



But the next year my mind again wandered after many 
things, and though I tasted now and then a little of the 
loving-kindness of the Lord, yet in the general I was greatly 
under the power of my own will. Pride and perverseness got 
many times the upper hand, and there was nothing in my life 
or conversation which could adorn the Gospel : but I did not 
then see my conduct in that light. While our love is smallj 
our perceptions in spiritual things are very dark. Alas ! I 
thought I walked as a Christian ; but now that I see so much 
more of the holiness of God, I also discern more fully the 
depth of my fall, and am astonished that either God or man 
bore with me. While the carnal mind retained this power, I 
do not wonder my dear mother should not love me as the rest 
of her children ; for I was not only more dull and indolent in 
every thing I had to learn, but I gave way to an insolent and 
disobedient spirit in such a degree towards the whole family, 
that the recollection has often seemed to draw blood from my 
heart. How perfectly do I feel these words my own, 

" Sink down my soul^ sink lower stilly 
Lie level with the dust." 

But the Lord did not forsake me. One night, after spending 
some time in prayer, I cast my eyes on a book Mrs. Lefevre 
had given me, and read these words : — 

" I'U look into my Saviour's breast ; 
Away sad doubt and anxious care, 
Mercy is all that's -written there." 

— J esu's blood through earth and skies, 
Mercy, free, boundless mercy, cries." 

I saw as it were the Father of Mercy opening his arms to re- 
ceive me, and on that boundless love I had liberty to cast my 
whole soul. I was more and more thankful for my union with 
Mrs. Lefevre, and experienced in Jier the greatest comfort of 
my life. 

About this season my ever-honoured grandfather and grand- 
mother were taken from us. He was one of the excellent of 
the earth : his life, in many respects, was remarkable and sin- 



MUS. FLETCHEE. 



21 



gular. In his last illness he delighted much in these words, 
" My sheep hear my voice ; I know them, and they follow 
me," &c. He was aged seventy-nine, and had lived with my 
grandmother forty-five years in a union not usually to be met 
with. He was a pattern in many respects ; plain in his dress, 
mortified in his food, and strictly conscientious in all his ex- 
penses. When many dishes were on his table, he scarcely ate 
of any thing but mutton, and that for many years, because he 
believed it most conducive to his health. His love and charity 
to the poor were uncommon. He esteemed it a reproach to any 
man to say, ' he died very rich ; ' adding, it is too plain a mark 
he has not made a good use of his income. 

One day, upon the Exchange, a gentleman who was by him 
said to another, Sir John, I give you joy ; they tell me you 
have completed your hundred thousand pounds." The other 
replied, " I hope to double it before I die." My grandfather, 
turning short, said, " Then, Sir John, you are not worthy of 
it." Once, being at the table of a nobleman, he observed the 
guests drinking to excess, and conversing in a very unchristian 
manner. At first he tried to turn the conversation, but the 
torrent being too strong, he rose up, and leaning over the 
back of his chair, he gave them a solemn reproof, joined to an 
affectionate warning, and then left the company. I have been 
with him in his chariot when he has suddenly stopped to re- 
prove profane swearing on the road. 

My grandmother was a woman of an uncommonly sweet 
temper ; and having acquired a good deal of skill in physic, 
she so helped the poor, that they looked on her as a mother, a 
nurse, and a counsellor. When my grandfather had been 
dead three months, she dreamed one night, he came to her, 
and standing by the bed-side, said, she " should come to him 
shortly, till then his happiness was not so complete as it would 
be ; and added, Study the Scriptures^ study the Scriptures, 
^ in them ye think ye have eternal life. ' " From this time she 
applied to them daily, in a manner superior to what she had 
done before ; though she had always a high veneration for the 
word of God. About three weeks after, she said to us one 
day, " Air that room ; I will go into it, that I may die in the 



22 



THE LIFE OF 



bed Mr. Dunster died in.'' From the night she went into it, 
she came out no more ; for she died within the week. As she 
did not appear any worse than usual, she was at first thought 
to be in no danger. She said herself two or three times, 

What a blessing ! I am dying without pain ! I have no more 
than I can very well bear ! " 

From this time we began to get rather more liberty ; arid 
one day as my sister was on a visit at Mrs. Lefevre's, Mr. 
Romaine came in, and began to speak of the sinfulness of at- 
tending the playhouse. She listened with great earnestness to 
all he said ; which repeating to me on her return, it was as "a 
nail in a sure place," and I began to cry for power to stand to 
the light which I had then received. 

A few months after this my sister married, by which I was 
left alone. I must observe, to this time, my parents had very 
little suspicion of our having any intercourse with the Me- 
thodists, but thought, (when the before-mentioned servant 
was put away, and our books taken from us,) that our religious 
impressions had worn off. I now saw the time was come, 
when I must "confess Christ before men," if I would wish 
him to confess me " before his Father and the holy angels." 
I consulted some of my serious friends about the playhouse ; 
but they said, " Were you older, we should know what to ad- 
vise, but as you are but sixteen, if your parents insist on your 
going, we do not see how you can avoid it." This answer did 
not fully satisfy me ; and I was much distressed both ways. 
I saw the duty I owed to an absolute command from my 
parents in a very strong light ; and, on the other hand, I re- 
membered that my obedience to them was to be — in the Loi'd. 
I sought direction in prayer, and endeavoured to examine the 
question on both sides ; but the more I searched, the clearer 
it appeared to me, I must not comply. I considered the play- 
house had a tendency to weaken every Christian temper, and 
to strengthen all that was contrary; to represent vice under 
the false colour of virtue, and to lead in every respect into the 
spirit of the world, of which the Apostle declares, " The 
friendship of the world is enmity with God." When the time 
came, and my obedient compliance was required, I begged to 



MRS. FLETCHEU. 23 

be left at home. On a refusal, I laid open my whole heart to 
my father ; apprising him, I would not willingly be dis- 
obedient in any thing, unless where conscience made it appear 
to be my duty. We conversed on the subject with great free- 
dom ; for my dear father was a man of deep reason, calmness, 
and condescension. He replied, " Child, your arguments 
prove too much ; and, therefore, are not conclusive. If what 
you say be true, then all places of diversion, all dress and 
company, nay, all agreeable liveliness, and the whole spirit of the 
world, is sinful." I embraced the opportunity and said, " Sir, 
/ see it as such, and, therefore, am determined no more to 
be conformed to its customs, fashions, or maxims." This was 
a season of great trial, but the Lord stood by me : glory be to 
his holy name ! 

I daily discerned a great difference between my manner of life, 
and that which the Bible described, as the life of a Christian. 
I had often strong desires to be wholly given to the Lord. Much 
opposition I met with for having declared my sentiments ; and 
what was very cutting to me, I was often debarred from the 
pleasure of seeing my friend Mrs. Lefevre. This was the 
consequence I much feared, if I should openly declare my 
mind ; but I was thoroughly convinced, if I loved my friend 
more than God's law, I should never know the power of true 
religion. It is my natural temper to be very anxious about 
any one I love, and to fix too much of my confidence in them. 
This was the case with respect to Mrs. Lefevre. I saw and 
lamented it, beseeching the Lord to take away all idolatry out 
of my affections, and give me to love her as I ought. 

I dreamed one night I was in a church, and saw written on 
the wall, in letters of gold, these words : " Thou shalt have 
no other Gods but me." While I was looking on it, I saw 
the name of Mrs. Lefevre wrote under it. I was surprised, 
and presently beheld the following line, ' If this is your God, 
then what am I .^^ ' I awakened with a deep conviction, that I 
had placed too much confidence on an arm of flesh. I knew 
it was the voice of God by this mark, a great sweetness ac- 
companied the reproof. This was the method the Lord has 
always used towards me ; he held me up with one hand, while 
he smote me with the other. 



24 



THE LIFE OF 



In the month of June, 1756, I spent a day with Mrs. 
Lefevre. It was a profitable time; I found my heart very 
open, and told her, I believed I could give up even her to the 
will of God. She replied, " Nothing you could have said 
would have given me more satisfaction. For a long time I 
have thought the thread of my life was nearly spun out. I 
have no clog upon my chariot-wheels, but my greatest pain 
was for you, who have already so many trials surrounding you." 
This was her last address ; for, three days after I received a 
message, that she was seized with a sudden illness, and in 
great danger. My mother kindly permitted me to visit her ; 
but I found her on the borders of eternity, into which, after 
expressing with great difficulty, " I have comforts indeed ! 
her happy spirit took its flight. As my time was limited, I 
had returned home when I received the news of her death. 
I went into a grove, that was in our garden, to pour out my 
soul before the Lord. But what may seem strange, I was not 
permitted to feel at that time much pain, for the Lord met 
me with these words, which sprung up as living water in my 
soul : — 

" My star by nighty my sun by day. 
My spring of life when parch'd with drought : 
My wine to cheer, my bread to stay. 
My strength, my shield, my safe abode. 
My robe before the throne of God." 

I felt the Lord Jesus did answer all these characters to my 
soul, and by faith I beheld him as my robe before the throne 
of God. 

When I was about seventeen years of age, my father and 
two brothers, (younger than me,) were going with some other 
company, to see the Royal George, which was sixteen miles 
from the shore from whence we set out ; my father desired me 
to accompany them. I knew not what to do, but at length 
believed I ought to obey. Indeed I thought I should have 
no further cross than the going to the ship, and retm-ning in the 
afternoon. But we had not been long in the vessel, before 
some of the company began to ridicule my overmuch religion. 
When we drew near the Royal George, the men said, we must 
not attempt to go round her, for she was deep, and very dan- 



MES. FLETCHER. 



25 



gerous ; but the gentlemen insisted they should row round the 
ship. While this was doing, we were in great danger, and 
the ladies, exceedingly alarmed, began to cry out. Some of 
them said, " Miss Bosanquet, why are you so calm ? " I told 
them I saw the danger, but our business was to trust in God ; 
I was quite ready either to sink or to be saved. My confidence 
in the Lord kept me secure in his providence. I had now an 
opportunity to speak, and they were ready to hear. When we 
got into the ship, it seemed like a town ; such a vast variety of 
places like shops, were all around. We were met by Captain 
Burnet, who led us into a grand room ; the place designed for 
us was pointed out by a lady that attended us. Captain Burnet 
proposed a dance, and after that a cold collation. Now I 
felt indeed. Several of the company fell upon me, with 
" Now, Miss Bosanquet, what will you do now ! You must 
dance ; you cannot run away." Knowing my help must come 
from above, I lifted up my heart to the Lord, and cried to him 
for help. Presently a messenger in haste called for Captain 
Burnet. He ran down, but soon returned with great dis- 
appointment in his countenance, saying, " O what shall we 
do ? The Prince of Wales and Admiral Anson are coming 
on board." Never was any thing more welcome to me than 
this hurry of preparing for the Prince, — our present King, 
one year older than me. My heart praised the Lord for this 
timely interposition. The cannon put aside the dance, and 
we at length talked of returning. We were let down into our 
little vessel, and I was truly thankful to be on the way home. 
But another trial soon occurred. Some of the company pro- 
posed going to Vauxhall; this I refused. Then said they, 
" You must stay in the vessel with the men." I knew not 
what to do. As we drew near the part where our coaches were 
waiting for us, a strange disagreement took place between two 
of the gentlemen ; one of them, my brother, rose up and bid 
the man draw near to the steps ; he got out, and I followed 
him. The rest went on to Vauxhall. I was truly thankful 
when we got into the coach. This was the last attempt of this 
kind. 

But this peaceful frame did not last long. Some snares 



26 



THE LIFE OF 



were presented before me, which dissipated my mind, and 
cooled the fervour of my affections. In this spirit I went to 
London in the winter, I was now about eighteen. As I had 
not yet had a clear conviction to throw aside dress while in my 
father's house, I continued in my appearance like the company 
I conversed with, only I did not go with them to public diver- 
sions ; and this winter I began to gain favour in their eyes, 
and felt myself in great danger of being carried down the 
stream. But the thought alarmed my soul, and caused me to 
look about for help. I cried to the Lord to bring me ac- 
quainted with some of the excellent of the earth, that I might 
learn to walk in the narrow way which leads to life and glory, 
and into which I saw I was scarcely entered. One day I 
heard a conversation concerning an extraordinary work among 
the Methodists, — That some of them spake of such a change 
being wrought on their will and affections, that they found 
that word to be accomplished, " Old things are passed away," 
and " all things are become new." The remembrance of that 
text, " Is any thing too hard for me ? " came with fresh power 
to my soul ; and some encouraging promises sprung up in my 
mind, and made me persevere in prayer. I told my serious 
friends, (who were not joined to the Methodists,) if they 
could procure me an hour's conversation with one of those 
pious women, I should esteem it a great favour ; for I longed 
to see any one who would tell me of a deeper religion than 
I had yet known. I saw myself surrounded with snares, and 
often thought with tears on those words : — 

" See where o'er desert wastes I err. 
And neither food nor feeder have ; 
Nor fold, nor place of refuge near. 
While no man cares my soul to save." 

At this time I became acquainted with a gentleman in some 
sense religious, though I fear not deeply so. He professed 
much affection for me, and my religious friends advised me to 
think of him, as it was likely to be very acceptable to my 
parents, and would open a door to more religious Uberty. But 
I cannot say he was agreeable to me. Neither my under- 



MRS. FLETCHER. 



27 



Standing nor affection could approve the proposal ; yet I was 
hurt by unprofitable reasonings. Sometimes I thought it 
might be of the Lord ; at others, I could not see into it at 
all. While thus perplexed, I received a message from Miss 
Furley, (now Mrs. Downs,) that on such a day Mrs. Crosby 
would be at her house. I went to meet her in the spirit of 
prayer and expectation. She simply related what God had 
done for her soul. The words she spake were clothed with 
power, and my convictions of the necessity of holiness were 
much increased. The affair of the gentleman was obliterated 
from my mind ; and the prospect of a life wholly devoted to 
Ood, drank up every other consideration. In a few hours I 
returned home to our coimtry-house on Epping Forest ; but 
such a sweet sense of God, the greatness of his love, and 
willingness to save to the uttermost, remained on my mind, 
that if I but thought on the word holiness, or of the adorable 
name of Jesus, ^my heart seemed to take fire in an instant ; 
and my desires were more intensely fixed on God than ever I 
had found them before. 

A few days after, I wrote to Mrs. Crosby. The following 
is an extract : — 

" Forest-House y May \7th, 1757, 
" The Lord hath indeed been merciftil above all I can ask 
or think. I am more drawn to prayer. I find a more earnest 
pursuit of holiness than ever ; but what most stirs me up is, I 
seem to hear the Lord calling to me in these words, ' Depart 
ye, depart ye, go ye out hence, touch not the unclean thing, 
be clean, ye that bear the vessels of the Lord.' 

I now saw the path in which I ought to walk. I deter- 
mined not to think about a married life, for my present light 
was to abide single. But the Lord seemed to call me to more 
activity, insomuch that I cried out, " Lord, what wilt thou 
have me to do ? " I would be given up, both soul and body, 
to serve the members of Christ. My firm resolution was to be 
wholly given up to the church, in any way that he pleased. I 
desired not to be idle, but employed as those described by St. 
Paul to Timothy ; "If she have brought up children, if she 



28 



THE LIFE OF 



have lodged strangers, if she have washed the saints'* feet, and 
diligently followed after every good work."' I can hardly ex- 
press with what power these words would come to my mind. 
It seemed to me, the Lord had planned out all my way ; and 
I only wished so to walk. 

The end of this summer brought me a great trial. My 
parents were going to Scarborough. My mother offered to 
take me with them, if I would do as they did, and not bring 
a reproach on them in a strange place. This seemed a reason- 
able request ; but I could not comply, for the spirit of the 
world was as contrary to that of Christ in Scarborough as in 
London. I requested to be left with my sister; but it was 
appointed for me to spend most of my time at an uncle's in 
London. They were exceedingly kind, and let me have 
much liberty. I had never before had the opportunity of a 
constant attendance on the means of grace ; and I greatly feared 
abusing this talent. One of my acquaintance, being imprudent, 
pressed me never to be absent from any meeting or preaching. 
By this means, I am sensible I went too far. I walked about 
more than my strength could bear, having been scarce ever 
permitted to go out of our own grounds, but in a carriage. 
But above all, I am pained when I think how little of Christian 
prudence appeared in my conduct. The kind family in which 
I was received, could not but blame and condemn a conduct, 
which, though the motive was upright, was in itself some- 
times wrong. 

During this season, I cultivated an acquaintance for which 
I trust I shall for ever praise the Lord. It was with Mrs. 
Sarah Ryan, who (with a pious woman named Mary Clark,) 
lived in a little house in Christopher-Alley, Moorfields. They 
both possessed the spirit of the primitive church in an eminent 
degree. A few of the most lively souls in the London society 
were frequently gathered there. The more I saw of that 
family, the more I was convinced Christ had yet a pure 
church below; and often while in their company, I thought 
myself with the hundred and twenty that waited to be baptized 
by the Holy Spirit. It was at Mrs. Ryan's house that jNIrs. 
Crosby boarded ; and whenever I was from home, this was the 



MRS. FLETCHER. 



29 



place of my residence, and truly I found it to be a little 
Bethel. 

The more I conversed with Mrs. Ryan, the more I dis- 
eovered of the glory of God breaking forth from within, and 
felt a strong attraction to consider her as the friend of my soul. 
I told her the past sins, follies, and mercies of my life, and 
received a similar account from her. 

The time now drew nigh for my parents' return, and I went 
home to receive them. While in London I had used more 
exercise than my constitution could bear. My mother was 
much surprised when she saw me appear so ill, and laid it all 
to my religion. A fever came on rapidly, and I was ordered 
to go to bed; but I could scarcely keep on my feet, while I 
ascended the stairs. When I was laid in bed, how shall I 
describe the posture of my mind.^^ Distracted by the fever, 
torn by fears and temptations, and deprived of those friends, 
who at this time could have understood and comforted me ! 
The loss of Mrs. Lefevre now also returned on my mind with 
great pain. My dear parents were not aware of the nature of 
my illness, which was, as the apothecary afterwards told them, 
a strong nervous fever. They thought it all arose from some 
trouble of mind I would not own, and told me one day, if I 
did not rouse myself out of that low state, my head should be 
blistered, and I should be shut up in a dark room. My father 
being present, I said, " Will you put me in a mad-house, 
papa ? " he said, " No, but you must be shut up at home, if 
you do not strive against this lowness. The doctor says you 
have no pulse at all ; he never saw a patient so low." My 
mind became greatly depressed ; I could find no comfort of 
any kind, either from God, or outward things. 

But the Lord graciously helped me, in an extraordinary 
way. As I lay reflecting on my situation, and weeping before 
him. on account of the darkness of my mind, I discerned an 
unusual brightness, (yet not dazzling,) and a voice came so 
powerful, that I can only say, I heard and felt it with every 
faculty of soul and body, — " Thou shalt walk with me in 
white ! " An answer seemed to come from my heart, inde- 



30 



THE LIFE OF 



pendeut of myself,* " Lord, how can that be, seeing I am not 
worthy ? " It was spoken to me again, " Thou shalt walk with 
me in white ; / will make thee worthy.'''' This was followed 
by those words, " I will thoroughly purge away thy dross, and 
take away all thy tin ! " and 

" Glory is on earth begun, 
Everlasting life is won." 

To this day I have the most lively remembrance of that 
manifestation ; and in the darkest moments I have since passed 
through, I could never doubt its being the voice of the Lord. 
My illness was long, and attended with many trials. Before 
my recovery, Mrs. Ryan was removed from London to Bristol, 
to be housekeeper at the room there ; and much did I pray 
the Lord that we should be brought together again. 

I was now about nineteen years of age, and soon after, my 
parents having an intention to go to Bath for a season, pro- 
posed that I should spend that time at Bristol, as I was now 
thought to be consumptive. I gladly embraced the offer, as a 
merciful providence. I accordingly went to Bristol, where I 
remained seven weeks. Mrs. Downes (late Miss Furley) 
showed me much kindness. Indeed I was in some sense com- 
mitted to her care by my parents, who had for years been ac- 
quainted with her family. I spent much of my time with Mrs. 
Ryan, and Mrs. Clark, and I trust in some degree partook of 
their spirit. After my return home I clearly discovered that I 
still conformed too much in my appearance to the spirit and 
fashions of the world ; but I plainly saw a renunciation of that 
conformity would give my relations great offence. I loved my 
parents, and feared to disoblige them. I sought for arguments 
to quench that little spark of light which was kindling in my 
soul, conscious they could not see in my light, and knowing 
that obedience to parents was one of the first duties. I did so 
far quench it, that I put on again many of the things I had 

* Who can account for this whole manifestation on common principles ? 
Yet what pious mind will not conclude, it was help from the Lord "in the 
time of need ? " Ed. 



MRS. FLETCHER. 



31 



thrown off. My acquaintance took much notice of me, and I 
was so afraid of losing their good opinion that I had no power 
to reprove sin, or even to refrain from joining in light or trifling 
conversation when in company. But I soon discerned the 
danger consequent on their approval, and therefore determined 
to weigh well what was most likely to please God, and by 
that to abide. 

I prayed for direction, and saw clearly, that plainness of 
dress and behaviour best became a Christian, and that for the 
following reasons. 

1. The Apostle expressly forbids "women professing godli- 
ness,'"* to let their adorning be in apparel ; allowing them no 
other ornament than that of " a meek and quiet spirit." 

2. I saw the reasonableness of the command, and proved it 
good for a proud heart to wear the plain and modest livery of 
God's children. 

3. It tended to open my mouth ; for when I appeared like 
the world in Babylonish garments, I had its esteem, and knew 
not how to part with it. But when I showed, by my appear- 
ance, that I considered myself as a stranger and foreigner, 
none can know, but by trying, what an influence it has over 
our whole conduct ; and what a fence it is to keep us from 
sinking into the spirit of the world. For there is no medium ; 
they who are conformed to the fashions, customs, and maxims 
of the world, must embrace the spirit also, and they shall find 
the esteem they seek ; for the world will love its own. But 
let them remember also, that word, " The friendship of this 
world is enmity with God." 

4. I saw myself as a steward, who must render an account 
for every talent, and that it was my privilege to have the 
smiles of God on every moment of my time, or penny of 
money which I laid out. 

5. I saw clearly that the helping my fellow-creatures in their 
need, was both more rational, and more pleasant, than spend- 
ing my substance on superfluities ; and as I am commanded 
" to love my neighbour as myself," and to consider all done to 
the household of faith as done to Christ ; surely I ought not 
only to suffer my superfluity to give way to their necessity, 



32 



THE LIFE OF 



but also, (as occasion may require,) my necessities to their 
extremities. 

6. But it is not only the talent of money, but of time, which 
is thrown away by conformity to the world ; entangling us in a 
thousand little engagements, which a dress entirely plain cuts 
through at once. 

7. The end usually proposed by young persons in their 
dress, is such as a devout soul would abominate. A heathen 
may say. It will promote my being comfortably settled in life ; 
but I believe the Lord appoints the bounds of our habitation, 
and that " no good thing shall he withhold from those who walk 
uprightly.'*' I have therefore nothing to do, but to commend 
myself to God, in holy obedience, and to leave every step of 
my life to be guided by his will. I will therefore make it my 
rule, to be clean and neat, but in the plainest things, according 
to my station ; and whenever I thought on the subject, these 
words would pass through my mind with power, " For so the 
holy women of old adorned themselves." 

As soon as I saw my way clearly, I ventured to open my 
mind to my father concerning dress, as I had done before with 
regard to public places ; entreating him to bear with me, while 
I endeavoured to show him my reasons for refusing to be con- 
formed to the customs, fashions, and maxims of the world. 
He heard me with great patience; and as I loved him tenderly, 
it came very near me to oppose him. My trials increased 
daily. I was perplexed to know how far to conform, and how 
far to resist. I feared on the one hand, disobedience to my 
parents ; and on the other, disobedience to God. 

My dear mother had sometimes expressed a belief, that it 
would be better for the family if I were removed from it, lest 
my brothers, who were younger than I, should be infected 
by my sentiments and example. Yet she did not see it clear 
to bid me go; but rather wished me to depart of my own 
accord. The fiirnace now became hot ; but I did not dare to 
come out without the Lord. Indeed, could there have been 
any amicable agreement between us, and that I had my 
parents' leave to live elsewhere, I would gladly have accepted 
it. I even made some proposals of this kind, but they never 



MRS. FLETCHER. 



33 



saw it good to concur. Providence thus over-ruled my desire 
for wise ends: and to run away from my father's house, I 
could not think of I was twenty-one years of age, and had a 
small fortune of my own. I saw myself on the verge of a ma- 
terial change, and it was easy to discern that my father's house 
would not long be a refuge for me; but in what manner I 
should be removed, or what trials I might yet have to go 
through, I could not tell. The continual language of my 
heart was, " I am oppressed. Lord, undertake thou for me." 

One day, my father said to me, " There is a particular 
promise which I require of you, that is, that you will never, 
on any occasion, either now, or hereafter, attempt to make 
your brothers what you call a Christian.'*' I answered, (look- 
ing to the Lord,) " I think, Sir, I dare not consent to that." 
He replied, " Then you force me to put you out of my house." 
I answered, " Yes, Sir, according to your views of things, I 
acknowledge it : and if I may but have your approval, no situa- 
tion will be disagreeable." He replied, " There are many 
things in your present situation, which must be, I should 
think, very uncomfortable." This I acknowledged, and added, 
that, " If he would but say he approved of my removal, I 
would take a lodging, which I heard of at Mrs. Gold's, in 
Hoxton Square ; but that no suffering could incline me to 
leave him, except by his free consent." He replied, with 
some emotion, " I do not know that you have ever disobliged 
me wilfully in your life, but only in these fancies ; and my 
children shall always have a home in my house." As I could not 
but discern a separation would take place, (though I knew not 
how nor when,) I judged it most prudent to take the lodgings, 
that, in case I should be suddenly removed, I might have a 
home to go to; which I preferred to the going into any 
friend's house as a visitor. I also hired a sober girl, to be ready 
whenever I might want her. I informed my mother, a short 
time after, of the steps I had taken. She gave me two beds, one 
for myself, and a little one for my maid ; and appeared to con- 
verse on it in a way of approval. Something, however, seemed 
to hold us, on both sides, from bringing it to the point. 

For the next two months I suffered much : my mind was 

c 



34 



THE LIFE OF 



exercised with many tender and painful feelings. One day my 
mother sent me word, " I must go home to my lodgings that 
night.'' I went down to dinner, but they said nothing on 
the subject ; and I could not begin it. The next day, as I 
was sitting in my room, I received again the same message. 
During dinner, however, nothing was spoken on the subject. 
When it was over, I knew not what to do. I was much dis- 
tressed. I thought, if they go out without saying any thing to 
me, I cannot go ; and if they should not invite me to come 
and see them again, how shall I bear it ? My mind was pressed 
down with sorrow by this suspense. Just as they were going 
out, my mother said, " If you will, the coach, when it has set 
us down, may carry you home to your lodging."' My father 
added, "And we shall be glad to see you to dinner next Tues- 
day." This was some relief. I remained silent. When the 
coach returned, I ordered my trunk into it; and struggling 
with myself, took a kind leave of each of the servants, as they 
stood in a row in tears, in my way out of the house. About 
eight o'clock I reached my lodging. 

It consisted of two rooms, as yet unfurnished. I had 
neither candle, or any convenience. The people of the house 
I had never seen before, only I knew them by character to be 
sober persons. I borrowed a table and a candlestick, and the 
window-seat served me as a chair. When bolting my door, I 
began to muse on my present situation. 

I am, said I, but young, — only entered into my twenty- 
second year. I am cast out of my father's house. " I know 
the heart of a stranger ; " but, alas ! how much more of it may 
I yet have to prove ? I cried unto the Lord, and found a sweet 
calm overspread my spirit. I could in a measure act faith on 
these words: — " When thy father and thy mother forsake thee, 
the Lord shall take thee up." The following reflections also 
arose in my mind. I am now exposed to the world, and know 
not what snares may be gathering around me. I have a weak 
understanding, and but little grace. Therefore, now, before 
any snare has entangled me, I shall form a plan for my future 
conduct, and endeavour to walk thereby. First, I will not 
receive visits from single men, and in order to evade the trial 



MRS. FLETCHER 



35 



more easily, I will not get acquainted with any : I will, as 
much as possible, refrain from going into any company where 
they are. Secondly, I will endeavour to lay out my time by 
rule, that I may know each hour what is to be done : never- 
theless I will cheerfully submit to have these rules broken or 
overturned, whenever the providence of God thinks fit so to 
do. And thirdly, I will endeavour to fix my mind on the 
example of Jesus Christ, and to lead a mortified life ; remem- 
bering, " He came not to be ministered unto, but to minister."" 

The prejudices of education are strong, especially in those 
persons who have been brought up rather in high life. The 
being removed from a parent's habitation seemed very awful. I 
looked on myself as being liable to a deep reproach, and trembled 
at the thought. But I remembered that word, " He that loveth 
father or mother more than me, is not worthy of me." 

My maid being now come, and having lighted a fire in the 
other room, and borrowed a few things of the family, she 
begged me to come into it, as the night was very cold. And 
now my captivity seemed turning every moment. That 
thought, I am brought out from the world ; I have nothing to 
do but "to be holy, both in body and in spirit," filled me with 
consolation. Thankfulness overflowed my heart ; and such a 
spirit of peace and content poured into my soul, that all about 
me seemed a little heaven. 

Some bread, with rank salt butter, and water to drink, 
made me so comfortable a meal, that I could truly say, " I 
eat my meat with gladness and singleness of heart." As the 
bed was not put up, I laid that night almost on the ground, 
and the windows having no shutters, and it being a bright 
moonlight night, the sweet solemnity thereof well agreed with 
the tranquillity of my spirit. I had now daily more and more 
cause for praise. I was acquainted with many of the excellent 
of the earth, and my delight was in them. Yet was I not 
without my cross, for every time I went to see my dear 
parents, what I felt when, towards night, I rose up to go 
away, cannot well be imagined. Not that I wished to abide 
there ; but there was something in bidding ferewell to those 
under whose roof I had always lived, as used to affect me 

c 2 



36 



THE LIFE OF 



much, though I saw the wise and gracious hand of God in all ; 
and that he had by this means set me free for his own service. 
From my heart I thanked Him as the gracious author, and 
them as the profitable instruments of doing me so great a good. 
My mother was frequently giving me little things ; and every 
renewed mark of kindness made the wound to bleed afresh. 

There was in the years I76I and 1762 a very great revival 
among the societies, both in London, and many other places ; 
and an earnest desire was stirred up in many hearts, after frill 
salvation. Prayer was made without ceasing by the faithftJ, 
''That the glory of God might go forth as brightness ; and his 
salvation as a lamp that burneth." These prayers were an- 
swered in a very powerful manner. The Spirit was poured out 
on some in such a degree as can hardly be conceived, but by 
those who felt the divine influence. Not only Mr. Wesley, 
and Mr. Maxfield, were in an uncommon manner blessed in 
their preaching ; but many simple persons, both men and 
women, were lively harbingers of the approaching Pentecost, 
and cried aloud, " The kingdom of heaven is at hand ! " The 
mighty power of God was seen on every side ! Christ was held 
out as a complete Saviour ; and represented to the eye of faith, 
as crying out on this festal day, " If any man thirst, let him 
come unto me and drink ; he that believeth on me, out of his 
belly shall flow rivers of living water.'' These rivers did 
indeed flow from heart to heart. The gift of victorious faith 
was given to many, not only for themselves but others. A 
clear light shone on these truths ; " They that are in Christ 
are new creatures : old things are passed away, and all things 
become new." " The blood of Jesus Christ cleanseth from 
all sin.'" The whole soul, with every faculty, shall be so 
" brought into subjection to Christ," as to feel, " I live not, 
but Christ liveth in me ! " 

Some portion of this river seemed now to reach me also. The 
means of grace were as marrow to my soul ; and often these 
words were applied, " If thou canst believe, all things are 
possible to him that believeth." But I could not believe so as 
to give up my whole heart to the Lord. I knew him mine ; 
but other things had yet life in me, though not dominion over 



MRS. FLETCHER. 



37 



me. I was now assured the blessing of sanctification (or, in 
other words, a heart entirely renewed) could not be received, 
but by simple and naked faith : * and my soul groaned out its 
desire in these words, 

" That mighty faith on me bestow. 
Which cannot ask in vain ; 
Which holds, and will not let thee go 
Till I my suit obtain." 

One day, as a few of us were praying together at brother 
Gilford's, we were so drawn out that we were, I think, four 
hours engaged, when I really thought we had not been above 
one ; and this was frequently the case with us. Another day 
as I was at a meeting for prayer at a friend's house, when we 
had continued some time, I seemed as if I had lost all. Deep 
discouragement seized my spirit ; but I wrestled on, and was 
as in an agony to " love God with all my heart." Brother 
Gilford was praying for me, when in a moment I felt a calm- 
ness overspread my spirit, and by faith I laid hold on Jesus as 
my full Saviour. I said in my heart, " Thy will be done ! 
Thy will be done ! " and in that I felt my rest. In the same 
moment Brother Gilford changed prayer into praise, telling 
the Lord he had heard and answered ; he had set me at 
liberty, and now he would praise him. This surprised me, as 
I had not given the least sign, by either word or motion, of 
what I had felt within. He concluded his prayer with that 
act of praise. He asked me how I felt myself .-^ I answered, 
I could not fiiUy tell, but that I found that the love of the 
will of God had brought an unspeakable peace into my soul ; 
but that I did not feel joy ; only a rest in that thought, 
" The Lord reigneth," and " His will shall be done." As I 
was walking home I found the presence of the Lord to be with 
me. He seemed to say, " Round thee and beneath thee are 
spread the everlasting arms." I felt they were so, and my 
faith seemed to gather strength continually. 

* By simple faith, I mean, taking God at his word without reasoning ; and 
by naked faith, I mean, stripped of every other dependance, but on Christ 
alone. 



38 



THE LIFE OF 



Yet for some days I was much exercised with temptation, 
and continually accused, that I had thought, said, or done, 
something amiss.* But after a little time I found a more 
solid rest ; and sensibly felt my will and affections were fixed 
on God, and most powerfully was I penetrated with these 
words : — 

" Their daily delight shall be in his name. 

They shall as their right His righteousness claim. 
His righteousness wearing, and cleans'd by his blood. 
Bold shall they appear in the presence of God ! " 

One night I awaked with much of the presence of God, 
when those words were powerfully applied, " Thou shalt call 
thy walls salvation, and thy gates praise.'"* That promise also 
dwelt on my mind, — " In leturning and rest shall ye be 
saved ; in quietness and confidence shall be thy strength." 

I believe what I felt at that season was a low degree of pure 
love ; or what we call a clean heart. But though it was in a 
small degree, yet it did evidence itself by a mighty change. 
I had many temptations, and not much joy. Yet did I never 
feel any thing contrary to love : and in the temptations with 
which I was attacked, I felt a great difference. Satan never 
attempted to draw my affections, neither to move me to anger, 
for there I could have answered him. Thou hast nothing in 
me; f but I was followed with such a sense of sorrow as I 
cannot express. The fear of living to fall from grace, and sin 
against God, tore me at intervals, for some minutes, as one on a 
rack. Then a turn of the eye by faith on Jesus, would make 
my enemies flee. Another cause of sorrow was,— Something, 
I am at a loss to describe, but it seemed most exquisite feel- 
ings were opened in my soul, such as I never knew before. 
If I saw, or heard of the consequences of sin, I was ready to 
die ! For instance, if in the street I saw a child ill used, or 
slighted by the person who seemed to have the care of it, or a 
poor person sweating under an uncommonly hea\y burden ; or 
if I saw a horse or a dog oppressed or wounded, it was more 

* A strong mark of the reality of the work, Ed. 

t His strength lay in applying; the law to a conscience so tender. Ed. 



MRS. FLETCHER. 



39 



than I could bear. I seemed to groan and travail in birth, as 
it were, for the whole creation. Yet notwithstanding all these 
painful feelings, I had a solid peace. I always felt I com- 
mitted my all to Jesus, and I lived on his faithfulness. As I 
observed before, anger seemed in my soul to know its place 
no more. Neither did I find an attachment to any creature, 
or thing, but such as reflected from the will of God. Such a 
sense of purity dwelt on my soul, as I can hardly describe. I 
often felt the power of those words, " Unto the pure all things 
are pure." I sometimes thought, I should not care if my 
breast was as a window, and if every thought was without a 
covering to man, as it was to God. A little degree of hea- 
venly wisdom was also let down into my heart. Being fixed 
on a solid rock, I was not so easily shaken ; and those words 
were powerfiilly applied, Thou shalt not be afraid for any 
evil tidings, for thy heart standeth fast, believing in the 
Lord." But above all, I felt such a simplicity, such a hang- 
ing on the Lord Jesus, that self seemed annihilated, and 
Jesus was my all. The nothing into which I felt myself sunk, 
and the great salvation which I seemed to possess in Jesus, 
were such as I cannot explain. I used often to say, it appears 
to me that unbelief cannot find a place in my soul, to set its 
foot upon. And indeed it could not ; for slavish fear seemed 
quite cast out. I could say, ' I live not, but Christ liveth in 
me, and the life which I now live in the flesh, I live by faith 
in the Son of God." I was truly nothing, and all my salva- 
tion came through "faith in the Son of God." He was my 
soul's delight ; and I felt, if I could have been saved any other 
way, I would not have accepted it. O how often was that 
word in my mouth and heart, — 

Having done all^ by faith I stand, 
And give the praise, O Lord, to thee ; 

Thy holy arm, thy own right hand. 
Hath got thyself the victory." * 

All this time the Lord kept me, as to outward things, like an 

* Who can deny this great salvation without denying the truth and power of 
God ? But, oh, how few seek it ! Ed. 



40 



THE LIFE OF 



infant in its mother's arm. I put in practice my first reso- 
lution, and had no other thought but of devoting myself to 
God in a single life : only I remember I sometimes thought, 
were I to be married to Mr. Fletcher,* would he not be rather 
a help, than a hinderance to my soul.^^ But it was only a 
thought, and had arisen from what some friends said to me on 
the subject. 

As I desired to be the Lord's, and to spend all I had to 
his glory, I sometimes carried this desire too far, and did 
not allow myself quite what was needful. My exercises were 
greater than I had been used to, and I was seized with a com- 
plaint in my bowels. I thought if I had some spice boiled in 
water, and Port wine with it, it would help me, but I was un- 
willing to get it. However, my heavenly Father took care for 
that : he knows what we have need of before we ask : for at 
that very time a relation called, and brought me a quantity of 
spice as a present ; and the very next day my father called in 
his chariot, and brought me a hamper of Port wine, neither 
of them knowing any thing of my wants ! I therefore re- 
ceived it as immediately from the Lord. And I could give a 
variety of instances of the same nature. It seemed, I could 
hardly think of a thing, but it was brought to me. O how 
true is that promise, "What is given up for God, shall be 
restored manifold in this present life." Before the Lord made 
me to wander from my father's house, a particular person used 
to upbraid me with that reflection You will soon find the 
difference between your father's house, and such poking holes 
as you will live in. There you will not have one inch but the 
common street ; whereas you have been used to large and fine 
gardens, in which you much de%hted. And how tired you 
will be of such trash as you will provide, instead of the plen- 
tiful provision of his table. Before you have lived so for six 
months, I will engage you wiU wish yourself back again, and 
your religion out of the way." 

But was it so ? O Lord, thou knowest ! " Thou didst 
feed me as with the finest wheat flour, and with water out of 

* At that time Mr. Wesley's Assistant in London. 



MRS. FLETCHER. 



41 



the stony rock didst thou satisfy me." All I could want, all I 
could desire, was bountifully supplied. When I have some- 
times been reflecting on my situation, inward and outward, I 
have remembered that word, " The meek shall inherit the 
earth." Glory be to thee, O Lord, Thou hast meekened my 
spirit, and Thou makest me to possess all things. Often I have 
said in amazement, — What can I fear ? I have no desire : the 
will of God swallows up all I My Jesus and my all ! my Jesus 
and my all for ever ! 



PART II. 



HER REMOVAL TO LAYTONSTONE. 

I EXPERIENCED daily more and more of the tender care of 
the ALnighty ; and often felt those words with power, 

" No fondest parent's anxious breast. 
Yearns Hke thy God's to make thee blest." 

Every want was supplied before I could ask it; nay, many 
times before I was conscious of the want. My maid was but dull 
and ignorant, though a good girl ; and I knew little more of 
the world than she did, having been used to so different a way 
of life. My health, and many concerns, needed a care I did 
not know how to take. But if at any time such an idea would 
offer to my mind, I checked it in a moment with that thought, 
— I have the Gospel. I have freedom to serve God ; I have 
spiritual blessings. What more can I need.? and truly, I rather 
saw than felt my wants. Nevertheless, now and then, I have 
said. Would not a steady faithful friend be a great advantage 
to me ? — One who could lead me into a deeper acquaintance 
with God. But I sought it not ; all my cares on him were 
cast, and in His will I found my resting place, and "in quiet- 
ness and confidence was my strength." 

At this juncture, I received a letter from Mrs. Ryan, in- 
forming me she was coming up to London. She had left Bristol 
Room some time before, her health not permitting her to 
continue in that place. She informed me she was settled in a 
lodging, but she saw it her duty to come up to London a few 
months for my sake ; " for I reap (said she) of your substance, 
and so do many ; but the Lord shows me that at present you 
suffer from the want of a friend ; (referring to what I had 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHEE. 43 

written to her;) and I think he has ripened and confirmed that 
solid spark , of friendship, which was so long ago kindled in 
our breasts towards each other. It seems to me as if the Lord 
had laid your burden on me, as he once committed the care of 
Mary to Joseph, and afterwards to the favoured disciple." 
She concluded, — 

" Jesus, to thy preserving care 

My choicest blessing I commend ; 
Receive, and on thy bosom bear. 

The soul whom thou hast made my friend." 

I spread my friend's letter before the Lord, and praised him 
for laying my burden on the heart of one, whom I knew to be 
a favourite of Heaven. I answered, that I should be very 
glad to see her. She had not been long at her sister's, before 
she was seized with a violent disorder, which we thought would 
end in death. I visited her often, and with much profit. 
Mrs. M. being taken ill also, and only one servant to attend 
them both, I believed it my duty to be with her night and 
day ; and the Lord gave me such strength and ability for it, 
as I had never found before. I felt his peculiar smile on my 
employment, and those words which had formerly made such 
an impression on my mind, were now continually before me : — 

" O that my Lord would count me meet 
To wash his dear disciples' feet ; 
After my lowly Lord to go. 
And wait upon his saints below ; 
Enjoy the grace to angels given. 
And serve the royal heirs of heaven." 

As she slept little, we conversed much ; and our hearts were 
united as David and Jonathan's. The spirit of community 
which reigned in the church at Jerusalem, I felt a taste of; 
and from that time to her death, the cold words of mine and 
thine were never known between us. A circumstance which 
now occurred unexpectedly constrained her to remove. I took 
her home with me, but not till I had inquired of the Lord, 
well knowing how much the progress of the divine life depends 
on our private connexions. Unless much caution is used 



44 THE LIFE OF 

between persons living together, they are often a great hinder- 
ance to each other. 

After a time the Lord was pleased to restore her to health ; 
and having one heart, one mind, and one purse, we agreed 
that one habitation also would be most profitable. The Lord 
had given us to feel that union which even death itself could 
not dissolve. I have often thought on those words of Solomon, 
" A faithful friend is the medicine of life, and he that fears 
the Lord shall find him." Some however objected, — " Your 
income is as yet but small ; you wish to be useful, why then 
did you not choose, as a friend, one who had some fortune to 
unite with your own, and that might have enlarged your 
sphere ? " I answered, I did not choose at all. I stood still, 
saw, and followed, the order of God. And if my means had 
been enlarged in money, and lessened in grace, what should I 
have gained by that ? I acknowledge I neither gained honour, 
gold, nor indulgence to the flesh, by uniting myself to a sickly 
persecuted saint ; but I gained such a spiritual helper as I 
shall eternally praise God for. Many are the advocates of 
friendship : Many will say, with Dr. Young, 

" Poor is the friendless master of a world. 
A world in purchase for a friend is gain." 

But they refiise the sacrifice demanded by that friendship, 
and forget the following lines : — 

" But, for whom blossoms this elysian flower } 
Can gold gain friendship } Impudence of hope ! 
As well mere man an angel might beget. 
Love, and love only, is the loan for love. 
Delusive pride repress,-— 
Nor hope to find a friend, but who hath found 
A friend in thee." 

We continued together at Hoxton some time. When I was 
about twenty-three, the people of Laytonstone were much laid 
on my mind. I had both my birth and maintenance from that 
place, and I could not help thinking, I owed something to 
their souls. Yet I saw the way very difficult. My parents 
permitted me to be often with them, and seemed pretty well 



MRS. FLETCHER. , 45 

reconciled to my manner of life, while at a distance. But 
how, thought I, will it appear in their eyes, to bring the 
Preachers they so much object to, within a mile of their 
house ? I thought I should not now be called to offend them 
any further. Cannot the Lord, if he sees good, send the 
Gospel to those people some other way ? Thus I put it from my 
mind again and again ; yet a strange love for those souls in 
that place would spring up in my heart ; and when I said, 

Lord, send by whom thou wilt send, but not by me ! " those 
words again presented themselves, " He that loveth father or 
mother more than me, is not worthy of me." 

About this time a house of my own at Laytonstone became 
untenanted. My friend as well as myself saw many reasons 
for our removing to that place. We prayed much about it, 
and I asked the Lord to show us clearly his will; and at 
length felt from the Lord, First, A liberty to believe, that if 
my father did absolutely forbid my coming, I was not required 
to do it. Secondly, I knew God did not require impossibili- 
ties : I had not yet an income sufficient for living in that place. 
I asked therefore, as a further mark, the settling an affair, 
which kept me out of part of my fortune, occasioned by a flaw 
in the making of my grandmother's will. I had taken some 
pains about this affair before, but to no purpose. However I 
slightly mentioned it again, and it was settled directly. Then 
I made known to my father my thought about living at Lay- 
tonstone. I used no deception ; but told him plainly the end 
I proposed in so doing, my mother being present. He made 
not the least objection, only added with a smile, " If a mob 
should pull your house about your ears, I cannot hinder them." 
We waited before the Lord, believing it was his call, and held 
ourselves in readiness for immediate obedience. One night I 
dreamed I was in one of my houses there, in company with all 
kinds of people, rich and poor, most of whom appeared very 
ungodly. It was strongly impressed on my mind to speak to 
them, but I started from the thought, and said with emotion. 
Lord, what do I here among this people ; for they are not thy 
people, and what am I to do with them ? I then beheld the 
Lord Jesus stand as just before me. The awful majesty of his 



46 fc THE LIFE OF 

presence had such an effect on me as I cannot express ! It 
seemed to me I sunk down before him as if I were sweetly 
melting into nothing. I saw no shining brightness, or any- 
thing dazzling to the eye. He appeared only as a man clothed 
in white ; yet to my mind there was what I cannot put into 
words. It was a sense of his purity ! It was the glory of 
holiness which so overcame me ! There seemed but about one 
yard distance between my Saviour and me, — when he spake 
with a voice clear and distinct these words, " I will send thee 
to a people that are not a people, and I will go with thee. 
Bring them unto me, for I will lay my hand upon them and 
heal them. Fear not, only believe." 

When the immediate presence of my Lord was withdrawn, 
I thought that I repeated, with tears, to the people what he 
had spoken to me. Many mocked and derided ; but a few ex- 
pressed a desire of being separated from the others to hear the 
word. I endeavoiu-ed to find a place to meet them in, and in 
order to do so, I was constrained to walk over a piece of build- 
ing, where the floor did not seem thicker than a wafer. When I 
had passed it, I looked back, and said, — Not a splinter has 
given way under my feet. Turning my face towards the lane, 
I saw a funeral, and awaked with that word powerfully applied, 
" The mouth of the Lord hath spoken it." I found myself in 
a sweet delightful peace. Soul and body seemed all attracted 
into a divine harmony. When sufficiently come to myself to 
speak, I told Sister Ryan (who slept with me) all that had 
passed. She replied, — " This night, both sleeping and waking, 
I have been much occupied with these words, — " I will go 
before you, and humble the great ones of the earth." 

This was in the year 1763. On March the 24th of the 
same year, we removed to Laytonstone. From the first hour 
we found much of the presence of God ; and stood still to see 
his salvcftion. In order to supply the want of public means, 
(which we could not have but when we went to London,) we 
agreed to spend an hour every night together in spiritual read- 
ing and prayer. A poor woman with whom I had formerly 
talked, came to ask if she might come in, when we made 
prayer. We told her at seven every Thursday night she 



9 



MRS. FLETCHER. 4? 

should be welcome. She soon brought two or three more, and 
they others, till in a short time our little company increased to 
twenty-five. One night, just before the time of meeting, a 
poor woman called with a basket of cakes to sell. On our re- 
fusing to buy any, she stood still a long time at the gate. We 
began to converse with her about her soul, when she expressed 
a great desire to stay the meeting, and in so doing was so 
greatly blessed, that she would fain have left us part of her 
goods in return. We now thought it would be well to con- 
verse with each in particular, and that the time was come for 
it. Some few were offended, and came no more; but most 
appeared under conviction, and those we appointed to meet on 
Tuesday night, reserving the Thursday for the public meeting, 
which still kept increasing, and in which we read a chapter, 
and sometimes spoke^from it. 

The first time we met on the Tuesday night, two were set 
at liberty. We now thought it expedient to apply to Mr. 
Wesley for a Preacher. He approved our plan, and sent Mr. 
Murlin the next Sunday; and within a fortnight, we had 
twenty-five joined in society. Much opposition now arose 
from all sides; (though more from the rich than the poor ;) and 
one Thursday night, as I was speaking to a pretty large com- 
pany in my own kitchen, the bell at the fore-gate was rung 
very hard. Our servant, who was a pious woman, went to see 
who was there. In the mean time, four shabby-looking men, 
with great sticks in their hands, came in at the back door, and 
so into the kitchen. The servant soon returned with some 
emotion, and whispered me, " It is Mr.W., who is come to 
inform you, you must, if you please, break off, for here is a 
great mob coming; and the ringleaders are four men with 
clubs.*" Turning to the people I answered her aloud, " O, we 
do not mind mobs, when we are about our Master^s business. 
' Greater is he that is for us, than all that can be against us.' " 
I then went on till I had concluded my subject. Having a 
few of the Rules of the Society, which I intended to disperse 
that night, I addressed myself first to the four men, who stood 
before me, explaining what they were, and asked if they would 
choose to accept one ^ They received them with a respectful 



48 



THE LIFE OF 



bow, and went out. Who they were, and what was their pur- 
pose, I know not to this day. We heard no more of the mob. 
At this time the hand of the Lord was much with us, sup- 
porting and comforting us under every trial. There was only 
my friend Ryan, myself, the maid, and Sally Lawrence, a 
child about foin- years old, whom I had just before taken from 
the side of her mother's coffin into our house. On one side it 
was open to the forest, and I know not that one of the 
awakened people lived within a mile of us. We were as on a 
desert alone, but the Lord was with us, and preserved us be- 
neath his love's almighty shade. The enemy came, however, 
to the length of his chain. Sometimes on Sundays, when the 
nights were dark, after the society-meeting, a mob used to col- 
lect at the gate, and throw dirt at the people as they went out ; 
and when they were gone, they used to come into the yard, 
break some trifles they found there, and putting up their face 
to a window which had no shutters, roar and howl like wild 
beasts. 

And now another dispensation was opening before us. From 
the time I was seventeen, some drawings towards the care of 
children had dwelt on my mind. I felt the same desire now 
as at that time, to become in every sense a servant of the 
church. Those words were still with me, " If she hath lodged 
strangers ; if she have brought up children ; if she have re- 
lieved the afflicted ; and diligently followed after every good 
work." Yet I was truly sensible no work was good but as 
being done in the will and order of God. We therefore en- 
treated the Lord to discover to us all his sacred will from day 
to day, and not suffer us in any degree to err therefrom. 

Various leadings of Providence, both inward and outward, 
drew us to think jof the rising generation with more than 
common tenderness. Our aibilities were small ; yet perhaps a 
few children we could educate, without interrupting the order 
of God in our call towards the grown people. We determined, 
however, to take none but destitute orphans, that no one might 
interrupt our plan of education. We were not unconscious,, 
that to change the heart belongs to God, but at the same time 
we remembered, there was a blessing promised to " the training 



MRS. FLETCHER. 



49 



up a child in the way he should go,'' and that a degree of 
knowledge, with a capacity of getting their bread in an honest 
way, has, under God, rescued many from destruction. Some 
such objects now presented themselves, and we received them^ 
one after another, in the name of the Lord. We however re- 
fused many, taking only those concerning whom there appeared 
a particular call of Providence. 

For a good while our family consisted of one servant, six 
orphans, and ourselves ; but we found it took up too much 
of our time to have the whole care of them alone ; especially 
as my friend Ryan was often confined by illness. W e there- 
fore took a pious young woman, named Ann Tripp, who desired 
to devote herself to God, in a closer walk than the generality 
of believers. She was placed as governess over the children, 
whose number continued to increase. Some serious women 
also were added to our household, and each had their duties 
and employments assigned them. In the whole we received 
thirty-five children, and thirty-four grown persons, but not all 
at one time. 

We now found work enough on our hands, and wished to 
free ourselves from all needless cares. As well therefore to 
answer that end, as to avoid conformity to the world, we 
thought it best to have but one dress. We fixed on a dark 
purple cotton, of which we had many pieces stamped; and 
ourselves, with the whole family, wore nothing else. We had 
a large hall, and in it a table five yards long, at which we ate 
together. There also we assembled for morning and evening 
devotion, and on several other occasions. But in general the 
children were in the nursery, and the other sisters in their 
own apartments. 

When my family began thus to increase, I must acknow- 
ledge it was by no means proportionate to my income, but it 
appeared to me I had a peculiar call from the Lord to take the 
steps I did ; and we began with a degree of the same spirit 
which is expressed in a book, entitled " The Footsteps of 
Divine Providence ; giving an account of the Orphan-House 
at Halle, in Germany, raised by Professor Francke. 

This plan I would advise no one to follow, unless they felt 

D 



50 



THE LIFE OF 



what I did, for certainly justice goes before charity ; and there 
is very seldom a real call from God to give more than we have. 
But it must be observed, though my income was inadequate to 
the undertaking, I had a considerable capital : so that I was 
not at present in danger of debt. The risk I ran was of spend- 
ing my capital, and being left without a maintenance. But 
the Lord seemed to assure me I should not thus be deserted, 
and that by many and various ways. 

We now set ourselves to inquire of the Lord, how we should 
train up these children to his glory ; and a few out of many 
reflections which occured to my mind, I will endeavour to set 
down. But I must observe, first, as most of our children 
were naked. Ml of vermin, and some afflicted with distempers, 
the first thing was to clean and clothe them, and attend to 
their health ; which usually was followed with much success. 
At the same time, we endeavoured to bring them to an out- 
ward conformity of manners with the rules of the house, and 
to some courtesy of behaviour. This was not difficult, as a, 
child naturally falls in with what it sees in others. The second 
attempt was to fix on their minds, that we had no motives in 
receiving them into our house, but that of love ; love to their 
souls and bodies. We wished to save their bodies from misery, 
and their souls from eternal destruction. 

With respect to the strangers, we endeavoured to lead them 
to a view of the love of God, observing it was his love which 
caused ours. He put it into our heart, he brought them in 
our way, and from His hand came their every blessing. That 
the end of the Lord in bringing them into our house, was to 
learn that great truth, that they should never die. Their 
bodies must die, and rest in the grave ; but they themselves 
would be for ever alive, and hear, see, think, and know ; feel 
pleasure, or pain, and that for ever. We inculcated, that 
the end of their learning this lesson, was to make them happy, 
and to prevent their being miserable, since in a very short 
space of time they must enter into the one or the other state, 
and that to all eternity. 

We continually impressed on the minds of the children, 
that the only way to be happy was to be like God; to love 



MRS. FLETCHER. 51 

what he loved, and to hate what he hated ; but that was not 
their present state. They were now like the Devil, and loved 
what he loved. If they were injured, they loved to revenge, 
• and could hardly forget the offence any one offered them. 
When angry, they would cry, and sob, and be almost choked; 
but when did they find themselves so affected, in thinking 
about the Lord Jesus .^^ Did His love and sufferings come 
again and again to their mind, so that they could not forget 
them.P And when did they cry and sob, because they had 
sinned against so good a God ? It was plain, therefore, they 
were as yet the Devifs children, and their minds and affec- 
tions obeyed him only. We therefore declared, that whenever 
we saw these marks of the Devil's power on their hearts, we 
would tell them of it ; but if they would still obey him rather 
than God, we would then add unto our words correction; 
making them feel pain, that the impression might be strong and 
more lasting ; and that they must never resent or resist those 
corrections, for it was more painful for us to give, than it could 
be for them to receive them. But seeing it was for their profit, 
and our duty to do it, they must take each correction not only 
with patience, but thankfulness : for we should make it a point 
of conscience, never to correct, or even to contradict them, 
but with consideration and prayer, having always that lesson 
% before our eyes : 

" That mercy I to others show. 
That mercy show to me." 

Nor were these observations altogether without fruit ; for I do 
not remember one child I ever had, that if we ordered her to 
receive correction by the rod, (which was not often,) would 
riot lie down in silence as a lamb, and afterwards, yea, im- 
mediately after, come and kiss us. We observed that all our v 
instructions would avail them nothing, unless their hearts were 
changed; and that none but Jesus Christ could do that, but 
He was ready and willing, and assuredly would do it, if they 
cried to him for it. 

From the above hints, various occasions presented to point 
out the nature of salvation through Christ alone, and the 

D 2 



52 



THE LIFE OF 



necessity of a renewed nature, in order to be capable of the 
enjoyment of Heaven. 

One day a little beggar girl, whom we had taken in about a 
week before, showed some of the vicious dispositions which 
had been nursed up in her by evil company. On repetition 
she received correction. When the children were alone, (as 
they thought,) she began to complain of her hard fate saying, 
" If they love us, why do they whip us ? '''' A little one, 
about six years old, replied, "Why, it is because they love 
us, and it is to make us remember what a sad thing sin is ; and 
God would be angry with them if they did not do so. Do you 
not remember the chapter my mistress read about Eli ? " Indeed 
I had various proofs that it is not so hard a thing to convince 
the judgment of children as some may think; and a right 
judgment is a good step toward right affections. 

As we intended them to work for their bread, either as ser- 
vants, or in little trades, we endeavoured as early as possible 
to inure them to labour, early rising, and cleanliness. The 
eldest of the children rose between four and five, the younger 
not much later. At half an hour after six, we had family 
prayer. At seven we breakfasted together on herb tea, or 
milk-porridge. The small children then went into the garden 
till eight. At eight the bell rang for school, which continued 
till twelve. Then, after a few minutes spent in prayer, they 
came down to us ; at which time we either walked out with 
them, or if the weather did not permit, we found them some 
employment in the house, endeavouring at the same time to 
give them both instruction and recreation. We invented 
various employments for those hours, in order to remove the 
appearance of idleness, as from the first we endeavoured to 
impress that lesson on their minds, — " An idle person is the 
Devil's cushion, on which he rolls at pleasure.'** Likewise, 
that in the choice of their employments, they should always 
prefer those that were most useful, and be always able to 
render a reason for every thing they did. At one we dined ; 
about two the bell rang again for school, and at five they re- 
turned to us, and were employed as before till supper-time. 
Then, after family-prayer, they were washed, and put to bed 



MRS. FLETCHER. 



53 



by eight. Four or five of the bigger girls were each week 
kept out of the school by turns, and employed in house-work, 
cooking, &c., that they might be accustomed to every sort of 
business; and there was work enough in so large a family. 
Several of the children were very young, though I do not re- 
member we had any under two years, except one of about a 
month old, which was laid, very neatly dressed, one night 
late at our door; but it lived only a fortnight, being full of 
humours, too probably derived from its parents. 

We now found great need of wisdom and patience. We 
had, I think, never more than ten grown persons in the family 
at one time, who were not invalids ; nor do I ever remember 
above five or six altogether in health. The children also, for 
the first few years, laboured under various disorders ; for we 
did not refuse either old or young on account of being sick and 
helpless ; in the end all recovered who came in infirm. We 
sometimes had much to do ; for the care of the sick, the 
management of eighteen or twenty children, with various meet- 
ings, and the needful attention to the work of God in a new- 
raised society, with the reception of the number of strangers who 
visited us on spiritual accounts, occasioned those of us, who 
had the work of God at heart, a good deal of labour and 
suffering. 

Various reproaches now began to roll upon us. It was re- 
ported that we intended to bring up these children for Nuns. 
That we were too rigid and exact to our own rules. Some ob- 
jected, it is all carnal wisdom ; you cannot change their hearts, 
and education will only make them more guilty before God. 
Others, that we were idle, and buried ourselves alive, because 
we did not live at London. But the reproach that came the 
nearest to me was this, — She talks of the poverty of the holy 
Jesus ; (alluding to a little book I had printed ;) let us see her 
work at a trade as he did, and that would make her fortune 
go further. Would any one with such a capital live only on 
the interest, when by trade they might double it every year ? 
Several came and talked with me on the subject; saying. If 
you do not go into some business, you will be brought to the 
parish in your old age. I replied, I understand no business, 



54 



THE LIFE OF 



and I fear to lose what I have, instead of increasing it. They 
replied again, Then ask light of them who do understand it. 
Take some partner, let such have the care, and you find the 
money. I was wearied with letters and disputes on this head. 
However, I laid it before the Lord ; and felt I was willing, if 
it would glorify him, to sweep the kennels. It may seem 
strange why any thus interfered in our affairs ; but our under- 
taking was new, and quite out of the common way. This 
drew all sorts of company, of various sects and denominations. 
Some loved me, and wished to bring me over to what they 
thought the better way. Others were moved by curiosity; 
some by the love of dispute ; others by interest, offering their 
assistance; and some, perhaps, by that spirit which the seed 
of the serpent will always manifest. But another, and perhaps 
the chief reason was, I believe, the order of a wise and 
gracious Providence. I was called to walk wholly by faith; 
indeed it appeared a strange call, and, humanly speaking, 
could end no way but in a prison. I was therefore permitted 
to have every kind of discouragement, and to be brought into 
many and deep perplexities, that the faithfiilness of God might 
shine more conspicuous, as will be seen in the sequel. 

But to return to the children. When actual sin was com- 
mitted at any time, (minor faults were generally overlooked,) 
it was set down on paper by sister Tripp, and presented in a 
meeting held every Friday at twelve o'clock. The whole 
family were called together at that time, and after praying for 
the light and presence of the Lord, we entered into a consul- 
tation how to prevent a relapse into the same crime; and that 
the displeasure of the Almighty might be removed, we always 
endeavoured to make our reasons appear clear before we either 
acquitted or condemned. Very frequently there appeared a 
spirit of repentance, so that the exhortation was followed by 
forgiveness. We then spent some time together in a family- 
meeting, of which I will speak more particularly in another 
place. 

One day a sweet little child about seven years old, (who I 
hope at this time both fears and loves God,) had stolen some- 
thing. We consulted what must be done to prevent a repetition 



MRS. FLETCHER. 



55 



of her sin. At these times we always adapted our conversa- 
tion to the capacity of the little criminal. One said, I have 
read in the Bible, that the offending member ought to be cut 
off, and cast away. This gave rise to several useful reflections ; 
after which we agreed there were but three ways, either to cut 
off the offender from the family, or to pray to God to bring 
her to repentance, or leave her in her sins. After some con- 
versation with her, the second was agreed on; and we joined 
in prayer that the Lord would graciously interpose and save 
her. The meeting being that day in the evening instead of 
the usual time, as soon it was over, they were sent up to be 
washed, in order to go to bed. (This was on June the 'Jth, 
1764.) Betty Lawrence, about eleven years old, had been 
much affected while we were talking to H. O., the child above 
mentioned. She had shown some concern a few days before, 
when I was speaking of the spirituality of the command- 
ments. The children being alone, and not knowing they were 
overheard, Betty said, "Let us pray for Hannah's soul." — 
She then prayed in a very affecting manner. Afterwards 
one, about eight years old, pleaded much for the forgiveness 
of Hannah's sin; but added. Lord, do not let us think so 
much about her sin as to forget our own. Lord, do not let 
us laugh and trifle, and talk of foolish things as soon as we 
rise off our knees; but make us Christians. Another then 
thanked God for their good corrections and teachings, and 
said. If we are not Christians, we shall be more punished 
than others. After some time sister Tripp went in to see 
them to bed; but first went to prayer with them for a few 
minutes. The spirit of conviction now fell on Betty Law- 
rence in an extraordinary manner. We came up and found 
her in a great agony: she was the very picture of terror. The 
veins of her neck were as if they would burst. She wrung 
her hands, and cried with a bitter cry, 'O my sins! O my sins !' 
I believe more than a hundred times. She then broke out into 
such a confession of her original corruption and actual sins, as 
quite amazed us; adding, 'Oh! I have never done any thing to 
please thee in all my life. I have broken all thy laws ; I have 
not kept thy commandments. Lord; I have kept the DeviFs ^ 



56 



THE LIFE OF 



commandments! May such a wretch come to thee, Lord? 
Wilt thou receive me, Lord? Wilt thou pardon me? Wilt 
thou make me a Christian? Tell me. Lord, shall I go to 
Heaven or Hell? Tell me. Lord, shall I go to Heaven or 
Hell? Wilt thou make me a Christian? Wilt thou pardon all 
my sins?' She then paused awhile, her eyes fixed upwards, 
and her face as in a flame ; then added, but with a softer 
voice, 'Yes, he will, he will! But wilt thou. Lord? Yes, 
thou wilt, thou wilt ! ' Mr. Dornford being that night with us, 
gave out a hymn; she now seemed quite calm. The horror 
which before appeared on her countenance was gone, and had 
left a sweet smile. After remaining some time in this posture, 
she said, ' J esus is smiling upon me ! ' She afterwards told us, 
she had a view as of Christ on the cross, smiling upon her, 
and saying, "I have pardoned all your sins, and if you pray, 
I will give you abundant love." She then broke out, ' O ! what 
a sweet Saviour he is ! He hath forgiven me all my sins ! All, 
all. Lord ! Thou hast, thou wilt forgive them. But, O 
Lord, let them be perfectly forgiven. But shall I ever sin 
again? Shall I ever sin again? O ! do not let me sin again, — 
O ! what a sweet Saviour thou art ! What sweet love is thine ! 
O ! more such love as thine ! More such love as thine ! But 
do not let me sin again ! Fill me with love that I may not sin 
again ! ' We were the more surprised at all this, because she 
was a child of remarkably dull apprehension, and had no 
liberty in expressing herself on any subject. But striking as 
the scene was, (far more so than I can describe,) it was 
nothing to the change that followed. She was naturally of a 
very bad temper, but now, it might indeed be said, 

" Love made her willing feet 
In swift obedience move." 

So great was the change in both understanding and will, as 
plainly declared the hand that had wrought it. 

The Lord was pleased at this season to give his word success 
both among the people who attended the preaching, and in the 
family. But our house was too strait, and needed some en- 
largement, and a good deal of repairs. It therefore occurred 



MRS. FLETCHER. 5^ 

to my mind, as we had so many visitants, to take another step, 
and put up a poor's box, like Professor Francke, in Germany. 
But I found some difficulty. I thought my relations will ob- 
ject to it; and, in short, I found it more easy to give than to 
receive. But I saw the order of God in the plan, and that 
was enough. Accordingly we put it up in the hall, with this 
inscription, " For the maintenance of a few poor orphans, that 
they may be brought up in the fear of the Lord." Difficulties 
now began to gather as clouds about us. Workmen must be 
paid ; a family far too large for my income to support ; with a 
variety of expenses in carrying on the work, assisting their 
poverty, &c. One day it was suggested. Surely I am wrong; 
God will not appear for me in this undertaking. I told my 
mind to some friends, who said, " This is the very thing we 
always saw; you will find in the end it is all a delusion. In 
two or three years you will turn out all these people and 
children to the wide world; and in your old age, you will be 
without the necessaries of life.'' I heard them with attention, 
and only replied, ''If it be a delusion, I meant well, believing 
it to be the will of God." 

I carried it to the Lord in prayer, when the following 
thoughts were impressed on my mind. If Christ was now 
upon earth, and in want of food and raiment, should I be 
afraid to give him mine, for fear of wanting it myself Should 
I not rather say. Let all I have be brought out as a sacrifice 
to my Lord; he is well able to repay me; and if he do not see 
it best so to do, then let us suffer together. I saw the case 
with the poor was the same, (as far as he had called me to help 
them,) and that my Lord had said, "In as much as ye have 
done it unto them, ye have done it unto me ! " Here a light 
broke into my mind, which quite satisfied me, and dispelled 
every cloud. I cried out, " Lord, thy will is enough ! Thou 
hast bid me love my neighbour as myself, be it so. Their 
wants be mine ; my substance theirs." Rising from my knees 
I took up the Bible, when opening on Job xxii. 23, I found 
from that verse, to the end of the chapter, several parts come 
as a message from Heaven. " If thou return to the Almighty, 
thou shalt be built up. Thou shalt put away iniquity far from 



58 



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thy tabernacles. Then shalt thou lay up gold as the dust, and 
the gold of Ophir as the stones of the brook. Yea, the 
Almighty shall be thy defence, and thou shalt have plenty of 
silver. Thou shalt decree a thing, and it shall be established 
unto thee; and the light shall shine on thy path." These 
words were wrote as with a diamond pen on my heart ; and in 
all my trials I could never give up the confidence I then re- 
ceived, that I should one day see them accomplished. 

Sister Ryan one day said to me, "We shall have such a 
sum to pay on Saturday night. Had we not better borrow it 
of such a friend till your half year comes in.^^" We attempted 
so to do, but were disappointed. Being on my knees at prayer 
I opened a book before me on the table, and cast my eyes on 
these words, " Christ charges himself with all your temporal 
affairs, while you charge yourself with those which relate to 
his glory." I closed my eyes, and continued praying; when, 
to the eye of my mind, it seemed as if the Lord Jesus stood 
just by me, and spoke again those words to my heart, with 
such a power as wiped away every care. Before I got off my 
knees, I was called down to speak to a man, who asked for me; 
and who, through a providence too long to repeat, brought me 
just the sum I wanted. 

The box began now to be helpful to us; and this year in 
the midst of our great expenses, an uncle gave me two hundred 
and fifty guineas. Once, on opening the box, we found a 
guinea wrapped up in a letter; its contents were as follows: — 

" My dear Child, 

" With much pleasure I have heard of your charitable 
undertaking, which I pray God to bless and to succeed. Be 
never discouraged; though Divine Providence should exercise 
you at times, even with many great and alarming difficul- 
ties ; for this is frequently the way in which God leads his 
children, in order to prove their faith and patience. But even 
supposing he should not succeed this affair, according to your 
present plan, yet he will never fail to bless those who sincerely 
^ endeavour to promote his honour, the kingdom of the Lord 
Jesus, and the good of souls. I desire you will accept the 



MRS, FLETCHER. 59 

enclosed, and that you would set me down an annual contributor 
of the same sum. May the Lord Jesus Christ be with all of 
us ! Forget us not in your prayers. 

" I am, with respect and regard, 
" Your very affectionate friend, 

"V. P." 

In another paper was a guinea enclosed, with these words, 
— " I have felt your burden, and should be thankftd you had 
more help. But perhaps it is the will of God concerning you, 
to give you ' day by day your daily bread.' I pray him to be 
with you." 

Indeed we daily experienced many mercies. We had a 
household as a flock of sheep. Sometimes when we were sitting 
down to table, that word would come sweetly to our minds, — 

" Part of his family are we^, 
His family of love." 

But above all other temporal goods, I saw the blessing of my 
friend Ryan. It would have been impossible for me to have 
acted this part alone ; I had neither grace nor ability for it, but 
the Lord gave her to me, as a mother. In all the active part 
of this undertaking, she was the main spring. It is true, the 
light in forming the plans was given to me ; but had it not 
been for her resolution and diligence, they would never have 
been brought into execution. Notwithstanding her ill health, 
it is amazing what she went through, both in overlooking and 
working with her own hands. She was truly devoted to God ; 
and though I saw her at that time as a most precious gift of 
heaven to me, I was not sufficiently sensible of her inestimable 
worth. 

About this time a young lady, with whom I had been ac- 
quainted, came to board with us. After residing about half a 
year, she had a great desire to make a new will, in order to 
leave me a large sum of money ; and asked me to recommend 
a lawyer to do it, as we then intended to visit Bath. I told 
her, I could not see it right that she should do so, as she was 
at a distance from her relations; had not ^sufficiently proved 



60 



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US ; and might afterwards change her mind. But my strongest 
objection was, she had told me that in her present will she 
had left the bulk of her estate (which was large) to charitable 
uses ; and I had no desire to monopolise the riches of another, 
since my gracious Lord had given me a ready mind to part 
with all that was my own. She had two children under her 
care, whom she desired should be brought into our house ; we 
accordingly received them. Several other expenses we entered 
into on her account; and she wrote a codicil to her will, leaving 
me two thousand pounds, adding, if she lived to return to her 
father the following spring, she should do much more. I freely 
consented to the codicil, as I then thought it but reasonable, 
my expenses on her account being considerable. But in Octo- 
ber, 1766, she grew suddenly very ill, and her death seemed 
near. The codicil then lay much on our minds. I thought, 
God's cause may be reproached through this; and what is two 
thousand pounds, or two hundred thousand, when compared to 
the honour of my God. Had it been done unknown to me, I 
should not have scrupled it. But as I had consented, I 
thought it would not be right to let it stand. Sister Ryan 
thought the same. We therefore prevailed on her to let us 
burn it. She was very unwilling, saying, " Had I lived to 
have made my will, I should have given you much more, for 
I know God is with you." 

She had been some years awakened, and joined to the 
Methodist Society. After she had found the love of God, she 
walked in the way of self-denial and devotedness to God, ac- 
cording to her clearest light for some time; and was in many 
things a striking pattern. She then sunk into a state of con- 
flict, God revealing the inbred sin of her heart, and her spirit 
being oppressed by a constant bodily disorder, (supposed to be 
a polypus in the heart,) she often lost her shield, and was 
ready to think she had never had any work of God on her soul. 
About four months before her death, Satan assaulted her with 
many temptations. Sister Ryan advised her to take one hoiu- 
every day for prayer, whether she should feel power attend her 
words or not ; adding, * My soid for yours, if you persevere, 
you shall shortly see the salvation of God.' She received the 



MRS. FLETCHER. 



61 



word as from the Lord, and began the work in good earnest, but 
to her own feeling she grew darker and darker. Nevertheless 
we could discern a change. She grew more open, and told us of 
some snares which beset her, and which she had even thought of 
giving way to, adding, she saw herself worse and worse, till she 
was taken with her last illness, which continued but three days. 
Her soul seemed then very dark, and greatly did she lament that 
assurance she had formerly enjoyed. Yet she was not without 
hope; but still cried out, "O that I had but lived closer to God! 
I see I have not used my privileges as I ought. O what a work 
have I now to do ! O it is hard work to do in sickness, — it is bad 
work to do in sickness ! " Sister Ryan said, " My dear, I have 
no doubt but that God will finish his work.'' " O," replied she, 
" but I cannot believe it, I do not believe it for myself. O, 
sister Ryan, I have had a thought in my heart, — If I had taken 
a certain step, to have laid the blame on you; for I thought, as 
you are so much under reproach among the half-hearted, I 
should be more readily believed, and now that stares me in the 
face." Sometime after, she said, "O my soul! my soul! I 
do not know where my soul is going!" Sister Ryan said, 
" My dear, I believe the Lord will come to your help this 
night; I feel such an impression of it, I think I must sit up 
and wrestle for you all night." She looked at her, and was 
silent. A few minutes after, she cried out, " O what a sweet 
word is come to me ! I have not had such a word a long time. 
When you said you would stay and wrestle for me all night, I 
found a little comfort, but now it comes, — " The effectual fer- 
vent prayer of a righteous man availeth much." We were 
greatly affected, and sat by her in solemn silent prayer. She 
appeared to continue in a waiting posture for about half an 
hour, when she broke out in the following manner, (but with 
such a sweet and awful reverence, as I cannot express,) " O 
now I know I shall be with Christ for ever ! Yes, I shall, I 
shall come to thee, Lord. I shall be with thee for ever ! O 
for ever! for ever! for ever! Yes! I shall be with thee for 
ever!" After recovering her breath a little, she addressed 
herself to the young women who were in the room, exhorting 
them to know and use their privileges. " You are," said she, 



62 



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" in a good situation, you will never be in a better. O my 
dears, be open, be open! Cover no temptation, and be all in 
earnest. I was a fool, and a double fool, that I did not live 
closer to God, and use more self-denial. I see great degrees 
of glory I have lost." After a little rest she said, " O how 
good is God; If I had strength I would write it all. How 
vile I have been, and what a salvation I now feel!" Then 
turning to me, she added, "But, sister Bosanquet, do it; and 
I charge you cover nothing; in particular my unkind thoughts 
of sister Ryan. I charge you, I charge you ! Well," she 
added, " I shall see you all in heaven. I trust I shall see, I 
know I shall see you there. O take courage, my dear, take 
courage; do not be cast down at the difficulties of your situa- 
tion. Fear nobody ; God will stand by you. O he will take 
care of this family." About ten o'clock at night she slid, " I 
shall be happy ! I know I shall be as happy as I am capable of 
being ! But I see great degrees of glory I have stopped short 
of O that I had laid up more treasure in heaven!" She 
then cried out, "O my money! my cursed money! what an 
account shall I have to give of that.^^ But Jesus has washed 
away all." This seemed the more strange, as she had from 
the first been a most liberal giver. But she explained herself 
to mean, with respect to the choice of objects, which she had 
laid it out upon. She lamented much she had not altered her 
will, saying, " I wish you had ten or twelve thousand pounds. 
I know it would glorify God, and if I were able I would 
do it now. But God will take care of you." We left her 
a few hours in the night, when she said to the sisters who sat 
up with her, "Give me pen and paper, I cannot die easy, 
unless I write something of my mind concerning sister Bosanquet 
having the two thousand pounds. She did so, which was a 
striking instance of her love. This paper I saw it right not to 
destroy, and informed her relations of it; but it was not re- 
garded, and we were well contented. About twelve the next 
day she seemed to change for death, and appeared just gone. 
I said, "Is Jesus precious .J^" She did not answer. One 
present observed, " Perhaps she is not sensible." After a few 
minutes she came to herself, and smiling said, " Yes, I was 



MRS. FLETCHER, 



63 



sensible; but just as you spoke, I had a great struggle with 
Satan, — at last these words were spoke as if through my heart, 

" Nature's last agony is o'er. 
And cruel sin subsists no more." 

But yet I do not know that the work is done. But I know it 
will be done. I am sure God will finish his work. Yes, I 
think I can believe. Yes, I will hold the Lord to his promise. 
She continued much the same for six hours, now and then say- 
ing, I know he will finish his work. But I do not know it is 
done. Yet is there any sin.^^ I do not know there is. Some- 
times I feel," sa^d she, with a smile, " as if I did not like to 
leave you all; i*^ that sin.? I do not know that it is. She 
added, "When I am dying if I cannot speak, ask me any 
question, and if I mean yes, I will hold up my hand, for I 
would wish to praise God to the last. In the evening, she 
. seemed just departing. One present said, "Is your soul in 
H peace.?" She did not make the sign. I said, "Are you 
sensible, love.?" She held up her hand. Some time after, 
we said, " Is all clear now?" She lifted up both her hands 
above her head. Sister Crosby said, "The blood of Jesus 
hath cleansed you from all sin." She lifted them up again, 
and smiled with such an expression of joy as I cannot describe. 
She appeared as in a rapture, and strove much to speak, but 
^we could only understand that word, "He is my only portion." 
Then- throwing herself back, she lifted up her eyes, and spread- 
ing her hands with great delight, made many signs upwards. 
I said, "Is glory open before you?" She lifted up her hands, 
pointing with one finger, and strove to speak, but we could 
only make out the word, " Glory;" but the joy of her coun- 
tenance was beyond all words, and in this posture she in one 
moment breathed her last. 

Such a sense of God and glory rested on us, as I cannot 
describe. For several days it seemed to me as if I was con- 
tinually sensible of the presence of the heavenly spirits; and 
so slender did the veil appear which divides the church militant 
from that which is triumphant, that I saw myself as surrounded 
with the innumerable company, and as if I heard them hail 



64 



THE LIFE OF 



the happy saint on her arrival, in these words, which followed 
me continually, — 

Ah ! what were all thy sufferings here, 

Since Jesus counts thee meet 
With that enraptur'd host to' appear. 

And worship at his feet." * 

* This glorious scene will be accompanied with some pain to pious readers, 
and in some it will excite much curiosity. It will be asked, what were those 

snares" that induced so strong a temptation in such a devoted mind, thus to 
deviate from truth and love, according to the above agonizing confession ? I 
cannot gratify such inquirers. Mrs. Fletcher thought it her duty to record the 
fact, and I have thought it my duty to let it appear : but I know no more. One 
thing is plain; Miss Lewen did not fall into the temptation; but it is also plain, 
she did not "resist it, steadfast in the faith." Hence her deep sense of her 
evil nature, in having listened to it for a moment. When heavenly purity 
shone upon her soul, and that she found that purity was just about to be 
bestowed upon her for ever, how dreadful appeared the mental deviation ? If 
we may hazard a conjecture : was it not some attachment of a worldly nature, 
on account of which she was tempted, and felt an answerable inclination, to depart 
from a community so strictly evangelical } That thought was, perhaps, pre- 
sented to her, viz.y That that very strictness would excuse her to " the half- 
hearted ; " and that to Mrs. Ryan would be chiefly imputed the rigidity which 
had forced her from this retreat. This was probably the root of that agonizing 
conviction; especially when she saw, that the person whom she had thought of, 
as thus to have borne her sin, was ready to risk her own tender life to help her 
through her last conflict 1 Miss Lewen, however, overcame at last ; and veri- 
fied Mr. Wesley's account of her. — See his Journal, (Works, vol. iv.) " Friday, 
the 31st of October, at my return to London, I found it needful to hasten to 
Laytonstone. But I came too late. Miss Lewen died the day before, after 
an illness of five days. Some hours before, she witnessed that good con- 
fession, — 

* Nature's last agony is o'er, 
* And cruel sin subsists no more.' 

So died Margaret Lewen, a pattern to all young women of fortune in England : 
a real Bible Christian, So she * rested from her labours, and her works do 
follow her." 

Mrs. Ryan was, as Mrs. Fletcher has said, "a sickly, persecuted saint." 
She was poor, (though not destitute,) and hence was more liable to be the 
butt of the half-hearted. Miss Bosanquet, her twin soul, was a lady of birth 
and fortune, and on that account, rather too large for their grasp. Mrs. Ryan 
proved the whole of the eight beatitudes, as appears from Mr. Wesley's account of 
her, in the Arminian Magazine, and from his admirable Letters to her, (see 
his Works, vol. xvi.) In one of them he says, " It is expedient for you to go 
through both evil and good report. The conversing with you either by speaking 
or writing, is an uns{)eakable blessing to me. I cannot think of you without 
thinking of God. Others often lead me to Him, but it is, as it were, going 
round about. You bring me straight into his presence." Ed. 



MRS. FLETCHER. 



65 



Some time after this, one of our young women had a desire 
to take a journey, which we thought would be dangerous to 
her, and warned her much to beware of the love of the world. 
Several nights she had had remarkable dreams, warning her to 
beware "that no man took her crown." We told her all our 
fears ; and in particular to watch against the love of money. 
She said, " My light is so clear, that if I now do any thing 
unbecoming my profession, I shall be guilty, and doubly 
guilty." Sister Ryan said, " I feel I cannot give you up, but 
I am led to entreat the Lord, if you should be about to depart 
from him, that he would cut short the thread of your life, and 
take you to himself, and I believe he has heard me." She had 
not been from us many days, before the golden baits of plea- 
sure and profit began to gain lustre in her eyes, and the little 
spark of light and life to decline out of her soul. The Lord 
stepped in, laid her on the bed of death, and gave her to ac-^^ 
knowledge, she had left the fountain-head of bliss, and stooped 
to creature-happiness. She was very desirous to see us, if it 
could have been ; but a dear child of God attended her con- 
stantly, and wrestled much with God in her behalf. A little 
before her death she declared, " The Lord hath forgiven me. 
I shall be saved, but I shall suffer loss." Repeating the name 
of Jesus, her spirit returned to God, just four weeks from 
that day on which she left our house.* 

O what is death } 'tis life's last shore. 

Where vanities a,re vain no more." J:- 

In the beginning of the year 1^6^, the Lord was pleased to 
exercise us with some little trials of another kind. Various 
reproaches were cast upon us. It was confidently afiirmed, 1 
had forced the before mentioned young lady (Miss Lewen) to 
make a will when she was dying, and leave me alh her estate, 

* Was not this extraordinary dispensation an instance of what St. John calls, 
" a sin unto death," — a sin which God punishes hy the death of the body ? It 
was not a little thing in his sight to leave such a house, without a special call 
of his providence. Those, however, who form and govern such a house, 
should beware of any approach to the confinement of the Cloister. There was 
notliiiig of that kind here. Ed. 



66 



THE LIFE OF 



and that I had thus wronged her relations. Some religious 
professors said that I had wronged the poor ; and that I had 
killed my friend by rigorous mortification ; that I had driven 
her into despair, and caused her to die in darkness: with a 
variety of stories as ridiculous as false. The truth is, I had 
not gained one penny by her, but was many pounds out of 
pocket. However, these accounts were so industriously spread, 
and even to distant parts, that a gentleman from a place about 
a hundred miles off, told me some years after, he verily be- 
lieved had I walked through that town at one time, the mob 
would haved stoned me ! But " the Lord is a God of judg- 
ment, and by him actions are weighed." 

A little time before this, the Lord was pleased to remove 
my dear parents. My father had a long and painful illness of 
three years ; and my mother lived but nine months after. I 
was now permitted to be a good deal with them. One day my 
dear honoured father spoke to me with great tenderness con- 
cerning some of my former trials, and expressed much sorrow 
that my fortune was not left as much in my power, as that of 
the other children ; saying, " If you desire it, I will alter my 
will now. But your uncle knows my mind ; and if you marry 
a man to make you happy, it is all I wish. I do not care 
whether he has money or not. But whether you marry or not, 
you ought to have your fortune as well as the rest. If you 
desire it, I will have it so altered : " with many more expressions 
of paternal affection, which, though I do not think it proper to 
insert them here, will ever have a place in my heart. I begged 
him to make himself quite easy, and not to attempt the altera- 
tion of any thing ; as I saw it must greatly disturb his peace, 
for several reasons. I assured him I saw myself safe in the 
hands of my heavenly Father, and knew I should never want 
any thing that was for my good ; and that if I was favoured 
with seeing the salvation of his soul, I had no more to ask : 
God would take care of me. I was led thus to speak. From 
what he had said to me, however, I expected to have found in 
his will far less than he had really given me. 

Immediately after the death of my father, my dear mother 
entered into her last illness. I found much love to her, and 



MRS. FLETCHER. 



67 



of consequence much pain. She expressed a tender kindness 
towards me during her illness, and showed her tender care, by 
augmenting the sum my father had left me. 

During the illness of my dear parents, I suffered much, not 
only for them, but for my weak friend at home, and the weight 
of so great a family. Her increasing illness was an unspeak- 
able exercise to me. She had some time before been brought 
near to death, but many promises of recovery were then brought 
to her mind with power ; and after being so reduced as to be 
given over, she recovered as it were suddenly, and beyond all 
expectation, and remained in pretty good health for a year. 
But now she grew daily worse ; and for three years her suffer- 
ings were great and frequent. I plainly saw she decayed fast, 
and all my nature shrunk at the thought of being left alone at 
the head of such an undertaking ; and what added to my trial, 
we had increased our family, with some whose spirit did not 
suit our house, so that jars and a divided interest sometimes 
arose, which till very lately we had not known. But the 
heaviest of all my yokes, was the galling yoke of unbelief. I 
remembered the time when I could say, " Unbelief has not a 
place in my soul to set its foot upon." But now I had slipped 
back from that constant act of faith. I had admitted cares and 
fears,* and by insensible degrees, I was sunk again into my 
own will and the strivings of evil tempers. Indeed, there was 
a confidence, a degree of union with God, which I never 
totally lost, neither did his fear depart out of my heart; yet I 
had inwardly departed from that pure love which I possessed. 
I had left off to delight myself in God, as heretofore; and 
accepted of many other things in his place, so that my trials 
were greater than I can well describe. 

One day as I was attending my sick friend, almost incon- 
solable, she said, " My dear, I hardly know how to rejoice in 
the prospect of death, because I see no way for you. I shall 
leave you in the hands of enemies, but God will stand by you." 
I said, " My dear love, can you think of any way for me ? 

* Was this painful state " heaviness through manifold temptations," (1 Peter 
i. 6,) or a real departure from the Lord ? I believe some things that follow 
will incline the serious reader to conclude it was the former. Ed. 

E 2 



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It is sometimes presented to my mind, that I should be called 
to marry Mr. Fletcher.'' * She replied, " I like him the best 
of any man, if ever you do take that step. But unless he 
should be of a very tender disposition towards you, you would 
not be happy: but God will direct you.'' It pleased God, 
however, in a measure to remove her disorder again ; so that 
for some months she was enabled to act as a leader and a helper 
among us. 

We were now pretty well settled, our meetings were quiet 
and comfortable, the number of hearers increased, and some 
of our little flock were gone triumphantly to glory. My in- 
come being now larger, I thought a more easy path lay before 
me ; and I found much attachment to the place. Yet we were 
sickly, and the house was too small for such a family as ours. 
We had no land to it, (mine being all let ofl* before to the 
other house,) and not having cows, such a number of children 
occasioned much inconvenience. Frequently I was advised to 
remove into some part of Yorkshire, and take a farm; that 
otherwise, it was impossible to bring up the children to every 
branch of needful business ; and that my income would go as 
far again in such a situation. I must here observe, though 
my income was increased it was still not equal to our expenses, 
which were great on many accounts ; I had also undertaken, 
in union with the young lady before mentioned, some charitable 

* The pious reader will not be displeased to see that such an impression was 
made on such a mind, preceding the union of that admirable couple. The 
impression was mutual. In a letter from Mr. Fletcher to Mr. Charles Wesley, 
(see Mr. Fletcher's Works, vol. vii.) we find the following sentiments. " You 
ask me a very singular question, — I shall answer it with a smile, as I suppose 
you asked it. You might have remarked, that for some days before I set off" 
for Madeley, I considered matrimony with a different eye to what I had done : 
and the person who then presented herself to my imagination Avas Miss Bosan- 
quet. Her image pursued me for some hours the last day, and .that so warmly, 
that I should, perhaps, have lost my peace, if a suspicion of the truth of 
Juvenal's proverb, — Veniunt a dote sagittts, (" The arrows come from the por- 
tion," rather than from the lady,) had not made me blush, fight, and flee to 
Jesus, who deliv^ered me at the same moment from her image, and the idea of 
marriage." There will be some regret, perhaps, felt, that a long and suffering 
time should intervene before that union. But it was all ordered for the good 
of both,— for an eternal union, — *' for the marriage of the Lamb ! " Ed. 



MRS. FLETCHER. 



69 



affairs, which now all fell on me, and many of them I could 
not throw off* for some years. The box did not yield us as 
much by half as in the first year ; for like the manna in the 
wilderness, which ceased when the Israelites got corn, so that 
provision, which had been exceedingly useful to us, seemed 
now to be suspended. Yet I felt very averse to the thought of 
business ; I feared the armour I had not proved, and thought » 
I should perhaps lose the little maintenance I had, rather than 
gain more. 

One day, my Mend being a little better, and all things at that 
time pretty comfortable ; my own heart being also drawn with an 
unusual sweetness towards the Lord, I was walking in the 
garden, when looking round me, it appeared as a paradise. I 
thought, How sweet is my situation ! I dwell among my Own 
people, — a few who love me, and whom I love. The family 
is getting more and more as I could wish ; and as to our cir- 
cumstances, I can freely trust my God further than I can see, 
so that all my care on him. is cast, and here I hope to end my 
days. Immediately a thought presented itself,* — But suppose 
God should call you from this place ; and there should be yet 
some bitter cups for you to drink ? 1 started at the thought ; 
but said, " Give me power to say, ' Thy will be done.' " 

About this time Richard Taylor came from Yorkshire, being 
driven from thence by misfortunes. He left a wife and young 
family, and came to London in hopes of settling with his 
creditors. Sister Crosby (who was now a member of my 
family) had known him in Yorkshire, and Mr. Dornford and 
Mr. Murlin recommended him to me, and proposed his staying 
for a time at our house. He seemed (and I believe he then 
was) a devoted man. We were much interested in his behalf 
When we sat down to dinner, the thought that his wife and 
children were in trouble and distress, would often so overwhelm 
him he could not take a morsel. He appeared a man of prayer, 
and one of the excellent of the earth. 

Various circumstances occurred which seemed plainly to call 
us to seek another habitation, and Yorkshire was the place 

♦ It is by no means clear that this was from the Lord. Ed, 



70 



THE LIFE OF 



most likely. Yet such a call did not seem desirable to me. 
My reason seemed to point that way ; my inclination was to 
remain where I then was. One morning, however, as I was 
reading in my turn to the family, I came to these words, 
" Come out from thy kindred and thy country, and come into 
a land which I will shew thee.'' I felt myself penetrated with 
resignation. I felt my strong attachment to the place, as 
being the place of my birth, quite removed, and I seemed 
free to follow the leading of the Spirit of God, to any corner 
of the earth.* 

My friend and I began seriously to consider whether our 
work was not done in Laytonstone ; whether, after spending 
about five years at this place, we were not now called to another 
spot. A physician had told us, if there were any hopes of 
sister Ryan's recovery, it would be by a journey. She had un- 
expectedly recovered at Bath before, it might be so again. At 
this time she was very bad. I objected, however, to the 
moving her in so weak a condition ; to which she answered, 
" If the Lord see fit to spare me, probably that is to be the 
means of raising me up ; and if he has otherwise determined, 
I should be glad to see you settled first ; for if you are left 
without me here, I think you will have great difficulty, from 
several circumstances; and probably such an exchange of place 
and situation would put it in your power to alter and remove 
those difficulties. 

My relations and christian friends seemed all to approve, 
and we believed our way was plain for taking a journey to 
Leeds, and some adjacent places, in order to judge better 
whether they were suitable, and whether we could meet with a 
habitation that would answer our great family. 

Accordingly on June the seventh, I768, I set out with my 
friend Ryan, and sister Crosby. Brother Taylor, who was 
now to retiu-n home, accompanied us on horseback.f It may 

* Whether this leading was really of the Spirit of God or not, her submis- 
sion to Him made her *' more than conqueror." Ed. 

+ All those who have read, with pious interest, the beginning and progress 
of the house of God at Laytonstone, must regret its dissolution. Had it been 
favoured with any successors, of the same spirit, we might rejoice that those 



MES. FLETCHER. 



71 



be supposed we had a troublesome journey and aching hearts, 
for my dear sister Ryan was so ill, as to be carried in arms in 
and out of the chaise, and to be watched with every night ; 
and the bringing down so large a family two hundred miles, 
was attended with no little difficulty. We went first to Mr. 
Taylor's wife's parents, where we found a family of serious 
persons. The old man and woman were patterns of industry 
and seriousness : and the wife a person with whom I found much 
fellowship of spirit. We stayed with them seven weeks, until 

who had, as " the salt of the earth," been the " savour of life " to that people, 
were about to season other places. But that was not the case. There were 
no such successors ; and it is by no means clear, that there was such a call of 
divine Providence, as was sufficient to justify these chosen instruments in de- 
parting from a place so divinely visited, and in dissolving an establishment so 
owned of the Lord. Mr. Wesley's sentiments concerning that establishment 
are very decisive. In his Journal (see his Works, vol. iv.) he says, ** Thurs- 
day, Dec. 12, 1765, I rode over to Laytonstone, and found one truly Christian 
family. This is what that at Kingswood should be, and would, if it had such 
governors." Again, " Thursday, Feb. 12, 1767, 1 preached at Laytonstone. O 
what a house of God is here ! Not only for decency and order, but for the 
life and power of religion. I am afraid there are very few such to be found in 
all the King's dominions." Ought not the call to be clear, and even impera- 
tive, that led to the dissolution of such a house ? We have indeed heard that 
blessed woman who was at the head of it, observing with grief, " We had in- 
creased our establishment with some whose spirit did not suit our house, so 
that jars and a divided interest arose." And could she think the Devil had 
fallen asleep, or that he would not take the old way, — that he would not " sow 
tares among the wheat ? " Such persons should have been dismissed, after all 
long-suflFering had been manifested. We should " add to our " loving " faith, 
courage," knowing for whom we are to act. As this way, it seems, was not 
taken, we cannot wonder that the leaven should win its way, and a cloud over- 
spread the once illuminated mansion. In such a dark day, it is no wonder that 
cares and fears " should assault her devoted heart, so that she hardly knew 
her own state, and had almost given up her confidence. A new way seemed 
to open, of which Mr. Taylor was the harbinger, — a Way so entangled with 
briars and thorns, that there seemed, at length, hardly any hope of deliverance. 
But " the Lord knoweth how to deliver the godly out of temptation ; " and 
until then, — 

" Darkly safe with God, thy soul 
His arm still onward bears, 
Till through each tempest, on the whole 
A peace divine appears ! " 

This was the blessed result. '* The Lord turned her captivity, and filled her 
mouth with laughter, and her tongue with praise." Ed. 



72 



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we could find a house, which for the present would suit our 
purpose, which we at length did at Gildersome, in the West 
Riding of Yorkshire. 

My dear companion now began to sink daily : but as the 
account of her last scene is included in her Life, I will not 
enter into any particulars of it here, only add, that on the 
17th of August, 1768, she experienced in reality, what she 
had seen in her dream, viz., that 

He would kiss her raptur'd soul away." 

She departed this life in the forty-fourth year of her age. 

Thus passed the dreadful moment, which I had for seven 
years so painfully apprehended. But she had often in her 
illness said to me, " My dear friend, I have obtained for you 
of the Lord that you shall not be overcome of sorrow; there- 
fore fear not, for I know he heard me." Her prayer was in a 
great degree answered; I was not overcome of sorrow. The 
thought of her long suffering and present happiness, much 
alleviated the bitter cup, which I had tasted of occasionally for 
some years. My great affliction did not come at once. The 
Lord treated me as we do a child ; he put one thing into my 
hand to take away another. I thought I saw some comfortable 
prospects before me in life, and a veil was drawn over the many 
and great crosses which were to follow. I prayed I might be 
kept close to the will of God, and preserved from turning to 
the right hand or to the left, now that I had lost my spiritual 
mother. But I did not wish to die; neither could I. get my 
heart into that spiritual frame I had enjoyed in the year 1762, 
and therefore being mingled with earth, I felt all my ties were 
not cut through. I had sometimes conversed with her on the 
subject of departed spirits having communion with us, and she 
used to say, " If it be the will of my heavenly Father, I 
should rejoice to communicate some comfort to you, either in a 
dream or any other way." But I never had even the slightest 
remembrance of her in any dream for some months, though 
she possessed so great a share in my waking thoughts. I often 
wondered at this, till one night, I think six months after her 
death, I thought she was hovering over me, as in a cloud, and 



MRS. FLETCHER. 



73 



from thence spoke in her own voice some lines in verse ; but I 
could only retain the latter part, which were these words, — 

" Mingle with earth we can no more ! 
But when you worship God alone ; 
We then shall mutually adore." 

By which I understood she meant, I was not in that purity 
which was requisite for communion with heavenly spirits ; but 
it raised in my heart an expectation that such a season would 
come. 

My invaluable friend was buried in Leeds Old Church- 
Yard; where to her name and age were added only these 
words, — 

" Who lived and died a Christian." 



PART III. 



HER SETTLEMENT IN YORKSHIRE. 

My health began to fail. I had for three years had much 
fatigue in nursing my dear friend; and some crosses which 
now flowed in apace, greatly affected me. I grew large, and 
had dropsical symptoms. My soul was at this season in a 
low and cold state. My path was strewed with many per- 
plexities: and I was at a loss how or where to settle. Trade 
I much feared ; and yet I did not see how I could do without 
it. My family consisted of thirty persons, of whom some were 
rather unruly. I saw the need of taking the reins into my 
own hands, and supplying the place of my friend Ryan. But 
this determination was very difficult to execute; and I daily 
and hourly felt my insufficiency. While she was alive, I con- 
sidered her as a mother, and like the other young women de- 
sired her to allot me my rules and employments ; or at least to 
assist me in the choice of them. These were, — First, an atten- 
tion to the spiritual affairs of the family. Secondly, Taking 
care for their sustenance. Thirdly, Instructing the children. 
Fourthly, Meeting each member of the family, one by one, at 
fixed times. Fifthly, Superintending by turns, the more public 
meetings of the society. Sixthly, Attending my friend in her 
frequent illnesses ; with the direction and management of the 
siclc. But the care of the kitchen, buying in the stores, manag- 
ing the needle-work, with many other articles of direct house- 
keeping, I was quite unaccustomed to. While I lived in my 
father's house I saw very little of domestic affairs, because we 
lived rather high ; so that I was quite a stranger to that kind 
of management needful for a great family, who have but little 
to live on. Beside, the manner of life here was entirely dif- 
ferent from what I had been used to about London. Here 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



75 



wheat was to be bought to make flour. Bread to be made, cows 
to be managed, men-servants to be directed ; with a variety of 
particulars in house-keeping quite new to me. Had my friend 
been spared, all this would have been a pleasure ; but now my 
spirits were so depressed, every thing appeared a burden : and 
when I had provided as well as I could, some persons in my 
family would despisingly say, my victuals were not worth eat- 
ing ; and that I knew not how to order any thing. I had 
frequent letters from distant parts, some pitying, some upbraid- 
ing me ; and informing me at the same time, " The stories 
which we hear carried about concerning you, come all from the 
members of your own family." Oh ! said I, I have not so 
abode in my Saviour as I ought; " I have gone down to Egypt 
for help," and therefore is all this come upon me : otherwise I 
should still inherit that word applied to me with power in the 
first gathering of my household, " Thou art my hope and my 
fortress, my castle and deliverer, my defender in whom I have 
trusted ; who subdueth the people that are under me." I 
mentioned before, that we had met with a large house in part 
furnished, which was of great service, as my own furniture was 
not yet arrived. There was land to it, and though dear, I saw 
it a providence, and an asylum till we could fix better. In the 
ordering of the out-door affairs, Mr. Taylor was very useful to 
me, and indeed had not he and his wife been with me, I do not 
think I should ever have got through some difficulties which I 
had to encounter. One day he brought me word of a farm 
very cheap ; with a freehold estate adjoining thereto, on which 
were malt-kilns, a small house, and many out-buildings. The 
farm was large; and he thought, if besides the farm-house, we 
were to build one big enough for our family, it would be cheaper 
than to rent a house. I was very averse to the undertaking ; 
but there was no time to lose, as many were seeking after it. I 
went to Leeds to consult the most judicious of my friends ; in 
particular Mr. R., a man well acquainted with business, and 
the most intimate friend I had in Yorkshire. He answered, 
" You may look on this, as Isaac did when he found a well, 
for which they did not strive." He said, " The Lord hath 
made room for us in the land." " So," added he, " may you 



76 



THE LIFE OF 



say ; for had you waited a dozen years, you might not have 
met with such an opportunity." I objected, " That I did not 
understand it, and that perhaps it would sink instead of in- 
creasing my income." He replied, " Richard Taylor knows 
well how to manage it, if you do not ; and I have no doubt 
that it will clear you a hundred and fifty pounds a year, which 
will be good interest for your money." I now remembered the 
reflection cast on me at Laytonstone, vi^., "If she wants to do 
good with her fortune, let her take up a little trade. She talks 
of the poverty of J esus ; let us see her work at a trade as he 
did." That thought had much weight with me. I prayed for 
light, and took the place ; bought the estate, formed the plan 
for the house, and set about it. The first mark of the favour 
of God was, we had some of our work-people converted, so 
that before half the house was built, we had a good class. The 
desire after purity of heart was much revived among the neigh- 
bouring societies ; and I found in many ways there was a wider 
field opened for doing good than I had ever before experienced. 
I had some among the members of my family also, who were 
very helpful in the work of God. By settling on a new plan, 
I found it more easy to draw things into my own hand. I re- 
moved some, and put others into their proper place. 

The building I found no cheaper than in the south, or but 
little so : it cost a good deal more than at first proposed. The 
farm took a great deal to stock, and bring into order ; and as 
most of my capital lay in an estate, (or in that sum my dear 
father on his death-bed so lamented that he had tied up from 
me,) I had not sufiicient for all the expenses, with the pur- 
chase of the freehold ; and was obliged to take up money on 
interest, which I hoped to pay ofi* at fifty pounds per year. 
The malt-kilns seemed to answer well, and cleared the first 
year fifty pounds, above all expenses. 

Our call was a good deal abroad in the work of God, and 
we had encouragement therein. A few (and at that time but a 
few) in that part had a desire after holiness. Some years 
before this, sister Crosby had spent a little time in Yorkshire. 
She told them what a wonderful work of sanctification God was 
carrying on in London. Many were affected with her words. 



^ 

MRS. FLETCHER. 



77 



and two or three in this place retained the light and power then 
given to them. These we agreed to meet once a fortnight, 
and unite our cry to the Lord, that he would pour out a spirit 
of conviction on his people, and that the neighbouring societies 
might be stirred up to seek purity of heart. We had not met 
many times before the answer came ; one and another begged 
to join in our Wednesday night meetings, and our number in- 
creased to about fifty, all of whom were ardently desiring, or 
sweetly brought into, that liberty. When we grew too numerous, 
(for they began to come from many miles round,) I advised 
those who were able, to gather a meeting of the same kind near 
their own homes. This was attended with many blessings. We 
sometimes visited those infant meetings, and they increased 
and spread as well as ours. It must be observed, none were 
admitted as members into our meeting, but those who were 
truly awakened to seek for holiness, as before they had been to 
seek for pardon. Others, if we judged them sincere, were 
sometimes occasionally admitted : but we were very careful 
whom we considered as fixed members. Of these I had a sepa- 
rate list ; and about once a quarter met them apart from the 
others. I felt myself led to en&rce on them some particular 
observations, which they frequently asked me to set down on 
paper. I did therefore set them down as follows : — 

As you have expressed a desire that I would give you on paper, 
the few observations I have sometimes made on Wednesday 
nights, I will endeavour so to do as far as I can recollect. And 
if my dear Lord is pleased to help you through so weak an in- 
strument, he shall have the more abundant praise. 

1. I would recommend you to be very careful whom you admit 
into your meeting. Consider no one as a member thereof who 
is not steadily seeking after christian perfection ; that is, a heart 
simplified by love divine, and kept each moment, by faith, 
from the pollution of sin. Whosoever agrees not with you in 
this point, will greatly interrupt your design. 

2. See that you fix on your minds, — We come together to 
get our faith increased; and expect as much that our souls 
should be refreshed by our meeting, as we do our bodies to be 
refreshed by our food. Come with a lively expectation ; and 



78 



THE LIFE OF 



that your expectation may not be cut off, keep your spirit all 
the time in continual prayer: united prayer can never go un- 
answered. Mr. Fletcher, on this head, has a lively observation. 
" When many believing hearts,*" says he, are lifted up, and 
wrestle ii^ prayer together, we may compare them to many 
hands which work a large pump ; at such times particularly the 
fountains of the great deep are broken up, the windows of heaven 
are opened, and rivers of living water flow from the hearts of 
obedient believers." 

3. Bear with each other's mistakes or infirmities in love. 
Consider the members, as if they were your own children. How 
much will a man bear with in "his own son that serveth him.?^" 
" A three-fold cord cannot be easily broken." Satan will leave 
no stone unturned to disunite you : but O, remember, the cha- 
racteristic of the evangelical dispensation is, — 

' TheYove that turns the other cheek ; 
,The love inviolably meek. 

Which bears, but conquers all." 

4. Be well aware of that deadly poison, so frequent among 
professors, I mean, evil-speaking. It will cover itself under a 
thousand forms ; and, alas ! how many sincere hearts swallow 
this gilded bait, before they know what they are about. Never 
repeat the fault of an absent person, unless it be absolutely 
needful. In particular, speak not evil of dignities ; neither of 
om* King, on whose account we have the greatest reason to be 
thankful ; nor yet of any in authority under him. Neither those 

•H*, whom God hath set over us as spiritual teachers. If any of 
these do not speak just as we could have wished, never forget 
thai>'^ne may have his gift after this manner, another after 
that." The exhortation not so immediately useful to your state, 
may nevertheless be put into their mouth at that time for another 
person then present. " Known unto God are all his ways ; " 
and as He hath said, " A cup of cold water giveiyto a prophet" 
shall not be forgotten, how pleasing will it be in His sight, 
if by faith and pAy«r we hold up the hands of his praying 
servants. 

5. Hold fast the truth in a pure conscience. Let not one 



MRS. FLETCHER. 



79 



Spark of your light be put out. Though all your teachers, 
brethren, friends, yea, the whole church, were to turn against 
the truth, let nothing make you forget, " The bloofi of J esus 
cleanseth from all sin ; " and that he keeps that soiil for ever 
clean, who day and night hangs on him by simple fafih. 

6. "Be always ready to give an account to those who ask you 
a reason of the hope that is in you." In order to this, let us 
pray for clear ideas of what we seek, and what we possess. Bear 
in mind, that to " perfect holiness in the fear of the Lord," is 
no more than you have already promised : First, By your spon- 
sors in baptism ; secondly. In your own person, when you made 
those vows your own by confirmation ; and thirdly. Whenever 
you renew that covenant by coming to the Lord's Table. " You 
have engaged to renounce the Devil and all his works, the 
pomps and vanities of this wicked world, and all the sinful lusts 
of the flesh ; to believe all the articles of the christian faith ; to 
keep God's holy will and commandments, and to walk in the 
same all the days of your life." And is not this vowing to "per- 
fect holiness in the fear of God .^^" Does the first part|^ this 
sacred engagement. To renounce the Devil and all his works, 
leave any room for the least agreement with the Devil, the world, 
or the flesh Does the second, — To believe all the articles of 
the Christian faith, make the least allowance for one doubt with 
respect to any one article of the Christian faith Or, Does 
the third allow the wilful breach of any of God's command- 
ments Again, Do we not all profess to believe it to be our 
duty, "to love God with all our heart, and our neighbour 
as ourselves.?" Weigh the depth o£ those two expressions. 
Do they not imply, " love made perfect," or, in other words, 
Christian perfection ^j^^ 

7. Remember that saying of Solomon, " The wise eyes 
are in his head." Let your eye of faith be steadily fixed on 
your Living Head, deeply conscious of that word, — 

'^having done all, by faith I stand. 
And give the^raise, O Lord, to thee ! " 

A holy man makes'^his observation, — " Persevering believers 
are little omnipotents." Abide then every moment in the living 



80 



THE LIFE OF 



vine, from whom you constantly draw your life, as the coal its 
heat from the fire ; — it was all black, cold, and filthy, before it 
was impregnated with the fire that kindled it : but if by any 
accident it fall therefrom, the shining perfection which it had 
acquired, gradually wears away, and it becomes a filthy cinder, 
the black emblem of an apostate. So true is that saying of our 
Lord, " Without me ye can do nothing/' 

8. Consider yourselves as miited by a holy covenant to God 
and to each other ; aiming to advance the glory of God all you 
possibly can. 

" Ye for Christ your Master stand, 
Lights in a benighted land." 

Beware then that your light become not darkness ; let no one 
be discouraged from seeking Christian holiness, by any thing 
they see in your life and conversation. We must become a whole 
burnt sacrifice. The soldier enlisted under the banner of his 
King, may neither leave his post, nor choose his employment. 
We have covenanted to be the Lord's ; and may not draw back 
one power, no, nor one thought, from his service. Be it then 
engraven on our hearts, as with a diamond pen, " Thy vows, O 
God, are upon me; I have opened my mouth unto the Lord, 
and cannot go back." 

Glory be to God, it might be said of Cross-Hall, (the name 
of our present habitation,) many a soul has been bom in her, 
and many sweet seasons did we know with the Lord ; and I do 
at this day declare, I shall ever adore the wisdom of God in 
bringing me down to settle in Yorkshire. It was good for the 
work of God. It was good for my own soul ; * but for a season 
it did not appear good for my temporal affairs. I had not been 
seven years there, before I saw myself brought into great per- 
plexity, from circumstances I shall by and by relate. But 

* Nothing could prevent sucli a devoted person from bearing fruit unto God. 
In answer to the prayer of faith, "He opens rivers in the high places, and 
streams in the desert." Mr. Wesley, speaking of her settlement in Yorkshire, 
observes, (see his Works, vol. iv.,) " Saturday, July 7th, 1770, I rode to Miss 
Bosanquet's. Her family is still a pattern, and a general blessing, to the 
country." Ed. 



MRS. FLETCHER. 81 

whatever occurred, I must ever praise the Lord, that his pro- 
vidence brought me there. I had a continual presentiment, my 
troubles were for an appointed time ; and that in the end deliver- 
ance would be given from every diffictdty. 

I found my mind much united to brother and sister Taylor. 
I strove to remove their burdens, and went in person to their 
creditors. After meeting with some opposition, I got their affairs 
settled, at the expense of between two and three hundred pounds. 

After the death of sister Ryan, my soul had many risings 
and sinkings. Sometimes I seemed to lose my way, and knew 
not where or what I was. For about two years, I sunk into 
care, fear, self-indulgence, and many wanderings. Yet my aim 
was towards the Lord, who, after that season, began again to 
renew in me a tender conscience, and as my outward sorrows 
increased, so my inward light and power began to revive. It 
was soon after that time that we began the meeting above men- 
tioned, as near as I can remember, though I have not set down 
the exact date thereof, but by my diary it appears to be about 
a year after my soul began again to walk by faith. These meet- 
ings were to me a singular blessing. They cost me many a 
wrestling prayer, and when the nights approached, when we 
were to meet, O ! the sinking into nothing before God, my 
spirit used to feel ! Of all the meetings I ever was employed in 
while in Yorkshire, I know not I ever felt my soul so conscious 
of the Lord's approval as in these. I must acknowledge it 
occasioned both expense and labour. Frequently I had many 
beds to make up, and many friends and their horses to entertain. 
But I saw it such an honour to be (as I sometimes expressed 
it) the Lord's Inkeeper, that I could feel nothing but satisfac- 
tion therein. Those words were often applied with great sweet- 
ness, " The birds of the air shall rest under thy branches." 

I now found a fresh conviction of the necessity of divine help, 
that I might go in and out before my family, in such a manner 
as would lead them into the most excellent way ; and when any 
thing particular rested on my mind, I usually set it down in 
the way of diary. On looking over old papers, I find the fol- 
lowing remarks ; but am not quite clear as to the dates : — 

" This day I have been solemnly renewing my covenant with 

F V 



82 



THE LIFE OF 



the Lord, and considering over our family rules, fasts, and meet- 
ings. I have been praying for fresh vigour and resolution in 
the use thereof ; and while reading this morning the vision of 
Samuel concerning Eli, I was led to inquire how far it was my 
own case ? Lord, thou hast made me the head of this family. 
Do I " bear the sword in vain ? " Show me, Lord, what I can 
do to help them, considered one by one, and how I may help 
to put away, in each, whatever would offend. The thoughts 
which flowed into my mind were as follows : — 

First, " Love is the end of the commandment." If I would 
wish to be such a head as God approves^ I must have no spring 
of action but love. Yet when we have many tempers to suit 
ourselves to, all their burdens to bear, and their every want to 
supply, (even in narrow circumstances,) nature is apt to grow 
weary. It is very easy to give our neighbour what we can spare, 
but to pinch ourselves, and even to run the risk of debts and 
distress for their sakes, makes the work far more hard. How 
then shall I get and keep that spirit of love to each which is 
needful for my fulfilling towards them the place of a mother ? 
or, in some sense, to be "a pillar in God's house," who is ap- 
pointed to bear the weight of the whole building ? 

I will call over each member in my mind with solemn prayer, 
and search out every perfection of every kind ; — every trace of 
the image of God which I can discern in each, and enter them on 
paper ; adding thereto every fresh discovery, — and then to each 
name affix a plan, denoting what is the best method of helping that 
person's infirmities, and strengthening their virtues. If I do not 
thus study the tempers and disposition of my family, how unlike 
will my carriage be to that of my heavenly Father towards me. 
I am also much convinced of the necessity of being exact in early 
rising, both for the good of my own soul, and that of my family ; 
and as I am now better, I trust to be able to execute my pvir- 
pose. I shall also meet the family at stated times, for an hour, 
in order to inquire if brotherly love continues ? And to remove 
all hinderances thereto, I will at those times observe, — 

My design in having a family is to bring honour to God. If 
that end be not answered I am disappointed, and the Spirit of 
God is grieved with those who hinder it. 



MRS. FLETCHER. 



8^ 



But in order to this, it is needful to be aware of Satan's de- 
vices, who will be always endeavouring to throw in something 
to wound love; and among a large family, where there is multi- 
plicity of business, perplexities will arise, which sometimes have 
a tendency to break, or at least to interrupt that sweet harmony 
of love, by which the church below is rendered a shadow of that 
above. 

To prevent this must be my constant labour. I believe you 
all love me ; and I am, my heavenly Father knows, united to 
every one of you. But that will not do, unless you are united 
among yourselves. I would therefore inquire of each, one by 
one, — 

1. Do you find want of love to any one here ? If you answer, 
Yes ; give your reason, and it shall be searched to the bottom, 
though it be in myself. 

2. Is there any conduct of any member which you think 
might be mended ? 

3. We are to live only to, and for God. You all can bear 
me witness what we save, is saved for the poor, and the work of 
God. Now can any of you point out wherein we can save more ? 
This is to be done in little things ; for instance, suppose twenty 
of ycu had each a candle to use, and each person were to run it 
into the fire, aud waste a tenth part of the whole, that would be 
two candles lost per night. If each fire (we will say ten) burn 
one pennyworth of coals per day, more than is needfiil, there 
are five shillings and ten pence per week lost ; enough to make 
two poor people, who love and serve the Lord, comfortable. 
The same may be said of every thing we eat, drink, wear, or 
make use of. Savingness gives a constant and profitable use of 
the cross ; as well as administers, by those small acts of self- 
denial, to the necessities of our brethren. If we are thirty in 
family, besides many strangers, — suppose every one by frugality 
to save (every thing being put together) but two-pence per day; 
what a large sum will that make in a whole year ? nearly a 
hundred pounds ! and how many of the saints of God may be 
fed and clothed therewith ? 

4. Time is a most invaluable talent ; and there is scarcely 
an hour but we may save some minutes, by doing every thing 

F 2 



84 



THE LIFE OF 



as unto the Lord ; that is, in the best manner we are able. It 
is a true saying, ' A thing once well done is twice done."* For 
instance, if you sew a seam carelessly, it wiU soon want doing 
over again. If you clean any thing by halves, it will want a 
repetition almost directly. If linen is badly got up, and not of 
a good colour, it will not wear half the time. Consequently, 
the next wash wiU be larger, will require more time, more soap, 
more fire, &c. If you teach the children by halves, they will 
need so many more lessons, and be so much the longer before 
they are usefiil at home, or fit to go out ; so that the desire of 
saving time, caUs for the most diligent application in every 
thing. But in order truly to buy up this precious talent, there 
is a necessity of walking as in the constant presence of God. 
By that recollection, we shall cut off useless words and thoughts, 
which are the canker-worms that eat up our time. 

5. The power of speech is a great talent. It is an instrument 
of much good, or much evil. The tongue is a little member, 
yet how much good or evil is it capable of kindling ? A little 
spark may be the beginning of a flame powerful enough to de- 
stroy a whole city : and one wrong word may draw on another, 
until the tongue, " which is a world of iniquity, may set on fire 
aU the members, being itself set on fire of hell." On the other 
hand, in a large family, how useful may that member be I while 
it possesses the honour of being God's advocate, and watches 
every moment for an opportunity to call in the minds of those 
around you, to a closer attention to God. The right use of the 
tongue is of the utmost consequence, (especially in a religious 
community,) and worthy our strictest and most earnest endea- 
vours ; since the Apostle says, " He that offendeth not in word, 
the same is a perfect man, and able also to bridle the whole 
body." 

The next Friday after this family-meeting, I proposed as a 
fast; — at twelve we were to meet for one hour, chiefly for 
earnest prayer. At these seasons I frequently found much of 
the presence and approval of God, and I believe they were 
blessed to many of the family. 

To return to my outward situation. When I had been a few 
years in Cross-Hall, I had many trials of faith and patience. 



MRS. FLETCHER. 



85 



Sometimes I was all fears ; and at others, I had a lively con- 
fidence in that word, " Stand to my will, and thou shalt suffer 
no detriment ; " which was applied to me just before the period 
of sister Ryan's death. 

Various circumstances now agitated my mind ; and frequently 
with groans and tears have I said before the Lord, " O ! that I 
could meet with a friend, as divinely enlightened, and as faith- 
ful, as the one I have lost. It would be worth going over red 
hot bars of iron to procure."" But though I knew some of the 
excellent of the earth, yea, and had some of them under my 
own roof, yet friendship is so immediately the gift of God, we 
cannot form it when we will. There must be a similitude of 
mind, a something which God alone can give, and which he at 
this time was pleased to withhold from me, perhaps that I might 
learn to depend on himself alone. The point in which I was 
peculiarly sensible of the loss of my friend was, in the character 
of a counsellor. I wanted to know and do the will of God. I 
feared I was wrong in my present situation, because things did 
not answer ; and yet I did not know which way to mend them. 
But I have always found the best way is to stand still ; for I 
have learned by experience, that when We have no light how to 
get out of our troubles, and no way seems to open, the present 
duty is resignation. We have only to follow Providence from 
day to day, making it our one business to persevere in a con- 
stant sense of the presence of God, and to lie before his feet as 
poor beggars, waiting for his direction. 

Some time before this a circumstance happened, which though 
to appearance trifling, proved in the end very material. A 
gentleman, who about two years before lost a wife he tenderly 
loved, on hearing of me, and the close union which had subsisted 
between me and Mrs. Ryan, permitted a thought to dwell on his 
mind, — that perhaps I was brought to Yorkshire by the provi- 
dence of God to repair his loss. 

One day as I was returning from a little journey where I had 
been to meet some people, we called at an inn to bait the horse. 
Mr. *** was standing at a window of that inn. I came out, and 
stood some time at the block waiting for my horse. A thought 
struck his mind, " I should like that woman for a wife ; — but 



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instantly he corrected it with that reflection, I know not whether 
she be a converted or an unconverted person; a married or a 
single woman. Just then Mr. Taylor came up with the horse. 
The gentleman knew him, and coming out to speak to him, 
was much struck to find it was me. But as there was not any 
thing striking to me in the occurrence, I had quite forgotten it, 
till he recalled it to my remembrance some years after. 

As I was very free in making known my fears, lest my new 
undertaking should not answer, some friends have often said to 
me, " Why do you not consult Mr.*** ? He is the only man 
for business in the country ; and having heard of your situation, 
he wishes to give Mr. Taylor some advice." Not long after, a 
friend brought him to our house. I did not know at that time 
whether he were married or single. We soon fell into conver- 
sation about the farm. He gave me some directions, and in- 
terested himself much in my affairs. I frequently applied to 
him in difficult occurrences, and he became in the common ac- 
ceptation of the word, a familiar friend. 

My perplexities now increased. — The farm had sunk a very 
large sum to bring it into order, and the kilns took much money 
to work them, a great deal lay scattered up and down in debts, 
owing to me from lesser malsters. I applied not only to Mr. ***, 
but to some other sensible men. They looked over all, and 
said I was too much afraid : in a year or two, things would turn 
round. That I had had a farm to make ; but it was now in such 
order, it would soon pay all again. This gave me some satis- 
faction, but did not on the whole remove my fears. I also saw 
Mr. Taylor went too far ; that he was inclined to venture much; 
that he kept too many men, and gave a great deal too much 
credit. 

This answered Mr. ***"'s design. By these things he was 
inclined to think God was constraining me to accept the offer, 
which by this time he had made me of his hand, his heart, 
and his purse. His affections were strong, sincere, and con- 
stant; his offers generous, and his sentiments tender. He 
loved my family, and whoever was kind to me, found favour in 
his eyes. This could not but operate on my gratitude. I was 
deeply pained : but I could not see him the man my highest 



MRS. FLETCHER. 



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reason chose to obey. First, I did not so honour the light he had in 
religion as to believe it my privilege to be led thereby. Secondly, 
Though he was a good man, and helpful to people in every 
respect, yet he did not see the narrow path of walking close 
with God, as I could wish the man I took for a husband to do. 
Thirdly, Though I had a grateful love towards him, I could 
not find that satisfying affection which flows from perfect con- 
fidence ; and which is the very spirit and soul of marriage. 

I felt, however, in the keenest manner the need I had of 
his assistance in my affairs ; but I thought it ungenerous to 
the last degree, to accept of help and counsel from one whose 
growing affection I was too sensible of, but to which, however, 
I could make no return. I used the plainest terms in assuring 
him of the impossibility of our affection ever becoming reci- 
procal; and proposed the breaking off" all acquaintance. He 
alleged in answer, " You cannot do without me ; you will be 
ruined ; God hath made me your helper : and if you cannot 
see or feel as I do, we will be only common friends. I will 
say no more on a subject so disagreeable to you." 

I lessened my family all I could, by putting out some of the 
bigger children to trades, or servants"* places ; but much ex- 
pense attended it. Mr. Taylor also had several children while 
with me, so that the family still consisted of twenty-five per- 
sons. The majority, however, were grown persons. But 
losses still continually came on ; and my first seven years in 
Yorkshire being nearly expired, I found an absolute need of 
some change, since in all this time things grew not better, but 
worse. 

I consulted Mr. *** and other friends, about my situation, 
but most were for some further exertion in trade. That I knew 
would not do. Others said, " Turn off* all those members of 
your family, and you have enough to live on alone with a ser- 
vant or two." No way,- however, opened for them, and several 
were old, sickly, or helpless. I could not therefore see how 
that could be done, and if ever I thought on it, mountains of 
difficulty arose before me. Something seemed to whisper, A 
way shall be made quite plain ; yet I saw it my duty to do 
every thing in my power. I therefore consulted Mr. 



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who knew my whole affairs as no other person did. He said, 
" There is but one way for you, — Put the farm into Mr. 
Taylor's hand, entirely separate from yourself. Let him have 
the stock just as it is, and work the kilns as he can raise 
money. Let him pay you sixty pounds per year, and take his 
family to the end of the house. I verily believe he will live 
well, and lay up money ; and I will overlook all, and appraise 
every thing once a year." I did so. Mr. *** took great pains, 
and Richard Taylor paid regvJarly. But as he was to have it 
free of debt, I found a good deal to pay which he had not 
brought to account ; so that before all was settled, I had money 
again to take up on interest, which was no small affliction to 
me ; and could I have sold the place, I would have chosen it 
rather. 

We went on tolerably for three years. Mr. *** thought the 
farm increased in heart. The stock also improved, and all 
was cheerful, except in my mind, which foreboded deeper waters. 
This was soon realized. In the beginning of the fourth year, 
Taylor was in debt to the amount of six hundred pounds. 
This was what I all along feared; but I thought I am not 
obliged to pay his debt : let him break, and bear his own burden. 
Mr. *** at first thought the same, but soon we saw, either I 
must give up the stock, (which would be sold for half its 
value,) or pay the money. Beside, I was now informed, that 
when he ceased to act as my agent, I ought to have advertised 
it, that no one might trust him through confidence in me. 
But this (being unused to business) I did not know. 

I deeply felt for the appearance it would have to my relations. 
I had before, with their knowledge, taken up money on the Lay- 
tonstone estate, and my brothers were very kind, and ordered 
all my affairs in the south to the best advantage. I did not 
therefore see it just or prudent to hide any thing from them. 
I wrote to my eldest brother a ftdl account of the whole ; but 
could not see at that time how I could pay ; nor was I quite clear 
it was required of me. Taylor's wife, now big with child, wringing 
her hands, entreated me, in mercy to her, not to let her husband 
go to prison, — and indeed she was clear of blame, for all along 
she had been afflicted with the fear of what was now come upon 



MRS. FLETCHER. 



89 



them. I knew not what to do : above all, the honour of religion 
was dear to me ; and it was too evident, without an appearance 
of dishonesty, I could not take back the stock, though really 
my own, and leave the debts unpaid. Beside, many of the 
persons were poor, and would be greatly hurt by the loss. We 
had also at this time a lively work ; for whatsoever else did not 
prosper by going into Y orkshire, the work of God did. Being 
at length determined on the payment, the next difficulty was, 
where to raise the money. I had now taken back all my affairs 
out of Taylor's hands, but was incapable of managing the busi- 
ness myself, nor could I get the place disposed of. Mr. *** 
then offered to lend me six hundred pounds on interest, and to 
become a partner with me in the farm and kilns, so as to take 
the management of all. Here I was quite at a loss. I was 
almost ready to say, " Darkness hath covered my path." Pru- 
dence, delicacy, every lively sentiment, started back at the 
thought. What, come under such an obligation to the man I am 
constantly refusing ! Beside, such a fresh connexion will open 
the door to many trials. But there was no alternative ; I must 
accept his help or be ruined. I therefore followed what ap- 
peared to be the leadings of Providence. A little before this, I 
had a drawing in my mind to go for six months to Bath, Bristol, 
and the parts adjacent, believing it to be the order of God ; and 
I was not sorry for an excuse to get two hundred miles from 
poor Mr. 

One night, conversing with a friend on the difficulties of my 
situation, he said, " I cannot approve of your proceedings ; I 
fear you fight against Providence. Here are several doors open 
before you. If you object to Mr. ***, why do not you accept 
of some other of those good men, whom the Lord seems to have 
cast in your way. You stand stiffly in the choice of a single 
life, and it seems to me, God fights against you in so doing. 
The end will be ruin. You will be brought to a prison, and all 
the reproach will be cast on religion. If you build on the former 
promise I have heard you mention, that the ' Almighty shall 
be your defence, and you shall have plenty of silver,' I account 
you no better than an enthusiast. Have you not waited long 
enough ? You hoped for deliverance at the end of the first seven 



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years ; but four are elapsed since, and if you wait till the end 
of the next seven you will be no nearer." Though his words 
did not convince my judgment, they pained my heart. Nothing 
was to me more dreadful than the thought of getting out of 
God's order. I carried my case to the Lord, and, striving to 
divest my soul of every prejudice, I offered up myself to God, 
that he might accomplish all his will upon me ; pleading before 
him, " Show me thy way, and I will walk in it." But the more 
I prayed, the clearer the light seemed to shine on my present 
path ; and the only answer I could obtain was, — Stand still, 
and see my salvation." 

Being one day at prayer about my situation, I thought, 
Perhaps I shall sink lower still. Though Mr. *** believes he 
shall make much of the business, he may be mistaken ; and 
should I lose more than my estate at Laytonstone, and this 
place also, will pay, then I shall have debts I cannot answer : 
and while there is but a bare possibility of that, shall I eat and 
drink as if it was my own ? Ah ! no ; let me rather live on bread 
and water. I have no right, except merely to sustain life, till 
I receive from God some answer, — or see by sound reason, that 
all will be paid. I began to do so that very day ! But the fol- 
lowing night I had a most particular time before the Lord ! He 
showed me, (by a light on my understanding,) that all my trials 
were appointed by himself ; that they were laid on by weight 
and measure, and should go no farther than they would work 
for my good. He pointed me to the time at Hoxton, causing 
me to remember how simply I had walked by faith, and showing 
me my sin in having drawn back from that close communion. 
That although I did in a measure still walk with God, yet I could 
not say as then, " I live not, but Christ liveth in me."* I had 
depended on creatures for help, and therefore he had let me feel 
the weight of my burdens, that I might be constrained to cast 
them afresh on him ; and that when he had proved and tried me, 
he would deliver me from all my outward burdens. As a pledge 
of the inward liberty he would afterwards bring me into, and 
that the ways and means of my deliverance were in his own 

* Tlie truth was, 1 belicvp, she liad not the lively sense of it. She was 
loatlctl with cares ; but they were all consistent with purity. Ei). 



MRS. FLETCHER. 



91 



hands, and should appear in the appointed time ; — those words 
were again brought powerfully to my mind, — " If thou put away 
iniquity far from thy tabernacle, — so shalt thou lift up thy face 
unto God. Thou shalt decree a thing, and it shall be established 
unto thee ; and the light shall shine upon thy path. Yea, the 
Almighty shall be thy defence, and thou shalt have plenty of 
silver."" He showed me that all my perplexities and trials were 
only the thorn-hedge, which his love had planted around me, to 
preserve me from running farther astray. It was a profitable 
and melting time. 

From that hour I began to take my meat again with gladness 
and " singleness of heart." During the above time of prayer, 
while I was asking light for my immediate duties, it appeared 
to me best to take Mr. Taylor down with us to Bath ; and that 
from the time I did so, his family would no more be such a 
burden to me. And truly so it proved. For my sister met me 
there, and was greatly struck with compassion towards him. She 
helped him herself, and raised him many friends ; so that all the 
rest of the time the family were under my roof, the children were 
entirely supported with the help which arose from that journey. 
I saw much of the order of God while from home ; and after 
six months, I returned home with thankfulness ; though not 
without that kind of sensation which a scourged child would 
have in returning to the rod. 

I must here mention a circumstance which, in order of time, 
occurred some months before. In my deep troubles, especially 
after the conversation with the friend above mentioned, con- 
cerning marriage, a thought occurred to my mind, — " Perhaps 
Mr. Fletcher is to be my deliverer. May not that be the way 
to bring me out of these incumbrances ? " But I started from 
the very idea, lest it should be a stratagem of Satan. We had 
not seen or heard from each other for more than fifteen years. 
Yet when striving to find out some way, that idea would fre- 
quently present itself before me. 

In the month of August, 1777? going into a friend's house, 
who was just come from the Conference, he said, " Do you 
know that Mr. Fletcher, of Madeley, is dying ? Indeed I know 
not but he is dead. If he hold out a little longer, he is to go 



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abroad ; but it is a pity,for he will die by the way, being in the last 
stage of a consumption." I heard the account with the utmost 
calmness. For some days I bore his burden before the Lord, and 
constantly offered him up to the will of God. A few days after, 
another of my acquaintance wrote word, — " Mr. Fletcher is very 
bad; spits blood profusely, and perspires profiisely every night. 
Some have great hope that prayer will raise him up ; but for my 
part, I believe he is a dying man, as sure as he is now a living 
one." As I was one day in prayer, offering him up to the Lord, 
these words passed my mind, " The prayer of faith shall save the 
sick, and the Lord shall raise him up." I said, " Lord, I dare 
not ask it ; I leave it to thy sacred will : thy will be done ! " 

The following thoughts occurred to my mind,- — If the Lord 
should raise him up, and bring him in safety back to England; 
and he should propose such a step, could I doubt its being of 
God, after such an answer to prayer ? Yet fearing a deception 
I cried to the Lord to keep me in his narrow way, whatever I 
might suffer, and felt an unaccountable liberty to ask the follow- 
ing signs, if it really were of him. 1. That Mr. Fletcher 
might be raised up. 2. That he might be brought back to 
England. 3. That he would write to me on the subject, before 
he saw me, though we had been so many years asunder without 
so much as a message passing on any subject. 4. That he would 
in that letter, tell me, — It had been the object of his thoughts 
and prayers for some years. It came to my mind further, that 
should this occur in the end of the year 1781, it would be a 
still greater confirmation, as Providence seemed to point me to 
that season as a time of hope. 

We returned from Bath in the beginning of the year 177^- 
I found crosses and troubles yet awaited me. Mr. *** was 
still my partner, and I was enabled to pay him and every 
creditor the full interest of the money taken up; but not to 
lessen the capital. Indeed, all along I was able to answer 
every demand. We continued our trade some time longer ; but 
at length Mr. *** found my fears were better grounded than his 
hopes. Instead of a hundred pounds to put into my lap, (as 
he expected,) each year towards the debt, we found on the 
strictest account of every grain of corn, pint of milk, or poimd 



MRS. FLETCHER. 



93 



of butter, either sold, or used in the family, that the farm did 
not pay its own way ; though he had put many things on a 
cheaper plan than before. The interest also shallowed up so 
great a part of my income, that it was not possible to keep more 
than half my family with what remained. As to the kilns, I 
had neither money nor courage to work them. I thought of 
many expedients. I strove, I worked hard, I prayed ; and at 
length proposed to the members of my family to disperse, and 
learn some little business, and I would allow each what I 
could. 

Great affliction now sat on every face. Tears were shed in 
plenty. They alleged, " Till you can get rid of this place, 
you must live here. If you leave it empty, the house will be 
spoiled, and that will injure the sale ; and we know not what 
to do, nor how to turn. After being twenty years with you, 
said one, how strange will a new situation appear .J^— -And I, 
said another, after eighteen years ^ — ^And after being twelve 
years together, said some others, how hard it is to part It 
was a most painful time ; and I saw there was no way, but first 
to sell the place, and then disperse. 

But now a door seemed to open, — a gentleman sent me word, 
that he would buy the place, stock, lease, and all together. 
He was a man both of fortune and of honour, and really wished 
to help me out of my difficulties. The price which he offered 
would bring me through all, and leave me a good income. Now 
I began to look up, and to form a plan for my future life, how 
to settle myself, and to dispose of each member of my family. 
I gave an account of every particular, and the bargain was in 
part made. But, alas ! our wisdom is folly ! He took a fever, 
and died in a few days ! To add to my difficulties, just at this 
time my brother wrote me word, that it would be throwing 
away the Laytonstone estate to sell it with so long a lease upon 
it ; and that it could not with any propriety be done. I now 
saw but one way, — to advertise Cross-Hall, and sell it for 
what I could ; and paying that away as far as it would go, 
strive yearly to lessen the remaining part of the debt by my 
income : reserving only fifty pounds per year to live on, and 



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out of it to help my friends. But I recollected, that I might 
not live long enough thus to pay the debt by my income. I 
had still a strong confidence in a promise given to me before I 
went to Bath, — that no one should lose any thing by me ; yet 
I thought it was required of me, to do' every thing in my 
power towards it. 

I then proposed to myself to keep only twenty pounds per 
year. Nay, I thought, how can I have a right even to 
twenty .^^ Justice is before mercy. They must all shift for 
themselves, and I will do the same. I may perhaps find some 
little business by which life may be sustained, till my aiFairs 
take a favourable turn. It is true nobody calls in their money, 
nor seems to have a fear concerning it ; yet, it is my duty to 
take more care for them, because of their confidence in me. It 
may be supposed, as I was daily striving to part with the place, 
and expecting to turn out, that my thoughts frequently were 
occupied on what way of life I should choose, as most con- 
ducive to the glory of God ; and during this season, the Lord 
did teach me many lessons of poverty and resignation. It 
seemed to me, no manner of life could be disagreeable, if I 
had but a prospect of having no debts. — One day, as I was 
standing at a window musing on this subject, I saw a poor man 
driving some asses laden with sand, by which he gained his 
bread. As I looked on him a spring of satisfaction ran through 
my mind, and I thought, I am perfectly willing to take up the 
business of that man. If I preserve unsold one of the free- 
hold cottages, the asses might graze on the common, and I 
could follow them with something to sell. There were but 
few trades which my conscience would suffer me to follow ; and 
my abilities were equal to still fewer. But to any thing in the 
whole world would I turn, that was not sinful, rather than re- 
main in debt. I do not mean that I decided to act thus, but 
so conformed was my mind to poverty at this time, that the 
thought of even that employment, as it now glanced through 
it, gave me a real pleasure. However open I had been with 
my relations concerning my affairs hitherto, I determined to 
conceal all personal wants ; for if I voluntarily gave up my 



MRS. FLETCHER. 



95 



income, for the payment of my debts, I did not see it to be 
just to live on theirs ; and this would not have been difficult, 
as I had no relation that lived within two hundred miles. 

Sometimes it appeared to me quite clear, that Mr. Fletcher 
was the friend God would raise up for me. He was now much 
recovered, and about to return to England ; however, I feared 
to lay any stress on that ; but while thinking on it, I received 
a Igtter from a friend, informing me that Mr. Fletcher had 
settled abroad, and proposed to see England no more. This 
was a false report, he never had such a thought; but as it 
came from an intimate friend, I had reason to believe it. Thus 
was I cut off from the prospect of any human help ! but I 
kept to my old word, " My soul, wait thou upon God ; from 
him Cometh my salvation.^' 

My heart was much oppressed. I had not advertised the 
place, because some advised me not, saying, it was the way 
rather to hurt the sale ; nor did any one so much as inquire 
after it, though my mind was well known. I could now only 
stand still, for I knew not which way to go. During this sus- 
pense, conversing one day with my friend Mr. he said, 
" Indeed I am at a loss what to do for you. I thought to have 
helped you greatly by the continuance of the farm ; but alas ! 
' I wish I had suffered you to advertise and sell it for any thing 
six years ago ; and you then could have done it. It is now too 
late. The nation is engaged in wars ; you would now sell it 
for a trifle. I consulted some friends the other day, who all 
agree, that, separate from the stock, you must not expect above 
six hundred pounds for the whole place. You are ruined, 
madam ! You withstand the order of God. My fortune is 
enough for you and me. But you cannot see in my light. 
May the Lord stand by you ! But I cannot think of a part- 
nership any longer. The blame would fall on me ! " 

It was now the summer of I78I. The 'Jth of June in that 
year, I entered into my fourteenth year in Yorkshire. I had 
all along an impression, that about that season something would 
open. One day, as I was walking up a narrow lane which had 
a stile at the top, I saw a flock of sheep before me. The shep- 
herd had hard work to drive them on; they seemed deter- 



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mined to turn again. I thought, Well they may, for there is 
no gate, no way through ; what can he wish them to do ? He 
forced them along, however, with dogs and sticks. I said in 
my mind, " These sheep are like me, drove on in a narrow 
path without any way to get out."" I followed at a distance, 
expecting every moment they would turn back upon me, — when 
all at once they began to run, and I discovered a new made 
gate into a spacious field of turnips. In a minute they were 
dispersed, and fell to their full pasture with great delight. 
Faith whispered to my heart, — So shall a door open before you 
in the appointed time. 

That passage of the Psalmist was much impressed on my 
mind at this time, — " The rod of the wicked shall not always 
remain in the lot of the righteous, lest the righteous put forth 
his hand to iniquity." And frequently those words also came 
with power, "The days shall be shortened;'' by which I 
rather thought, some change would take place in the beginning 
of the last year of my two apprenticeships in Yorkshire. And 
now the 7*^ of June came ; and I was almost constrained to 
say, " Thou hast not delivered thy people at all." There was 
no appearance of any such thing ; all was dark ; 

" All was with sable terror hung." 



I have continued the narrative unbroken, through this 
cloudy and dark day. All was conflict respecting the creatures ; 
but the Lord tempered the evil with occasional intimations 
that, 

" Behind a frowning Providence 
He hid a smiling face." 

— Mrs. Fletcher was thus kept from " growing weary in well 
doing," and enabled to " believe in the faithfulness of Him 
who knoweth the way of the righteous ; " and who " in every 
temptation maketh a way for their escape." The pious reader 
will wish to know her walk with the Lord, during this " evil 



MRS. FLETCHER. 



97 



day." An extract from her journal will give a clear view of 
this ; and it will be seen, that although this blessed woman 
was thus " Cast down," she was " not forsaken ; " though per- 
plexed, " she was not," for a moment, " in despair ; " she 
still " looked, not at the things that are seen, and which are 
temporal, but at the things which are not seen, and eternal." 
She felt her weakness; yea, her utter helplessness; yet she 
was still confident. " She stood still to see the salvation of 
God." Editor. 



December, 177^) Sunday. — My .health is yet far from good. 
My head is much affected, and it is often presented to my 
mind, that I shall have an apoplexy. It is a painful sensation. 
Sudden death does not appear to me as pleasant. I seem not 
to have my evidence clear for Heaven. " Lord, spare me a 
little, that I may recover my strength, before I go hence and 
am no more seen." My nerves are very weak, and I feel a 
lowness which I think affects my mind as to spiritual things ; 
but I feel a determination, whether weak or strong, to rise 
early, and to visit the sick. Lord, give me to make the most 
of my short time ! and, O J esus, give me power to keep my 
mind always fixed on thyself ! 

Jan. 16, 177^- — Waked early, and was going to rise, but 
unprofitable thoughts crowded into my mind. My distressing 
situation, as to outward things, seemed an intolerable burden, 
and I was betrayed into thinking of useless plans and schemes, 
how to avoid this (as I think) approaching ruin. Alas ! with 
all my anxiety and care, I can do nothing. All I strive for 
seems overturned. O Lord, give me the power to keep evety 
thought stayed on thee ! This day I have been a good deal 
hindered by company from walking by my rules, and I see I 
ought to receive every thing that occurs more immediately 
from the hand of God. 

Jan. 17. — Being very poorly, and the weather 'bad, I 
thought I would spend this day quietly at home, and set apart 
three hours for solemn examination, and fresh dedication of 



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myself to God ; and I found it good so to do. At night I felt^ 
much recollection, and had freedom in meeting the people. 

Jan. 21, Friday. — For a few days past I have been enabled 
to keep in mind, — That the cross is my chosen portion. Much 
taken up to-day in domestic affairs, in which I found my mind 
recollected. A good deal also with the poor and sick, who 
came for advice. I seemed to be in my own element. But 
when in a more public way, I do not seem as much in my 
place. Company does not agree with my soul. 

Jan. 25. — Rose early, but not having much time for prayer, 
I was off my guard, and spoke very unkindly to A. T. I 
have not been with God much to-day ; — yet I seem to have a 
cry in my heart to him. At night, I again gave way to a 
hasty spirit. Alas ! I seem to love to find fault, and to oblige 
others to see in my light, and so justify me. O how unlike 
that holy simplicity I felt for a little while when at Hoxton. 

Feb. — Since I wrote last, I trust I have been in a grow- 
ing frame. I went this day to A . Had a good time in 

speaking from those words, " O Nebuchadnezzar, we are not 
careful to answer thee in this matter." 

Feb. 17. — This day in reading Mr. Fletcher's Fourth 
Check, I found my soul much stirred up. O for the close 
walk with God which he describes ! 

Feb. 28. — It was this week laid on my mind to go with 

Richard Taylor to A . I set out with prayer. When we 

had rode a few miles, the horse grew very ill. We stopped at 
a public inn just out of the town. In a few minutes a woman 
came in, who had observed us ; she said, " Here are two or 
three of us who are seeking the Lord, just going to meet 
together at a house hard by, — ^pray will you come in ? " I 
answered, " If you will let a few of the neighbours know, that 
some strangers are going to have a meeting, we will come in 
for half an hour." In a short time several were gathered, and 
we had a comfortable season with them. When the meeting 
was concluded, R. Taylor said, " If any of you who have a 
larger house will open the door, we will spend half an hour 
with you in the morning before we set off." Several offered. 
The largest house was fixed on ; and in the morning we had a 



MRS. FLETCHER. 



good meeting, and much of the presence of God. About ten 
we set out for the coal-pit at R. Here I saw a little of what 
the Methodist Preachers see much, vi%.^ deep poverty, dirt, 
and cold; but the Lord gave me freedom of speech, and 
some seemed to have an ear to hear. Lord, let me not be a 
delicate disciple ! 

July 24. — For a long time I have been ill, from the cold I 
caught at R., and my eyes being bad from riding so many miles 
in a strong east wind, I have been unfit for writing since. Oil 
the 29th of May I set out for Harrogate, where I was ad- 
vised to go to drink the waters. We got in on Saturday night. 
The next day we were afflicted with hearing the Sabbath 
greatly profaned both in the house and in the street. Under 
my window was a company of men playing at horse-shoe. It 
seemed a heathen country indeed. We reproved them, and 
never observed the Sabbath so broke again while we stayed. 
On Monday I began the waters, and thought, if it does not 
please the Lord that I should get good for my body, I will 
strive to get good for my soul. I will give myself up to 
prayer and reading. I have no opportunity here to act for the 
souls of others. I had nearness to God; but a great weight 
rested on my mind. There were no lodgings but at the great 
inns, and ours was full of ungodly company. They all ate at 
one table ; but this I could not bear, therefore I got a bit in 
my own room when they had done. However, their talking, 
swearing, laughing, and music, I was forced to hear all day 
long. Sometimes a strange impression came on my mind, that 
I should be called to bear my testimony for God to all the 
company that were there, but the pain that it brought with it 
was exquisite. 

After a few days, I was asked to go to Pannel, (about a 
mile from Harrogate,) in order to hold a meeting at the 
house of a poor woman, who had taken the Preachers in once 
or twice; at which I found many had been offended, and 
threatened much, so that I did not know what sort of treat- 
ment I was likely to meet with. Nevertheless I did not dare 
to reftise. We had a profitable time, and all was quiet. Two 
days after, I heard that some of the chief opposers were much 

G 2 



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affected ; Glory be to God ! While we were holding the meet- 
ing, a drunken man came by, aiid stopped a little while, then 
went on to the inn where I lodged, and told some of the 
gentlemen, that the lady who lived up stairs -was preaching at 
Pannel. He repeated also some of the words he had heard 
me speak. When we came home they watched us in, and my 
maid (who was a pious young woman) going into the kitchen, 
they flocked about her, asking, in many questions, what her 
mistress had been doing at Pannel ? 

The following Sunday the company sent me a message up 
stairs ; " That they unanimously requested I would have such 
a meeting with them in the great ball-room." This was a trial 
indeed ! It appeared to me, I should seem in their eyes as a 
bad woman, or a stage-player ; and I feared they only sought 
an opportunity to behave rudely. Yet I considered, I shall 
see these people no more till I see them at the judgment-seat 
of Christ. And shall it then be said to me, " You might that 
day have warned us, but you would not ! I answered them 
immediately, That I would wait on them at the time appointed. 
They behaved very well, and the presence of the Lord was 
with us. The following Sunday they made the same request. 
Much more company came in, even from High-Harrogate : 
but the Lord bore me through, and, glory be to him, we had 
some fruit. The next day I returned home, better in health, 
and comfortable in mind. All praise be to the Lord ! 

Oct. 17) Sunday. — Reflecting on the condition of Israel at 
the Red Sea, I thought, there is a picture of my situation. I 
also then will " stand still, and see the salvation of God." " Thy 
will be done!" Yes, my adorable Lord, strip me of every 
penny; bring me not only to poverty, but, what I far more 
dread, to insolvency. Yes ! strip me even of reputation; let 
me be as "the filth and offscouring of all things," only let me 
have thy approval, and all shall be well. Yes, I will praise 
thee for all, and most for the severe. 

Get. 18. — Finding the family (which now consisted of men 
and women, boys and girls) much laid on my mind ; in par- 
ticular the children, some of the biggest of whom seemed 
getting into snares; and, considering that several must soon 



MRS. FLETCHER. 



101 



(because of my circumstances) be thrust out into the world, I 
spent some time in pleading with the Lord, that he would not 
let the expense and labour, which had been laid out on those 
orphans, be all in vain, but that they might be truly brought 
to God ; though I saw we must be dispersed, through the losses 
and trials which are come upon me. The Bible lay open 
before me, and I cast my eyes on those words, which were 
applied with power to my heart, " Yet, behold, there shall 
be a remnant that shall be brought forth, both sons and 
daughters, — ^behold, they shall come forth unto thee, and thou 
shalt see their ways and their doings ; and ye shall be com- 
forted concerning the evil I have brought on Jerusalem. And 
they shall comfort you when you shall see their ways and their 
doings; and ye shall know that I have not done without cause 
aU that I have done, saith the Lord." 

Nov. 6, Monday. — I have received some upbraiding letters, 
asking me if I yet believed I should see those words fulfilled, 
"I will restore to you the ears the locusts have eaten.?" In 
the midst of my trials, it is sometimes presented to my mind, 
Perhaps the Lord will draw me out of all this by marriage. 
Opportunities of this kind occur frequently ; but no sooner do 
I hear the offer, but a clear light seems to shine on my mind, 
as with this voice. You will neither be holier nor happier with 
this man. But I find Mr. Fletcher sometimes brought before 
me, and the same conviction does not intervene. His eminent 
piety, and the remembrance of some little acts of friendship in 
our first acquaintance, look to me sometimes like a pointing of 
the finger of Providence. And yet I fear lest it should be a 
trick of Satan to hurt my mind. I know not even that we 
shall see each other on this side eternity. Lord, let me not be 
drawn into a snare I Well, this I resolve on, to strive against 
the thought; and never to do the least thing towards a renewal 
of our correspondence. No, I will fix my eye on "the hundred 
forty and four thousand : " praying only to live and die to God 
alone. Whatever is the will of God, I believe he will show it 
to me, and may his holy will be done. A few nights ago, as 
my mind was burdened lest Satan was about to get an ad- 
vantage over me, I cried to the Lord, and felt much sorrow. 
In order to compose my mind, I did what I seldom do, I 



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prayed the Lord to direct me in opening to some passage of 
Scripture, which might draw me to himself, and compose me 
into a quiet frame. I took up, as I thought, a little Bible which 
lay before me, but, by accident, one of the maids had put her 
small Common Prayer-book in the place. With prayer I opened 
it, and cast my eyes on these words, " Almighty God, who at 
the beginning did create our first parents, Adam and Eve, and 
did sanctify and join them together in marriage, pour upon you 
the riches of his grace, sanctify and bless you, that you may 
please him both in body and soul, and live together in holy love 
unto your lives' end." I was struck with the words ; but saw 
the safest way was a quiet attention to the will of God, on which 
I strove to lean my weary spirit. 

Nov. 8, Monday — My mind is this morning affected in a 
solemn manner. It seems to me I have yet more of the cross 
to expect, and more bitter cups to drink. O my Lord, what 
breaking do I need ! Well, do all thy will, so I may but feel 
that promise accomplished, " Thou shalt walk with me in white.'"" 
Last night I went to bed recollected, and in the spirit of prayer^ 
but had a dream which I cannot understand, though I believe 
it to be from God. Perhaps what I know not now 1 may 
know hereafter. I thought I was in a room with S. C, A. T., 
and some others. Mr. Fletcher was there sitting with us, and 
speaking of the things relating to a walk with God. At last he 
said, as it were abruptly, " I must go to Bristol ; will any of 
you go with me.^^" A woman who sat by him said, "No, not 
for the world. You know not what you will have to suffer ; 
the Devil walks there, and you will have all the powers of hell 
to grapple with.'' He replied, " I care not for ten thousand 
Devils, for the n^me of Jesus will conquer them all ! " He then 
turning to me, said, " Will you go with me ? Not to help me 
to fight, but to help me to praise." I replied, " I will go; for 
while we trust in Jesus, all the powers of hell cannot harm 
us." I had no remembrance during my dream of his being a 
single man, or any thing of what had passed in my mind before. 
In ^11 I said and did, I seemed acted upon by another spirit 
rather than my own. 

Nov. 15. — In reading Mr. Elliott's Life this day, I received 
a fresh conviction, how blessed an employment it is to receive 



MRS. FLETCHER. 



103 



and comfort the messengers of the Lord, who have left their 
houses, and all the conveniences of life, to preach the Gospel. 
God hath given me a home, though Christ had not where to lay 
his head ; and here I have the honour and privilege of giving 
a cup of water to his prophets. Lord, teach me to do it with 
more diligence ! 

Dec. 2. — This day as brother Brammah was meeting my band, 
he related an anecdote of a young man, which was blest to me. 
He was a leader of a band of young men, all desirous of giving 
their whole hearts to God ; but it seemed to them they could 
not see the way clearly. One night he dreamed he was at the 
bottom of a deep but dry well, with his little company. He 
told them if they remained there they must perish, and exhorted 
them to strive hard to get out. Accordingly they exerted all 
their strength, endeavouring to get up, but all in vain. At last 
they were quite discouraged, and said, "What must we do?'''' 
" Truly,'' said he, " I know not ; " but looking up, he saw in 
the sky a little bright spot which did not appear larger than half 
a crown. He looked at it for some time, when feeling himself 
move, he looked down into the well, and found to his surprise 
he was risen some feet from the bottom. As soon, however, as 
he looked down, he began to sink again. " O," said he, " now 
I have found the way out of the well ! It is by looking steadily 
on yonder bright spot ; " on which fixing his eye, he was brought 
up in a short time, and his feet were set on firm ground. This 
discovery of the way of faith, was greatly blest both to him and 
his brethren. I am convinced, could I thus constantly " look 
to Jesus," as " the author and finisher of my faith," the work 
of sanctification would be going on without hinderance. 

Dec. 17. — Last Friday I went to Leeds to meet some classes. 
O how much do I suffer for every meeting I propose ! The 
enemy follows me hard with such buffeting fears and discourage- 
ments as I cannot express. However, I determined to go, and 
leave the event to God. At Mrs. C.'s many came in to tea ; 
and being a mixed company, I thought. Lord, give me some- 
thing profitable to say, or keep me silent : and, blessed be God,, 
it was a profitable time. After tea I conversed alone with one 
in deep distress, and read, in the providences she mentioned. 



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a wonderftd display of the wisdom, condescension, and guardian 
care of the Lord Jesus. When I returned into the dining-room, 
a large class was ready for me, and the Lord was very present. 
Glory be to his name, he never fails his poor unworthy dust I 
Then Mrs. Clapham asked me if my strength would hold out 
to meet the children ? I assented, and also found some liberty. 
Immediately I began the second class, and there I found the 
Lord was very good indeed, — ^but my strength almost failed. 
After the people were gone, I talked closely with Mr. H. ; I 
trust not quite in vain. It being now late, we got a little supper, 
and went to bed. I had but little rest, being very feverish. 
Indeed, I am seldom well in a town. Next day we visited several 
in peculiar states and circumstances, and here also I saw the 
Lord's hand. In the afternoon I returned home in peace. 

Dec. 20. — This was on the whole a good day. Taking some 
time in the Hermitage, my soul was refreshed. My situation 
is perplexing ; but I feel myself calmly fixed on the will of God. 
I can, I do believe, he will not let me take any step that is not 
for his glory. And if I do not get out of his order, I care for 
nothing else. 

Dec. 30. — Waked early, and after losing some time, (though 
kept from unprofitable thoughts,) I arose about five, and was 
blest in prayer; but afterwards found myself very stupid, dull, 
and heavy. I went to see some sick people, and their words 
were animating. I was humbled while they recorded several 
meetings in which my words had been blest to them. O my 
God, let me not help others into liberty, and myself remain 
in bondage. I heard also to-day of some in Leeds that were 
brought into a fiiller measure of love, — and that they had been 
blest ever since my being there. Ah ! Lord, how wiU this rise 
against me if I am not filled with Thee ! On all sides I hear of 
my words being blest, and yet I am only a poor pipe through 
which it passes. Lord, let me never rest till I have full re- 
demption in thy blood. Sometimes all my soul is on the stretch, 
but then I rest again, and other cares my heart divide. "How 
long ! O Lord ! how long ! '' 

Jan. 1, 177^- — I yet see another year! Lord, with 
what improvement ? Shine on my soul, while I examine for an 



MRS. FLETCHER. 



105 



answer. Blessed be thy name ! I have more faith than last 
year; I have more power, and my mouth is more open to speak 
for thee. I am more deeply convinced of my vileness, which 
is such as none can conceive. I am also more on stretch for 
holiness. 

Jan. 15, Friday night. — This day I set apart as a fast. All 
the morning I was tossed much with thoughts of temporal diffi- 
culties ; R. T. being quite unwilling to come into any scheme 
I can propose. In the afternoon I found more liberty in prayer : 
I was as in an agony. I said, " Lord, if it can be consistent 
with thy justice to make such a sinner as me entirely holy, do 
it ! Do it for thy name's sake. Give me once more what thou 
gavest me at Hoxton. Do it. Lord ! in thy own way ; I submit 
myself to any condition ; only make and keep me holy."" My 
life seemed as if it would go from me, and my hands were so 
strained by the grasp, (which I afterwards found they had of 
each other,) that I could hardly use them for some time. But 
I did not gain the blessing I wanted. 

Feb. 6. — Blessed be my adorable Saviour I am kept from all 
condemnation. I feel I am so " born of God, I do not commit 
sin." But I have not that liberty of soul, that close communion 
which I want and believe to be my privilege. O my Saviour^ 
shine more clearly ! Let me fully enter into the good land ! 

Feb. 19, Saturday. — Glory bef to God I have been kept in 
peace this week, and my soul seems nearer to God. Yet I do 
not seem to have got " salvation appointed for walls and bul- 
warks:" — I am but a little child. But, " Lord, I am thine: save 
me." As to my outward affairs they are not now such a weight: 
— I have cast them on the Lord, and I embrace his will. He, 
without whom "a sparrow does not fall to the ground," will 
not leave nor forsake his poor helpless creature. 

Feb. 22, Monday.— Yesterday was a day of trial, Mr. *** 
preached at Morley, and then came here. He really grows in 
grace, and his word is attended with power. I was much pained 
in conversing with him to see the grief of mind occasioned by 
his attachment. O my God, indulge me in this ! Show me 
some way out of this embarrassment ! 

Feb. 27. — A solemn day to my soul. I w^s kept in peace 



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while busy in domestic affairs. Home always agrees with my 
sold. It is seven weeks to-morrow since I have been constantly 
kept as the clay before the potter : yet still how far below my 
privilege I live ! 

Sept. 26, Sunday. — I did not rise quite in so spiritual a frame 
as I wished. Lord, let me not lose ground. I was blest in 
the meeting afterwards ; and in reading the Essay on Truth, in 
Mr. Fletcher's Equal Check, page 162. Lord, give me to live 
in that constant act of faith ! It is the very marrow of the 
Gospel. How delightfully it is distinguished from antinomian 
presumption ! It has, of a truth, been food to my soul. In prayer 
this night I found power to lay open all my troubles before the 
Lord, and to take fast hold on that word ; " Seek ye first the 
kingdom of God, and his righteousness, and all these things 
shall be added unto you." I cannot tell how to express the 
power I felt in those words ; "All these things ! I saw Jesus 
had undertaken my whole cause. 

December. — I feel my faith rather increased. I have this 
day been examining the state of my soul, as to the progress I 
have made this year, and inquiring of the Lord why I do not 
grow much faster, and sink into a much deeper acquaintance 
with God. It appears to me that the reason is, I do not 
valiantly resist every thought that presents itself, but suffer my 
eyes to be turned off from my Saviour. In particular, I lose 
much time in searching for ways out of my present trials. It 
seems often a duty to do so ; and my mind is carried away, till 
recalled by that word ; " Thou canst not make one hair white 
or black."" 

Feb. 1, 177^- — I much blest at the Wednesday meeting. 
For some time these words have been with me, " Delight thy- 
self in the Lord, and he will give thee the desire of thy heart."" 

Feb. 28. — I fear my soul has lost ground this month. O 
what a narrow path do we tread ! How true also is that word, 
" Without me ye can do nothing."*' In the beginning of this 
month I wrote that precious word, " Delight thyself in the 
Lord ; "" but alas ! instead of delight, I feel sorrow of heart. 
A little time since I had a particular trial with What 
was proposed, seemed hard and unreasonable ; and I forgot the 



MRS. FLETCHER. 



christian motto, " Do good and suffer ill." I got my eye turned 
off from Jesus ; and then I no longer felt the love that never 
faileth. This deeply wounded me. At night I felt a drop 
of healing balm, but my spirit remains to this day much dis- 
couraged. 

May. — " I am a woman of a sorrowful spirit." My affairs 
are perplexing indeed ! Yet something seems to say, "It is for 
an appointed time." Eut all this I should not regard if my soul 
was always filled with love. I sometimes seem to get all obstacles 
removed, and then I reflect the image of my Saviour, and all is 
quiet, calm, and peace. Floods of trial do not seem to move 
me. But though I thus taste of the pure river now and then, 
I do not " abide in the faith ; " and, therefore, I do not abide in 
liberty. 

May 28. — This day I set apart for prayer, to inquire of the 
Lord, why I am so held in bondage about speaking in public. 
It cannot be expressed what I suffer : — it is only known to God 
what trials I go through in that respect. Lord, give me more 
humility, and then I shall not care for any thing but thee ! 
There are a variety of reasons why it is such a cross. The 
other day one told me, " He was sure I must be an impudent 
woman ; no modest woman, he was sure, could proceed thus." 
Ah ! how glad would nature be to find out, — Thou, Lord, dost 
not require it ! — Mr. William Brammah observed to-day, " The 
reason why your witness is not more clear, is, because you do 
not glorify "God by believing, and more freely declaring what 
he hath done for your soul." He spake much on these words, 
" What things soever ye ask in prayer, believe that ye receive 
them, and ye shall have them." His words came with power, 
and my soul got a further hold on Jesus. I do see that by his 
death he hath purchased perfect salvation for " all who believe ;" 
and that we receive it in proportion as we thus believe. " Be 
it unto you according to your faith," is the word of the Lord. 
Then I will, I do cast my whole soul on thee ! O let me find 
" salvation as walls and bulwarks ! " 

Sept. 10, Sunday. — I rose this morning with a sore weight on 

my mind. It was given out for me to be at D . There 

was much wind and rain, and the roads were very bad. I feared 



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the journey. I feared also I should have nothing to say when 
I came there : — I feared all manner of things. Those words 
however came to my mind, " Take no thought what ye shall 
say."" I then felt myself led to consider those words, " Repent, 
for the kingdom of heaven is at hand.'' I found some liberty in 
speaking from them, and the people were affected. As I was 
riding back, I clearly saw .1 was called to stand still ; to live the 
present moment, and always to praise the Lord that His will 
was done, though I might have much to suffer. I had a clear 
conviction, God brought me to Yorkshire, and that I had a 
message to this people ; and that, notwithstanding the darkness 
which hung over my . situation, I was at present where God 
would have me. Well, then, answered my heart, if I am but 
in His will I am safe ; for where the Lord leads me, there He 
will be my light. 

Sept. 12, Tuesday. — This day I am thirty-six years old. I 
have been throughout the day kept in the spirit of prayer. Lord, 
I offer up myself, body and soul, to Thee ! It came to me, 
" Thy captivity is long.'' Well, I will wait thy time, O Lord ! 
♦ Nov. 5, Sunday. — Did not rise early, but was kept recollected. 
In the morning I was watchful as to words, but at noon I talked 
too long with A. T. That is an admirable rule of Mr. Wesley's, 
never to be more than an hour in the same company where it 
can be avoided. I also spoke some evil of M. M., by repeating 
what was not needful. O when shall I know what that meaneth, 
"He that offendeth not in word, the same is a perfect man, and 
able also to bridle the whole body." 

Nov. 12, Sunday. — Went to bed late last night, but in a 
degree recollected, though rather hurried with fear, lest I 
should lie too long in the morning. When I rose I found the 

weather was very severe. However I went to A . The 

extreme cold almost took away my senses. Yet we had a com- 
fortable meeting, and many people. 

Jan.- 5, 1776- — I find it very hard to be recollected in private 
prayer. To-day I tried the following plan with some advan- 
tage : — I placed my watch on the bed, that I might know when 
the hour was out. I first strove to . consider myself as in the 
house of God, — as before the throne worshipping with the 



MRS. FLETCHER. 



109 



heavenly host. Then I strove with recollection to repeat the 
Lord's Prayer, giving each sentence full scope in my mind. In 
the words — " Our Father," I felt a powerful remembrance of 
Him, " after whom the whole family in heaven and earth is 
named and with delight I then repeated, " Hallowed be thy 
name!"" That sentence, "Thy kingdom come," was much 
opened to my soul. I see that kingdom is the great " promise 
of the Father," which Christ said he would send upon his 
children. That indeed is "the kingdom which suffers violence, 
and the violent take it by force." As I repeated, " Thy will 
be done on earth, as it is in heaven," I felt 

'' The will of God, my sure defence : 
Nor earth nor hell can pluck me hence." 

" Give us this day our daily bread." Is He not our own 
Father.?' Is He not engaged to provide for his babes? Well 
then, thought I, freedom from debt is more to me than bread, 
and will he not preserve me from this ? It was then brought. to 
my mind, " The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want." In 
the next petitjion, " Forgive me as I forgive ; " O what a cry 
did I feel for more love ! Lord, must I say, 

'' That mercy I to others show. 
That mercy show to me ? " 

Ah no ! I will rather cry out, 

" Mercy, good Lord ! Mercy I ask. 
It is the total sum ; 
For mercy. Lord, is all my plea ; 
O let thy mercy come." 

" With what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you 
again ! " O how would that cut me off from all hope, were it 
not for those words,— "The blood of Jesus cleanseth from 
all sin ! " " Lead us not into temptation." How hath this 
prayer been answered to me ! How would I have run into 
ruin, but thou didst not suffer the temptation to approach. 
Thou didst keep my powers as " with bit and bridle," and con- 
quered for me ; and that when I did not strive, or even know 
my danger ! " But deliver us from evil." Lord, I am a 



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desolate woman, who hath no helper but thee. O keep me from 
evil of every kind : " thoroughly purge away my dross, and 
take away all my tin : For all is thine for ever and ever." 
This I am assured of, when the soxil turns inward to seek the 
Lord, that moment he turns to it, and smiles upon it ; and if 
it abides with Him, it will always grow. But as of a healthy 
child, one does not see it grow, and yet it doth ; so the soul, 
surrounded by temptation, may not discover its growth, never- 
theless the sun does not more freely give its light and warmth 
to the earth, than the beams of the immaterial Sun meets the 
seeking soul. 

Jan. 21. — I went to-day to see some sick, among whom was 
the mother of a young man, who about four years ago came to 
our Sunday night's meeting. It pleased the Lord to awaken 
him, and soon after he died happy. On his death-bed, he en- 
treated his mother and sister that they would attend the meet- 
ings as he had done. Some time after, the elder sister came 
to me for advice among the other patients. Conversing with 
her, I perceived she had some convictions, and invited her to 
meet with a few persons which I had collected. She did so, 
and seemed to drink in instruction as the parched ground the 
softening shower. After a few weeks she was set at liberty. 
She was now desirous her mother might share in her felicity. 
She begged me to visit her, as she was too infirm to come out. 
Accordingly I went, but found her so ignorant, and so exceed- 
ingly weak as to her understanding, that it seemed almost im- 
possible to do her any good. After some time, she appeared 
under some concern ; and her complaint then was, to use her 
own words, " O that I could but get a smile from God ! Her 
convictions continued to increase, and she would cry, " O what 
shall I do ? Shall I never be saved ! O how easily did Betty 
come to it, while I cannot get one smile; no, not one look from 
God ! The face of the Almighty is all dark to me, as dark as 
darkness itself The Lord was then pleased to lay her on a 
sick bed, in a very painful disorder. Finding nothing gave her 
any relief, and believing she must die, she was in great distress, 
and said to her daughter, " My dear, my pain is greater than 
I can bear ! I cannot live over this night. I pray thee go to the 



MRS. FLETCHER. 



Ill 



Mistress, and see if she can order me something." " O mother," 
said she, " I know not how to go, we have had so much in 
former illnesses. I fear it will seem as if we were imposing on 
her : let me go to the doctor again ! " The old woman lying in. 
great distress, at length cried out, " Thou wilt order me a 
medicine. Lord ! I can believe thou wilt. But shall I have no 
share in thy glory ? " Then, as she expressed it, " It went 
through my mind with power, ' I will have mercy on thee ! I 
will receive thee at the eleventh hour ! ' O what did I then 
feel ! such comfort came over me as I can never tell. I did 
not mind the pain ; I believed it would be removed. But my 
soul ! O what a change did it feel ! Why, the dark face of God 
was all light ! I thought before that he hated me for my sins ; 
but now I saw he loved me. Yes, I saw he had loved me all 
my life, and had been inviting me to come to him ; — ^but I did 
not understand. And now, O how I love him ! Yes, I love 
my God better than I ever loved my best bairn (child.) O it 
is a brave thing ! and what a change it makes ! Why one is 
quite a new creature ! And it has made me see things quite 
different from what I did before. I used to chafe and fret when 
any thing went wrong, and thought things were very hard ; but 
now I see nothing is hard ; all is love ! Sol never do complain 
now." * 

Her daughter came to me, and told me (as well as she 
could) how her mother was; but her disorder was so peculiar, 
and so badly described, that I was on the point of saying, I 
cannot do any thing for her ; when all at once a mixture came 
into my mind. I went, and made it up. The first spoonful 

* As it was in the days of the- personal ministry of the *' Son of God," so 
it is in these His Spirit's Gospel-days — " He hides those things from the wise 
and prudent, and revealeth them unto babes;" — the weary and heavy 
laden, who believe." (Matt. xi. 25 — 30.) How easy it is to forget this ! How 
hard to keep it in remembrance, and to allow it its due weight ! Did ever any 
man, since the days of St. Paul, more fully, or more constantly appreciate 
this than Mr. Wesley ? It was the principle that governed and directed his 
whole life and labours ; and on which account he denominated the fruit of 
those labours — *' The work of God.*' A work which HE began, supported, 
and prospered ; and in respect to which Mr. Wesley, notwithstanding his un- 
paralleled activity, always considered himself as a mere passive instrument. 

Editor. 



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gave her ease, and soon after quite removed the disorder. 
All I can say on this extraordinary case is, The Lord would 
have it so. The medicine was not an opiate, but in itself a very 
simple thing ; but when the Lord will bless, who shall stay his 
hand ? Thou art a God who hearest and answerest prayer ! 

Jan. 30. — Last night I met the classes at A . Much of 

the power of the Lord was present. But, oh, I am not what 
I would be. Lord ! How is it I seem to get so slowly for- 
ward ? This morning I rose early, and found it good. Self- 
denial agrees well with my soul, but I use too little of it. 

Feb. 4. — Last Wednesday I had a remarkable preservation. 
Going to take my bark mixture, my mind being much taken 
up with what I had been writing, I took a bottle of laudanum, 
which through a strange providence was then not locked up : — 
a circumstance which seldom happens. I took four tea spoon- 
fuls and a half of it. As soon as I had swallowed it, I per- 
ceived what it was ; and thought I must take a large dose of 
. ipecacuanha. I looked for it, but could not find it, though it 
stood very near me. I knew my life depended on the present 
moment, and thought. Perhaps the Lord has appointed to take 
me this way. I found my mind calmly stayed on God, and 
those words came across it, " These signs shall follow those 
that believe : — ^if they drink any deadly thing it shall not hurt 
them." I went into Mrs. Crosby's room, and told them what 
had happened. Having medicines in the parlour, we went 
down to look there for the ipecacuanha, but there was none. 
We returned to my room and found it. I took about thirty 
grains. We then joined in prayer. For half an hour it had 
no effect. I thought it would then have no power, as. the 
opiate must in that time have taken hold of the nerves of the 
stomach. But it soon after operated, and brought up (it seems) 
both the laudanum and the ipecacuanha. Fearing the whole 
had not come away, they gave me another dose ; but that had 
no effect at all. I felt, however, not the least inconvenience. 
In the night, I a little rambled, and was restless, but not ill. 
On the whole, it was a comfortable dispensation. I had been 
always tempted to think, if I should be called to face death in 
full health, I should shrink from it. But now that I fully 



Mrs. FLETCHER. 



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believed it to be just before me, my soul did calmly wait on 
the Lord, though not with joy, yet with quiet peace ! 

Last night I dreamed I was telling the Lord he was the 
loadstone, and my soul the needle : that his will was the north 
pole, to which my heart should turn, however tossed about. 
To-day Miss Ritchie came. I have had some profitable con- 
versation with her. She is, indeed, a blessed soul; and I 
feel more of the immediate presence of God since that con- 
versation. 

May 5. — I had a meeting some days ago at B , where 

an odd circumstance occurred. I observed (as I was speaking 
on these words, " The Master is come, and calleth for thee") 
a gentleman among the congregation who looked with great 
earnestness. As soon as the meeting was over, I rode home, 
where I had not long been, till this m,an came after me. He 
is a stranger, and came into these parts about business. He 
felt a great alarm in his soul, and declared he had always 
before thought himself very righteous ; but he now feared he 
should go to hell, and insisted on telling me his whole life, 
and confessing (as he termed it) all his sins. He was very 
long ; and I feared there was in his mind a mixture of insanity.. 
He told me he was building a house for an Assembly, but he 
would go home and turn it into a Preaching-house, if I would, 
come and speak in it, that his neighbours might get the light 
he had got. I strove to prevail on him to return to the friend's 
house from whence he came, and to set off the next morning 
for his own country, where he told me he had a good wife and 
family; but he insisted he would not leave me till he had 
found the Lord. At length he said he felt some comfort, and 
would go and spend most of the night in prayer. Next morn- 
ing he was more calm ; and on my promising to answer him if 
he wrote to me, he went away. Satan made use of this occur- 
rence to bring me into discouragement respecting public speak- 
ing ; but some years after, I heard a most pleasing account of 
this gentleman, — That he had indeed turned his Assembly- 
house into a Methodist preaching-house, and that himself and 
family were joined to the Society. 

H 



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June 11, Tuesday. — Mrs. Westerman came here on the 
Thursday before Whitsunday, and stayed ten days. She 
came in full expectation of a blessing; and in the Sunday- 
night meeting, as I was in the last prayer, I felt it on my 
mind to plead with the Lord, that he would seal some soul as 
his abode that night. Just then the answer came. She felt 
the heart of stone taken away, and has ever since rejoiced with 

exceeding joy. Tuesday I went to B . When we came, 

we found the man at whose house we were to have been, died 
that morning. Another offered his barn, though with seeming 
fear; but when we came to the house, he either could not or 
would not find the key. So we stood in an open place, with 
some serious people from other parts, and some of the careless 
inhabitants. However, all behaved well, and I found liberty 
in enforcing those words, " Acquaint now thyself with God, 
and be at peace, — hereby good shall come unto thee." 

July 20. — This day I found a good deal of liberty in prayer ; 
especially in pleading, " If it be thy will I should be holy, — 
if it be the great design of thy death, — O then let it all be 
answered on thy poor creature. Let all thy will be done!"*^ 
It seems to me I fall short in .every thing. I am continually 
making rules and plans, and yet I keep to none with any de- 
gree of exactness. Nevertheless, I see it well to make them ; 
for though I never come up to what I propose, yet I always 
gain something : every fresh effort seems to put me a little for- 
ward. I have of late been reading Dr. Cheyne's Works. I 
see self-denial very beautiful, and of profit both for soul and ( 
body. 

July 24. — H. S. gave a good account of the work wrought 
on her soul. I think it is about three months ago I pro- 
videntially met with her in a class, which I went to meet 
about a mile from home. She appeared that night all ear, and 
quite awakened to the desire of "loving God with all her 
heart." I felt much liberty in conversing with her, and asked 
her to come to the meeting, which she did the first opportunity, 
and seemed quite broken down; expressing herself in such a 
manner concerning her inbred sin, as plainly showed the Lord 



MRS. FLETCHER. 



115 



had plucked away every covering. While we were at prayer, 
she felt a degree of living faith ; and last night she gave the 
following account: "After I left you I was very happy. I 
went to bed wondering at the great miracle Jesus had wrought 
in saving such a sinner. When I awoke in the morning, (O 
what a precious morning to me !) I had an impression as if my 
dear Lord stood just by me and said, " I will cause all my 
goodness to pass before thee." I cried out, " O, is it Thee, my 
Lord ! " Then the words came to me, " I have set thee as a 
signet upon mine arm, as a seal upon my heart. Thy sun 
shall no more go down. I will be thine everlasting light, and 
thy God, thy glory." O what rapture did I feel, and so I do 
still ! He is all day long speaking so sweetly to me, and I 
have such views of his glorious love as I cannot express! O 
never sure, did the Lord do such a miracle; for I do be- 
lieve there never was such a vile, polluted creature as I have 
been.?" * 

August 30. — Yesterday it was given out for me to be at 

. For a whole month it lay on my mind. " None, O 

my God, but thyself, knows what I go through for every 
public meeting! I am often quite ill with the prospect. 
When the day came the wind was violent, which is a thing I 
hav& a great fear of, because it so affects my head; for after 
riding several miles in it, I am scarcely in my senses : and I 
suppose it is worse to me, not having been used to ride on 
horseback till I came into Yorkshire. A little before I set 
out, I said, "O Lord, thou canst still the wind; but thy will 
be done." When we had got about a hundred yards from the 
house, the wind fell, and we had no more trouble from it all 
the way. My hearing was much affected at this time, so that 
I feared I should not be able to converse with any person. 
But before I got to the place, my hearing was as good as ever 
it was in my life, — and I was not at all fatigued! There 
were many persons got together; and after spending about two 
hours with them, the time for the meeting drew on. We went 

* There are ten thousand happy believers that would dispute that point 
with her, Ed. 

H 2 



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to a barn prepared for that purpose by the kind friend who had 
invited us. There was a good congregation; and I found 
some enlargement in speaking on those words, which came 
then to my mind, " Hath the Lord as much delight in sacri- 
fices and burnt-oiferings, as in obeymg the voice of the Lord? 
Behold, to obey is better than to sacrifice, and to hearken than 
the fat of rams." As I was speaking on the word " Hearken," 
I felt the Lord peculiarly present. The people would fain 
have had me stay all night ; but for some reasons I thought it 
better to return ; which we immediately did, and reached home 
a little before eleven. 

Sept. 7^ Tuesday. — Glory be to God ! this has been a com- 
fortable day. My soul is in a sweet expectation that I shall 
be filled with the Spirit ; and that I shall yet see the time, 
when by my whole life I shall bring glory to God. I feel 
power to abandon my whole cause into his hand. O Lord, 
thou hast undertaken for me ; I feel thou hast ; I feel, also, 
great resignation as to the life or death of thy dear servant. 
O keep him. Lord, as " the apple of thine eye." I believe 
thou wilt order all right ; and I shall regard him with an im- 
mortal friendship, that will be free from snares, and all divine. 
But it is strange, when I am offering him up, the words come, 
" The prayer of faith shall heal the sick, and the Lord shall 
raise him up." I do not understand, but I " stand still." 

Sept. 14. — Yesterday I was a good deal oppressed. I had 
undertaken to meet the old members of our Society apart, and 
to propose to them a renewal of 'our covenant; — to set our 
hearts and hands afresh to the work of God. Glory be to his 
name, I was carried better through it than I could have hoped 
for. Some little touches of enthusiasm were beginning to creep 
in among us, which I thought the more dangerous, as the 
meeting now grows very numerous, members being added from 
all sides. Yet was it a great trial to me to have to reprove 
them. — 1. Because many are much farther advanced in grace 
than I am. 2. I was deeply conscious it is one of the most 
delicate subjects in the world, and requires both much wisdom 
and much love, to extinguish false fire, and yet to keep up 
the true. All the day I kept pleading before the Lord, 



MRS. FLETCHER. 



mostly in these words of Solomon, " Ah, Lord, how shall I, 
who am but a child, go in and out before this thy chosen 
people " 

Sept. 17, Tuesday. — Glory be to thee, my faithful Lord ! 

0 that I could always trust ! Then I should always praise ! 
Last Sabbath-morning I went, according to appointment, to 
Goker. I arose early, and in pretty good health. The day 
was fine, though rather hot. About eleven we came to Hud- 
dersfield, and called on Mrs. H. She had asked me to lodge 
there on my return, and have a meeting, saying, many had 
long desired it, and there would be no Preacher there on that 
day. I felt immediately the people laid on my mind, and that 

1 had a message to that place, — and said. If the Lord permit, 
I will. She then said, " We will give it out at noon." We 
rode forward. Benjamin Cock met us, and kindly conducted 
us over the moors. When we came to his hut all was clean, 
and victuals enough provided for twenty men ! But I was so 
heated with the ride, (nearly twenty miles,) and with the great 
fire on which they so liberally cooked for us, that I could not 
eat. My drinking nothing but water seemed also quite to dis- 
tress them. They said, the meeting had been given out in 
many places, and they believed we should have between two 
and three thousand people. That I did not believe ; but there 
was indeed such a number, — and of such a rabble as I scarce 
ever saw. A t one we went out to the rocks, — a place so wild 
that I cannot describe it. The crowd which got round us was 
so great, that by striving which should get first to the quarry, 
(where we were to meet,) they rolled down great stones among 

" the people below us, so that we feared mischief would be done. 
Blessed be God, none were hurt. I passed on among them on 
the top of the hill, hot knowing whither I went. Twice I was 
pushed down by the crowd, but rose without being trampled 
on. We stopped on the edge of a spacious quarry filled with 
people, who were tolerably quiet. I gave out that hymn, 
" The Lord my pasture shall prepare," &c. When they were 
a little settled, I found some liberty in speaking to them, and, 
I believe, most heard. As we returned into the house, numbers 
followed, and filled it so full we could not stir, I conversed 



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with them, but could not get much answer. They stood like 
people in amaze, and seemed as if they could never have 
enough. Many wept and said, " When wiU you come again 
We then set off for Huddersfield. I felt very much fatigued, 
^nd began to think, how shall I be able to fulfil my word 
there ? As we rode along, Brother Taylor said, " I think I 
ought to tell you my mind. I wish we could ride through 
Huddersfield, and not stop ; for I know there are some there, 
who do not like women to speak among them, and I fear you 
wiU meet with something disagreeable." I looked to the 
Lord, and received, as it seemed to me, the following direc- 
tion, — If I have a word to speak from him, he will make my 
way ; if not, the door will be shut. I am only to show the 
meekness of wisdom, and leave all to God. Those words 
then came with power to my mind ; — 

The Lord my pasture shall prepare. 
And feed me with a shepherd's care ; 
His presence shall jny wants supply. 
And guard me with a watchful eye : 
My noonday walks he shall attend. 
And all my midnight hours defend." 

When we got to Huddersfield, I told them the conversa- 
tion we had had by the way, and the posture of my mind ; 
which was calm as the limpid stream, and quiet as an infant. 
I perceived his fears were not groundless, and said, " Well, 
my friends, I will do as you will ; either stay with you this 
night, or go forward directly ; for I follow a lamb-like Lord, 
and I would imitate his spirit." They said, they believed but 
few of the principal persons had any objection, and the people 
much desired it ; — beside, as it had been given out at noon, 
there would be a great many strangers whom it would not be 
well to disappoint. It was then agreed that we should have the 
meeting in the house, where they usually had the preaching; 
but when we came there, the crowd was very great, and the 
place so hot, that I feared I should not be able to speak at aU. 
I stood still, and left all to God. . A friend gave out a hymn ; 
during which some fainted away. Brother Taylor said, "I 
perceive it is impossible for us to stay within doors, the people 



MRS. FLETCHER. 



119 



cannot bear the heat, and there are more without than are 
within." We then came out. My head swam with heat ; I 
scarce knew which way I went, but seemed carried along by 
the people, till we stopped at a horse-block, placed against a 
wall, on the side of the street, with a plain wide opening 
before it. On the steps of this I stood, and gave out, " Come, 
ye sinners, poor and needy," &c. While the people were sing- 
ing the hymn, I felt a renewed conviction to speak in the 
name of the Lord. My bodily strength seemed to return each 
moment. I felt no weariness, and my voice was stronger than 
in the morning, while I was led to enlarge on these words, 

The Lord is our Judge, the Lord is our Lawgiver, the 
Lord is our King, he will save us." I felt great enlargement 
while endeavouring to show the purity of our Judge, whose 
eyes could endure no iniquity. That as a Lawgiver he was 
just and holy, and the thing gone out of his lips must stand ; 
" The soul that sinneth shall die." But the Lord is also our 
King, and he will save us. 1. By convincing us of the purity 
of his law, and the justness of our punishment who have 
broken it. 2. By making us tremble before that Judge, 
whose eyes are as a flame of fire. 3. By leading us to him, 
who is our "Advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the 
Righteous," — who now manifests himself to the soul, as " the 
propitiation for our sins." And, 4. As a King he goes on in 
the believer conquering and to conquer, till the eternal reign 
of Jesus commences in the soul, which as the " morning-light 
grows brighter unto the perfect, day;" till /'the perfect love 
which casts out all fear," marks the soul as the abode and 
"habitation of God through the Spirit." Deep solemnity sat 
on every face. I think there was scarce a cough to be heard, 
or the least motion, though the number gathered was very 
great. So solemn a time I have seldom known ; my voice was 
clear enough to reach them all; and when we concluded I felt 
stronger than when we began. 

They then desired me to speak to each of the women joined 
in the society, which took me till near' ten. The room we 
went into for that purpose was a damp stone floor, so that I 
could hardly move my legs when I came out. But they 



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kindled a fire, and after getting some refreshment, I grew 
better. About twelve I went to bed, and rested under the 
shadow of the Almighty till morning, when I found myself 
remarkably well. After having breakfasted with Brother Gold- 
thorp, where we had a lively conversation concerning holiness, 
I came home with much thankfulness and peace. 

Oct. 8. — I was to day at Clackhigh-Town, and saw the 
hand of the Lord in many things. I have been more abun- 
dantly led to reflect on the difficulties of the path I am called 
in. I know the power of God, which I felt when standing on 
the horse-block in the street at Huddersfield: but at the same 
time I am conscious how ridiculous I must appear in the eyes 
of many for so doing. Therefore, if some persons consider 
me as an impudent woman, and represent me as such, I cannot 
blame them. Again, many say. If you are called to preach, 
why do you not do it constantly, and take a round as a 
Preacher ? I answer, Because that is not my call. I have 
many duties to attend to, and many cares, which they know 
nothing about. I must, therefore, leave myself to His guidance 
who hath the sole right of disposing of me. Again they say, 
"Why do you not give out, I am to preach ? Why call it a 
meeting.?" I answer. Because that suits my design best. 
First, It is less ostentatious. Secondly, it leaves me at liberty 
to speak more or less as I feel myself led. Thirdly, it gives 
less offence to those who watch for it. Others object, " Why, 
yours is a Quaker call; why then do you not join them at 
once ? You are an offence to us. Go to the people whose 
call is the same as your own ; here nobody can bear with you." 
I answer. Though I believe the Quakers have still a good 
deal of God among them, yet I think the Spirit of the Lord 
is more at work among the Methodists; and while I see this, 
though they were to toss me about as a foot-ball, I would stick 
to them like a leech. Besides, I do nothing but what Mr. 
Wesley approves ; and as to reproach thrown by some on me, 
what have I to do with it, but quietly go forward, saying, " I 
will be still more vile," if my Lord requires it ? Indeed, for 
none but thee, my Lord, would I take up this sore cross. 
But thou hast done more for me. O do thy own will upon 



MRS. FLETCHER. 



121. 



me in all things ! Only make me what thou wouldest have 
me to be. Only make me holy, and then lead me as thou 
wilt. 

August, 1777- — I heard Mr. Wesley preach from these 
words, " Dearly beloved, as strangers and pilgrims, abstain 
from fleshly lusts which war against the soul." A sweet dis- 
course it was, showing the great danger of every earthly gratifi- 
cation. This lesson, he said, might be learned even from the 
body. As often as we take down food, we swallow so many 
seeds of death, by causing so many more particles of earth to 
adhere to, and clog our vessels, and so hasten our dissolution. 
And without great watchfulness so it would be with our souls. 
If we were not on our guard, human comforts received would 
also bring the soul nearer to death, instead of being a step to 
life. It is truly said of worldly joy, " It does with powerful 
charm hold down the mind, and sensualize the soul." 

Sunday noon. — I heard him on these words, " If thou canst 
believe, all things are possible to him that believeth." His 
strength was wonderful, and much power attended the word. 
Lord, be the strength of thy dear servant, and his portion for 
ever ! At night he lodged with us. 

August 14. — Last night dear Mr. Wesley came here again. 
After supper he read a letter from Lady Maxwell, in which 
she expresses a most sweet state of soul : observing, that if 
the name of Jesus is but mentioned, her heart is like the key- 
of a well tuned instrument, when its unison is touched. O 
how sweet a progress has she made! Lord, let me do so 
likewise ! 

Last Thursday, Mr. Wesley preached at Daw-Green, on, 
I will give to every one of you according to your works." 
^' First, He considered what were the works. Secondly, What 
the reward. The works, he said, were three-fold. 1. What 
the man is. 2. What he does. 3. What he suffers. 1. All 
he is, that is right, shall have its reward; — all the fruits of the 
Spirit, — love, joy, peace; long-suffering, meekness, patience, 
faith, self-denial, fortitude : — all these are the works of God, and 
all received through Christ; — above all, love, which is the image 
of God, 2. All he does, all his works of piety and mercy, 



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all that is wrought in faith. Nay, the most common labours 
of his daily business, if done in a spirit of sacrifice, shall not 
be forgotten; for it is said of servants, by the Apostle, for 
their encouragement, that when they "obey and serve men, 
with singleness of heart, they serve the Lord Jesus Christ." 
3. All he suffers. Not one cross taken up in obedience to 
the will of God, but it shall have its reward. But what is the 
reward? First, The very nature of each grace necessarily 
brings its reward. The more faith, patience, courage, and 
perseverance, the more holiness will be brought into the soul ; 
and consequently, the soul will be rendered more like God, 
and more capable of fellowship with Him: and in proportion 
to our fellowship with God, must be our happiness. But be- 
sides these, there is a reward of infinite free mercy (over and 
above what flows from inherent holiness) bestowed on each 
grace, and on each action done for God, and each cross borne 
for his sake. 

I felt it come with power to my soul. O for a full devoted- 
ness to thee, my God ! I see I am quietly to wait on thee, 
though my crosses are very heavy in many ways. But " the 
will of the Lord be done ! " 

Sept. 12. — This day thirty-eight years I was born. Solemn 
thought! O how far have I spent these thirty-eight years for 
God ! What is my situation, outward and inward ? Outward, 
it is very trying; — my circumstances are very perplexing. But 
.1 hold fast my former promises. " Christ charges himself 
with all thy temporal affairs, while you charge yourself with 
those that relate to his glory." I am determined to make Zion 
my chief care, though I know not what the Lord is about to 
do with me. I have a great family, and not an income lefl 
sufiicient to keep them, which obliges me to sink something 
every year. The business hurts instead of helping ; and 
though Mr. *** is sure it will the next year do far otherwise, 
I cannot believe it. It appears to me, deliverance will begin 
* by bringing me out of this place, dividing the family, and 
contracting my wide-spread cares into one, viz., the cause of 
God only. But how this will be brought about I know not; 
for though I keep putting out the children as fast as they 



MRS. FLETCHER. 



123 



grow up ; yet that is attended with much expense, and I have 
many grown persons whom I know not how to provide for, nor 
to find any way to dispose of. They are good sincere souls, 
and they live to God. Some of them also are very weak in 
body, and advanced in years. When I have settled all the 
accounts, I am led to believe, it will be the order of God for 
me to go down to Bath and Bristol for six months. Nine 
months ago I got a fall, which hath made me in a degree lame 
ever since. Bath may help that ; but I believe I have some- 
thing to do for souls in those places ; and I shall be glad to be 
at a distance from poor Mr. O how sad it is! I fear 

while he helps me, I hurt him. Lord, what a situation is 
mine ! 

But how is it with me inwardly .^^ On the whole I have 
found my mind more stayed on God this last year, and my 
confidence in his loving protection is a good deal increased. 
That sore temptation of fear, by which I have suffered so much 
in going out in the work of God, I have found a good deal re- 
moved by prayer. I have had freedom and some success in 
dealing with souls. But I am not all athirst for . full salvation. 
I do not feel that ardent desire after it, which swallows up 
every other care and desire. I have yet some prospects on 
earth, which I cannot fully look over. They present them- 
selves before me, and I do not feel, deeply feel, the force of 
these words, " It is far better to depart, and be with Christ." 
Again, many cares divide my soul. I know not if ever I 
shall get this place sold ; or ever pay my debts. Every 
thing sinks me deeper in that respect. It is amazing what 
losses and trials I have ! Yet I feel my anchor cast in the 
wiU of God. I fear, however, that I have departed from his 
close embrace, and therefore he hath encompassed my way with 
thorns. Well, I will, I do embrace his justice, as well as his 
mercy ! Both " his rod and his staff* shall comfort me ! " 

It is an easy matter to believe when all goes smoothly 
about us. But now is the time for my faith to have its full 
exercise. Nothing but ruin in temporal things seems before 
me ; and I am upbraided by many as being a fool. They say, 
" Why does she not turn them all out of doors ? " Nay, some 



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who should know better, cast the same in my teeth ! Yet with 
all my endeavours I see no way out. To turn them out of 
doors ! I have no light for that. Still I seem called to be- 
lieve, God will make a way for each, and remove them in his- 
own time and manner. Still I trust that I shall see accom- 
plished those words, so powerfully applied at Laytonstone, 
" Thou shalt lay up gold as the dust, and the gold of Ophir 
as the stones of the brook ; yea, the Almighty shall be thy 
defence, and thou shalt have plenty of silver."*' What I under- 
stand by these words is, that a time shall come when I shall 
owe no one any thing ; and have plenty to carry on such designs 
as the Lord shall lay on my heart for his glory : that he will 
bring me out of this place, and provide some way for every 
member to be removed, so that I shall say, — Now is fulfilled 
that word, " Thou shalt decree a thing, and it shall be estab- 
lished unto thee, and light shall shine on thy path."' But here 
is the difficulty: How absurd does it appear to go on with a 
great household running me out on every side ! How ridiculous 
will distress so brought on make me appear in the eyes of all ! 
That thought has made me strive and struggle every way to 
throw it oW, but it seems the Lord always frustrates my en- 
deavours ; and I am forced to sit down at his footstool again, 
with that thought, " My time is in his hand, and he knows 
how to deliver." It is hard to believe against seeming impossi- 
bilities. Yet it comes to my mind, God does bless me in believ- 
ing spiritual things that are above my powers ;' but these are 
only temporal. Will he bless that exercise of faith ? It is 
certain Abraham's faith was tried in temporal things, and 
through the temporal difficulties he held fast faith in the spiri- 
tual. — Israel was called into a temporal Canaan, prefiguring 
the spiritual ; and I cannot divide two ideas which continually 
seem to dwell together in my mind, viis., That I shall be de- 
livered from all my spiritual enemies, and brought into a most 
perfect liberty of soul, as soon as I am delivered from the tem- 
poral ; and that I shall first praise the Lord for the fulfilment 
of the above promises, and then for full salvation ! 

Oct. 28. — Glory be to God he is yet working among us ! 
Jjast week Sally Lawrence was set at liberty, and the change 



MUS. FLETCHER. 



125 



is very evident. Yesterday as I was meeting her, she said, 
" O ! had I known what the love of God was, sure I should 
never have rested so long without it ! I have often found 
great joy, but there was always a sting in the end. Some 
thought or other would come and take away the pleasure; but 
now I find a pleasure in God without any sting. Last week I 
felt a change, and many promises ; but I had not a clear 
evidence. Yet I thought, I do feel in many things as I never 
did before. However, as you were saying in the class last 
Tuesday, that we ought to ' rejoice evermore ; ' and the way so 
to do, was to praise the Lord for what he had done ; I thought, 
then 1 will try to do so. Accordingly I spoke more freely than 
I should otherwise have done ; and while I spoke, I found more 
power to believe : but on Friday, while you were meeting the 
children, I found my evidence quite clear. These words were 
applied to my mind, ' There is no condemnation to them that 
are in Christ Jesus.' And since that time I have been very 
happy. I never knew such a week as this in all my life. I 
used to be tired, and I hated the washing-week ; but I have 
now been kept in entire peace all through." 

Bath, Feb. 1778. — On the 8th of December last I set 'out . 
for this place, and came here on the 12th. Much have I seen 
of the hand of my God here in many ways. Soon after my 
arrival, Mr. Wesley came to lay the first stone of the chapel. 
He preached from these words : " From this time it shall be 
said. What hath God wrought ! " He pointed out to us in 
what a wonderful manner the Lord had carried on his work in 
the three kingdoms, within these last thirty or forty years. It 
was a solemn time. The people were very attentive, though 
the cold was very severe. At night we had a love-feast. I 
was led to speak with some degree of freedom. As I came 
out, several asked me where I lodged. I told them I should 
(with the Lord''s help) be at home at such an hour every day. 
Several came to me, one after another, and the Lord's hand 
hath been with us of a truth. What amazing answers to prayer 
have I seen ! Lord, give me to endure to the end ! In the 
classes and bands, also, I find much freedom in speaking for 
God ; and he gives me to cast all my own burden on himself, 
and to believe, Christ charges himself with all my concerns, • 



126 



THE LIFE OF 



while he, in some low degree, gives me to charge myself with 
those that relate to his glory. Here are many souls who seem 
to thirst for spiritual conversation, as the traveller for the 
cooling stream ; and whenever we are together our Lord is in 
the midst. 

March. — Conversing with a gentleman who knew something 
of my situation, he said, " If I had had such losses as you 
have had, and was in such an encumbered situation, I should 
stamp and tear, and go raving mad." I began to reflect on his 
words, and thought how is it that I am kept so calm I saw 
and adored the hand of my God, and was constrained to cry 
out, " Lord, thou hast known my soul in adversity ! This 
is thy doing, and I will praise thee. 

April 4. — When I was in this city fourteen years ago, the 
Lord was pleased to give me some souls. I wondered often 
what was become of them ; but, glory be to. God ! I find them 
as simple and steady as ever ; and some are much advanced.- 
I asked of the Lord at my first coming this time, that some 
soul might be particularly blest ; that I might be encouraged to 
think that I was come in his name. A few days after we came 
the answer was given ; Brother Cousins was restored to the 
love of God. But this was only the beginning of good things. 
Each day opened the providence of God more and more. 
Several persons got good, and I saw my call quite clear. One 
old disciple gave me much pleasure. She had long been a fol- 
lower, and useful to others. The first time I saw her, she laid 
open her whole heart, and was simple as a little child. I scarce 
ever found so much of the power of God in conversing with, 
any one as with her. Before we parted the Lord gave her a 
taste of the liberty she came to inquire after. She sent others, 
— among whom was one young'woman, an upright soul, but 
who had got into sore temptation, and lost her peace. The 
Healer of the breaches again appeared, and she was filled with 
consolation, and found (as she afterwards told me) she was " a 
new creature." A man and his wife, the next day, called on 
me ; they had a measure of life, but they were come (as they 
said) to inquire when, and how, " the blood of Jesus would 
cleanse them from all sin." Such simplicity I hardly ever met 
• with before. My heart was ready to melt with desire. I found 



MRS. FLETCHER, 



such access in addressing the throne of grace as I cannot ex- 
press. It was all, " ask and have !" I did ask ; and, glory be 
to God, he granted my petition, and brought the dear souls 
into further light and liberty ! 

April 24. — I am now at Bristol. Lord ! what shall I meet 
with here ? O let me be ever observant of thy will ! 

May. — I wrote, and sent to my Wednesday night's meeting, 
(consisting of about fifty persons who meet at Cross-Hall,) the 
following letter. 

" Though various occupations in my Master's work hath 
rendered my pen for a longer time silent than I at first in- 
tended, I can assure you, with a pleasing sincerity, my hea^t 
has often been warmed when pleading before the throne in 
. your behalf Very dear are all the followers of the Lord to me 
in every place ; — ^but my little company on Wednesday nights 
will ever hold a peculiar place in my heart. I also include the 
spreading branch in Wakefield. May lively grace rest on you 
all ! and may you ever adorn your profession as a company of 
the choicest followers of the bleeding Lamb ! Many here in- 
quire, ' How goes on your Wednesday night meeting ? ' There 
is a general belief of great life in Yorkshire. In this your 
fame is gone out into other churches. O how alarming the 
thought ! ' What manner of persons ought ye to be in all 
holy conversation and godliness ! ' 'A city set on a hill cannot 
be hid.' Either a ray of light, or a shade of darkness, wiU 
reflect from every professor. Adorable J esus, fill us with that 
jealous, just concern, that our light may never become dark- 
ness ! In order to prevent this, let the most strict and ardent 
watchfulness keep your eye and heart for ever fixed on "the 
Lamb who taketh away your sins ! " for it is by those believing 
views that all the streams of consolation, wherewith our souls 
are replenished and refreshed, are given. I would have you 
praise the Lord for me, and therefore I tell you, I have, and 
do prove him to be a God of faithfulness and truth. 

" The account of a Jewess in this city may perhaps help 
your strains of praise to rise a little higher. I will therefore 
give it you in the best manner my memory will afford. 

" She was born in Germany. Her father was a famous Jew 



128 



THE LII^E OF 



4 



Rabbi. He gave her a good education, and brought her uj» 
very strictly according to the laws of the J ews. When she 
was about eighteen, she- found a strong inclination to come to 
England. This her parents much opposed, as they could well 
provide for her, and could see no reason why she should leave 
her native country. But she had no rest in her spirit while in 
Germany; so at last they gave consent, that she should visit 
their own people in England. They gave her a handsome 
sum of money, and sent her off with their blessing, 'in company 
with some friends. She continued to live some time in England, 
till at length she was cheated out of the greatest part of her 
money. She was then reduced to many hardships, and after a 
time went as a servant into a Jew's family. Her mistress liked 
her greatly, and used her as one of her own children. Here 
she thought her lot was cast in a fair portion; for she loved her 
mistress, and rejoiced to do her service. But after a short 
time a great change took place. Her mistress was awakened 
to a sense of the things of God, and in the end found ' there 
was no name under heaven whereby she could be saved, but 
the name of Jesus Christ.' This grieved the young woman 
beyond expression. She now hated her mistress as much as 
before she had loved her; and very often her behaviour cor- 
responded with the feelings of her heart. The arrows of con- 
viction, however, now began to fasten on her also ; and oft 
she reasoned with herself, saying, What a difference there is 
between my mistress and me ! If I had such a servant, I would 
turn her off at once. But my mistress seems all love since she 
believed in Jesus Christ as her Messiah ; but I am all hatred. 
Beside, she is happy, always happy ; while I am always miserable. 
Then again she would start at the thought, and say, What I 
am I going to leave the true religion ? O no ! I will never 
believe in Christ. I will pray to the true Messiah. Then she 
would go up to the top of the house, and (as she thought) 
looking towards J erusalem, would cry, ' O Lord Jehovah, 
hear me ! Thou hast done great wonders for our people, and 
for our nation ; and when we were in the hands of our enemies, 
thou didst send deliverance for thy chosen people Israel. O 
hear me! thou God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, and send 



MRS. FLETCHER. 1^0 

US our Messiah, that he may take away our misery ! Then 
* shall kings be our nursing fathers, and queens our nursing 
mothers,' and we shall be restored again to our former privi- 
leges ! ' It would then come to her mind, Jesus Christ, 
whom you despise, is the very and true Messiah ! But that 
thought she thrust away with fear. 

One night she went to bed in great distress, and dreamed 
she was walking on a common, and that a man came up to her 
whom she knew to be J esus Christ. She looked on him, and 
betweeia hope and fear, said, 'Tell me, are you my Messiah.?' 
He answered, ' I am your Messiah.' Yet she drew back, and 
was afraid to believe. In the morning she knew not what to 
think. Wherever she went she seemed always to see Christ as 
hanging on the cross ! and in her own soul felt so deeply the 
sentence of death, that she seemed to have no hope of salva- 
tion. At last she told the Lord one day, she could almost 
believe, and if he would give some sign, she thought she 
should hold out no longer. The sign which God gave to 
Israel, through Samuel's prayer, came strongly to her mind, 
as she waited before the Lord, her soul then struggling between 
faith and unbelief It was at that time rather cold weather; 
but the Lord was pleased, before the close of the day, to send 
a storm of thunder and lightning, which terrified her beyond 
expression ! While she was on her knees, expecting every 
moment to drop into hell, (which she now clearly felt she de- 
served,) she cried to the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, 
to hear, and save her. God did hear. Glory be to his free 
mercy, he made her to feel, ' None but Jesus could do help- 
less sinners good ! ' In the same moment she felt his blood* 
applied, and shouted aloud the praises of her Messiah ! 

" From this time she continued happy in the love of God. 
She then became sensible of the stirrings of inbred sin, from 
which she had no thought of ever being delivered till she 
should lay down the body. I found much blessing in convers- 
ing with her ; and after the first time, she was much stirred up 
to seek a further salvation. For some weeks she was tossed 
between hope and fear. One day, as I was meeting brother 
Sims's class, she seemed uncommonly oppressed with unbelief, 

1 



130 



> 

THE LIFE OF 



yet she pleaded, 'O! can it be possible that I should be wholly 
delivered from anger, and live in a place where I have ten 
children to look after : I recommended her to look to Jesus, 
who could and would ' save her to the uttermost.' Several of 
us walked home together. As she was praying inwardly, and 
meditating on the all-sufficiency of the Saviour, Sister Tripp 
said, ' God kept Shadrach, Meshech, and Abednego in the 
fire, and why not you.?' She answered nothing, but pondered 
the words in her heart. When she got home, she began to 
consider. He really did keep the three children in the furnace ! 
And he can keep me from anger. As she strove to believe, 
her faith grew stronger and stronger, till she could cast the 
full weight of her soul on Jesus as her uttermost Redeemer. 

0 my friends, praise the Lord ! " 

Cross-Hall, Sept. 12. — This day I am thirty-nine years of 
age. O that I might live to Thee more than ever ! What 
have I either done or suffered for thee in this last year ? As 
to the state of my soul, I trust I am nearer to God than before 

1 went my journey. But I am still a dull scholar in thy school. 
I want that full bap'tism of the Spirit : God's promise to all 
believers. Mr. *** is very kind and helpful to me in the care 
of my temporal affairs ; but what my trials are none but God 
knows. To-day I was blest in praying for him, with that 
word, " I will bless them that bless thee ! " Amen ! Amen ! 

Nov. 15, Sunday. — This day I found a blessing in putting 
in practice some resolutions I had formed for my daily walk. 
At seven we set out for Daw-Green, where we had a good 
meeting. O what a desire did I feel for that people, while I 
was speaking on that word, " The Lord thy God is a jealous 
God!" 

March 26, 1779- — This day I set apart as a fast, to lay 
before the Lord the following particulars: — 1. My present 
situation : 2. To ask for wisdom how to walk before my 
family : 3. For more of his love : 4. For a blessing on my 

journey to : 5. For my relations : On the whole it has 

been a good day. As to the first petition, my present situa- 
tion, I found much power and liberty in believing God would 
vmdertake and appoint me some deliverance; yea, entire 



MRS. FLETCHER. 



131 



deliverance in his own time, and in his own way : and I had 
more faith, I think, than ever before ; yet, it was mixed with 
sweet resignation. The second. How to walk with wisdom before 
my family. I felt a great pleading for this, and some encou- 
ragement, that I should yet " adorn the Gospel." The third, 
For more love. I felt freedom in asking it. The fourth, For 

a blessing on the few days I am to spend at . I feel 

much of the cross in this adventure ; yet, I think I must do it, 
and God will be with me. As to the fifth, I could find no 
particular opening, only a willingness to do, be, or suffer any 
thing for their good. Perhaps the time is not yet come. The 
third time I went to prayer all seemed swallowed up in that 
petition ; Lord, give me " the love that never faileth." 

Wednesday in Passion-week. — I have this day offered 
myself up afresh to the Lord, as a whole burnt sacrifice. O 
' give me that situation, those friends, those comforts, or crosses, 
which will best stand with thy own glory ! 'Tis all I ask,— 
* 'tis all my choice. 

May 21. — Lord, my thirsty soul crieth after thee ! I long 
for a fuller deliverance. Last night I mei the old members of 
the W. Band, and a sweet time we had : the Lord was very 
gracious in helping his unworthy worm, and gave me, I believe, 
to speak to his glory. Since I returned from my journey to 

, I have been much drawn out in praise. O how good 

was the Lord ! He made hard things easy, and was better to 
me than either my fears or wishes. To-day, when at prayer, 
I had a sight of the necessity of contemplation, I mean, of 
labouring to keep the mind on spiritual things, and to consider 
and weigh the word of God, His love. His fulness ! " Love 
without end, and without measure grace ! " 

August, I78O. — O Lord, how peculiar are thy ways towards 
me ! What wouldest thou have me to do ? Here I am ; com- 
mand what thou wilt. Bring me to a state of poverty, re- 
proach, a workhouse, or what thou wilt, only let me not mis- 
take my way. It is true I have more than I owe, and as yet 
an income for life, enough .for myself. But I cannot support 
these expenses and losses. And yet it seems I cannot get 
deliverance from them 1 Every answer to prayer is only, " Stand 

I 2 



132 



THE LIFE OF 



4* 



Still, and see my salvation." Lord, I am ready to do so ; but all 
cry out, " It is madness not to do something." And yet, thou 
seemest to frustrate all I attempt. I strive to save in every 
thing, and many ways I have tried to do so ; but unless all did 
the same, it makes little difference. When I attempt new things 
of the kind, various difficulties arise; and some are apt to say, 
" Save in something else ; you do not run out in this ! " 

The other day a friend said, he was desired to ask me, " If 
I did not do wrong in spending so much time on the sick poor? 
In making medicines, clothes, &c. ?" And **** said, "It 
is a poor way of spending your time thus, for the bodies of 
the people. If that is your call, it is a mean call ! " I have 
pondered the thought ; and having set apart a day for fasting 
and prayer, the result of my most serious reflections was as 
follows : — 

What was my setting out, or first light ? Why, from seven 
years old, (the first time I felt a spark of faith,) my conviction 
was, — not to be conformed to the customs, fashions, and 
maxims of the world ; and my frequent prayer was, as a little 
manuscript now by me proves, — Lord, bring me out from 
among the ungodly ! Cast my lot with the poor who are rich 
in faith; and make me to have my delight with the excellent 
of the earth ; and then I will not complain for toil, poverty, 
or reproach. 

When I was seventeen, my desires after holiness began to 
deepen, and I found a particular call to a further dedication of 
my soul to God, in those words of St. Paul to Timothy, de- 
scriptive of the character of those women, who in the primitive 
churches were chosen as deaconesses : "If she have lodged 
strangers, if she have brought up children, if she have washed 
the saints' feet, and diligently followed after every good work." 
—When I was twenty-one, being brought to the choice of my 
own manner of life, I was enabled in a degree to follow the 
plans thus formerly laid down. 

As to my present way of life, of which a visitor had said, a 
few days ago, " I think, madam, your call is a strange one ; 
— to the care of cows and horses, sheep and pigs ; " — ^referring 
to my farm. — I considered, I am by the order of Providence 



MRS. FLETCHER. 



133 



made mistress of a great family, and in straitened circum- 
stances; there is therefore occasion for all my care and manage- 
ment, otherwise the embarrassment would be much greater. — 
And it is good for the uncommon pride of my nature, to bow 
before that word, "In the sweat of thy brow shalt thou eat 
bread." It is true I have bread enough for myself, but having 
joined the interest of so many with my own, I am willing to 
act thus, that they may have bread too. The Lord hath been 
pleased, also, to enable me to help the sick; this calls for some 
labour, and some small expenses in preparing and applying the 
medicines: but many souls have been blest, and several brought 
to God thereby. Some rich persons, to whose ear I could 
never have had access, have, through the belief that I could 
help their bodies, admitted the closest application to their « 
souls; so that I dare as soon cut off my right hand as bury 
this trifling talent in a napkin. The souls under my roof also 
call for more diligent care, than I am conscious I bestow upon 
them ; and though some say, " I do not regard as any thing 
what you do for the family, that is only burying yourself in ^ 
one house ; " yet I see it my duty, and I must apply thereto. 

Again, I believe I should strive to get at the neighbours 
who live within my knowledge, and do good to their souls, if 
I can. To thk it is replied, " You spend too much time on 
one neighbourhood.'' But perhaps I shall soon be called to ^ 
leave this neighbourhood, and this family, and then I shall not 
repent of that application. I am also called to keep together 
some precious meetings, in which the work of God flourishes, % 
and to go sometimes to meet others in more distant places, as 
well as to write many letters on the concerns of the soul. And 
now I ask, — Lord, am I in my place or not ? To which it 
seemed my conscience gave the following answer: — The surest 
mark of true piety, is to fill up the duties of our own station 
with the utmost fidelity. We may plan fine schemes, talk of 
many journeys, and see ourselves converting whole worlds, — 
but in these airy phantoms there is much danger of self having 
a great mixture. Whereas in the application to the order of 
God, in the present time, as it opens itself from moment to 
moment, there is no room for choice. I have heard good^*' 



134 



-THi: LIFE OF 



people say, " I am weary of life, because of the burdens which I 
have to bear. I want to spend all my time in a more excellent 
way." And yet as soon as they throw off one burden, the 
Lord finds them another. But the soul truly devoted to God, 
finds no oppressive burden in the opening of the present 
moment, which shows the divine order of His providence^ and 
brings with it, to the resigned soul, both light and power, 
either to act or suffer. In a low degree I find that to be my 
case. I am called to work ; and therein I fulfil my covenant, 
not to complain of toil, although my wages seem to be put into 
a hag full of holes. I cannot have my own choice herein ; nor 
do I complain of poverty. Thus I am often upbraided for 
walking in that order, in which (till I can get out of it) un- 
doubtedly the Lord hath placed me. I sink imder His yoke, 
and if I can but keep free from impatience or discouragement, 
I may fulfil His will, and shall not complain of reproach. 
But, alas ! I do too often admit discouragement, and am ready 
to cry out, 

" Ah ! whither or to whom shall I, 
Far from these woes^ for kind protection fly ? " 

y «t something says in my heart, A time is at hand when the 
Lord will bring me out of these deep waters ; and I am deter- 
mined to " stand still, and see his salvation.*" 

November. — Last night I was led to pray much for a spiritual 
mind, both sleeping and waking. I went to bed recollected. 
I dreamed I was sitting up in bed with the Bible in my hand. 
I saw two shining appearances, but no distinct form. The 
appearance was as of the heads of two glorious persons, and a ray 
of light came from them on the book in my hand, in which I 
was enabled to discover something which quite delighted me ; 
and I cried out, O had I known this before, I should have 
made the whole house ring with shouts of praise ! I then saw 
all around my bed a beautiful garden filled with evergreens, 
and on each tree, and on the ground, lay something like a light 
frost. I wondered at that, till these words came to my mind, 
" The dew shall lie all night upon thy branches ! " I then 
cried out, O what a delightful scene ! What a lovely prospect ! 



MRS. FLETCHER. 



135 



Here shall I for ever rest ! I then threw my soul with such a 
divine confidence on the Lord Jesus, as I think I never did 
before, and in that act I awaked. I could not recollect what 
the delightful discovery in the Bible was ; — but a fuller sense 
of God than ever before has rested on my soul. 

Jan. 11, I78I. — Many mercies have I seen within these 
three or four days. Nothing is so good to me, as to meet every 
thing in the will and order of God ; abandoning myself, soul, 
body, and family, into his hands, believing he will order all 
right. I find many convictions about my household. I am 
not a faithful head. I neither lead them by example, instruc- 
tion, or reproof, as I ought. Lord, teach me to go in and out 
before this people ! I seem to have an impression that I shall 
not long remain with them. I seem to see another place and 
another people which I am called to ; and outward things con- 
firm the impression. One thing I have been very faulty in 
during the last year, I have not risen early with any degree of 
constancy; and that is a general loss, both to my own soul and 
my family. O Lord ! when shall I be " all glorious within^ 
and my clothing of wrought gold ? " 

Jan. 13. — I have been to-day a good deal drawn out in 
prayer. My exercises as to outward things are very great. I 
have a most narrow path to walk in ! I am called to -^ive by 
faith, indeed. As I was at prayer this morning, I was led to 
ask of the Lord, that he would bring me out of all my difficul- 
ties in his own way. Certainly the whole earth is the Lord's, 
and I asked of him such a situation in life, as will most glorify 
himself. It was brought before me. Perhaps that will be by 
bringing you to entire poverty. I asked my heart. Am I 
willing on that condition to be made holy ? And I felt I could 
say, Yes, Lord, yes." Again, the thought was suggested, 
But perhaps to a parish house, while your income goes each 
year for your debts ? I answered, " Thy will be done ! " It 
was then represented, as if I was on a common side, dying, 
destitute of every human help or comfort. In that I felt great 
sweetness. But the sorest stroke was still behind. What if 
you should die in debt, and leave nothing to pay ; and so 
through you the Gospel be reproached? This came the nearest 



136 



THE LIFE OF 



of all ; but it was clearly shown me, That the fear of the 
Gospel being blamed, often arose from our fear of personal re- 
proach ; for as to the truths of God, he would take care of 
them, and if I was really wrong, it would be for the glory of 
God to have it made manifest : and if he was but glorified, my 
soul was content. Certainly, thought I, if it was in my power 
to break off my expenses, it would be right so to do ; and I do 
right in contriving every way I can towards it. But as all my 
endeavours are always frustrated, I see no way but to cast 
myself on the will of God, and embrace, as his will, poverty 
and deep reproach ; and still continue to believe in his promises, 
till I see, even by the time of my death, that there has not 
been an accomplishment of them. Perhaps after all I am right. 
Perhaps the day will come, (impossible as it now appears,) when 
" I shall have plenty of silver and then the light shall indeed 
shine on my way. 

Next June I shall have been fourteen years from Layton- 
stone, and the September following I shall be forty-two years 
old. It may be that soon after that time, deliverance may ap- 
pear. The words rested on my mind, "By the way that thou 
wentest, by that way shalt thou return." Lord, thou knowest 
what they mean ; but I see all sorts of crucifixions are needful 
for me. O my hard heart ! what need hath it had of breaking ! 

Feb. 15. — When I was at Leeds some time since, I had 
much proof of the goodness of God in many ways. On the whole 
it was a journey for good. I heard a dream of a good woman 
while there, which was made a blessing to me. She thought she 
was dying, and felt her soul leave the body. Immediately she 
found herself standing in the presence of God ! Jesus appeared 
to her as seated on a white throne ! He beckoned to her with his 
hand, and said. Come up hither. AVhen she was by his side, 
she saw many of the saints, with the angels. Among them was 
William Bramah : he shone very bright. Some others she knew 
also. Our Lord then pointed to the crowns of some saints still 
on earth, and she understood by the appearance of some of those 
crowns, that the persons were in great temptation. Our Lord 
and the glorious company seemed to sympathise greatly with 
them, and^when by faith they conquered, a jewel was added to 



MRS. FLETCHER. 



137 



the crown, and the whole shone brighter ! But every time they 
gave way to any corruption, a gem dropped out, and the whole 
crown turned dark ! Sometimes there seemed joy in heaven over 
them; sometimes a kind of mourning. She sat some time in 
sweet delight, and then awaking, found with amazement she 
was still in the body ! 

I am going to It is a fine opportunity for speak- 
ing to a number of the most lively souls, out of various societies, 
and they begin to inquire all around when I will come. O my 
God, how these things break me to pieces ! What an unworthy 
worm ! If they knew me, how would they be astonished, that ^ 
the Lord should work by such a one as me ! But thou canst do 
whatever seemeth thee good ! 

March 20. — I have been poorly lately with a complaint in 
my eyes ; I can write little. The cold this winter has been very 
severe, and I have felt it much. But O, how am I indulged ! 
A good house, a bed fit for a king, plenty of fire, food. Sec, 
while many of my Father's children know almost the want of all 
things ! I was much affected the other day when the Preacher 
left our house. I thought, if I had in this snow and wind to 
ride over the moors, and through deep lanes as he has, I could 
• not sit my horse. Truly I count it a great honour to be per- 
mitted to contribute in the least to their necessities ! O let me 
ever "wash the feet of the servants of my Lord ! " 

I feel my soul does come forward. Constancy in early rising 
is a great blessing to me, both as a Christian and as a mistress. 
The other morning I was waked with that word, "Ye have need 
of patience, that after ye have done the will of God, ye may 
receive the promises." At night, as I was at prayer, that word 
also came with power ; " Thou hast kept the word of my 
patience : I also will keep thee in the hour of temptation ! " 
Amen, Lord Jesus, Amen ! Give me to " keep the word of 
thy patience," faithful unto the end ! 

April. — My soul, wait thou still upon God, for of him cometh 
thy salvation. More crosses, more disappointments ; but last 
night, I had a ray of faith which revived me. I have of late had 
a very clear view of the absolute necessity of keeping the mind 
always stayed on God, from these words, "Resist the Devil, 



138 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



and he will flee from you."" Indeed, he is a chained dog, and 
can go no farther than man's consent will suffer him. His 
works are chiefly carried on in the chambers of the imagination. 
These are indeed " the chambers of imagery ? He fixes his 
first hold in the imagination, which is the ante-chamber of the 
heart. Afterwards he passes on to the passions and affections. 
These form the passage through which all passes to the heart, 
both good and evil. If the mind then is engrossed by Satan, 
and he be suffered to rule there, the benign influence of the 
Holy Spirit is prevented, and the soul is filled with all evil. 
Thus, " To be carnally minded is death ; but to be spiritually 
minded is life and peace." 

April 25. — I have had some remarkable answers to prayer of 
late, and some directions by lot, which I shall lay up in my 
heart till I see " the way of the Lord." O my God, give me 
just such a situation in every respect as will be most for thy 
glory ! Many blessings also I have of late received in visiting 
the sick, and strength has been given me above that which is 
common. I long for a closer walk with my God ! O that I 
may live to God every moment, with every power ! 

May 6, Sunday. — I had liberty this day to entreat the Lord 
to show me the surest and shortest way to holiness: — Many 
things were showed me, which I hope to put in practice ; but 
above all, it was impressed on my mind, " Live by faith." 



PART IV. 



HER MARRIAGE, AND REMOVAL TO MADELEY. 

The 7th of June, I78I, as I before observed, was the day 
that began my fourteenth year in Yorkshire. On that day I 
took a particular view of my whole situation, and saw difficul- 
ties as mountains rise all around me. Faith was hard put to it. 
The promise seemed to stand sure, and I thought the season 
was come; yet the waters were deeper than ever. I thought 
also, how shall I now hold fast that word so powerfully given 
to me, " The Almighty shall be thy defence, and thou shalt 
have plenty of silver ? " 

At length " the cloud arose as a man'^s hand." The very 
next day, June the 8th, I received a letter from Mr. Fletcher, 
in which he told me. That he had for twenty-five years found 
a regard for me, which was still as sincere as ever ; and though 
it might appear odd he should write on such a subject, when 
but just returned from abroad, and more so without seeing me 
first, he could only say, that his mind was so strongly drawn 
to do it, he believed it to be the order of Providence. 

In reading this letter I was much struck. So many circum- 
stances all uniting, — 1. The season it came in. 2. His writing 
on the subject before we had met, after an absence of fifteen 
years ; and without his having the most distant suspicion of my 
mind being inclined towards it. 3. His mentioning, That for 
twenty-five years he had had the thought. All these particulars 
answered to the marks which I had laid down. His unexpected 
recovery also, and safe return, so plainly pointed out the 
hand of Providence, that all ground of reasoning against it 
seemed removed. Yet, on the other hand, a strange fear 
possessed my mind, lest I should take any step out of the 



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order of God ; nor was Satan wanting to represent great trials 
before me, which he told me I should not have strength, to 
stand in. 

We corresponded with openness and freedom, till August 
the 1st, when he came to Cross-Hall, and abode there a month; 
preaching in different places with much power ; and having 
opened our hearts to each other, both on temporals and spiri- 
tuals, we believed it to be the order of God we should become 
one, when he should make our way plain. 

He then returned to his parish, a hundred and twelve miles • 
from the place where I lived ; for we could not think of taking 
the step, till my affairs were more clearly settled. So we took 
our leave of each other, committing all into his hand who 
" does what he will with his own." 

In about five weeks he returned; but still all seemed shut 
up : no way opened either for disposing of the farm, or of the 
family. Conversing one day with Mrs. Clapham, of Leeds, 
she said, " What do you stick at ? The Lord has done so 
much to convince you that this is to be your deliverance, how 
is it that you do not believe, and obey his order ? I verily 
believe if you would take the step in faith, your way would be 
made plain directly ; and I will now tell you what has passed 
my mind concerning it. When I was some months since at 
Scarborough, as I was one day in private, prapng for you, and 
much drawn out in laying your trials before the Lord, I was 
as if taken out of myself, and saw by the eye of faith both 
Mr. Fletcher and you, and that you were designed for each 
other, and that much glory to God would arise from your 
union. But at the same time I saw there were various ob- 
stacles in the way ; but the chief was the want of money. It 
seemed to me, however, if you would believe, and obey the 
order of God, all would be made clear before you. Then I 
saw a tall young man, (it seemed to me it was your youngest 
brother,) who poured down bags of gold, not once only, or 
twice, but several times. Some were small, others seemed large 
sums; one was very large; and it was impressed on my mind, 
that all yoiu: trials of that kind were over, and that you would 



MRS. FLETCHER. 



141 



never experience those difficulties any more."* She then 
asked, " Have you more brothers than one ? " I replied, Yes ; 
I have two : and the youngest is tall. But I never received 
any thing in particular from him ; nor have I the least reason 
to expect it. Her discourse, however^ with several concurring 
circumstances, made an impression on our minds; and after 
asking direction from the Lord, we agreed to take the step in a 
fortnight. 

For the first week all remained as usual ; but in the be- 
ginning of the second, a gentleman came quite unexpectedly, 
and bought the place, for one thousand six hundred and twenty 
pounds. Three days after, another took the stock, &c. A way 
seemed also to open for each member of the family ; so that, 
with a little assistance, every one had a comfortable prospect 
before them. The case of one, a poor cripple, who had lived 
with me sixteen years, seemed difficult. — Though she feared 
and loved God, she had such infirmities, no one was willing to 
take her; and we had some reasons against taking her with us 
to Madeley. But this difficulty also was removed. On Sunday 
night, November the 11th, I received a letter from a pious 
lady, who had first recommended her to me, stating, that she 
would take her back and maintain her. 

All was now so far settled, that I did not need to sell the 
X.aytonstone estate. My income would afford to allow the 
pious souls of my dispersed family fifty-five pounds per year, 
pay the interest of the money still owing, and yet leave me 
such an annual sum, as was about equal to my dear Mr. 
Fletcher's income; and in case of my death, there was in, 
Laytonstone more than would pay all. 

So on Monday, the 12th of November, 1781, in Batley 
church we covenanted in the name of the Father, and of the 
Son, and of the Holy Ghost, " to bear each other's burdens," 
and to become one for ever. 

V 

* This whole account is certainly very extraordinary. No pious person, 
however, will say, that the Lord has not helped, or would not thus direct or 
comfort his servants, in peculiar difficulties ; and no person who was ac- 
quainted with Mrs. Clapham, will doubt either the truth of her declaration, 
or the sobriety of her mind. Ed. 



■9 

142 THE LIFE OF 

We agreed it would be best to leave all our furniture, except 
^ a few trifles, to be sold with the house. Deal would do for us 
as well as mahogany. I felt some attachment to my neat fur- 
niture ; but love to the order of God, made me take the spoil- 
ing of them very cheerfully. The money was not to be paid 
in immediately for the estate ; we were therefore rather at a 
loss to settle all our accounts before we left the place, and to 
give that assistance to our friends we wished to do. On an 
exact calculation, we found a hundred pounds were wanting. 
We laid it before the Lord; and the next post I received a 
letter from my youngest brother, with a bank note of one * 
hundred pounds enclosed, as a present ; though he knew nothing 
of our particular want, nor had I the least reason to expect his 
assistance ; except the extraordinary communication by Mrs. 
Clapham which I have related. 

On January 2d, 1782, we set out for Madeley. But O ! 
where shall I begin my song of praise ! What a turn is there 
in all my affairs ! What a depth of sorrow, distress, and per- 
plexity, am I delivered from ! How shall I find language 
to express the goodness of the Lord ! Not one of the good 
things have failed me of all the Lord my God hath spoken. 
Now I know no want, but that of more grace. I have such a 
husband as is in every thing suited to me. He bears with all 
my faults and failings, in a manner that continually reminds me 
of that word, " Love your wives as Christ loved the Church." 
His constant endeavour is to make me happy ; his strongest 
wesire, my spiritual growth. He is, in every sense of the word, 
toe man my highest reason chooses to obey. I am also happy 
in a servant, whom I took from the side of her mother's coffin, 
when she was four years old. She loves us as if we were her 
parents, and is also truly devoted to God. 

Madeley, Shropshire, May 30, 1782. — Where shall I begin, 
or how recount thy faithfulness, O my God ! O, " What is 
man that thou art mindful of him ! " Above all, what am I, 
most sinful dust and ashes, that thou hast made my cup to run 
over, above all I could think or wish for ! O for holiness ! 
Lord, let me be thine, and doubly thine for ever ! 

O the fears which filled my soul before and after our mar- 



MRS. FLETCHER. 



143 



riage ! but how causeless have they all proved ! I have the 
kindest and tenderest of husbands ; so spiritual a man, and so 
spiritual a union, I never had any adequate conception of. He 
is every way suited to me, — all I could wish.* The work 
among souls increases. I feel it is the Lord who hath cast my 
lot here. For some months I suffered much through fears of 
v.irious kinds ; all my situation being changed, I feared I 
should not be equal to the task allotted me ; and that I should 
not be able to please the people "for their good."" But O! 
had I in every trial but believed all the way through, how 
sweetly might I have gone on ! Now I see what a gracious 
Providence hath superintended all ! " Praise the Lord, O my 
soul ! and all that is within me, praise his holy name ! " 

June 7- — What a deliverance hath the Lord wrought for 
me ! A year ago, I thought there was nothing before me 
(temporally) but ruin. This day twelve months, I cried out, 
" Thou hast not delivered thy people at all." How wonderful 
a chain of Providences ! As soon as we determined to marry 
in a fortnight, and leave the event to the Lord, the house and;, 
all was sold in ten days, and a way made for every one ! But 
wanting a hundred pounds more to get out of that situation, 
we prayed the Lord to appear in our behalf, and immediately 
my youngest brother supplied our every need, though he knew 
not any thing of our necessity. 

" In all my ways thy hand I own ! 
Thy ruling Providence I see." 

Sept. 12. — I have seen forty-three years ! Lord, to what 
purpose ! Most of this day I have spent in secret prayer ; yet 
my soul is rather sorrowful. I have a variety of people and 
different calls of God to attend unto, and I seem to want more 
wisdom, light, and love. My spiritual sphere of action is dif- 
ferent. I have in many respects a wider call for action than 

* Mr. Wesley observes in a letter to the late Mrs. Rogers, at that time 
(Dec. 9, 1781,) Miss Roe, *' I should not have been willing that Miss Bosan- 
quet should have been joined to any other person than Mr. Fletcher ; but I 
trust she may be as useful with him as she was before." See his Works, 
vol. xvi. 



THE LIFE OF 



before, — ^but such a one as requires the momentary teaching 
of the Lord, both in conversing and writing. Yet I do not 
feel all that I felt at Hoxton. No, I do not so live by faith 
as I did then. But I lie before thee, O Lord ! Do all thy 
will on thy poor creature, for whom thou hast appeared in so 
marvellous a manner ! 

October. — The animating example of my dear husband stirs 
me up much. What a spiritual life does he live, — night and 
day he is always on the stretch for God. I am a good deal 
encouraged for the people. I have much liberty in meeting 
them, and my soul feels sweet fellowship with some among them. 

Nov. 1. — I feel the care which a new place, and a new 
situation, is apt to bring on, and it disturbs the peace which 
should be kept in my soul. " Lord, increase my faith ! 
There are many peculiar circumstances in our affairs, and 
strangers are concerned therein ; but in the end I have found 
it all work for good : it has been to me a good and useful 
lesson. First, I flnd.it a cause of rejoicing, that I have found 
*so much love to the persons concerned in it ; and, secondly, 
while I was praying about it, it seemed as if the Lord showed 
me, as immediately from Himself, that I was not required to 
have any anxious care ; but that doing as well as I could, I 
might leave all to God. And if still I could not have things 
as I would wish, that it was the most profitable cross in the 
world ; for it may be helpful to the soul, after doing all we 
can, to appear a fool in the eyes of men. Those words also 
bore much on my mind : — 

" Fix on his work thy constant eye ; 
So shall thy work be done." 

I now felt a sweet calm, waiting on the will of God ; and I could 
say, Lord, I leave every thing to thee ! " One only care my 
soul shall know ! As I was telling the whole affair to my 
dearest husband, he said, " Polly, do not incumber yourself 
for my sake. If we must be thought ignorant and awkward, 
let us submit to it. I require nothing of thee, my Polly, but 
to be more and more devoted to God."" 

Nov. 12. — Glory ! unceasing glory to my adorable Lord ! 



MRS. FLETCHER. 145 

This day we have been married one year. O how does my 
soul praise God for this gracious providence ! What a help- 
mate is he to me, and how much better do we love one another 
this day than we did this day twelvemonths ! On a close ex- 
amination, I have reason to believe my soul is coming forward. 
I have seen this year many and great changes, — had many 
^ trials, and many comforts, — and I have learned much experi- 
ence in various things, which has been much blest to me. O 
for the moment when I shall become a whole burnt sacrifice ! 

Having had some hurry by means of unexpected company 
staying in the house, and some other things ; and reflecting 
how hard it is to keep up uninterrupted communion with God 
in outward hurry, it was opened before me, that the very spirit 
of the Christian life stood in the strictest observation of these 
words, " If a man offend not in tongue, the same is a perfect 
man, and able also to bridle the whole body." Now, for want 
of this watchfulness, I offend often, and that causes distraction 
of spirit, and much hurt many ways. If I had a more con-|^ 
stant waiting, a more continual attention to the Spirit of God,^, 
I believe I should find much more room for silence than I 
usually do ; and that when it was my duty to speak, my words 
would have more weight. O my God, bring me to this ! By 
the way that thou knowest, give me a watchful mind. An eye 
always fixed on thee, and a far deeper sense of thy sacred pre- 
sence ! I also want a greater power of faith to lead on these 
precious souls that are under my care to more abundant life. 
Many are now just on the river's brink, but it seems they want 
a better helper to assist in bringing them over. 

May 21, 1783. — This day has been a day of trial. In the 
morning as I walked out about six o"* clock, Mr. ***'s letter of 
last night came with pain to my mind. I do not like the good 
that is in my dearest Mr. Fletcher to be evil spoken of Before 
dinner I strove to get near to God, but having been up most 
of last night, I was very heavy. In the afternoon I could do 
but little, but I strove to pray. That passage in Mr. Wesley's 
notes on the First Epistle of St. John, was much blest, and 
very sweet to me : " Love is the beginning of eternal life : the 
same in substance with glory." Also St. John's words, " He 

K 



4> 



146 



THE LIFE OF 



that abideth in him simieth not." I saw love comprised all in 
itself. For two hours I was led to lie before the Lord, though 
with many distractions, yet mingled with faith and longing desire. 
O when wilt thou take up in me thine everlasting abode ! 

May 22. — I have this day been engaged in company, and 
sweetly met the order of God therein. I was enabled to be 
watchful ; and blessed be God my tongue has been kept. We 
took sweet counsel together, and I felt the Lord was the 
director of aU within and without. 

Aug. 5. — Since the above, (May 22,) what have I seen of 
the goodness of the Lord ! A fever has been in the parish, 
which took off many whom we saw it our duty to attend. It 
brought eternity very near, and that always does me good. It 
came into our family ; and Sally was attacked with it. But 
my gracious God supported me under aU burdens, and raised 
her up again in a wonderful manner. Soon after her recovery, 
Dr. Coke came in his way from Dublin. When I heard he 
was below, I felt an unusual spring of pleasure, with something 
of a conviction that he brought a message from the Lord. I 
instantly felt a spirit of submission, and as it were a listening 
to the will of God. So I have often felt when some convic- 
tion of fresh duty was about to be made plain to me. A few 
days before this, as I was one morning at prayer, I thought of 
one of our neighbours* (a speaker among the Friends,) who 
was gone to Ireland. It was suggested, should I be called 
thither, could, I resolve to go ? It really seemed I could not. 
The sea, to me ever terrible, appeared then doubly so, and I 
groaned under the thought, — where is faith and resignation ? 

When we came into the parlour, we found the Doctor had 
brought some letters from Dublin to each of us, by which it 
seemed the cloud moved that way. We said but little then, 
but went to church, where the Doctor preached. Before we 
came out, my soul was all readiness to go to the world's end, if 
my adorable Lord so ordered it. 

When we came home, I followed my dear to his study, and 
told him if he saw it his call to go, I saw it mine to foUow 
him. He tenderly objected my health, as I had been very 
poorly some time, and in such a state of relaxation, that I 



MUS. FLETCHER. 



147 



waked for several mornings with blood in my mouth : but I be- 
lieved that was not to hinder. Since that day we have been pre- 
paring for our journey, and I have enjoyed some communion 
with God in so doing. Satan is not wanting to suggest every 
thought that can raise fear. One day I was thinking, what 
would save me from all painful fear ? If the Lord was to give 
me a promise of our safe return, — that my dear husband's 
health should not be hurt, and that we should have much suc- 
cess when there, — -would that do ? I hesitated, and my con- 
fidence seemed to be shook by temptation. I then thought, what 
will enable me to drink this cup to the glory of my Lord ? My 
heart presently answered. Nothing but an entire resignation ; a 
losing of my whole will in that of my Lord's ; — and here I in- 
stantly found I was on solid rock. 

This trial is not come single. My dear husband's health is 
not very good. What the Lord will do with us I know not. 
We are, however, ready for setting off. I feel my heart much 
enlarged, and my spirit so willing to do and suffer the whole 
will of God, that it amazes me. When I think of my dear 
husband's life or health being in danger, I am not anxious as 
I used to be, but can rest in the love and wisdom of my un- 
changeable Friend. For this I praise Him, because no words 
can express the treasure I possess in our union. It is such as 
I had no idea was to be enjoyed in a married state; and in pro- 
portion as I get nearer to God, I find a daily increase of that 
union, — and yet I am enabled so to give him up to the Lord, 
that it holds my soul in a quiet dependance and sweet adherence 
to the will of God. 

William-Street, Dublin, Sept. 12. — This day of our birth 
calls for solemn praise. I say our birth, because, as far as we 
can learn, my dear Mr. Fletcher was born oA the same day, ten 
years before me. And why were we ever brought into being 
Here is the comfortable answer, " I have created thee for my 
glory ; I have formed thee for my praise ! " O let us answer 
that design for ever ! 

Many were my conflicts before we set out for this place. At 
one time it was represented to me, that when we were on the 
watery element, the Prince of the power of the air would 

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THE LIFE OF 



exert all his efforts againft us. As the thought presented, in a 
moment these words sprung up in my heart, — 

" We shall be safe^ for Christ displays 
Superior power and guardian grace." 

The Lord gave me to see the whole universe was under his com- 
mand, as I cannot express. I saw him as " holding the winds in 
his fist," and " the waters in the hollow of his hand." And 
that sooner all nature should change, than one of God's promises 
fail. I am naturally inexpressibly fearful, with all sorts of fear, 
beyond what words can paint ; and it was often represented, if 
I went among strangers, I should, by that weakness, bring 
much discouragement on the feeble ones of the flock. But the 
instance of Gideon was brought before me, and I was made to 
feel. The Lord can get himself glory by the weakest worm ; 
and my heart answered, O Will Divine, which I adore and 
love ! what a rest there is to be found in Thee ! 

Well, in this will, with the prayers and blessing of many of 
our friends, on the 12th of August we set off. As we drove 
from our own door, and my dear was commending us to the pro- 
tection of the Lord, that word rested on my mind with power, 
— " I am thy shield." When we passed the Birches, (where a 
few years ago that remarkable phenomenon occurred,) Mr. 
Fletcher pointed out to me the roads and fields which were so 
lately covered with the river. We could not be but much 
amazed at the stupidity of the human heart. Most of the in- 
habitants seem almost to have forgotten the whole transaction ! 
and we were led to observe, how vain is the common objection 
to the miracles of our Lord, — or to the sun standing still at 
Joshua's word, that they are not recorded in common history. 
Ah no ! That which does not take hold on the sinful affections, 
is soon lost and forgotten ! While we were conversing on the 
above subject, we passed the Eaton-Constadine, a little village 
rendered famous by the birth of that great servant of God, Mr. 
Baxter, with whose spirit we joined our feeble act of worship 
before the Throne. 

At night we were affectionately received by Mrs. Gljnine, of 
Shrewsbury, whose love to the children of God does not grow 



MRS. FLETCHER. 



149 



cold. May he, who hath promised the Prophet's reward, repay 
her in time and eternity ! While my dear was preaching that 
night, on the danger of being " ashamed of the Gospel," my 
heart yearned towards the people of that place, and the cry of 
my spirit was, " O that these people might live before thee.*" 
The next morning we pursued our journey as far as Llangollen 
in Wales ; but all the horses being out we were constrained to 
abide there all night. Inquiring (as we walked about the town) 
whether they had any praying people among them, the poor 
things answered us in the best manner they could ; and after 
consulting together, they said, "Yes, Sir, there are some 
people who pray in houses at the other end of the town, but we 
do not know what they be." Another said, " This very night 
there is a man to preach in the chapel belonging to these praying 
people." According to their direction we went to the place, and 
found a few poor people gathered in a building, 1 believe part 
of an old house. The Preacher seemed very earnest and lively; 
I say seemed, for we could not understand one word, except, 
Ogoniant and Gwaed, glory and blood, which, with much em- 
phasis, he often repeated. After we were returned to our inn, 
a few who could understand English came to us, and desired my 
dear to give them a sermon in the morning, which he did, on 
these words, " This is his commandment, that we should believe 
on the name of his Son, Jesus Christ, and love one another, 
as he hath given us commandment." It was a good time, and 
several were present who understood English. We then set off 
for Conway, and Friday afternoon reached Holyhead. Here, 
for some reasons, I wished to stop a little, and inquiring when 
a vessel would sail, we were informed, not till next morning. 
Mr. Fletcher was but poorly. A swelling which he had on his 
face now broke, and gave him much inconvenience; but on 
Saturday morning we were informed that the packet was going 
off. Some of the people said, " The wind is quite contrary ; 
you will have but a disagreeable passage ; " — but believing it 
to be the order of God, we embarked. Now I remembered 
how the Lord had shown me, " He measured the waters in the 
hollow of his hand." The wind soon grew more favourable, 



150 



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and the sea so smooth, that it seemed to me as if I heard him 
say, " Peace, be still ! " Mr. Fletcher was not much affected 
by the sea, but I was very ill. About one o'clock on Simday 
morning, we cast anchor three miles from Dublin. We then 
got into a boat, which was rather troublesome, as the tide kept 
it in continual agitation; but through the goodness of the Lord 
we arrived safe. After being hindered some time by the custom- 
house officers, we reached by five in the morning the Hotel on 
Dubhn Quay. 

We now abide with our hospitable friends, Mr. and Mrs. 
Smyth, in William-Street, and have seen much of the Lord"'s 
hand in bringing us hither. My dear husband has been favoured 
with such an unction in preaching the word, that it distils " as 
the dew upon the mown grass." The present Preachers in 
Dublin, Brothers Rutherford and Jackson, are truly simple 
pious men, and respect that command, " In honour preferring 
one another." They heartily rejoice in the message my dear 
husband delivers among them. There are some spirits in this 
place in whom we find a degree of the primitive simplicity, re- 
joicing to see a stranger whom they believe the Lord has sent 
to be "a helper of their joy." 

I feel a faith riveted in my heart, that before it is long there 
will be a great revival of the work of God in Dubhn. I feel 
much liberty in meeting the classes. Here are a few souls 
truly athirst for full salvation, and many who inquire after the 
most excellent way. Our kind and generous host and hostess 
allow us all freedom in their house, for the glory of God, and 
the good of his people ; and as their servants also are pious, 
upright persons, we can here worship with them in calm and 
brotherly love. 

Madeley, Oct. 30. — How much of thy goodness, O my God! 
have I seen since I last wrote ! On the seventh of this month 
we left Dublin, and embarked in a Liverpool brig, bound for 
Holyhead. W e had a long way to go in the boat, and about 
eight at night entered the vessel. The sea was then pretty 
smooth ; but in the night the wind grew high, and the Captain 
thought the sea more swelling than he had seen it for some 



MRS. FLETCHER. 



151 



years. It was what they call very squally ; and we were ex- 
tremely sick, far worse than in going. Those words, given me 
before I left home, were much on my mind, 

And shall He not have 
The life which he gave 
So precious a ransom for ever to save " 

And also, " Though I remain in the uttermosts parts of the 
sea, there shall his hand guide me, and his right hand shall 
hold me." I could not tell whether they were not a call to 
sacrifice our lives to him, who had sacrificed his for us : but I 
lay still before the Lord, in the spirit of resignation, saying, 
" Thy will be done." 

In going over, my dear husband's tender attention was a 
great alleviation to my suffering ; but now we were both so ill 
(as was also Sally) we could scarce speak or look towards each 
other, but only wait before the Lord, that all his will might 
be done. Towards morning, the pump told us the vessel was 
leaky, but it was in a small degree, and we were near land. 
It served to remind us of that word, " There is but a step • 
between me and death ? " 

Since our return I have closely examined what I have lost 
or got in these last three months. I exceedingly praise the 
Lord, that ever we went to Dublin, and that for various reasons. 
There are some souls there with whom my spirit found much 
fellowship; — at whose feet I sat, and I trust learned many 
useful lessons. My dear Mr. Fletcher preached in several 
places besides the preaching-house in White-rriars"'-Street, 
both to the French and English, and we had some remarkable 
proofs that he was called there of God.* I have also learned 

* Having visited Dublin soon after the departure of these servants of God, 
I can add my testimony to the great and good effects which resulted from their 
visit, and their truly evangelical labours. Never did I see such deep impres- 
sions made on the minds of that people, except, perhaps, in the very short 
visits of Mr. Wesley. But he had " the care of all the churches," and was oc- 
cupied with that care in every place. Mr. and Mrs. Fletcher had a liberty in that 
respect which our Father in the Gospel could not have. They were the un- 
incumbered helpers of the people's joy ; " and it was truly " the joy of the 
Lord." Those divine impressions were deep and abiding ; and, as Mrs. Fletcher 



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more of my own weakness and ignorance. I know not I ever 
found a more humbling season than while I was there. My 
continual prayer was, Ah ! Lord, break me in pieces ! Melt 
me down, and let me flow, and more fully take the mould 
divine ! My soul is deeply convinced of the need of being 
filled with " all the fruit of the Spinit," or I shall never bring 
glory to my God. O that thou wouldest accomphsh all thy will 
upon me ! 

Since our return, my dear husband has taken another journey 
of about two hundred miles, from which he has a good deal 
sufiered. His face is not yet weU. But the unwearied patience 
and resignation wherewith he goes through all, is to me a con- 
tinual lesson, which I wish to imitate. 

hoped, a great revival of pure religion followed in that society. It had usually 
consisted of about five hundred persons, but it soon increased to upwards of a 
thousand, and has never since fallen below that number. Such longing after 
entire conformity to the Son of God, I never beheld I It seemed to be the 
general sentiment of all, from the highest to the lowest of the people. How 
wide this sacred influence might have extended who can tell, if a poor sectarian 
spirit had not limited the labours of the man of God. On their arrival in 
Dublin, their host, Mr. Smyth, a distinguished and most respectable gentle- 
man, applied to the Rector of St. Andrew's Parish, (in which he lived,) for 
Mr. Fletcher to preach in his church ; and as he was a beneficed Minister, it 
was immediately granted. The Church (commonly called the Round Church) 
was crowded to excess. Mr. Fletcher's text was — " Almost thou persuadest 
me to be a Christian." (Acts xxvi. 28.) He showed what it was to be a Christian, 
from the liturgy which had just been read ; beginning with the general confes- 
sion, and the authoritative declaration of pardon to those *' who truly repent 
and unfeignedly believe his Holy Gospel ; " and going on to that " cleansing of 
our hearts by the inspiration of his Holy Spirit, that we may perfectly love 
him, and worthily magnify his holy name, through Jesus Christ our Lord." 
He then proceeded to persuade them, with an earnestness and power that 
astonished the congregation, some of whom seemed to doubt if he were not 
more than human. But, alas ! it was soon known that Mr. Fletcher preached 
that same evening at the Methodist Preaching-house 1 The pulpits of the 
Churches were immediately shut against him, with the exception of the French 
Church. The first time he preached there his text was, " Call to remembrance 
the former days, in which, after ye were illuminated, ye endured a great fight 
of afflictions." (Heb. x. 32.) He thus brought before them the faith of their an- 
cestors, and the persecutions that had driven them from their native land, and 
strongly enforced the inquiry, " Do you now believe ? " — When some of the 
people were asked, "Why do you go to the French Church to hear Mr. Fletcher, 
when you could not understand one word he said ? they answered, " We went 
to look at him, for heaven seemed to beam from his countenance ! " Ed. 



MRS. FLETCHER. 



153 



Nov. 12. — And do we see the anniversary of our blessed 
union yet another year ? And are we yet more happy and 
more tender towards each other ? Yes, glory be to God, we 
are ! and what is better, I can truly say, our souls get nearer 
to God. We are more spiritual, and live more for eternity. 
What have we passed through together since this day twelve- 
month ! What a tender kind friend hath he proved himself to 
me in every circumstance of each situation ! And now Provi- 
dence hath so graciously brought us again to our own country, 
and quiet habitation, — O that we may live to him more than 
ever ! 

Yesterday I was much blessed in offering up my whole self, 
with aU my concerns, into the hand of God, beheving he 
would appoint me aU my work and all my crosses. He showed 
me he would make his wiU known to me through that of my 
dear husband, and that I was to accept his directions as from 
God, and obey him as the Church does Christ. That I must 
give myself to his guidance as a child, and wherever we were 
caUed, or however employed in the work of God, I should 
always find protection, and glorify God, while I renounced all 
choice by doing the will of another rather than my own. This 
indeed I have always seen ; but it was now more deeply im- 
pressed on my heart, as I was assured there was no danger in 
doing so, having his guidance. I saw how often, through 
that unaccountable fear which presses down my spirit, I have 
been afraid to foUow in the ways he hath pointed out, and so 
have hindered the order of God. Lord, from this day I cove- 
nant afresh to be in this particular at thy own disposal ! 

Feb. 3, 1784. — This day my convictions have been greatly 
deepened concerning the sin of unwatchfulness in the use of my 
tongue. We must be willing to be dumb, and not open our 
mouth, when God's order calls us to it ; and to be a fool in the 
eyes of man, that we may receive the true wisdom. 

Sept. 12. — This day I am forty-five years old. Lord, what 
hath my setting sun to shine on.^^ Must I say a lost life.'' 
Oh, how much of it has been so ! What might I have been ! 
What might I have done for thee, O God ! Yet this day I 
have had such a sense of the goodness of God towards me as 
I cannot express. I am filled with favours ! I have the best 



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of husbands, who daily grows more and more spiritual, and I 
think more healthful, being far better than when we first mar- 
ried. My call is also so clear, and I have such liberty in the 
work, and such sweet encouragement among the people. My 
servant, too, is much improved, and as faithful as if she was 
my ^wn child : an income quite comfortable, and a good deal 
to help the poor with ! O what shall I render to the Lord, 
for all the mercies he hath shown unto me ! 

October. — As I was retired this morning at my ten o'clock 

hour, I was called down to Mary G . I asked her if she 

still retained her spiritual liberty. I found by her answers that 
she did, which caused me to praise the Lord. She gave me a 
strange account, which I shall insert as she related it. A short 
time ago, she said she was one day going out to work in the 
fields, but thought she would first go up stairs to prayer. 
While on her knees, praising God for the care he had taken 
of her children, she was amazed to see her eldest son, about 
twenty-one years old, standing before her ! She started up, — 
but thought, May be it is the enemy to affright me from 
prayer. Casting her eyes again to the same spot, she still saw 
him there, on which she ran down into the kitchen, calling on 
the name of the Lord ! Still, wherever she looked, she saw 
him standing before her, pale, and as if covered with dirt ! 
Concluding from this that he was killed, she ran to her mother, 
who, on hearing the account, went directly to the pit, deter- 
mined to have him home, if ahve. On her drawing near the 
pit, she heard a great tumult, for the earth had fallen in on him 
and two other men, and the people were striving to dig them 
out. At length he was got up alive and well, and came home 
to his mother, pale and dirty, just as she had seen him ! She 
then fell on her knees, and began praising that God who hears 
and answers prayer ! Many of the ungodly neighbours, having 
been witnesses to the whole transaction, are much affected, 
and I trust this very strange occurrence will work for good.* 

October. — Yesterday I was very much taken up in house 
affairs. Various things occurred which would at some times 

* Was not this extraordinary dispensation permitted for the good of these 
ignorant ungodly persons, who were not likely to be moved by more rational 
means ? Ed. 



MRS. FLETCHER. 



155 



have been a burden ; but every thing seemed blest. . These 
words were all day the language of my heart : — 

" With thee delighted I forget 
All time, and toil, and care ; 
Labour is rest, and toil is sweet. 

If thou my God be there." •** 

It was a day of prayer and sweet recollection. This day also I 
have found much of the presence of God. — O for a power of self- 
denial in all things to do his will ! 

Nov. 12. — We have been married three years this day. A 
good day it has been to me ! My spirit has been much drawn 
out in prayer for a further lift of faith, without which I am sen- 
sible I cannot obtain the fulfilment of that promise, " Her 
clothing shall be of wrought gold ? As I was this day reflect- 
ing on the wonderful goodness of God in my providential union 
with my dear husband, (so far, so very far, beyond my warmest 
wishes,) my heart was enlarged with desire to render to my God 
a suitable return for all his mercies ! I cried from the bottom of 
my soul to the Father that he would draw me to the Son ! I 
called on Christ as my living head ! It was a peculiar season. 
These words have ever since abode on my mind : — 

" See Him to thy help come down, 
The excellence divine." 

Nov. 16. — A thought struck my mind to-night, as I was look- 
ing over sone part of my diary, that there is not praise enough 
for spiritual blessings. I express my wants, but I ought to 
praise the Lord without ceasing, that he gives me such an open 
door to pour out my wants into his bosom ; and the answers 
to prayer I have of late found have been so quick, so certain, 
and so wonderful, I am amazed ! 

In July last, we believed the Lord called us to Yorkshire 
for a few weeks,* and many answers to prayer did we meet with 
in that journey. Soon after our return, my dear husband was 
called to take another journey. I knew he would meet with 

* To attend the Conference, — the last at which Mr. Fletcher was present. Ed. 



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much fatigue therein; and every journey hurts him much: 
but I was amazed at the cahn resignation which I felt ; the 
language of my heart was : 

" Happy to meet, yet free to part. 
Through thee for ever one in heart." 

This autumn I have been a good deal among the people, and 
have found great liberty both in public and private meetings. 
Two dear souls have been lately brought in, and though per- 
secution burns hot against them, they are yet firm, and rejoice 
that they " are counted worthy to suffer for the cause of God." 
Lord, keep them, and make them firm as the beaten anvil to 
the stroke ! 

Lord's day. — My dear husband was very poorly, and had 
much appearance of a fever. In the morning meeting, I told 
the dear women we must hold him up by prayer ; and indeed I 
felt our prayers had free access to the Lord. It would have 
warmed a heart of stone to have heard Mary Matthews give her 
simple, yet soHd and wise declaration of the goodness of God. 
She had been a long time creeping hither with her sore leg; but 
she seemed scarce to know which to praise God most for, the 
strength he had given her to do so, or the pain she had felt all 
the night before ! "For," said she, "if I had not had pain, I 
should have slept : but instead of that, I had such a divine visit 
from my Lord, and such sweet intercourse with him, I would 
not have been without it for all the world." This woman grows 
much in grace ; she is to me a great consolation, and a help in 
training up some of the lambs of the flock. She had been for 
some time in a mourning state, (though she stiU retained her 
faith,) but the first Sabbath my dear husband and I spoke in 
the kitchen, she was set at hberty while these words were 
sung: — 

" The year of jubilee is come ! 
Return, ye ransom'd sinners, home ! " 

Jan. 5, 1785. — I have this day been looking over my many 
mercies, and my heart was melted into love ! O what a prospect 
Lord, speak again to my heart, " Thou shalt walk with me in 
white ! " I cast my whole self on thy mercy ! So much I feel 



MRS. FLETCHER. 



157 



of it as makes me rest under thy shadow ! Thy will shall be 
my choice ! Sometimes I think I am so surrounded with com- 
forts, I shall not answer that character,— " These are they 
which came out of great tribulation." But I abandon myself 
to thy dear will, only let me glorify thee to the uttermost ! Yea, 
with every power ! It was a good time last night also while at 
the prayer-meeting. 

Yesterday I went with my dear husband to but being 

taken ill, I was forced to return home. This is often the case 
with me. I am oft disappointed in what appears at first the will 
of God ; but at this time it was far otherwise. I felt a pleasure 
in appearing mean and good for nothing.. Yes, I will glory in 
my infirmity, that the will of God may be done in me ! 

July 2. — Much blest to day while my dear husband was 
preaching the sermon to the club. I had a sweet sight how 
union with God could transform the soul into his own image. 

July 26. — This summer being dry, I have had much oppor- 
tunity of going about. One day at the Rough Park I had a 
peculiar instance of the goodness of God. A son of Belial, a 
wicked, rude fellow, bound himself and another young man, 
whom he had drawn in, under a blasphemous oath, that they 
would be there by the time we began, in order to make a dis- 
turbance. Accordingly about six o'clock he was for setting off*, 
when he was suddenly struck as with death ! AU about him 
really thought he was dying. He continued thus for some hours. 
O how easily can the Lord put his bridle into the jaws of those 
he would restrain ! I gave it out to be there again that day 
fortnight, but in the mean time I walked to a distant place, 
rather beyond my strength ; however we had a good time. On 
my return home, I felt very weary, and the thought passed my 
mind, my soul is too swift for my body, for it seemed as if it 
would fly to those places where there appeared a call. My 
earthly frame, however, was too heavy to drag after it. That 
night I began to grow ill, and it terminated in a fever. My 
limbs swelled a good deal, and I was covered with red spots, but 
had not much pain. Now I had a fresh instance of the tender 
care and love of my blessed partner ; sickness was made pleasant 
by his kind attention. When the day came for me to be at the 



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Rough Park, he went himself, but was so penetrated with the 
thought of losing me, that he preached as it were my funeral 
sermon; and the dear people joined him in his feelings and 
prayer. During this illness, many thoughts passed my mind 
which I can scarce account for. For a good while past, my dear 
husband has joined with me in prayer in an uncommon manner. 
We are led to offer ourselves to do and suffer all the will of God. 
Something seems to tell me I must have more of the bitter cup; 
and these words are much with me, " That I may stand in the 
evil day, and having done all — stand." My prayer is, that the 
evil day may be before death, — not at the last. But, Lord, thy 
will — thy whole will be done ! 

Certainly I have now scarce any cross. Thou hast made my 
cup to run over ! Yea, thou hast made me to forget all my 
sorrows. It seems as if I had never suffered any thing ! There 
is not a comfort I can wish for, which I have not ; but. Lord, 
I want more grace ! 

Oct. 25. — When I wrote last (July 26) I was indeed arrived 
at the summit of human felicity ! My cup did indeed run over ! 
I often said. Lord, how is this ? Am I indeed one of those of 
whom it is said, " These are they who came out of great tribu- 
lation ? " My way is strewed with roses. I am ready to say 
with Joseph, " The Lord hath made me to forget all my afflic- 
tions, and all my father's house ! 

But, O ! how shall I write it ! On tl^ 14th of August, 1785, 
the dreadful moment came ! The sui^ of my earthly joys for 
ever set, and the cloud arose which casts the sable on all my 
future life ! At half past ten that Sabbath night, I closed the 
eyes of my beloved ! What a change ! The whole creation 
wears a new face to me. The posture of my mind at this season, 
I will not trust my memory to describe. I will leave it in the 
rough manner I then set it down. Perhaps some one walking 
in the same dreary path may find a little comfort therefrom. To 
others it may be dry and insipid. " The heart knoweth its own 
bitterness." 

On September 15th, 1785, I wrote in my diary as follows, — 
" I am truly a desolate woman, who hath no helper but thee." 
I remember a little before the translation of my dearest love. 



MRS, FLETCHER. 



159 



we were drawn out continually to ask for a greater measure of 
the Spirit, — such a measure as was given at Pentecost : or in 
other words, such a manifestation of the loving nature of God, 
as should fulfil in us that promise, " Ye are the temples of the 
Holy Ghost." This I asked and pleaded for, and that on any 
condition. My dear Mr. Fletcher used to say, " That is right, 
Polly ; let us hold fast there, and leave all the rest to God ; 
though he should be constrained to part us asunder to give the 
answer." 

On the Tuesday before my love died, when those words were 
applied to my mind, " Where I am, there shall my servants 
be, that they may behold my glory," I felt such a power in 
them, as seemed in a great degree to take away the bitterness 
even of that dreadful cup. " To behold my glory ! " That 
thought would for moments swallow up all, and I seemed to lose 
myself in the desire of his glory being manifested. But that 
awful night ! when I had hung over my dear husband for many 
hours, expecting every breath to be his last, and during which 
time he could not speak to, nor take any notice of me, a flood 
of unspeakable sorrow overspread my heart, and quite over- 
whelmed my spirit. I was scarcely in my senses ; and such 
a fear seized my soul lest I should say or do any thing displeas- 
ing to the Lord, that I was torn as it were a thousand ways at 
once. 

My fatigue had been great : I was barely recovered of my 
fever, and this stroke so tore my nerves, that it was an inlet to 
much temptation. In former parts of my life, I have felt deep 
sorrow ; but such were now my feelings, that no words I am 
able to think of can convey an adequate idea thereof. The next 
morning, — O, my God ! what a cup didst thou put into my hand! 
Not only my beloved husband, but it appeared to me my Saviour 
also was torn from me ! Clouds and darkness surrounded both 
soul and body ! The sins even of my infancy came before me, 
and assaulted me as thick as hail ! I seemed to have no love, 
no faith, no light, — -and yet I could not doubt but I should see 
the smiling face of God in glory ! Yea, that heaven would 
terminate all my sufferings ! There did not seem one dart 
thrown at my final salvation. An unshaken belief that Christ 



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would bring me through all, was my great support ; and it 
seemed to me, that I must have been annihilated had I been 
moved from that anchor. No finite creature could have sup- 
ported it. My agonized soul seemed to sweat blood, and I felt 
the meaning of these words, " The pains of hell gat hold upon 
me ! What, said I, is this the soul that but a few days ago 
delighted in the thought of his glory ! But now he hath en- 
tered into judgment with me ! My soul was amazed, and in 
deep anguish, and literally my life drew nigh to the grave. 

When formerly I have read accounts like this, I have 
thought, — these persons have a strong way of expressing them- 
selves ; but, alas ! I solemnly declare, no expression appears 
to me strong enough for what I felt. That word passed my 
mind several times, 

Even to his Father did he look 

In pain^ — his Father him forsook ! " 

A host of foes seemed to surround me, and I was (as it appeared 
to me) given into their hands.* Those words came often to 
my mind, " To know him, and the power of his resurrection, 
and the fellowship of his sufferings.'*' Sometimes I remembered 
that expression, " My God! my God! why hast thou forsaken 
me ! " I cast my mournful eyes towards the " Man of Sorrows'"* 
who spoke them, but there seemed no answer ; all was horror 
and darkness. 

Many times a day I visited my lovely corpse, remembering, 
as I knelt beside him, how he used to say, " Ah ! my dear 
Polly, must I ever see thee laid out on this bed ! " But, alas I 
he could no more speak to me, no more express his tender 
sjnnpathy ! Now " I trod the winepress alone," and truly, 
" there was none with me."" The rest of the day I sat mostly 
alone in the next room, where my window presented to my 

* This whole account describes truly, " the hour and the power of darkness." 
" The blast of the terrible ones " was indeed ** as a storm against the wall ! " 
But this follower of Christ, nevertheless, walked not in darkness. She, like 
her Master, could say, " My God ! my God ! " when " her soul was sorrowful 
even unto death." Thus " Heavett its choicest gold by suffering tried. The 
saint sustained it," — but the woman felt ; and she no more disguised her feelings 
than our divine Master did. Ed. 



MRS. FLETCHER. 



161 



view the grave digging, and the church-yard visited by numbers 
to look at the vault ! Soon it occurred to my mind, that before 
We married, some letters had passed between us on particular 
subjects, which he had often told me I had better burn, say- 
ing, " Thou puttest it off; and if one of us should die, it will 
almost kill the other to do it then." Yet, being loath to part 
with them, I had neglected to do it ; but now being seized 
with a kind of palsy and loss of memory, I thought, perhaps 
in another day I may not be able to do it, and then I shall 
be unfaithful to my dear husband's command. The third day, 
therefore, I Carried them to the fire. But, oh ! what did I 
feel at the sight I I could not even avoid seeing some of the 
tender expressions they contained, which were now as barbed 
arrows to my heart. Next day came on the funeral. 

All this time my soul Was as in the lion's den. The day 
after I heard that some reports were abroad concerning my 
dear husband's death, — as if he had been delirious, and expired 
in great agonies. I believed I was called to write the truth ; 
and casting myself on the Lord, to be guided by his hand as a 
mere machine, I took up my pen and wrote to Mr. Wesley the 
following letter. I wrote it at one sitting, intending to copy 
it afterward ; but I had no more strength than just sufficed for 
the occasion. I sent it therefore as it was to the press, and 
left it all to God. 

" Rev. and very dear Sir, " August 18th, 1785. 

" Though but yesterday I parted with my beloved 
husband's remains, I must now endeavour to collect my wounded 
mind, as I would not have any of his words fall to the ground, 
and give, if possible, some account of the awful, but to him 
glorious scene. 

" Our union increased daily, as did his health and strength ; 
his consumptive complaint appeared quite removed, and in my 
eyes the bitterness of death was past. The work was sweetly 
prospering, and in a variety of circumstances the sun of pros- 
perity shone around us. 

For some time before this last illness, his precious soul 
(always alive to God) was particularly penetrated with the 



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nearness of eternity; there was scarce an hour in which he 
was not calling upon me to drop every thought and every care, 
that we might attend to nothing but drinking deeper into God. 
We spent much time in wrestling prayer for the fulness of the 
Spirit, and were led, in a very peculiar manner, to an act of 
abandonment (as we called it) of our whole selves into the 
hands of God, to do or suffer whatever was pleasing to him. 
On Thursday, August 4th, he was taken up in the work of 
God from three in the afternoon, till nine at night : when he 
came home, he said, ' I have taken cold.' Friday and Saturday 
he was but poorly, though he went out part of the day, but 
seemed uncommonly drawn out in prayer. On Saturday night 
his fever first appeared very strong. I begged him not to go 
to the church in the morning, but let a pious brother who was 
here preach in the yard; but he told me he believed it was the 
will of the Lord, and that he was assured it was right he should 
go ; in which case I never dared to dissuade him. As I was 
in the morning with a little company of our pious women, I 
begged they would pray that he might be strengthened, and 
that I might have a grain of that faith which supported the 
faithful when their friends were martyred. In reading prayers 
he almost fainted away. I got through the crowd, with a 
friend, and entreated him to come out of the desk, as did some 
others ; but he let us know, in his sweet manner, that we were 
not to interrupt the order of God. I then retired to my pew, 
where all around me were in tears. When he was a little re- 
freshed by the windows being opened, and a nosegay thrown 
into the desk by a friend, he went on ; and afterwards going 
up into the pulpit, preached with a strength and recollection 
which surprised us all. 

" In his first prayer he said, ' Lord, thou wilt manifest thy 
strength in weakness ; we confer not with flesh and blood, but 
put our trust under the shadow of thy wings.' 

" His text was from Psalm xxxvi., ' Thou, Lord, shalt save 
both man and beast ; how excellent is thy mercy, O God, and 
the children of men shall put their trust under the shadow of 
thy wings.' 5 

" After he had pointed out the Saviour of mankind, and 



MRS. FLETCHER. 



16a 



observed how some by sin had made themselves beasts, he 
showed that the promise, even in that sense, might be applied 
to the sinner as well as to the beasts of the earth ; and in 
speaking to these, with his usual earnestness, he pressed, in- 
vited, and entreated them to return unto God, enforcing those 
words of our Lord, when he came near to Jerusalem and wept 
over it ; 'If thou hadst known, even thou, at least in this thy 
day, the things which belong to thy peace ! but now they are 
hid from thine eyes.' These words peculiarly pierced the 
hearts of many, as they have since told me. He continued to 
observe in nearly the following words; " That the wings of the 
Lord are compared to those of an eagle for strength and pro- 
tection: (Exod. xix. :) 'I bare you on eagles' wings, and brought 
you unto myself.' And to those of a hen for love and care : 
' Like as a hen gathereth her chickens under her wings.' In 
the Jewish Tabernacle, where was the Holy of Holies, two 
Cherubim were placed, whose extended wings joining together 
overshadowed the mercy-seat. When Christ died upon the 
cross, his arms were stretched out, and these were as wings of 
love which he opened, and still holds wide open to receive all 
that come unto him ; let us then, when we see his love and 
power thus united to save and bless us, enter boldly into the 
Holy of Holies through the door of divine mercy. A friend 
threw me some flowers to revive me when I was faint, but the 
mercy of the Lord is far more reviving: it is this I would hold 
out to you, and drop it into your very bosoms. May it sink 
deep there, that you may ' taste and see how good the Lord is ;' 
and confess tha this saving mercy is above the richest perfume ; 
for he ' saves both man and beast ! "' 

" After sermon he went up the aisle to the communion-table, 
with these words, ' I am going to throw myself under the 
wings of the cherubim before the mercy-seat.' 

" The congregation was large, and the service held till near 
two. Sometimes he could scarcely stand, and was often obliged 
to stop for want of power to speak. The people were deeply 
affected. Weeping was on every side. Gracious Lord ! how 
was it my soul was kept so calm in the midst of the most tender 
feelings ; Notwithstanding his extreme weakness, he gave out 

L 2 



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several verses of hymns, and various lively sentences of ex- 
hortation. As soon as the service was over, we hurried him 
away to his bed ; where he immediately fainted away. He after- 
wards dropped into a sleep for some time, and upon waking, cried 
out with a pleasant smile ; ' Now, my dear, thou seest I am no 
worse for doing the Lord's work ; he never fails me when I 
trust in him." After he had got a little dinner he dosed most 
of the evening ; now and then waking (as was usual with him) 
full of the praises of God. That night his fever returned, but 
not so bad as on Saturday; nevertheless from Sunday his 
strength decreased amazingly. On Monday and Tuesday we 
had a little paradise together : he lay on a couch in the study, 
and was at times very restless, as to change of posture, but 
sweetly pleasant, and often slept for a good while. When 
awake, he delighted much in hearing me read hymns and tracts 
on faith and love. His words were all animating, and his 
patience beyond what I can express. When he had any bitter 
or nauseous medicine to take, he seemed to enjoy the cross ; re- 
minding me of a word he used often to repeat, that our busi- 
ness was to seek a perfect conformity to the will of God, and 
then leave him to give us what comfort he saw good. I asked 
him, if he should be taken from me, whether he had any par- 
ticular directions or orders to give me, since I desired to form 
my whole life thereby. He replied, ' No, not by mine ; 
the Holy Ghost shall direct thee; I have nothing particular to 
say, only that the Lord will open all before thee ; and let not 
any one bring thee into bondage. If I stay with thee, I will 
keep thee from oppression ; but if I should be taken from thee, 
beware." I said. Hast thou any conviction the Lord is about 
to take thee ? He answered, ' No, not in particular ; only I 
always see death so inexpressibly near, that we both seem to 
stand as on the verge of eternity." While he slept a little I 
laid my trial before the Lord, entreating him, if it was his 
good pleasure, to spare my beloved husband a little longer ; 
but my prayer seemed to have no wings. It was held down, 
and I could not help mingling continually therewith. Lord, 
give me perfect resignation ! This uncertainty in my own 
mind made me rather tremble, lest the Lord was going to take 



MRS. FLETCHER. 



165 



the bitter cup out of my dear's hand and give it unto me. The 
cup of separation he had for some weeks before very deeply 
drank of, when I myself was ill of the fever. At that time 
he often passed through the whole parting scene, and struggled 
for the fortitude of perfect resignation. Sometimes he would 
say at that season, ' O Polly ! shall I ever see the day when 
thou must be carried out to be buried ? How will the little 
things which thou wast accustomed to use, and all those which 
thy tender care has prepared for me in every part of the house, 
how will they wound and distress me ! How is it ? I think I 
feel jealousy, — I am jealous of the worms ! I seem to shrink 
at giving my dear Polly to the worms!' 

" Now all these reflections returned with a millstone's weight 
on my heart. I cried to the Lord, and those words were deeply 
impressed on my spirit ; ' Where I am, there shall my servants 
be, that they may behold my glory.' This promise was full 
of matter as well as unction to my soul. It explained itself 
thus ; That in Christ's immediate presence was our home, and 
that we should find our re-union in being deeply centered in 
him. I received it as a fresh marriage for eternity. As such 
I still take, and trust for ever to hold it. All that day, when- 
ever I thought of this expression, ' To behold my glory,' it 
seemed to wipe every tear away, and was as the ring by which 
we were joined anew. 

" Awaking some time after, he said, ' Polly, I will tell you 
what I have been thinking of, — It was Israel's fault that they 
asked for signs we will not do so ; but abandoning our whole 
selves into the hands of God, we will there lie patiently before 
him, assured that he will do all things well.' 

"My dear love, said I, if ever I have done or said any 
thing to grieve thee, how will the remembrance wound my 
heart, shouldest thou be taken from me ! 

" He entreated and charged me, with inexpressible tender- 
ness, not to allow the thought ; declaring his thankfulness for our 
union, in a variety of words, which remain written on my heart, 
as with the adamantine pen of friendship deeply dipt in blood. 

" On Wednesday, after groaning all day as it were under 
the weight of the power of God, he told me, he had received 



166 



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such a manifestation of the Ml meaning of that word, God is 
love, as he could never be able to tell. It Jills me, said he ; 
it Jills me every moment. O PoUy ! my dear Polly ! God is 
love ! shout, shout aloud, — O ! it so fiUs me, T want a gust of 
praise to go to the ends of the earth. But it seems as if I 
could not speak much longer; let us fix on a sign between our- 
selves ; (tapping me twice with his dear finger ;) now I mean 
God is love ; and we will draw each other into God : observe I 
by this we will draw each other into God. 

" Sally coming in, he cried out, ' O Sally ! God is love ! 
shout, both of you ; I want to hear you shout his praise."* In- 
deed it was a season of love. All this time the medical firiend 
who attended him with unwearied diligence, hoped he was in 
no danger. He knew it to be the fever, but as he had no bad 
head-ache, much sleep, without the least delirium, and an 
almost regular pulse, seldom much quicker than my own, he 
thought the symptoms amazingly mild ; for though the disease 
was commissioned to take his life, yet it seemed so restrained 
by the power of God, that we truly discerned in it the verity 
of those words, * Death is yours." 

"On Thursday his speech began to fail. While he was 4ble 
he continued speaking to all who came in his way. Accidentally 
hearing that a stranger was in the house, he ordered her to be 
called up, though uttering two sentences almost made him faint. 
To his friendly Doctor he would not be silent while he had any 
power of speech ; often saying, ' O, Sir, you take much thought 
for my body, give me leave to take thought for your soul.' 
And I believe his words will remain with that friend for ever. 
When I could scarcely understand any thing he said, I spake 
these words, God is love ! Instantly he catched them, as if 
all his powers were awakened afresh, and broke out in a rapture, 
' God is love, love, love ! O for that gust of praise I want to 
sound.'' Here his dear voice again failed. He was restless, 
and often suffered many ways, but with such patience, as none 
but those who were with him can conceive. If I named his 
sufferings, he would smile, and make the sign. 

" On Friday, finding his dear body covered with spots, I so 
far understood them, as to feel a sword pierce through my soul. 



MRS. FLETCHER. 



167 



As I was kneeling by his bed with my hand in his, entreating 
the Lord to be with us in this tremendous hour, he strove to 
say many things, but could not : pressing my hand, and often 
repeating the sign, at last he breathed out, Head of the church, 
he head to my wife. When for a few moments I was forced to 
leave him, to gather up some sheets of one of his manuscripts, 
which I feared would be lost, — -Sally said to him, ' My dear 
master, do you know me ? He replied, ' Sally, God will put 
his right hand under you.' She added, 'O my dear master, 
should you be taken away, what a disconsolate creature will my 
poor dear mistress be ! ' He replied, God will be her all in all. 
He had always delighted much in these words, 

' Jesu's bloodj through earth and skies, 
Mercy, free, boundless Mercy, cries ! ' 

And whenever I repeated them to him, would answer, bound- 
less, boimdless, boundless! and in allusion to them, he now 
replied, though with great difficulty ; 

' Mercy's full power / soon shall prove, 
Lov'd with an everlasting love ! ' 

" OnN^aturday afternoon his fever seemed quite off, and a 
few Christian friends standing near the bed, he reached his 
hand to each of them, and looking on a Minister who was 
weeping by him, he feaid, 'Are you ready to assist to-morrow?' 
Which recollection of his amazed us much, as the day of the 
week had not been named in his room. Most about him could 
not but believe he was better, and would get over it. One 
said, ' Do you think that the Lord will raise you up ? ' He 

strove to answer, saying, ' Raise in resur , raise in 

resur— meaning the resurrection. To another, who asked 
the same question, he said, ' I leave it all to God."" 

" In the evening his fever returned with violence, and the 
mucus falling on the windpipe occasioned him to be almost 
strangled. He suffered greatly ; and it was feared the same 
painful emotion would continue and grow more violent to the 
last. This I felt most exquisitely^ and cried to the Lord' to 
remove it; tnd glory be to his name, he did remove it ; and it 



168 



THE LIFE OF 



returned no more in that way. As nigljt drew on, I thought I 
perceived him dying very fast ; his fjiigers could now hardly 
move 1!# make the sign, (which he seenjed scarce ever to forget,) 
and his speech, as it seemed, was quite gone. I said, ' My 
dear creature, I ask not form yself, / Unow thy soul ; but for 
the sake of others, if Jesus is very present^ with thee, lift tbjf 
right hand. He did so : — I added. If the prospect of glory 
sweetly opens before thee, repeat the sign, ile then raised it 
again, — and, in a minute, a second time ; ^^hen threw it up 
with all his remaining strength, as if he would^> reach the top 
of the bed ! After this his dear hands moved ^o more ; but 
on my saying, ' Art thou in much pain ? "* he an§wered, ' No.' 
From this time he entered into a state that might be csJUe^ a 
kind of sleep, though with eyes open and fixed, and his hands 
utterly void of any motion. For the most part he sat upright 
against pillows, with his head a little inclined t^ one Side, and 
so remarkably composed and triumphant was his countenance, 
that the least trace of death was scarcely discernible in it. 

" Twenty-four hours my dearly beloved was in this situation, 
breathing like a person in common sleep. — About thirty-five 
minutes past ten, on Sunday night, August 14th, his /precious 
soul entered into the joy of the Lord, without one struggle or 
groan, in the fifty-sixth year of his age. 

" Often he had said, when hearing of happy deaths, ' Well, let 
us get holy lives, and we will leave t^^^lfK to God.' But I, 
who was scarce a minute at a time from him night or day, can 
truly say, that there was the strongest reason to believe, 

f No cloud did arise, to darken the skies, \ i 

Or hide for one moment his Lord from his eyes.' 1 \ 

" And here I break off my mournful story ! I could say 
abundance more ; but on my bleeding heart his fair picture of 
heavenly excellence will be for ever drawn. When I call to 
mind his ardent zeal, his laborious endeavours to seek and save 
the lost, — his diligence in the employment of his time, — his 
Qjbji^-like condescension towards me, and his uninterrupted 
cbn^rse with heaven, I may well be allowed to add, my lo§s^ 
L is beyond the power of words to paint. O, Sir, you know I 



V 



k 



MRS. FLETCHER. 



169 



have trodden deep waters, but all my afflictions were nothing 
coTTi/pared to this. Well, I want no pleasant prospect, but 
upwards, — nor any thing whereon to fix my hope, but %2mor- 
tality. 

" On the 17th, his dear remains were deposited in Madeley 
^hurch-yard, amid the tears and lamentations of thousands, 
who flocked about the bier of their dead Pastor. Between the 
house and the church they sung these ver ses,— 

' With heavenly weapons he hath fought 
The battles of the Lord ; 
Finish'd his course, and kept the faith, 
^ And gain'd the great reward. 

* God hath laid up in heaven for him 
A crown which cannot fade ; 
^ The righteous Judge, at that great day. 
Shall place it on his head.' 

" The service was performed by the Rev. Mr. Hatton, 
Rector of Waters-Upton, whom the Lord moved, in a pathetic 
manner, to speak to his weeping flock on the sad occasion. In 
the conclusion, at my request, he read the following paper : — 

" As it was the desire of my beloved husband to be buried 
in this plain manner, so out of tenderness, he begged that I 
might not be presei^^and in all things I would obey him. 

" Permit me, tfliP)^ take this opportunity, by the mouth 
of a friend, to bear my open testimony to the glory of God 
that I who have known him, in the most perfect manner, am 
constrained to declare, I never knew any one walk so closely 
in the ways of God as he did. The Lord gave him a con- 
science tender as the apple of an eye. He literally preferred 
the interest of every one to his own. He was rigidly just, but 
perfectly loose from all attachment to the world. He shared 
his all with the poor, who lay so close to his heart, that on the 
approach of death, though his speech was so gone that he 
could utter nothing without difficulty, he cried out, ' 0 my 



poor I what will become of my po0r !-^L^m dead to'my^pjjiltlf 
I^e was bl^t witji.so great a dejgi*ee of humility as is scarcely 

IS taken a real 

4 



to be found. I am witness hoy/ often he has taken a real p lea- : 



170 



THE LIFE OF 



sure in being treated with contempt; indeed, it seemed the 
very food of his soul to be little and unknown. When he said 
to me, ' Thou wilt write a line or two to my brother in Switzer- 
land, if I die ; ' I replied. My dear love, I will write him all 
the Lord's dealings with thee. 'No, no,' said he, 'write 
nothing about me, I desire to be forgotten ; — God is all ! ' 

" His zeal for souls I need not tell you ; let the labour of 
twenty-five years, and a martyr's death in the conclusion, im- 
print it on your hearts. His diligent visitation of the sick, 
laid, to appearance, the foundation of the spotted fever, which, 
by God's commission, tore him from you and me ; and his vehe- 
ment desire to take his last leave of you, with dying lips and 
hands, gave (it is supposed) the finishing stroke, by preparing 
his blood for putrefaction. Thus hath he lived and died your 
servant. And will any of you refuse to meet him at God's 
right hand in that day ? 

" He walked with death always in sight ; and about two 
months ago, he came to me one day and said, ' My dear love, I 
know not how it is, but I have a strange impression, death is very 
near us, as if it would be some sudden stroke upon one of us ; 
and it draws out all my soul in prayer that we may be ready.' 
He then broke out, ' Lord, prepare the soul thou wilt call ; 
and O, stand by the poor disconsolate one who shall be left 
behind.' 

" A few days before his departure he' fiUed with love in 
an uncommon manner, saying to me, — ' I have had such a dis- 
covery of the depth of that word, " God is love," as I cannot 
tell the half; but it Jills me, it fills me ! O Polly, my dear 
Polly, " God is love ! " shout his praise ; I want a gust of 
praise to reach to the ends of the earth.'' And the same he 
testified as long as he had voice, and continued to testify, to 
the end, by a most lamb-like patience, in which he victoriously 
smiled at death, and set his seal to the glorious truths he had 
so long preached among you. 

" Three years, nine months, and two days, I have possessed 
my heavenly-minded husband ; but now, the sun of my earthly 
joy is set for ever, and my soul filled with an anguish, whidi 
only finds its consolation in a total abayidonment and resigna- 



MRS. FLETCHER. 



tion to the will of God : an exercise to which my dear husband 
and I had of late been particularly drawn. When I was asking 
the Lord if he pleased to spare him to me a little longer, the 
following answer was impressed on my mind with great power^ 
and in the accomplishment of this word of promise / look for 
our reunion ; ' Where I am, there shall my servants be, that 
they may behold my glory ! ' Lord, hasten the hour ! 

" I am, 

" Rev. and dear Sir, &c., 

" Mary Fletcher. 

" The Rev. Mr. Wesley.'' 

My anguish was extreme. All outward support seemed to 
be withdrawn ; — appetite and sleep quite failed me, — and even 
the air, I often thought, had entirely lost all its vivifying powers. 
As I never before had any conception of the bitter anguish which 
the Lord saw good to visit me with at this season ; so I can give 
no just description of it. " Known unto God are all his ways 
and I was assured, even in the midst of my trouble, that all 
he did was well, and that there was a needs be for this heavy 
trial. But what bound all my other trials upon me was, I felt 
continually the keenest accusations from Satan, constraining me 
by every possible suggestion to look at my extreme sensibility 
in suffering, as being deeply sinfiil ! What, thought I, has 
made this change ? If Jesus was my all, should I not feel as 
keenly the sense of his having suffered for me, as I do in the 
thought of my dear husband's kindness, and in the dreadful 
feeling of my separation from him ? — ^And because I could feel 
but very faint touches of sensible communion with God, I was 
torn as it were in pieces. All my religion seemed shrunk into 
one point ; viz.^ a constant cry, " Thy will be done ! " * I will, 
yes, / will glorify Thee! even in this Jire. 

Yet it seemed to me I did not glorify him;— and so afraid 
was I of turning to any human comfort, or stopping short of 
all the Lord would have me to do or be, that in the midst of 
this terrible furnace, I can say, — that at every moment my 

* This is a fruit of the Spirit that never fails tliDse who abide in the faitk, 
even in the darkest hour. Ed. 



172 



THE LIFE OF 



conscience was "Quick as the apple of an eye, the slightest 
touch of sin to feel." Yea, my spirit was all eye to discern its 
most distant approach. Yet in every thing I seemed to be ac- 
cused, and also condemned ! so that " my soul was " indeed 
" sorrowful even unto death." * 

One morning before I was awake, I heard singing voices, as 
just over my face ; they answered one another with these 
words : 

" Weep ye in Zion's deep distress. 
In Zion's sorrow mourn." 

Then one voice, which I well knew to be that of my dearest 
love, spake in distinct words, and with much emphasis, — 

" Fight the good fight of faith with me. 
My fellow-soldier, fight." 

It gave me some little comfort, and animated me to follow his 
bright example. 

One day these words were applied with much power to my 
heart : " These light afflictions, which are but for a moment, 
shall work out for you a far more exceeding and eternal weight 
of glory." What, said I, did the Apostle, who had been in 
the third heaven, and knew well what he said; — Did he call 
these afflictions light, when put in the scale with that glory ? 
It was answered, in my heart. Yes, as a bubble ! compared 
with " the glory that shall be revealed." I got a momentary 
glimpse of our home above, in the celestial city; and those 
words were spoken through my heart ; 

Heaven is thy inheritance. 

Thou shalt soon remove from hence." 

Very many were these little in-breakings of light, yea, often 
in a day ; — yet my pain was unspeakable. I was constantly 
perplexed with that thought, that believers can never be in 
darkness ; that they always " rejoice with joy unspeakable and 

* In all this I believe the pious and well-informed reader will be satisfied, 
that (as the Holy Ghost testifies of Job) she sinned not, nor charged God 
foolishly." Ed. 



MRS. FLETCHER. 



f\ill of glory ; that nothing but sin given way to, can damp 
their joy.* This was an inlet to much temptation ; and now, 
I had no one to tell my troubles to ! No partner to bear a 
share in them. In all our spiritual conflicts we had been so 
entirely one, that cares by being divided were hushed into 
peace. A word from him would frequently light up as it were 
a candle in my soul; and was enough to turn aside the keenest 
temptation. But now I trod the wine-press alone, and felt my 
dependance had been too much on the creature. I had clung 
to him as the ivy to the oak, and now seemed to be nothing. 
I saw myself left in a howling wilderness alone ! Yet still I 
could say, 

With thee I on Zion shall stand. 
For Jesus hath spoken the word." 

But the Lord seemed to do by me, as by the Canaanitish 
wonian ; He did not answer me ! — I followed, and often said 
in my heart, (reflecting on all my unfaithfulness,) Ah ! " it 
is not meet to take the children's bread and cast it to the 
dogs ! It seemed I could to all eternity have praised him 
for the least drop of comfort, — and yet I felt the power of 
these words, — 

" A drop will not suffice. 
My soul for all thy fulness cries." 

In the midst of this dreadful conflict I felt some consolation 
from the thought, that by the account of his precious death, 
which surely the Lord himself prompted, and enabled me to 
write, (as I had hardly at the time either sense or memory,) I 
had helped, in a little measure, that shout of praise to go 
forth, which, with his dying lips he said, he wanted to reach 
to the ends of the earth ! And though I have lost my dear 
husband, and felt the force of the " hour and power of dark- 
ness yet, through all, I believed I should conquer. So it is 
with me now ; — but I do not seem as yet to have the privilege 
of shouting victory. 

* Yes, temptation can damp their joy; but only sin can destroy it. Her joy 
was not destroyed : She had times of refreshing. Ed. 



174 



THE LIFE OF 



As soon as the funeral was over, I found the dear children 
which my beloved Partner had left behind, laid upon my mind. 
I saw there were many things to settle among them respecting 
the work of God ; some dangerous rocks to avoid, and some 
needful plans to propose. Therefore, before another week 
passed, I saw I must act among them, and meet the people the 
same as before ; — and, though very ill and filled with sorrow, 
the Lord enabled me to do so, — showing me the only way to 
bear the cross profitably, was so to carry it as if I carried it 
not. About a fortnight before my dear husband's last sickness, 
he was one night at the Wednesday meeting, when being 
greatly affected about me, as I was ill at that time, he could 
hardly get through it. He said to me afterwards, " My dear, 
I could scarcely speak to the people. I felt I know not how ; 
as if thy empty chair stood by me ! Something seemed to 
say, we should soon be parted ; and I thought, must I meet 
these people, and see my Polly''s empty chair always by me 
But now the cup was mine, yea, and I have drunk it to the 
very dregs ! 

Sept. 21, 1785. — Ah ! Lord, my soul is exceeding sor- 
rowful ! How lonely doth my situation appear ! Torn from 
my dear companion, and made to walk in this dreary path ! 
But this is my greatest weight, I do not feel that union with 
Thee, that would make up all. There are indeed moments in 
which a glimpse of thy love seems to unite me to all good, 
and wipes away every tear. But these are transient touches, 
and I am deeply oppressed with that fear that I am not ap- 
proved in thy sight, because I do not " rejoice evermore ! " I 
well know I want a farther plunge into thy sacred will. I am 
not yet " the temple of the Holy Ghost." 

For some time back those words have been much on my 
mind, "Put on the whole armour of God, that ye may stand 
in the evil day, and having done all, may stand." I have 
sometimes said. Lord, have I passed that evil day, or is it 
still to come ? And I always felt with submission a desire it 
might not be in death. O Lord ! do all thy will upon me, 
but make me wholly conformable to thy di^dne nature ! 
Glorify thyself in thy poor creature ! I feel as if soul and 



MRS. FLETCHER. 



body would be divided by this terrible wrench ! Yet I acqui- 
esce, fully acquiesce in thy divine disposal. Yes, I see and 
admire thy wisdom ! I bow down to a dispensation I do not 
clearly understand ! The Lord hath done it ! and that shall 
be enough to satisfy me. I remember one of my dear 
husband's dying sayings was, — Polly, let us not fear: God 
is love ! What canst thou fear, my dearest, when God is 
love ? — I feel it is the truth ; nevertheless, I do not feel perfect 
rest in that truth, for want of that perfect love which casteth 
out all fear. Nothing will do for me but the indwelling Deity ! 
" He that dweUeth in love, dwelleth in God, and God in him." 

Oct. 3, 1785. — My sorrowful soul waiteth on thee, O Lord ! 
Oh ! what a cloud there is on my whole situation ! Three 
months ago I was raised to the highest pitch of consolation. I 
often thought, all that God could give of temporal comforts 
was poured upon me. Whenever I was hearing any one 
speak of the afflictions they were under, I used to be humbled 
to the very dust. Something would suggest, — Ah ! you may 
well bear your crosses, and rejoice that ye have such a treasure 
continually augmenting in your bosom ; but let God only lay 
his hand on your husband, and see then whether you will bless 
him ? It seemed to me, that if I so honoured any of my 
fellow-creatures who were in trouble, that I could kiss the very 
dust from their feet, and was often filled with astonishment, 
why such a wretch as I was spared their bitter cup ! But now 
I drink it indeed : yet at the same time I can say, I see it my 
privilege to " follow the Lamb whithersoever he goeth," 
without asking where, or to what new cross he will lead me. 

0 what should I do were it not for the privilege of pouring 
out my soul in prayer ! Lord, come, and make thine abode 
in me ! 

One day when I had some reason to think this house would 
be wanted, and that I must quit it, I began to consider where 

1 had best remove to. I reflected on my dear husband's 
words, when he said a little before he lost his speech, " Stay 
here, my dear ; — I do not speak for the people only, but for 
thy sake. Thou wilt never be so well settled again. Here 
thou wilt be most out of the way from many things which 



176 



THE LIFE OF 



would be a cross and a hinderance to thee."" It was therefore 
very painful for me to think of taking one single step in any 
thing contrary to his advice. And yet I must own, had he 
not all along said I must stay here, I believe I could not have 
resolved so to do, for every day brought me some cutting 
trial. — A new ministry, a new plan for the work, and various 
causes of anxiety and trouble. 

But now it appeared I must remove. I began to think of 
one place and another, but every one seemed to bear the gloom 
of night. I could see no spot in the creation for me to rest in. 
A peculiar inward feeling also, seemed to turn from every 
place I could think of, as if the smile of God was not on my 
going there. I said. Lord, show me what I shall do ! Only 
show me what is Thy will ! I thought on two places the 
most likely ; and had some desire to draw a lot concerning 
them. I had the paper in my hand in order so to do, when 
the remembrance of my dearest love was presented strongly 
to my mind, as speaking again those words ; " Polly, do not 
let us look for signs ; let us leave ourselves in the hand of 
God." I felt an immediate light of faith, and throwing the 
paper out of my hand, I took up the Bible, intending to read, 
and for the present to drop every other thought. It opened 
on those words, — " God shall choose our inheritance for us." 
All my spirit acquiesced, and I answered, " Yea, Lord ! 
Thou hast chosen for my Dear the bright mansions above ; 
and thou wilt choose for me all my wanderings below." There 
seemed for a moment such a communion opened between the 
family below and that above, as I cannot express. 

Soon after this, I received a message from Mr. Kenerson, 
letting me know that I should never be turned out of the 
house, but might rent it ; which I received as an answer from 
the Lord directing my way. It also brought to my mind a 
dream I had some years before I married. — I dreamed a man 
came to me to offer me some tithes. I replied, " Friend, 
I have nothing to do with tithes,— I have no concern in any 
living. But soon after, I said to one of my family, Hannah, 
I am going away ; I have a call from the Lord, — I must go." 
But again, I thought, I know not where, not even into what 



MRS. FLETCHER. 



177 



county. However, the way of duty is the way of safety. I 
will set out, and God will lead me. Immediately I left Cross- 
Hall, and after walking a few paces, I thought I was carried 
in a moment, I knew not how, and set down in a church-yard, 
— and some one said to me. You are to enter into this church. 
I went in, and walking up the aisle, I heard a kind of groan, 
and said, That is the sound of death. When I came out of 
the church, I entered into a house which was just by it. As 
I was on the steps, it was said inwardly to me, — This is the 
habitation which God hath chosen for you. I answered, O no ; 
I cannot live here. It is the order of God for me to live in 
Yorkshire. I went into some of the rooms, and found in one 
I passed through a man and woman. In the next was a young 
woman with a child on her lap. She appeared dying of a 
consumption, and in great conflicts. We soon entered into 
conversation, and she seemed very spiritual. After a time she 
told me, I must come and live here, and here abide. I replied, 
" O no, I live at Cross-Hall in Yorkshire ; and have a great 
family, and many calls there." But, said she, it is the will of 
God to bring you here. — There is work for you to do. She 
added. Do not be frightened ; God will make you a comfortable 
habitation. — I said. Have you the Gospel here ? She replied. 
Yes. — And who, said I, is the Minister that brought it among 
you ? She replied. He is not here now. Then who, said I, 
is your present Minister ? She showed me a name of three 
syllables ; — ^but though I read it over and over I could only 
remember the last two, — " nerson.'''' — I felt myself in great 
anguish and sorrow of mind, (though I could not assign any 
cause,) and said, I must go away : I cannot stay here. I do 
not know that man and woman. I cannot live with them. 
She replied, " That man and woman will go away when you 
come. But here is a work for you to do, and you must abide 
here. Do not be frightened ; God will make you a comfortable 
habitation." Being determined, however, to return home, I 
went down stairs, and seeing a coach ready to be hired, I 
beckoned to it ; the man opened the door, and as I was stepping 
in, he said, Where will you be carried to ? I strove to say, 
Cross-Hall, in Yorkshire, but could not. Then I strove to 

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name various habitations I had formerly lived in, but could re- 
member the name of none. As he still persevered in his 
questions, I at last stepped back, and pointing to the house I 
came out of, I said, " That is my home, and God hath taken 
the remembrance of every other out of my heart." 

I knew nothing of the situation of any thing in Madeley 
when I had this dream ; but when, some years after, I told it 
to my dear Mr. Fletcher, he said, " There was a man and 
woman who lived with me at that time, and a young woman, 
A. C, who was very useful in the work, to which she proved a 
nursing mother. She died of a consumption, in which she had 
many conflicts." I said. Was there a Minister here whose 
name ended with — nerson 9 He replied, " No." But now I 
understand it all. Had I before remembered the whole name, 
I should at once have known this dream would be fulfilled at 
my dear husband's death, as Mr. Kenerson was the patron, 
and his son now became our Vicar. My dear Mr. Fletcher 
always said. If he died he believed I was to stay here ; and 
there are some circumstances which reconciled me so to do. 

1. I never was in any situation in which I had so much 
opportunity of doing good, (according to my small abilities,) 
as in this place, and that in various ways, public and private ; 
and to many who live at a distance also. These are providen- 
tially thrown in my way, and I find such clear leadings of the 
Spirit in conversing with them, that (painful as many circum- 
stances are) I am constrained to say. If I choose for the work 
of God, here I must abide and fix my home.* 

* At the last Conference which Mr. Fletcher attended, viz., at Leeds, 
August, 1784, (about a year before his death,) 1 had the privilege of sitting 
very near him. About the middle of the Conference he rose, and addressed 
Mr. Wesley respecting his Parish. He said, " I fear my successor will not be 
interested in the work of God, and my flock may suffer. I have done what I 
could. I have built a chapel in Madeley- Wood, and I hope, Sir, you will con- 
tinue to supply it, and that Madeley may still be part of the Circuit. If you 
please, I should be glad to be put down in the Minutes as a Supernumerary ! " 
Mr. Wesley could hardly bear this, and the Preachers were melted into tears. 
Turning to them, Mr. Fletcher expressed his hope that they would feed his 
sheep, and nourish them with the same truths which they had been used to 
hear. How wonderfully did the Lord provide for them when he was pleased 
to remove their angelic Pastor I " My dear," said he to Mrs. Fletcher, " when 



MRS. FLETCHER. 



2. Here I have a great many sweet lively souls to converse 
with. My meetings are more satisfactory to myself than in any 
place I ever yet was in ; and I still feel it suited to me, as a 
soil in which my soul grows. 

3. It suits my temporal affairs, this house being cheap ; and 
several other circumstances also are advantageous. 

4. I never found any other part agree as well with my health 
as this has done. From a child I could never live in London, 
nor in any close place ; and here I have had better health 
than ever before : — only at this season, I find the waves of 
sorrow have thrown me some paces nearer my eternal home. 
Truly also, that part of my dream (the sound of death) hath 
been accomplished in all its pomp ! 

Would any know the King of Terrors ? Let them look on 
the corpse of a beloved husband, or tender Mend, and there 
discern the consequences of sin ! — For a believer to look at 
death as seizing on himself, has comparatively no terror ! In 
the midst of the most pleasant scene my life had ever exhibited, 
I sometimes said, " I think, my Love, I am selfish : it seems 
as if I should not fear to die and leave thee ! I am deeply 
sensible, however, of all the pain thou wouldest feel. Yet it 
seems as if we should not be divided even by death." But now 
the scene is turned ! It is my eyes which must for ever have 
before them that tremendous night. O what do I feel ! " Thy 
will, O Lord, be done ! " 

From this time I have been more and more convinced, my 
inheritance is appointed of the Lord, and that this is the spot 
I am to fix on, at least for the present ; and # rather believe 
I shall change no more, but that where he died, I shall die 
also. During this heavy night of sorrow, (attended with such 
aggravating circumstances as it is not needful to explain,) I 
have also seen an amazing mixture of the tender care and 
fatherly protection of my God. " He withholds his rough 

you marry me, you must marry my Parish." She did so ; and as the new 
Vicar did not reside, and as he had a great respect for Mrs. Fletcher, she was 
allowed to recommend the Curate, whom the Vicar invariably appointed, ac- 
cording to that recommendation. The work of God has thus cootinued, and* 
proceeded for thirty years in peace. May it never be interrupted '. Ed. 

M 2 



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wind in the day of hi$ east wind ; " and will lay no more on his 
poor creatures than his power and goodness will enable them to 
bear. I know assuredly, that my bereavement has wrought for 
the good of my soul. I am, notwithstanding my inward trials, 
and deep sensibility of my loss, truly enabled to praise God, 
even for the severity of the stroke. Yes, I love His will ! I 
love His Cross ! I am, I will be devoted to His glory ! And 
if that can be promoted by my keen anguish, I will delight in 
suffering all His wisdom shall appoint ! 

I see also the goodness of the Lord in our bringing Sally 
Lawrence with us here. The day we were married, as soon as 
we returned from the church, and went up stairs to ask a 
blessing on our union, she came into the room, and falling on 
her knees before my dear husband, she entreated him not to 
part her from her dear mistress, who had brought her up. He 
told her he never would : and now she is made to me a great 
comfort, having all the usefulness of a housekeeper, added to 
the affection of the tenderest child. 

The Lord has also answered my dear husband's prayers, 
with regard to the work of the Lord, beyond all expectation. 
When he repeatedly expressed his desire that I should stay 
here, I replied, O how can I bear the place without thee ? 
How can I bear to stay and see, perhaps, a carnal ministry ? 
He answered, " Thou dost not know what God may do. 
Perhaps there may never be a carnal ministry here." And so 
it proved. The Rev. Mr. Gilpin and his wife, being on the 
spot, were at that season kind and tender friends to me, and 
Mr. Kenerson desired him to supply the church, till he should 
return to his own living, which was not for some months. The 
Lord then provided for us a precious young man, Mr. Melville 
Home, who had travelled some time in connexion with Mr. 
Wesley ; and concerning whom my dear Mr. Fletcher had 
(before his illness) expressed a desire that he might be his 
successor. We have also the Methodist Preachers, and their 
labours are blessed. Brotherly love takes root and flourishes 
among us. The work goes on well ; fresh converts are con- 
tinually brought in, and several have with flowing eyes de- 
clared, that the words they once slighted, now seem to rise in 



MRS. FLETCHER. 



181 



judgment against them. They bow to the truth, and are con- 
strained to acknowledge, concerning their deceased Pastor, 
"He being dead, yet speaketh.*" 

The Lord hath also looked on my temporal affairs, beyond 
what I could have expected. I observed, soon after my mar- 
riage, that all was now made quite easy. I looked on the 
promise as already fulfilled, having in Lay ton a good deal 
more than would pay all. Some hundreds were, however, still 
on interest, though we had lessened the sum, while my dear 
and I were together. But soon after he was taken from me, I 
received a letter from a person of whom I had borrowed some 
years before a hundred and fifty pounds, that he wanted it 
directly ; and I had at this season a good deal to pay on other 
accounts. As I wished to be free for the remainder of my 
short days, from unnecessary care, I had a desire that the 
estate at Laytonstone should be sold, and the demands all 
settled at once. I found, however, that could not be done 
without loss, and therefore proposed to pay yearly all I could 
out of my income, which was now increased by the tender care 
of my dear husband. But my youngest brother, William Bo- 
sanquet, whom I had not seen for some years, came down on a 
visit to me. He expressed the greatest sympathy and tender- 
ness towards me in this time of trial ; and after staying with 
me some days, generously supplied me with all ihe^sh I then 
needed. Some months after, an uncle dying without leaving 
me any thing, (and, indeed, I did not think I had any right 
to expect it,) my brothers wrote me word that they were sorry 
I was not remembered in the will ; — and my youngest brother 
desired me to accept of five hundred pounds (or more if I 
wanted it) to settle all my affairs. Here was the exact fulfil- 
ment of Mrs. Clapham's impression concerning us ! [See page 
140.] This very brother whom she then saw (though at that 
time there was not the least reason to think of any such thing) 
did afterwards, as it was represented to her, bring me many 
smaller sums, and at last one so large as to remove all burdens 
at once from my shoulders ! And on January, 17^7? I wrote 
in my diary, " I now owe no man any thing but love : my 
income is quite clear, and / have according to the promise, 
great plenty of silver ! " 



PART V. 



\ 

HER SETTLEMENT AT MADELEY, AND THOUGHTS ON COM- 
MUNION WITH HAPPY SPIPvITS. 

December 15, 1785. — My soul is exceeding sorrowful. I 
feel the loss of my dearest husband in a manner I cannot ex- 
press. Four months are now elapsed since I sustained that 
dreadful scene, yet it seems as if it wa& but yesterday. No- 
thing can comfort me but the blessing promised in those words, 
" I and my Father will come and make our abode with you." 
Nothing short of that baptism of the Holy Ghost can heal and 
satisfy my wounded soul. But I will endeavour to recoUect 
the blessings which attend even my melancholy situation, and 
strive by steps of thankfulness to raise my heart from grati- 
tude to exulting praise. 

1. I have the comfort of knowing my dear love is in glory. 
He hath proved the victory, — ^his " last enemy is destroyed ! 
Death shall no more threaten him with the cold grave ; it is 
conquered for ever, and shall be " swallowed up in victory." 

2. I had the consolation of being with him to the last mo- 
ment, and hearing him, so long as he could speak, express 
how comfortable he was both inward and outward; praising 
God often for the comfortable attendance he had in the needful 
hour, and many times saying to me, " I am most sweetly 
filled, but I do not seem for much speaking ; I am drawn in- 
ward." 

3. I rejoice that he told me, " God would open all my way 
before me ; " and with his last blessing gave me to the Lord, 
saying, " Head of the Church, be head to my wife ! " 

4. He feels no more from the fear of losing me. Perhaps 
he is nearer to me than ever ! Perhaps he sees me continually, 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



183 



and, under God, guards and keeps me. Perhaps he knows my 
very thoughts. The above reflections, though under a per- 
haps, give me some help; but could they be confirmed by 
reason, and above all by Scripture, they would yield me much 
consolation. I will try if I can find this solid ground for them. 

It appears to me no way contrary to reason to believe, that 
the happy departed spirits see and know all they would wish 
and are divinely permitted to know. In this Mr. Wesley is 
of the same mind, (from whose writings I shaU borrow some of 
my ideas,) and that they are concerned for the dear fellow- 
pilgrims whom they have left behind. I cannot but believe 
they are ; and though death is the boundary we cannot see 
through, they who have passed the gulf may probably see us. 
Some small insects can see but a little way ; an apple would 
appear to them a mountain, but we can see a thousand of them 
at once, crawling on what we call a smaU spot of earth. When 
an infant is born into this world, how many senses, tiU then 
locked up, are on a sudden brought into action ; and could the 
child reflect, a variety of new ideas would be awakened, by 
which it would discern such a capacity of becoming useful and 
comfortable to its mother, as it never before had any concep- 
tion of! It could have no communion with her but by one 
sense, that of feeling ; but now it is enabled both to see, hear, 
and to make itself heard by her. There was an apparent sepa- 
ration from the mother ; but, in reality, it has gained a more 
valuable possession, which every day increases its abihty of 
entering into her thoughts, and bearing a part in all her feel- 
ings. And may we not suppose, if the use of sight and hear^ 
ing, as well as the powers of understanding, are so improved 
by our birth into this lower world, that some powers analogous 
to the above are, at least, equally opened on the entrance of a 
spirit into a heavenly state ; though perhaps smaU in the be- 
ginning, like the infant, compared with the measure that is to 
follow ? 

Nor doth it seem contrary to reason to suppose a spirit in 
glory can turn its eye with as much ease, and look on any 
object below, as a mother can look through a window, and see 
the actions of her children in a court underneath it. If bodies 



184 



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have a language by which they can convey their thoughts to 
each other, though sometimes at a distance, have spirits no 
language, think you, by which they can converse with our 
spirits, and by impressions on the mind, speak to us as easily 
as they did before by the tongue ? And what can interrupt 
either the presence, communion, or sight of a spirit? 

" Walls within walls no more its passage bar, 
Than unopposing space of liquid air." 

But may not our reasonable ideas be much strength- 
ened by Scripture ? Some encouragement on this head I 
have lately drawn from the account of Elijah and Elisha, 
(though I do not offer this as a proof, but rather as an illus- 
tration:) for as Elijah was to enter glory without passing 
through death, it is probable he was favoured before with a 
more than common intercourse and communion with the world 
of spirits ; as we see in the works of Providence there is a 
gradual ascent ; and I rather believe this from some passages 
in his story. Near the time of his translation, it was revealed 
to the sons of the prophets, who said to Elisha, " Knowest 
thou that thy master shall be taken from thy head to day ? " 
But to Elijah himself perhaps it was revealed long before, and 
it seems to me, he referred to this when he was in the desert 
of Arabia, under the juniper-tree, (1 Kings xix.,) where he 
requested for himself that he might die ; saying, to this effect^ 
" It is enough, Lord, I am not better than my fathers." The 
prophets before me have sealed thy truth with their blood, and 
why should I be exempt from the common lot of man ? I had 
rather die and come to thee now ? Why should I live any 
longer ? Thou hast enabled me to maintain thy cause against 
the worshippers of Baal ; yet my word hath little weight with 
them. " They have slain thy prophets, and I only am left, 
and they seek my life to take it away.'"* Let them have it, for 
it is far better for me to depart and to be with thee. However, 
quite resigned to the will of God, he lays him down to sleep, 
till awaked by an angel of the Lord, who bids him arise, and 
take the refreshment a watchful Providence had provided for 
him. Here we have no account of any alarming fear. He 



MRS. FLETCHER. 185 

doth not, like Daniel, fall down as one dea4y nor, like Zacha- 
rias and the shepherds, become sore afraid ; but after a mode- 
rate repast, he lies down to sleep again, and then receives a 
second visit from his bright messenger, for ought we see, with 
the same steady calmness as before. From which I am led to 
suppose he was accustomed to such communications.. 

When his faith had gathered strength by his miraculous 
preservation, forty days and nights without food, full of holy 
expectation he arrives at Horeb, waiting a further manifestation 
of the glory of God, as Moses, the giver of the law, had done 
in this very place before him. — Nor can we suppose this illus- 
trious restorer of the law could be totally forgetful of that 
prayer, " Lord, I beseech thee, show me thy glory ! The 
place would remind him of the great discoveries made there. 
What intercourse he might have with the Spirit of Moses we 
know not, but it is certain they knew each other some time 
after on Mount Tabor. Waiting thus like his great prede- 
cessor, for a time, the glory of the Lord was displayed before 
him, and the question put, " What doest thou here, Elijah ? " 
In his answer to which, he seems to intimate, I have nothing 
to do here. Israel has departed from thy ways, and why should 
I abide on earth any longer ? Let me now come up. As a 
pledge, his prayer is heard ; he is commanded to anoint Elisha 
to remain a prophet in his room. And when the appointed 
time was come, walking with Elisha, he seems desirous of being 
alone, (perhaps the powers of darkness now made their last 
assault, endeavouring to shake his faith with regard to the 
great event just ready to take place,) and bids his friend again 
and again to tarry behind. But Elisha, unwilling to lose any 
part of his blessing, answers, " As the Lord liveth, and as thy 
soul liveth, I will not leave thee." He then asks him. What 
shall I do for thee before I am taken away ? Elisha answers, 
" Let a double portion of thy spirit be upon me." To which 
Elijah replies, " Thou hast asked a hard thing." Now if a 
double portion of holiness was all Elisha meant, it was an odd 
answer, for we know there are no limits to that petition. We 
may ask as much of the nature of God as we please, and he 
will do " exceeding abundantly above all we can ask or think." 




186 



THE LIFE OF 



And no doubt Elijah knew enough of the mind of God to 
know that. But might he not mean, Let me have the two 
portions of thy spirit, not only thy communion with God, but 
let my intellectual sight be opened as thine. Let me also dis- 
cern the heavenly company wherewith we are surrounded, and 
commune with " the spirits of just men made perfect," though 
as yet I only by faith behold the Gospel-day ? 

This therefore did seem a hard thing, for as Elisha was to 
die like other men, the Prophet might not know whether this 
favour was to be granted to him, or not ; and therefore, as re- 
ferring to the thing itself, he says, (as it were,) " If thou 
seest me when I am taken from thee," when the spiritual 
change hath passed upon me, then it shall be so, and then thy 
inward "sight will be opened. But if I become invisible to 
thee, as to the sons of the prophets who stand afar off to gaze, 
it shall not be so. It is not the will of God concerning thee. 
But the " effectual fervent prayer of the righteous man availed." 
Elisha saw both him and his heavenly convoy, while the sons 
of the prophets saw neither, and therefore went on to the 
mountains to seek Elijah. And that this supernatural sight 
remained with Elisha we have reason to believe ; for being in 
Dothan, and surrounded with a great host come to take away 
his life, his servant said to him, " Alas, master ! what shall 
we do ? " The Prophet at once answers, " They are more that 
be with us, than they that be with them ; " and adds, " Lord, 
open the young man's eyes, that he may see ! And the Lord 
opened the young man's eyes, and he saw ; and, behold, the 
mountain was full of chariots and horses of fire round about 
Elisha." It is remarkable, this spirit which rested on Elisha 
was more conspicuous than that which rested on Elijah, — ^per- 
haps to prevent the thought, that though the man who was to 
enter heaven alive was thus favoured, no other must expect it. 
Nay, but God, who delights to confer his greatest favours on 
the weakest objects, can confer on us all, that which he bestowed 
on Elijah and Elisha. And, if under that dark dispensation, 
why not in this Gospel-day, concerning which it is foretold, 
"Your sons and your daughters shall prophesy, yom- young 
men shall see visions, and yoiur old men shall dream dreams .p" 



MRS. FLETCHER. 



187 



The Apostle tells us, We are not come to Mount Sinai, 
where Israel both saw the power, and heard the voice of God; 
but to Mount Zion, where we have communion "with the 
general assembly of Angels, the Church of the first-born, the 
spirits of just men made perfect, with Jesus the Mediator of 
the new covenant ; " yea, and have access " to God, the Judge 
of all.*" And were we better acquainted with the privileges 
of our dispensation, we should become in a more full manner 
inheritors with the saints in light. But though it is allowed 
we may have communion with angels, various are the objections 
raised against the belief of our communion with that other 
part of the heavenly family, the disembodied spirits of t]^, 
just. 

I shall consider these objections one by one. Lord, help 
me in so doing ! Let me at least strive to comprehend some- 
thing of the length, and breadth, and depth, and height of 
the great victory obtained for us over death ; give me to see a 
little into that truth, We are brought from Mount Sinai to 
Mount Zion. 

Objection I. If a good spirit loves those which it loved 
before, and is acquainted with all their proceedings, will not 
the sins and miseries of those they thus know and love render 
them unhappy, or at least mar their happiness in some degree? 
I answer, there are two kinds of love. If the persons they loved 
continue sinners, there will doubtless be a separation of spirit, 
yet I believe a remembrance and a pity will continue. It is 
said of the Almighty, that " it repented the Lord he had made 
man," and that "it grieved him at the heart;" and again, that 
"He was grieved with their manners in the wilderness forty 
years." Nevertheless his own immutable happiness was not in- 
terrupted thereby. Now as the saints yet on earth are made 
partakers of the divine nature, and much more " the spirits of 
just men made perfect," so I should imagine their happiness 
would, in that respect, remain as immutable as that of the holy 
angels did, when so many of their once dear companions they 
now daily behold as devils. I cannot let it into my thoughts that 
ignorance makes up any part of celestial glory, or that forget- 
fulness can be entered into by their nearer approach to Him, 



188 



THE LIFE OF 



"before whom all things are open and manifest; and "in whom 
is no darkness at all." 

But if an entire alienation of affection from the wicked 
should be needful, that is no proof it is the same with the 
righteous; for if the sins of obstinate sinners would afflict 
them, the growth of grace in the righteous would augment 
their joy : and our Lord himself tells us, " There is joy in 
heaven over one sinner that repenteth." If you say, But this 
joy is only among the angels : I answer. Can we suppose those 
faithful attendants on the heirs of salvation so carefully to con- 
ceal this joy within their own bosoms, as to exclude the hea- 
venly spirits who stand in a much nearer relation to us ? Can 
we believe they have not all their joys in common ? No, no ! 
in the church of Jerusalem they proved that " great grace was 
upon them all" by their community of goods. And shall our 
narrow hearts let in the thought they have not all their joys in 
common in the church above ? Yea, verily, " the general 
assembly of angels, the church of the first-born, and the 
spirits of just men made perfect," are but one innumerable 
company, concerning whom it may well be said ; 

Lift your eyes of faith^ and see 

Saints and angels join'd in one ! 
What a countless company 

Stand before yon dazzling throne 1 " 

If then there is joy throughout all the realms above, yea, 
" more joy over one sinner that repenteth, than over the ninety 
and nine which went not astray ; " how evident it is to an im- 
partial eye, that the state both of the one and the other must be 
known there, together with the progress of each individual. 

Objection II. Is not a spirit divested of the body become 
of a quite different nature from what it was before, so as to be 
incapable of the same feelings ? I answer. Certainly no ; the 
spirit is the man. The spirit of my dear husband loved and 
cared for me, and longed above every other desire for my spiri- 
tual advancement. Now if it were the body, why doth it not 
love me still ? You answer, Because it is dead. That is to 
say, the spirit is gone from it; therefore, that which loved me 



MRS. FLETCHER. 



189 



is gone from it. And what is that but the spirit, which ac- 
tuated the body, as the clockwork does the hand which tells the 
hour ? It, therefore, appears quite clear to me, that every right 
affection, sentiment, and feeling of mind we have been exercised 
in here, will remain in the spirit just the same immediately 
after death. Nevertheless, as with the righteous, heavenly light 
and love will daily grow stronger, and with the wicked will be 
an increasing darkness; so there may be, perhaps in a few 
days, a much greater change on the newly glorified spirit, than 
in the understanding of a child in seven years. The point, 
therefore, to be considered is. Will not a continuance and growth 
in the heavenly state, erase those affections and ideas so strongly 
impressed on the spirit at its first entrance therein ? To which 
I reply. As spiritual union arises from a communication of the 
love which flows from the heart of Christ, I cannot but believe 
a nearer approach to its Centre, and a fuller measure of that 
divine principle, must increase and not diminish the union be- 
tween kindred souls; and that their change will consist, not in 
the loss, but in the improvement of all that is good. 

Whatever agrees with the nature of heaven, cannot be de- 
stroyed, but increased, by their abode therein. Now are not 
love and gratitude natives of heaven, which dwell for ever 
there ? If, in our present state, an abundance of grace is poured 
out on the soul ; what is the effect? Doth it make us forgetful 
of kindnesses received ? Doth it not rather raise the soul to 
such a pitch of gratitude, that it is ready to see favours where 
really there are none ? And shall not the same love, when per- 
fected in heaven, have the same effect in a more perfect de- 
gree ? The mistake lies here ; we forget that Christian love 
and union below are the same in kind, though not in degree, 
with those above ; and we might as well suppose when we enter 
into the realms of light, that we shall plunge into darkness for 
want of the natural sun, as to suppose christian love and union 
must be destroyed by an abode in that kingdom where the 
very element we breathe shall be eternal love. Doubtless we 
shall know, and gratefully acknowledge, the ministering spirits 
who have served us here, and be sensible that gratitude is im- 
mortal, and does not change its sentiments with its place. I 



190 



THE LIFE OF 



think all this is clear from those words of our Lord : " Make 
to yourselves friends of the mammon of unrighteousness ; that, 
when ye fail on earth, they (vi%., those whom you have helped) 
may receive you into everlasting habitations." 

Objection III. But are they not so taken up with admiring 
Jesus, as to lose every other affection in him ? I answer, That 
love of Jesus which fills the soul with the admiration of his 
graces, is a love begotten by that which reigns in the heart of 
Christ himself; consequently it is of the same nature. But is 
the love of J esus a barren and inactive love ? Did it produce 
in our Lord such an enjoyment of his own pm-e nature, or 
such a shutting up in the glories and delights of the Trinity, 
as to render him forgetftd of his creatures ? Or did it bring 
him down to " die for his enemies, and receive gifts for the re- 
bellious ? " When a powerftd effusion of grace is poured out 
on our souls, are we not then most willing and ready to help 
our neighbour, and to cry out with that good woman, Jane 
Muncy, "Methinks I am all spirit! I have no rest, day or 
night, but in gathering souls to God." Surely then we may 
with safety believe, that a holy unembodied spirit feels the 
same effect from a filler effusion of the same love, and that as 
soon as he hears that word, " I will give thee many things to 
be faithful over ; " he immediately enters more fully than ever 

into the joy of his Lord ; " which is the joy of doing hi& 
creatures good. 

Objection IV. But though it may be allowed, that the 
angels are ministering spirits to the saints, in honour of their 
Lord who hath taken our nature upon him, we do not know 
but the spirits of just men made perfect, being of a higher 
order by their near relation to their Head, may be exempt 
from that servitude. I answer. To this objection may not those 
words of our Lord be applied : " Ye know not what manner of 
spirit ye are of ? He that will be greatest, let him be servant," 
saith Jesus Christ, who came himself " not to be ministered 
unto but to minister : " and if our Lord washed our feet, shall 
we be above the same employment.'^ Jesus, our Master, though 
in his glorified state, calls himself the " Shepherd of his 
sheep," and walks with jealous care amidst his "candlesticks 



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of gold, holding the stars in his right hand;"" and I can no 
more believe the divinest spirit in glory above the service of 
mankind, than I can believe there is pride in heaven. Abra- 
ham is represented as receiving Lazarus to his bosom, and as 
giving a mild answer even to a damned spirit ! And when 
souls at the foot of the altar cried, " How long ? " they were told 
" to wait till their fellow-servants came also." Did they not 
then remember their fellow-servants ? When the heart is full of 
grace, it delights in the meanest office, and feels pleasure in 
yielding happiness even to an insect. We are sensible, no part 
of our worship is more pleasant in the sight of God, than obedi- 
ence ; and no employment more delightful to the saints, than 
that of promoting the glory of God. Now the Lord hath said 
of his creatures, " I have created thee for my glory ; I have 
formed thee for my praise ! " Shall not then the blessed spirits 
be very zealous in promoting that glory ? The glory of God 
and our interest are inseparably one. And are they not " one 
spirit with the Lord ? " And is not their highest delight in 
that in which he most delights, which is the salvation of his 
people ? So that an exemption from serving the Church, would 
rather create pain than give satisfaction^ 

Again, the highest honour that can be conferred on a crea- 
ture, is to have the nearest resemblance to its creating Head. 
Now he hath said to the believer, "I will dwell in you, — I will 
come, and make my abode with you." The soul who hath felt 
a small degree of pure love, can answer this objection at once 
from the feelings of his own heart. The language of which is, 
I love him continually, and therefore I will feed his lambs. 

Objection V. But as Paradise is a place, as well as a state, 
and finite beings are not omnipresent, any more than omnipo- 
tent, how can they be there and here in the same moment ? I 
answer, I do not suppose they can. But if I were to tell you 
of a Minister who daily visited his flock, inquired into all their 
concerns, and knew their whole situation, would you say it was 
impossible because he lives in that house, which is his home, 
and he cannot be in two places at the same time. And yet it 
is certain we are perfectly acquainted with the situation of 
many, who do not live with us in the same house. If we see 



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them but once a week, our shallow capacities can take in all 
they tell us of their past and present state. But if instead of 
waiting for the slow and imperfect conveyance of words, we 
o^}^ by a cast of the eye read every thought in a moment, 
and without labour visit them as easily as the sun shines in at 
their windows, (though it still remains in its proper place,) our 
acquaintance would be much more perfect. We are now in the 
body^ "and have senses and faculties suited thereto; therefore 
our human eye can at once i]|^asure the body of our child, and 
discern every wound or bruisef or even a speck of dirt thereon. 
And have not spirits faculties suited to spirits, by which we 
may suppose they can as easily discern your soul, as you could 
discern their body when they were in the same state as yourself.'^ 
And may there not be a way by which a spirit actually before 
the throne of God, may still see and serve the souls committed 
t(j^s care, supposing them to act as ministering spirijt^ 

I ask. If you have never heard of a looking glass, would you 
understand me if I said, though you stand at one end of that 
long gallery, and I at the other, with my back towards you, I 
can discern your every action and motion, and know every 
change ? And yet such a knowledge the looking glass would 
convey to me. Now if all things on earth are patterns or 
shadows of those above, may not something analogous to the 
glass represent to the world of spirits as just a picture of the 
changes of posture in the spirit, as the glass does those of the 
body ? Some have supposed, the appearance or representation 
of every soul still in the body to be constantly seen in heaven. 
That this may be without the knowledge of the person con- 
cerned is evident ; because Ananias knew nothing, till God said 
to him, (speaking of Saul,) "Behold, heprayeth, and hath seen 
in a vision a man named Ananias coming in, and putting his 
hand on him, that he might receive his sight."' Various dreams 
of pious persons, who have thought they saw their appearances 
in paradise, over which the heavenly company mourned or re- 
joiced, — as well as the amazing instances of second sight, seem 
to strengthen this opinion. 

If this seem strange, let us consider how strange it would 
appear to us, if we had never heard of letters, to be informed 



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there was a method among many nations, of wrapping up their 
thoughts in a bit of paper, and by that means conveying them 
hundreds of miles into the bosom of their dearest friends ! 
little could you conceive of the faculty of speech had you never 
known it ; or the commanding knowledge which the eye gives 
you over a large space, and a number of persons in one moment, 
had you be6n born blind. But though I mention these simfks, 
because some can only conceive of spiritual matters by gross ideas, 
I believe our union to be far more close with the heavenly host 
than to need these representations. What else doth those words 
of the Apostle mean, " We are come to the general assembly, 
to the church of the first-born, and to the spirits of just men 
made perfect ? " And if " He maketh his angels spirits, and 
his ministers a flame of fire," cannot a spirit be with me in a 
moment, as easily as a stroke from an electrical machine can 
convey them-e for many miles in one moment, through thousandth 
of bodies if properly linked together ? That the devils are 
about us, and know our thoughts, is evident. A sinful thought 
is suggested ; we answer it by a Scripture. Immediately it is 
answered again. And shall not departed happy spirits, who 
are so much more of one nature with us, have the same power ? 
Mr. Wesley has a beautiful observation in his Sermon on those 
words, "Are they not all ministering spirits sent forth to minister 
for them who shall be heirs of salvation ? " He says, " That 
the guardian angels know our thoughts, seems clear from the 
nature of their charge, which is certainly first for the soul, and 
but in a secondary sense for the body.'" And are not our kindred 
spirits more nearly related to us than the angels ? Why then 
should they not have the same discernment ? 

But to return to our first question. Can they be here and 
in paradise at the same time ? Otherwise, how can they con- 
stantly minister to us ? Perhaps we shall not be able to coo^ 
prehend this tiU that word is accomplished, " Then shall we 
know even as also we are known." But if this cannot be, then 
we must give up all the agency of angels, for the same argument 
will hold good against that. And yet our Lord hath said, 
" Despise not these little ones ; for I say unto you, in heaven 

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their angels do always behold the face of my Father who is in 
heaven." 

Objection VI. But is it not said of the dead, " They are 
gone into the land where all things are forgotten ? And is it 
not the design of the Almighty that our union should cease with 
our life, and that death should divide us ? As to the first part 
of the objection, I allow there is in Psalm Ixxxviii. an expression 
which implies forgetfulness, but I think it is spoken of the body, 
which will remain in this state of forgetftdness, till re-animated 
by the spirit. But what has that to do with the soul ? We 
hear of the souls at the foot of the altar, who cried, " How long, 
O Lord, till thou judge and avenge our blood on those who dwell 
on the earth ? " And they were told " to rest till their brethren 
and fellow-servants should be slain as they were/' Here was a 
remembrance of both friends and enemies, as also of the manner 
of their own death. Again, " the four living creatures, and the 
twenty-four elders," in their song of praise, have these words, 

Thou art worthy, for thou wast slain, and hast redeemed us to 
God by thy blood, out of every kindred, and tongue, and people, 
and nation." They are also emblematically represented as 
having " phials full of incense in their hand, which are the 
prayers of the saints : " wherewith surely their desires (and con- 
sequently remembrance) are joined. Abraham is caUed the 
Father of the faithful because of his steadfast belief of the promise 
concerning Isaac, and is set forth as an example to us. Can we 
believe him to have forgotten that whole event ? Certainly the 
angel who called to Abraham, and said, " Lay not thy hand on 
the lad," remembers it ; for we cannot suppose him to have passed 
through any change of natm-e since that time. 

If you say, It was the Angel of the Covenant, yet doubtless 
many of the heavenly host were witnesses to that great and typical 
transaction ; and must all the wisdom of God manifested by the 
church, as the Apostle observes, and " made known thereby to 
the principalities and powers in heaven," must, I say, all the 
prophecies, types, and revelations, as well as their accomplish- 
ment, remain for ever the subject of admiration and praise among 
the angels, and yet " the spirits of just men made perfect," the 



MRS. FLETCI-TER. 



195 



subjects for whom, and on whom, all was fulfilled, — must they 
only be locked up in forgetfulness ? Are they with ignorant 
amazement to hear Gabriel repeat his conversation with Zacha- 
rias ? Or does he in vain endeavour to stir up in Mary a re- 
membrance of the salutation she received from the same bright 
messenger ? Shall Moses and Elias only remember the scene 
on Mount Tabor, while Peter, James, and John, remember 
neither it nor them ? If you say, Doubtless, every scene relating 
to the Saviour will be remembered, but we shall not remember 
or know one another : I answer, the one cannot subsist without 
the other. If Abraham remembers the type in Isaac, with 
the exercise of his faith when " he hoped against hope," 
he must remember Sarah, the removal of Hagar, with every 
remarkable circumstance of Isaac's birth. Will it not then be 
a great lessening of his praise and triumph, if he cannot know 
whether Isaac and Sarah are with him in glory ? If you carry 
it a little further, and say, doubtless he knows they are there, 
— then for what cause can he be forbid knowing and conversing 
with them ? Or is this privilege only granted to Moses and 
Elias, who, I again say, doubtless knew each other on the holy 
Mount as well as the disciples knew them ? 

Can we suppose Adam to have a just conception of the in- 
carnation and death of the Messiah, and yet to forget the cir- 
cumstances of his own fall, which occasioned this gracious union .^^ 
Must he not then remember Eve, and eternally rejoice to see 
how " the Seed of the woman has indeed bruised the serpent's 
head ! " The account of the rich man and Lazarus alone is 
sufficient to answer every objection. They could see and know 
each other, though one was in heaven and the other in hell ; 
consequently each could see all on earth. Abraham knew the 
state and situation of both, so as to say, " Thou hast had thy 
good things, and Lazarus his evil things.'' And the rich man 
could remember his " five brethren." If you object, and say this 
was a parable, (which there is no room to assert,) would our 
adorable Lord put forth a parable full of deceptions and wrong 
ideas suited to lead us into error rather than truth ? I do not 
wonder a poor heathen should dream of a river of forgetfulness, 
by drinking of which all former scenes were to be lost in oblivion : 

N 2 



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But for a soul enlightened by revelation, to forget that " a day- 
is coming in which every secret thing shall be made known,""* is 
indeed a melancholy proof that " darkness hath covered the 
earth, and gross darkness the people/' 

The second part of the objection we wiU now consider. Some 
have alleged, that though it is certain we shall remember and 
know one another, because without that remembrance many 
subjects of praise would be lost in oblivion, nevertheless will not 
all particular unions cease, and is it not the design of God that 
death should divide ? To answer this objection, I must pre- 
mise, that what is of God shall stand ; I plead only for that 
union which has God for its source ; and I think it will not be 
hard to prove that what God hath joined together, death cannot 
put asunder. To that question therefore, Is it not the design 
of God that death should divide us ? I answer, division comes 
not from God, but from the Devil. God, both in his nature 
and works, is perfect unity : and his original design for our 
first parents was not sorrow, consequently not separation. If 
we suppose their friendship was not to have been immortal, we 
must suppose pain to he in paradise ; for Adam could not 
without pain inform Eve of such an awfrd secret, that when 
they had praised God together for a certain time, they must 
eternally forget each other ! That he should no longer re- 
member he was formed out of the dust, nor Eve her miraculous 
and near relation to him ! Would not this information have 
been a bitter draught even in Paradise ? Or suppose he had 
said. Though we shall have a bare remembrance of each trans- 
action, nevertheless that close union, that endearing oneness of 
soul, of which the love of God is the foundation, — that very 
union hereafter the love of God is to dissolve. This would 
indeed have been in itself exceeding bitter, and therefore never 
was the original design of love. It was sin that brought in 
separation. It was owing to the hardness of our heart, for in 
the beginning it was not so : for God created one man and one 
woman. Well may we therefore mourn for the separation death 
occasions, and our sorrow is countenanced by Jesus himself, 
who wept over the ravage of this dreadful enemy, when he saw 
the consequences of it in Martha's and Mary's tears. I allow 



MRS. FLETCHER. 



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that it is true most unions on earth are dissolved by death, 
because the friendships of the world are oft confederacies of vice, 
or leagues of pleasure ; and few can add, 

Ours hath severest virtue for its basis. 

And such a friendship ends not but with life." 

The Christian can say more, it ends not even with life. In 
the Church below, we are commanded " to love our neighbour 
as ourselves," and to consider our fellow-Christians as members 
of one body ; but does this obligation prevent particular unions ? 
Let that soul be the judge who hath felt most of the love of 
God and his neighbour. For otherwise there is indeed a love 
of propriety, or in other words, self-love reflected, which purity 
of heart will remove. But as similitude joins, and dissimilitude 
separates, so those spirits who are joined by their similitude of 
love and pure worship, who having been led in one path, (and 
probably prepared for one mansion,) can as easily retain a pe- 
culiar union without any diminution of their love to others, as 
a married couple can retain their love to each other, notwith- 
standing they have a dozen children to share it with them. 
My experience in the love of God is very shallow, yet I have 
felt enough to satisfy me, that the more our love to God in- 
creases, the nearer will be our love to each other, and the more 
indissoluble the tie: and the stronger this union, the more it 
will reflect on all around, and turning to its source, the love 
of Jesus, will reflect back again with a perpetual increasing 
purity. 

But I build my strongest argument on those words, " O 
death, where is thy sting ? O grave, where is thy victory ? " 
If death can eternally separate kindred spirits, it hath eternally 
a sting ! And if the grave can eternally retain the body, it 
would have an eternal victory. But there is a Covenant made 
with our dust. His elect shall be gathered from the four winds. 
Bone shall come to its bone, and not one forget its socket. 
And shall nothing be lost but our spiritual union ? Shall the 
grand enemy still have that one trophy left to glory in, and to 
insult over the saints of God ? Shall we believe him when he 
says, " A day is coming in which your closest unions, your 



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purest ties of friendship, shall be no more ! All that wonder- 
ful chain of providences, in which angels were employed in 
bringing you together, shall be sunk in eternal oblivion ! In- 
deed this was not the original design of the Almighty, but I 
have overturned this one great design of love, and that so 
effectually, that the Saviour himself could not restore it ; and 
instead of having abolished all the consequences of death, it 
leaves the scar of separation for ever ! Now I am the father 
of death, and have so far conquered, that what God hath in 
design eternally joined together, I have eternally put asunder ! " 
Ah, no ! glory be to our victorious Conqueror ! Death shall 
be for ever swallowed up in complete victory ! He hath 
abolished it with all its consequences, " and brought life and 
immortality to light by the Gospel."' He hath broken down 
the wall, removed the veil ; and through him we " are come 
to the Church of the first-born, to the spirits of just men made 
perfect."' " We are fellow-citizens with the saints, and of the 
household of God.""* And having overcome the sharpness of 
death, he hath already opened the kingdom of heaven to all 
believers. Perhaps some may say. But if it be thus, why do 
not the Scriptures plainly tell us. Death is no division but on 
our side; and that our friends still see, hear, and are about 
us ? I answer. There may be many reasons why a veil should 
be drawn over this heavenly secret. It is probable the primi- 
tive Church knew it more perfectly; but what was the conse- 
quence ? When they left their first love they no longer held 
the Head, but ran into the false humility of the worship of 
Angels ; instead of worshipping God only, and adoring him for 
the angelic ministry. Perhaps some communion with departed 
spirits caused the first step into the egregious en-ors of the 
Papists ; and man, ever prone to extremes, knew not how to 
throw away the abuse, without throwing away the use of this 
heavenly secret. Nevertheless, the secret of the Lord is still 
with the righteous, and his ear is open to their prayers. He 
wiU manifest himself to them, though not unto the world ; and 
he will grant to heavenly minds, when he sees good, a heavenly 
communication with the Church triumphant. 

About this time I had a letter from my brother-in-law, De 



MRS. FLETCHER. 



199 



la Flechere, in Switzerland, letting me know, that his son was 
coming to England, and he wished him to spend some time 
with me ; hoping the sight of the place on which his dear 
uncle had spent so many years' labour, might, with the blessing 
of God, raise some thoughts in his mind of the importance of 
a religious life. I laid the matter before the Lord, believing 
he would order all right : for ever since the removal of my be- 
loved husband I have so experienced the effects of his last 
prayer, " Head of the Church, be head to my wife,"' that I 
was not permitted to doubt that all concerning me was under 
the Lord's immediate direction. And though my state was 
not for the present joyous, yet, through all, I inwardly be- 
lieved, " the hairs of my head were numbered.'" Some par- 
ticular circumstances, however, caused me to think, it was the 
order of God I should go to Bristol, Bath, and some other 
places, and that now was the time; for after my return, it 
might be that the Lord had something for me to do or to suffer 
here. 

Since my marriage I had travelled a good deal with my dear 
Mr. Fletcher, and in these journeys had often suffered much 
through needless fears: the most predominant passion of my 
soul by nature. And what, thought I, should such a poor 
creature as I do with only Sally, and under some disadvan- 
tages I had not then ? But still I believed it to be the call 
of God. 

At the time I had appointed to set out, there was an ap- 
pearance of much snow, which caused my friends to advise me 
to put off my journey a little longer ; but as this would have 
deranged some plans, I thought it better to follow the course 
which I had fixed. — When all was ready, and I was waiting 
for the carriage, I cast my eyes on the Bible, which lay open 
before me, at the thirty-fourth Psalm. Much of it was applied 
to my heart ; in particular these words : " O magnify the Lord 
with me, and let us exalt his name together. I sought the 
Lord, and he heard me, and delivered me from all my fears.'' 
Faith sprung up in my heart ! I said, It shall be fulfilled : 
and from that hour I have felt such a change, in regard to 



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fear, as I can give no one an idea of, unless they should have 
suffered as I have done, from the same infirmity. 

All the way as I went, through various things, which would 
once have been very painful, I could feel those words my own, 
which for many years I had longed after, vi%., that " Resig- 
nation left me no room for fear." No: " The Angel of the 
Lord encampeth round about them that fear him, and de- 
livereth them." 

Many providences I met with in my journey, and very 
clearly did I see the hand of the Lord in various places and 
things. While I was at Bristol^ in the house of my kind and 
affectionate friend, sister Johnson, I was agreeably surprised 
with the sight of Mr. H***, who had left his native place, 
and was just come to settle at Bristol, because he believed it 
most profitable for his soul. He presented to me his wife, a 
serious woman, saying. My dear, this is your Mother also, for 
she is mine ; and both assured me of their determination to be 
entirely devoted to God. As there was something singular in 
this affair, I will mention the particulars. In the journey 
which I took with sister Ryan to Clifton, for her health, when 
I was about the age of twenty-seven, we lodged in a house 
where the family were very ungodly. There were only my 
sick friend, myself, and the nurse ; and our whole apartments 
consisted of two chambers. After we had been there two or 
three days we observed some things which we did not Hke very 
well. One night there was a strange noise below stairs, as of 
very rattling wild company. It may be supposed, it did not 
well agree with my sorrowful heart ; for at that season I had 
nothing to expect (humanly speaking) but to bury my dear 
friend there, or carry her back in a coffin;- — only she had 
yarious promises to the contrary, which sometimes I believed, 
and sometimes doubted. On inquiring next morning, they in- 
formed us that " Mr. H*** was come, and now they should 
be all alive." I had before asked the family, (who did not ap- 
pear to be persons of the best character,) If they woidd choose 
to come up into my room in a morning to family-prayer, as 
they were only women ? But they never, as I remember, ae- 



MRS. FLETCHER. 



201 



cepted the invitation. However, some days after the above- 
mentioned racket, they sent me word, " If I pleased, Mr. 
H*** and themselves would wait on me to prayer the next 
morning." I did not dare to refuse, and answered they were 
welcome. God only knew what a cross I felt in so doing ! I 
had all the reason that could be, to think they only wanted to 
divert themselves ; and the receiving a wild young gentleman, 
with such gay ladies, into my bed-chamber, seemed to me a 
strange enterprise. The chapter I chose to read, was the 
twenty-fifth of Matthew. I spoke with freedom on each of the 
parables, and found God was with my mouth. I did not much 
look off the book, till, about the middle of the parable of the 
talents, I cast my eyes towards Mr. H***, and was surprised 
to find his earnestly fixed on me, and swimming with tears. 
When prayer was over, he respectfully returned me thanks, 
and went down stairs. After attending three mornings, he 
stopped behind the family, and told me, when they were gone, 
that he was convinced he had led a bad life, and he wished to 
learn how to do better. That he was free from all business, 
had a good fortune, and was only here accidentally ; and if I 
would tell him where he could get instruction, and help for his 
soul, he would go any where ; " for this house," said he, " I 
must leave." From the first morning there was no more noise, 
singing, breaking glasses, or rude behaviour of any kind. As 
my friend grew worse, we were desired to leave Clifton and try 
Bath. There she recovered to admiration; and in a short 
time we returned to the orphan-house at Laytonstone. Mr. 
H*** made good his words ; and cultivating the friendship of 
some pious persons whom we had recommended to him in 
London, particularly brother George Clark, he became much 
confirmed in the truth ; and has ever since remained a follower 
thereof, and a promoter of the prosperity of Zion. At Bristol 
also I met with poor Fanny,* much grown in grace, and 
adorning her profession. And after a months absence, I was 
brought again in peace to Madeley, and constrained to say, 

" In all my ways his hand I own ! 
His ruling Providence I see." 

* The Jewess mentioned in the former visit. 



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I now found my dear love's relations in Switzerland laid 
greatly on my mind in prayer ; and sometimes, when engaged 
therein, it has seemed to me as if his dear spirit so joined 
with me, as I cannot express ; and for his nephew in particular, 
whom I expected, I was greatly drawn out in intercession. 

Being poorly one Saturday night, about ten o'clock, (the last 
week in May,) I was about retiring to bed, when word was 
brought me that my nephew was arrived. He could speak 
little English, and I but little French. This was the first I 
had seen of my dear husband's relations. He was of his own 
name, his godson, and his only nephew. - But, alas ! I now 
received him alone, and instead of showing him his dear uncle, 
and sweet instructer, I could only lead him to the silent tomb, 
and say, " Live as he lived, and thou shalt die as he died.'"* 

I found him, as I expected, quite carnal, and very averse 
to the things of God. As my spirits were very weak, and his 
pretty high, I wished to have him rather as a visitor, than 
one of my family: and Providence so appointed for me. 
Mr. Home, the Curate, understanding French, kindly offered 
to receive him into his house, until he was more perfect in the 
English language. I soon discovered he was of a sweet temper, 
a fine understanding, and outwardly very moral, but with all, 
a strong Deist ; and as he delighted much in Philosophy, he 
placed such confidence therein, as to believe he could set us 
all right, if he might but have five hours' dispute with us ! 

I inquired of the Lord concerning the method I should use 
towards him; and saw, for the present, I was only called to 
show him condescension and love : to consider myself as his 
servant in Christ, and therefore to stand always ready to take 
up my cross, and in every thing innocent to do his will rather 
than my own. And as I could not say much to him in words, 
I must the more endeavour to show him, by the example of 
myself and family, that religion justly bears the character given 
her in these words : — 

" Mild, sweet, serene, and tender is her mood. 

Nor grave with sternness, nor with lightness free : 
Against example resolutely good, 

Fervent in zeal, and warm in charity." 



MRS. FLETCHER. 



203 



It appeared to me as if those four lines were given me as a 
direction which I must ever keep before my eyes : and much 
did I plead with the Lord, that nothing he saw in me, or 
mine, might tend to set him further off from God. When we 
could converse in English with tolerable ease, I perceived he 
had not only imbibed many wrong sentiments, but had such a 
stock of Pharisaical righteousness, as I scarcely ever met with 
before. 

One day as he was talking in his free way, about the truths 
of the Gospel, a friend said, " If your aunt hears you talk at 
this rate, she will be much grieved." He replied, " But I will 
not say these things to her ; though should my aunt talk much 
to me about religion, I fear I shall not keep my temper : for 
my uncle droye many people mad when he was abroad. I do 
believe there were three hundred who were quite mad ! They 
talked of being filled with love, and kept praying and running 
together, not only while he was there, but since that time 
also." 

Hearing of this, I said, "Tell him I will promise to keep 
my temper, whether he does or not ; for my love to him has a 
better foundation than he can shake." In order to improve in 
the English language, he proposed to read to me some hours 
in a day ; and I was to choose the books. Mr. Wesley was so 
kind as to send him Beattie's Evidences of the Christian Re- 
ligion, which he read with some pleasure : but as yet his heart 
remained untouched. 

I was very conscious I had none of that wisdom which, in 
cases of this kind, is often very useful ; and where it is joined 
with divine unction, does beautifully illustrate the truths it en- 
deavours to defend. But that word was remembered with plea- 
sure, " I will choose the foolish things of the world to confound 
the wisdom of the wise." And again, " My strength shall be 
made perfect in weakness." 

Well, thought I, if I have no philosophical arguments to 
bring, I will so much the more cry to the Strong for strength. 
I cannot do with the armour I have not proved;" but the stone 
of conviction, and the sling of faith, is that which I must 



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depend on ; and when these are directed by the Spirit of God, 
nothing can stand against them. 

Many of the Protestants in Switzerland are Deists; they are 
nevertheless very strict in bringing the young people to the 
communion; and they esteem it a reproach to do otherwise. 
My nephew expressed a desire of joining with us in that mean 
of grace ; for having been from home some years at the Uni- 
versity, he had not yet been brought to the table. Mr. Home 
told him freely his scruples in receiving him as a communicant; 
but after much conversation, he perceived a degree of conviction, 
and a desire to know the truth, and consented to admit him. 

The first time he came to the table, as he was kneeling 
beside me, and Mr. Horne was speaking those words, " The 
blood of the Lord Jesus Christ which was shed for thee,^' — 
I foimd such a power of prayer spring up in my heart, it 
seemed as if I claimed a ray of the Divinity just then to pene- 
trate his soul. He hath since told me, he felt something very 
particular at that moment. My greatest difficulty, however, 
lay here ; He did not believe the Scriptures. I was therefore 
cut off from drawing any arguments from them, and could only 
hold to this ; The necessity of a change, in order to be capable 
of enjoying the Supreme Being. 

I observed to him. You believe heaven to be a state and a 
place of holiness, and the happiness there to be separate from 
aU sin; is there not then an absolute need of ha%nlng a disposi- 
tion suited thereto ? This he readily allowed ; but added, 
" Then I will make myself this new creature. The Supreme 
Being hath not left his work imperfect. He hath given me 
powers sufficient, if I do but use them ; and if I am to do all 
by this grace of God, as you say, then what has God to thank 
me for ? I endeavoured to convince him of our utter help- 
lessness, except through that assistance which we draw from 
union with God, through the Saviour, without whom we cannot 
do any thing. He replied, " Indeed, Aunt, that is not my 
case. I do not know how it may be with others; but for me, 
I do assure you, there is no snare I cannot avoid, nor any 
passion I cannot overcome.'' 



MRS. FLETCHER. 



205 



As he abhorred the doctrine of the fall as much as that of 
the Divinity of our Lord, I did not speak often on those heads. 
I sought rather to convince him he was fallen, whether through 
Adam, or any other way, and that he was a sinner and unfit 
for heaven ; and narrowly did I watch for every opportunity 
of pointing out any disposition that would help to prove my argu- 
ment, though it was very difficult to bring him to a consciousness 
of any. At last I observed he had an abhorrence of the sin of 
envy, and a sensibility of having felt it. I then, on every 
proper occasion, enlarged on the happiness of the blessed, as 
consisting in love, the very contrary to selfishness, which was 
the principle from whence envy took its life ; and therefore he 
must become a new creature to enter into that state. This he 
now began to see, and sometimes to feel; but all my hopes 
appeared to be overturned at once, by a circumstance which oc- 
curred. He had fixed his affections on a lady, from whom, 
about this time, he thought he received some encouragement. 
Elated with joy, he was carried out of himself There was 
nothing left for me to take hold of He had no ear to hear, 
but on one subject. I returned to a silent waiting before the 
Lord. 

One night, about the beginning of November, I dreamed I 
was in a church, standing by a communion-table, on which lay 
a large common prayer-book, open in the service of Matrimony. 
I observed it was all marked, as my dear husband used to mark 
those books he much approved. I beheld it with pleasure, for 
being near the 12th of November, I took it as a token that he 
remembered with approbation the transaction of that day,— our 
marriage. I was conscious of the presence of his dear spirit, 
as sent to communicate something to me. As I looked on the 
book, he signified to me the whole was emblematic, though few 
entered into the spirituality of it. Adding, " This is a great 
mystery : I speak concerning Christ and the Church." As I 
cast my eyes on that word, " Who giveth this woman to this 
man ? " he pointed me to that text, " None cometh to the Son 
but whom the Father draweth." As nothing was spoken in 
words, it is difficult to describe the ideas which were conveyed 



206 



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to my mind. A gleam of light seemed to break forth in my soul, 
by which I discovered in how full a sense tlie souls of the re- 
deemed are given by the Father to the Son, as his bride ! I 
then thought on those words, " The marriage of the Lamb is 
come, and his wife hath made herself ready."" In this accept- 
able moment my nephew came to my mind. I said, with a groan, 
O for our nephew ! Immediately I saw a little bird fly round 
and round. I said. That is the emblem of my nephew^s spirit. 
If it come to me and I take it up, his soul will be given unto 
me. I had no sooner spoken the word, but it came and alighted 
on the table before me. I took it up, and stroked it, and let it 
fly again. A thought then struck my mind, — O, but he does 
not believe the Scriptures ! The bird came, and I took it up 
the second time. As it flew again, I thought, O, but he does 
not believe in the divinity of our Lord ! Immediately it re- 
turned, and I took it up the third time. I no more saw it 
flying, but a beautiful large bird stood with great solemnity 
before me, and I awoke. 

As I was in prayer, a little time after the above dream, these 
words bore on my mind : " He setteth the solitary in families, 
and maketh them households as a flock of sheep.""* Also, 
"Thy sons shall come from far; and thy daughters shall be 
nursed at thy side."' It was on the Monday night I had the 
dream here related ; and on the following Friday, my nephew 
received a flat denial from the before-mentioned lady. Here all 
his philosophy and boasted reason failed. He was as one driven 
to desperation. The next night he told me all his heart, saying, 
" O, Aunt ! if you could see into my breast, you would see how 
troubled I am, for the pain I have caused you. But I now see 
you are in the right. No ! we cannot do without the help of 
God. I thought I could conquer every passion, but now I find 
they are taller and bigger than I."" After telling me how many 
trials and disappointments he had met with in life, he added, 
"Do, dear Aunt, pray with me."" I did so, he weeping all the 
time with groans. When we rose from our knees, he said, 
"Ah ! I am wrong; I thought all religion stood in the abhor- 
rence of outward evil ; but now I see there is something more."" 



MRS. FLETCHER. 



I told him my dream ; when I came to that part of it relating 
to himself, he was much moved, and said, " O, Aunt, if it de- 
pend on me, it shall be accomplished, indeed it shall." 

The next morning, he told me, that after we had parted the 
last night, as he was striving to pray, he found all his troubles 
gone, and felt for a few moments such a tranquillity as he had 
never known before. But his trouble, as well as his reluctance 
to believe, returned again, yet with this difference, he had now 
a consciousness that he was wrong, and expressed a great desire 
to know, and embrace the truth. 

From some concurring circumstances, I believed it to be the 
order of God, to invite him to live with me the remainder of 
the time he had to stay in England ; but remembering what a 
friend had said, " I cannot converse with him any more ; he 
tears open all the wounds of vmbelief ; " I said, " Lord, shall 
it be so with me ? And was answered by the application of 
that word to my mind : "I will not send you a warfare at your 
own charges." And glory be to my adorable Lord, so it proved ; 
for all he could say served but to light up a fresh candle in my 
soul ! Every time I read the Scriptures, a new lustre shone 
on every part, and the divine evidence rose higher and higher 
in my heart. I could now observe, he heard with deep attention ; 
and one day he said to me, " Aunt, it is not now that I will 
not believe, but that I cannot ; for when you read the chapter 
night and morning, and tell your thoughts upon it, it seems 
unanswerable. But then, something comes, — some thoughts, — 
I do not seek them, but they come and throw me all back again." 

His state was now very uncomfortable. Sometimes he was 
just ready to receive the Scriptures as truth : then a variety of 
objections would start up in his mind, and cause him to cry out, 
" How can these things be ? " If we cannot be saved without 
believing that Jesus is God, why did he live and die in such 
obscurity ? Would not a merciful being have rendered every 
thing quite clear that he required his creatures to believe, upon 
pain of their salvation ? * He added many arguments frequently 

* The God of infinite mercy, justice, and trutli, has made all clear. The Evi- 
dences of his Being are not stronger than the Evidences of the Religion he has 
revealed. Ed. 



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used by Deists, such as, " How clearly doth the whole of crea- 
tion prove a Supreme Creator ! The day and night, the sun 
and moon, and all creatures ! We cannot help believing that 
they have a Maker. Why is not the Divinity of Jesus Christ 
made as easy to be believed as these things ? I replied. The 
belief of these things you have mentioned, are by the outward 
senses ; but religion is an inward principle which God must 
open in our souls, and which changes every power and passion 
thereof. If all you are to believe could be comprehended by 
the outward senses, the greatest sinners might be as good be- 
lievers as the most holy persons. But the sense which God 
opens in the soul, and which we call faith, makes you acquainted 
with spiritual things, and capable of communion with God. He 
then answered in haste, " God hath never opened such a sense 
in my soul, and of course he will not condemn me for not using 
a power he hath not given." True, said I, it is not opened in 
you ; but it is because you shut your eyes and heart against it. 
Your state is exactly described in the word of God, whether 
you will believe it or no. This same J esus, whom you have 
despised, was " to the Jews a stumbling-block, and to the wise 
Greeks foolishness, but to us who believe," we feel him to be 
" the wisdom of God, and the power of God." 

It was a precious time to my own soul ! I had such a sweet 
view of the whole plan of redemption ! A ray of light shone 
upon the amazing wisdom, as well as love, contained therein, 
and filled my heart with a sweet liberty, while I was attempt- 
ing to lay before him the hidden glories of the adorable Jesus : 
when he appeared without form or comeliness, and by his deep 
humiliation marked out all our way ! How well suited this 
plan of salvation was to break down the high aspiring thoughts 
of man, and to bring him into that absolute dependance, and 
perfect submission, which make the joys of heaven ! I observed 
also, that a far greater salvation was wrought out for us, and a 
far greater glory would redound to God, by this wonderfiil act 
of free grace, than could have been if we had never needed such 
a Saviour. 

I now daily discerned some advances ; he gave back more 
and more ; and the word of God began to be more honourable 



MRS. FLETCHEU 



209 



in his eyes. But yet he would say, " Every man hath the right 
of private judgment. — Can I not be saved without believing on 
Jesus Christ ? If I address my prayers to the Supreme Being, 
and strive to obey him, why should I be condemned for not 
believing what I cannot understand ? " To this I answered, 
" God so loved the world, that he gave his only-begotten Son, 
that all who believe on him should not perish but have everlast- 
ing life." Now, said I, there is the condition : " If you be- 
lieve on him whom the Father hath given." He seemed in a 
struggle to believe, and said with vehemence, " But I cannot 
believe God would become a man, and die for me ! I am not 
worthy of it ! The thought is absurd. Why, Aunt, if I were 
condemned to death, do you believe the King of England would 
die to save my life ? " No, said I, I believe he would not. 
" Now there is the thing," replied he ; " You start at the 
thought of the King dying for me ; and yet you want me to 
believe, that God hath died in my place ! " * 

I observed the different relation he stood in to God. The 
King, said I, did not create you ; you are not his offspring : 
neither can the love of a finite being bear any comparison with 
that pure unmixed love which dwells in the heart of God. The 
King did not voluntarily take all your condemnation on him- 
self. But the Almighty Saviour has done so ! He acts by us, 
as if some great potentate should receive into his favour a poor 
beggar, — make her his spouse, — take all her debts on himself, 
— give her a right to his treasures, — a part in his throne, — 
and a share in all his titles ! Thus, " God so loved the world, 
that he gave his only-begotten Son, that whosoever believeth 
on him" should, by virtue of that union, inherit all things ! Here 
is the condition ; but you will not comply therewith. Only 
suppose for one moment, that the King had died to save your 
life ; but that when you was informed of his unparalleled love, 
you would give no credit thereto; even though one should say 
to you. Only look through this glass in my hand : I hold it to 
your eye ; only look through it, and you will see him hang 
bleeding there ! But you turn away your face with contempt, 
and will not so much as look on him who bleeds for you ! Would 

* What a gviiuine instance of carnal reasoning ! En. 
() 



210 



THE LIFE OF 



you not in that case be a monster of ingratitude ? Now this word 
of God, this book, is the glass : if with simplicity and prayer 
you look into it, you shall there discern that Supreme Being, 
(whom unknown you worship,) and that " He was in Christ 
reconciling the world to himself ; " and that " there is no other 
name given under heaven whereby you can be saved."" 

One afternoon, as he was reading to me, I pointed him to 
the experience of Brother Story, believing it was suited to his 
present state. But, contrary to all I had for a long time seen , 
in him, he appeared quite hard, and cavilled at almost every 
sentence. I answered his objections for a long time, till I was 
quite spent. Then looking solemnly at him, with tears in my 
eyes, I put out my hand to take the book. He was moved, and 
said tenderly, " What, Aunt, what ! No ; I will read any 
thing, any thing you give me ! You think me in a bad spirit. 
Aunt ! I replied. Why, my dear, I do not think you are in 
a very good one. That book does not suit you to-night. He 
then read on, till he came to a part very applicable to his present 
feelings. He dropped the book at once, and remained silent. 
After a time, I asked him what was the matter ? He replied, 
" I know not what is the matter ! I feel a horrible sensation ! 

0 what do I ail ! How have I been speaking to you ! Dear 
Aunt, the more kind you are, the more luigrateful I am. What 
is the matter with me ? I am worse and worse ! " I strove to 
comfort him, saying. It is well ; the Lord is beginning to show 
you your heart. "Ah," replied he, " You say very well, but 

1 say very ill ; for I am worse than before I came to England. 
O, I am ashamed to think how I spent my life ! I thought I 
had done all things for the glory of God. But now I see I 
have done all for myself, and to please myself only." After some 
time of silence, he said, " I will now tell you what I have been 
doing. All this week I have strove to address my prayers to 
Jesus Christ, as you advised me; but alas ! I am more dull and 
cold in them than I ever felt before ! O if he is God, why doth 
he not help me ? You said. Aunt, he would answer for himself ! " 
Then in an agony, he added, "Why does he not answer 
Why does he not answer ? " While I was making a few obser- 
vations on the long time the Lord had waited for him, &c., 



MRS. FLETCHl^R. 



211 



Mr. Home came in to meet the men's class, to which he was 
that night to go up for the first time. When he came down he 
said his mind was more composed, and he wished he had fre- 
quented that meeting before. 

After supper, being alone, we renewed our conversation, and 
I repeatedly assured him the Lord would shine upon him if he 
would only persevere. His cry was still, " Why does he not 
answer ? " It being late, we parted. I then went again to the 
throne of grace to pour out my complaint before the Lord. I 
saw we were come to a point, and could go no further without 
his immediate help. I had staked all on the faithfulness of my 
God, and had declared the answer would come; and now there 
was nothing more for me to do, but to obtain it of the Almighty. 
Sometimes I felt all faith and hope ; at others, as if cold water 
was thrown over the fire of expectation. Satan was not idle. 
He suggested, You will find him to-morrow as you left him 
to-night. I pleaded with the Lord, that it was no new thing 
I asked. He had shown his approval of sacrifices by fire from 
heaven ; he had wrought for his people ; he had given signs 
and wonders ! His arm was not shortened, and I besought 
him to appear in such a manner for this young man, as should 
convince him of the truth. Sometimes I felt all discourage- 
ment, but I did not mind that ; I knew from whence it came. 
I said, Lord, thy word stands always sure ; it is not my feel- ^ 
ing, but thy faithftdness, that I depend on. Lord, thou hast 
said, " Whatsoever ye shall ask the Father in my name, I 
will do it." I ask this in thy name ! I leave it in thy hand, 
assured of the answer. 

The next morning he went out early. On his return at night, 
he said, " Aunt, I have a great deal to tell you. After we 
parted last night, I thought I would pray ; but that it was 
right to consider what I wanted most. Then I thought, why I 
most want light in this point, about Jesus Christ. But will 
God so condescend as to answer me ? Then, Aunt, I heard . 
a voice, (not with my ear, but I did hear it,) say, Yes, he 
will. Then I began and made prayer ; and an hour went away 
like a minute, — and I could say, ' Through the Lord Jesus 
Christ ! ' O, dear Aunt, T thought I must liave come up and 

o 2 



212 



THE LIFE OF 



told you, but you were gone to bed. And again I thought, 
may be to-morrow God will confirm this. And so he has, for 
when I was at Waters-Upton, Mr. G. H. began to make plea- 
santry of the miracles of Jesus Christ. I said in myself, yes- 
terday I could have smiled at this, and heard it with pleasure ; 
but now it was a horrible sensation ; I coiild not bear it. I was 
forced to go out of the house. Was not that a sign, Aunt, 
that there is some change in me " 

Soon after, he had a particular dream. He thought he was 
in Switzerland, and attempting to converse with one of his old 
acquaintance on the things of God; but was much surprised to 
find he could only speak in English. Afterwards, as he stood 
at a window with his father, he saw eight full moons all at 
once, and said in his mind, it means eight months. A beau- 
tiful city then rose up before his eyes, and as he looked thereon, 
he beheld a lovely appearance, and thought. Is that St. John ? 
He looked, till dazzled with the beams of glory which sur- 
rounded the face, as it passed over the city, he cried out, See! 
Father, see ! The Lord Jesus ! The Lord Jesus ! and so 
awoke. This dream seemed to make a deep impression on him, 
though he attempted no explanation. About a week after this, 
coming home one night late, from visiting a sick neighbour, on 
my inquiring after his state, he answered, " Aunt, I have not 
found the evening long, for I have been in deep recollection 
almost all the time you have been gone. And now I can say, 
' Faith is the evidence of things unseen,' for if I had seen my 
Lord, I could not be more assured than I am." From this 
time the change has been more and more evident. He attends 
all the meetings with me, and our dear friends are not a little 
delighted to hear the nephew and godson of their beloved 
Minister, telling in his broken English, that his eyes, which 
had long been accustomed to see darkness, do now behold the 
light of the Lord. 

Some time after, writing to a friend, he uses these words, 
" I have altogether left Mr. Home's house, though fully satis- 
fied with all there ; but it would have been very disagreeable to 
me to have been forced to ride daily, and at night, over one of 
the worst roads in the kingdom. I have now for three months 



MRS. FLETCHER. 



213 



enjoyed the happiness of living with my Aunt, and I feel more 
and more the immense obligation which I owe to her, not only 
for all the temporal care she hath taken for me, but much more 
for the blessing of my soul. Yes, she hath shown me clearly, 
that the knowledge of mathematics, and a vain philosophy, 
are not sufficient to procure us true happiness ; but the know- 
ledge of Him only who giveth wisdom liberally to those who 
ask it. She hath taught me to distinguish the things which 
are situated within the reach of our understanding, from those 
which are beyond it ; for I must own that the idea which I 
had before of the strength of my understanding, and the ex- 
tent of my knowledge, was so false, that I thought nothing to 
be out of my sphere. But now, blessed be God ! not only I 
feel that it is not permitted to men to scrutinize with profane 
looks the mysteries of religion, but I believe them with a holy 
respect ; and far from being ashamed to acknowledge Jesus for 
my Saviour, I set my glory in it, and that persuasion makes 
me happy ! " 

He is indeed a new creature, and his conscience appears to be 
so tender, and his convictions of the need of a further change so 
strong, that I am sunk in amazement and wonder ! O what a 
prayer-hearing God have we to do with ! " Ask, and you shall 
receive," is more than ever written on my heart ! On the first 
of January, he was much blest, and told me he had found 
such a power to renew his covenant with the Lord as he had 
never done before. He broke out in prayer with such simplicity 
as delighted the whole congregation! In a few months he must 
leave me, and return to Switzerland, — I trust in the power of 
the Lord, to be a messenger of glad tidings to the dear family 
of his precious uncle. O, my God ! what hast thou done for 
thy poor worm in the day of her adversity ! " Bless the Lord, 
O my soul, and all that is within me, bless his holy name ! " 



PART VI. 



HER RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE AT MADELEY. 

December 3, 1785. — Last night I had a peculiar sense of 
that truth, " Thy Maker is thy husband ! " I saw great depth 
in that declaration. The thought of. belonging only to Jesus 
was precious ! These words were powerfully on my mind, — 

• 

" Be bold in Jesus to confide. 
His creature, and his spotless bride ! 

Thy husband's power and goodness prove, . • ' 
The Holy One of Israel He ! 
The Lord of Hosts hath chosen thee. 

In faith, and holiness, and love ! " 

I saw and felt all things are possible to persevering faith : 
but in the midst of this exercise, my old temptation presented. 
Thou art not in joy ! And some say, " No more holiness than 
joy." It was as cold water cast on a fire ! My feeble, sore 
spirit trembled under the suggestion, and sorrow's waves around 
me rolled ! I said, True, I have not joy ! Again it came to 
my mind, others believe because an overflowing power con- 
strains them so to do : but I believe, as it were, because I wiU. 
believe.* Yet I thought, is not that the way of faith ? Ought 
I not to hang on Jesus in the midst of the fire ? What is "the 
abiding in the secret place of the Most High ? " Is it not 
taking shelter in J esus, and keeping fixed there whatever storms 
may surround ? I cried to the Lord, and sometimes the faith 
of Abraham was set before me. These words of our Lord 
were also applied, " Blessed are they who have not seen, and 

* So must they in tlif hour of Icinptation. Eu. 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



215 



yet have believed." But still the weight hung over my soul. 
At night I went to bed oppressed, yet struggling to maintain 
that faith which " staggers not at the promise," but gives glory 
to God by believing. 

I dreamed I was in a room with Sally, and saw a picture, 
or rather the ground-work for a picture, on which was only 
painted one small sheep lying down; the rest was all plain. I 
said to her, Sally, look on that picture, and what the Lord 
says, your dear master will draw it out for me to read ! I then 
saw letter by letter come out, as if wrote (though without any 
hand or pen) as follows : " She that dwelleth in the secret 
place of the Most High, shall abide under the shadow of the 
Almighty." I felt it a confirmation of my faith ; and said, 
There is no better path than to repose the soul in God, and 
to go on in quiet resignation whatever we may feel. As I 
was makmg that reflection, I heard, though yet asleep, my 
dear husband's voice, .as if close to my face, speaking these 
words, — 

Shout^ all ye people of the sky ! 
And all ye saints of the Most High : 
Our God, which thus His right obtains;, 
For ever and for ever reigns \ " 

The beginning I heard in my sleep, but as it waked me, the 
rest was heard afterwards ; and I could have known his voice 
among a thousand. I saw from it, we never render to God his 
right till we abandon, by a perfect resignation, all our con- 
cerns, spiritual as well as temporal, into his hand, and learn 
to lie still before him, in the posture of a little child, hanging 
each moment by faith on his mercy. I see how the art of 
Satan has hindered me. Indeed my present state is not joyous. 
I feel, keenly feel, my loss ! I am as a poor sheep alone on 
the mountains. I feel a sorrow no pen can describe. I am 
penetrated with fiery darts, and my health so broken, my nerves 
so weak ; with a variety of trying affairs, which quite weigh 
me down. But this morning the Lord showed me, I was not 
to set joy as the mark,* but a ready submission, and quiet 

* It is a real part of the *' kingdom of God," (Rom. xiv. 17,) but not 
sensibly discerned while the believer is sifted as wheat." Ed. 



216 



THE LIFE OF 



resignation to his will. That I was to fix this on my mind, 
" Whoso trusteth in the Lord shall never be confounded." 
That I was to lie still as clay in his hand ; that he in his wis- 
dom and love might save me in the way that he knew. My 
only care should be, to embrace the cross with a ready will ! 

Feb. 6, 1786. — My soul is waiting on the Lord. I believe 
he will bring me into his unclouded presence ! I do feel the 
truth of these words. 

They shall as their right His righteousness claim." 

I also feel that, 

" I shall as my right His purity claim." 

1 do claim it, and feel a share therein. He keeps me ; I know, 
"He that abideth in Him sinneth not." My soul doth abide, 
looking by faith to J esus ; and I do not feel any sin, yet my 
sorrow and mourning is deep. I also feel sore temptation ; not 
to any thing earthly of any kind ; no, I believe " the world is 
crucified to me, and I unto the world." It has no charms for 
me ; but I am tempted with great terrors, which come over my 
mind in a moment, and my weak nerves, which have been 
affected even to a degree of palsy, help to let in the tempta- 
tions. At times the Lord Jesus gives me such a view of his 
faithfulness and full power to save, that I seem to forget for a 
few moments all my sorrow ! This is the case often ; but then, 
the vision shuts again, and grievous temptations return. I 
want a full liberty, such as was given at the out-pouring of the 
Spirit on the day of Pentecost. I believe there is a degree of 
union which shuts out all sorrow,* — the soul having so entered 
into the element of love, as to be incapable of receiving any 
idea but what is consonant therewith ; or, in other words, a 
" dwelling in God," and possessing the fulness of that pro- 
mise, " I and my Father will come and make our abode with 
you." 

Feb. 16. — I found to-day some refreshment in conversing 

* No; our Lord was " H man of sorrows." But all rebellious sorrow we 
may be saved from. Eo. 



MRS. FLETCHER. 217 

with that dear old saint, Mary Matthews, one of my dear love's 
first children, who endured much persecution for the truth*'s 
sake many years since. She was called under the first sermon 
she heard him preach ; and after feeling the spirit of bondage 
nearly two years, was very clearly set at liberty, and walked 
many years in faith and love. It was she who was so blessed 
the first sabbath my dear husband introduced me into the kitchen 
among those who met there, and she has enjoyed a fuller liberty 
ever since. She told me. That on the day after the preaching, 
in the last week, having undertaken to open the door in time 
for the morning service, she took the key of the room for that 
purpose, and believed the Lord would awake her in time. About 
two in the morning (instead of five) she was awaked with an 
extraordinary power of God. She thought, I must rise and 
pray. She came down and broke up the fire, and being in a 
little house all alone, she sat down to meditate, and give full 
scope to the Spirit. She took up her hymn-book, but could not 
read, for, said she, "All around me seemed God ! It appeared 
to me as if the room was full of heavenly spirits. I laid the 
book down, and falling back in my chair, I remembered no more 
of any thing outward, but thought I was at the threshold of a 
most beautiful place. I could just look in. The first thing I 
saw was the Lord Jesus sitting on a throne ! There was a 
beautiful crown over his head ! It did not seem to bear with a 
weight, but as if it was suspended there ; and as he turned his 
head, it turned with him. A glorious light appeared on one 
side, and all around him was glory ! I thought on that word 
of St. Paul, " Who dwelleth in light unapproachable ! " Turn- 
ing my eye a little, I saw close to my Saviour my dear 
Minister, Mr. Fletcher. He looked continually on the Lord 
Jesus with a sweet smile. But he had a very different ap- 
pearance from what he had when in the body, and yet there 
was such an exact resemblance, that I could have known him 
among a thousand. Features and limbs just the same, but not 
of flesh. It was what I cannot describe; all light. I know not 
what to call it. I never saw any thing like it. It was, I 
thought, such a body as could go thousands of miles in a 



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moment ! * There were several passed who had the same ap- 
pearance ; and I seemed to have lost my old weak, shaking 
body ! I seemed to myself as if I could have gone to the 
world's ^d as light as air ! I looked on him a long time, and 
observed every feature with its old likeness. He then turned 
his eyes on me, and held out his hand to me just as he used to 
do. After this the whole disappeared, and I came to myself, 
and found it was just the time when I should open the preach- 
ing-house door." I found her words a comfort to me.-f Ah ! 
my dear husband was a suffering member here ; but he is now 
a bright star in glory. 

I am amazed to see how the Almighty appears for me in out- 
ward things. Night and day I have a sense of safety. I feel 
as if the angels of the Lord encamped round about me ! Though 
we are alone, I and the two girls, in this house, sometimes only 
Sally and me, no long winter night seems to have any thing 
dreary to me ! Indeed life and death are equal; the will of 
God is aU ! I feel also a quiet acquiescence in the will of God. 
His wiU shall be my choice ! I have no other rest on earth. 
Yet I have not joy ! But I wiU lie in his hands for this also. 

Some thoughts have arisen in my mind on this subjet. There 
has long been a question between two sorts of religious professors, 
both devoted to God. The one part say, "A child of God, labour- 
ing up perfection's hill, may be in darkness and obscurity for a 
time, in order to his further purification." The others say, 
"Nay, there can be no darkness but from the displeasure of 
God ; neither is there any true holiness but in proportion to 
this joy." 

But what do we mean by darkness ? And what do we mean 
by joy.-^ Many blend the idea of darkness with deadness. 
They suppose such to have no savour of divine things. They 
do not mourn after Jesus, " as one who mourns for her first- 

* What a description I Far beyond her powers. Ed. 

t How wonderful are the ways of God '. Instead of that "joy unspeakable, 
and full of glory," which this devoted woman so earnestly desired. He took 
this way to comfort her ! And what a mystery of love even in this, that he 
should give it to her, not directly, but at second hand ! Ed. 



MtlS. FLETCHER. 



219 



born.'''* They can be content with worldly rest. They look 
more to men and means for help than singly to Jesus. They 
are indeed pained sometimes because they have navjnore life ; 
but their treasure is still here. Such darkness certainly the 
true believer does not feel. The expedience of Mr. Brainerd 
is a fine comment on this. A soul thirsting (in general) after the 
full mind of Christ, — whose conscience is truly tender, to whom 
the world is crucified, and who has no relish but for the things 
of another life, — whose eye is really fixed, " not on the things 
which are seen, but on the things which are not seen," — to 
whom the prospect of a nearly approaching death is pleasant, 
from a firm confidence of final salvation, though that confidence 
may be often assaulted ; and who feels an intense, though 
mournful desire after the whole mind of Christ ; and an abiding 
filial fear of offending God. — Such a soul may find sometimes 
great obscurity, as if its Saviour was hidden, — as if the Lord 
shut himself up within stone walls, which prayer could not pass 
through ! so that even strong supplication and prayer shall seem 
to feel resistance. As when Jacob wrestled with the Angel, it 
seemed as if he wanted to get loose from Jacob's grasp, without 
giving him the blessing. As when our Lord gave that (seem- 
ingly) harsh answer to the Canaanitish woman, " It is not meet 
to take the children's bread and give it unto dogs ! " Was it 
to discourage and drive her back ? Was it from wrath he spoke ? 
Ah, no ! it was to try and to strengthen her faith by exercise ; 
and to increase her blessing, when he pronounced that word, 
^' O womait, great is thy faith ! be it unto thee even as thou wilt." 
We have often a wrong idea of faith. When the Apostle says, 
^' I have fought the good fight, I have kept the faith," — ^how 
do we understand him ? Some say, " He fought against sin, — 
he was firm in persecution, — and he always believed. His soul 
was so ftJl of light and power that he could not help believing." 
Was there, then, no conflict in believing. When St. Paul 
says, "Cast not away your confidence," does he mean that 
they could not cast it away.f^ Were they to hold it fast, when 
it needed no holding,^ And is it thus that it should have 
great recompense of reward ? " 



220 



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But does not the whole tenor of Scriptures speak of the 
Christian soldier, as " fighting the fight of faith ? " And what 
is faith, but the believing of " things unseen ? " " Blessed are 
they who nave not seen, and yet have beheved." And to Na- 
thaniel, our Lord says, " Because I said, Under the fig-tree I 
saw thee, believest thou ? Thou shalt see greater things than 
these." 

It seems to me, therefore, that the way of holiness is to 
strive every moment to "look to Jesus as the author and finisher 
of our faith ! and while the soul is so continually hanging on 
him, let it not esteem it " a strange thing," if it should'feel the 
powers of darkness surround it, inducing horror and dismay ! 
If the believer feel as though the Angel of the Covenant 
struggled against him ; as if he would go away and leave the 
soul unblest ; it may seem to have even a rebuke instead of a 
blessing, like the Canaanitish woman ; nay, it may feel as if 
all its strength was failing, so that it could wrestle no longer. 
Perhaps the day begins to break ! Death seems at the door ! 
and the fainting soul cries out, O, what is all my wrestling come 
to ! My day of grace is gone, and I am not saved ! But the 
very next moment may bring the new name of Israel ! "As 
a Prince, thou hast power with God, and hast prevailed." 

June 19. — I now see clearly what I want. My soul is not 
brought fully into the element of love. There is a fulness of 
love, or, a " perfect love which casts out all fear." I have not 
perfect resignation; yet my will never seems to oppose God. 
I have not perfect peace ; it is disturbed by temptation. I have 
not perfect union with God : clouds come between. In short, 
that salvation I felt at Hoxton, and which I now feel, is like 
Israel when on the borders of Canaan. But I am not put in 
full possession. I do not " dwell in love." I am determined, 
however, never to rest short of it ; and I believe that is 
the meaning of the promise so impressed upon my mind, "An 
abundant entrance shall be ministered unto you into the king- 
dom of our Lord Jesus Christ." Lord, hasten the hoiur ! 
I have no hope but from thee. " It is not of him that willeth, 
nor of him that runneth, but of God that sheweth mercy ! " 



MRS. FLETCHER. 



221 



Not by might, nor by power, but by my Spirit, saith the 
Lord of hosts ! 

Well, if I am thus perfectly saved, I shall be the greatest 
monument of mercy ! For since that time I was blessed at 
Hoxton, how often have I sunk back from that liberty of faith ! 
and though the divine change has ever since remained on my 
soul, yet there have been times in which I have been a monster 
in my own eyes, for I have many times found self, and from 
that root, every evil springing up in my soul. 

I would give a list of the evils I have felt, but, alas ! when 
I attempt it, I am lost ! I cannot find any words to express 
myself in. But this I will say, for the comfort of some who 
have known these things, and into whose hand this account may 
fall, that wherein they have lamented their inbred corruption, 
I have much more cause for lamentation. 

O ! if I were but for one hour permitted to enter heaven, 
that I might throw myself at the feet of all whom I have 
offended, or hindered, by my pride, self-will, and other evils, 
it would yield me some consolation. Yet I believe I shall be 
delivered from them all, and even from this painful reflection. 
Yes, I shall ; the God of love hath said, " Thou shalt walk 
with me in white, — I will make thee worthy ! " And my soul 
has of late felt a great renewal of that promise. Yes, I shall 
overcome ! I begin, though but faintly, to shout victory ! I 
shall overcome ! for I singly trust in Jesus. 

June 23; Friday. — Three days ago, as I was thinking of the 
above words, — " I am not brought into the element of love," — 
a thought came into my mind : Thou waitest and pleadest to 
be brought into another state ; — abide in Jesus ! That is the 
way to love, and to bring forth all good fruit. I weighed it 
over in my mind, and saw that it was so. I have Jesus ! and 
have I not all in him ? Those words shone with Hght on my 
heart, " Christ is made of God unto you, wisdom, righteousness, 
sanctification, and redemption.'' I felt I ought to rejoice in 
my privilege ; the privileges of my present dispensation. I 
am brought into a state of love ; and that I do not abundantly 
grow therein is, because I do not abide every moment in a quiet. 



222 



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peaceable confidence, believing the Lord will enable me to glorify 
him in and through every thing. These words were yesterday, 
and are still the language of my soul ! 

" No condemnation now I dread ; 
Jesus, and all in him, is mine ! 
Alive in him/ my living Head, 

And cloth'd in righteousness divine. 
Bold I approach the' eternal throne. 
And claim the crown through Christ my own." 

July 21, Friday. — O the union my spirit feels with my dear 
husband ! Time makes no difference to me. As I was offering 
up my trials to the Lord to-day, these words came to my mind, 
"Ask of the Lord grace to suffer as much and as long as he 
pleases." I thought, so I will. I will not even wish to have 
it mitigated. 

July 22, Saturday. — Yesterday I was at the Chapel in 
Madeley Wood, and found much freedom of Spirit while speak- 
ing on these words, " Bring my soul out of prison, that I may 
praise thy name."*' This morning I feel my soul cast on the 
Lord, and was blest in reading those words of Fenelon, " Your 
letter leaves me nothing to wish for. It confesses all that is 
past, and promises every thing for the future. With regard to 
the past, you need only leave it to God, with a humble con- 
fidence, and repair it by a constant fidelity. You ask what 
penances are required for the past ? Can we perform greater, 
or more salutary ones, than bearing our present crosses ? The 
best reparation of our past vanities is the being humble, and 
content that God should humble us. The most rigorous of all 
penances, is, notwithstanding all our dislikes and weariness, to 
do daily and hourly the will of God rather than our own." * 

July 27, Thursday. — For some days I have felt keen darts 
from the enemy, and such a sense of being alone in the world, 
as I cannot express. But last night, in the midst of these feel- 
ings, I felt a strong impression that my trials were increased 
by my not courageously believing every moment that the Lord 

* How well some RoiiiHnists have written on Christian obedience I O ti sic 
omnia .' En. 



MRS. FLETCHER. 



223 



has absolutely undertaken my whole cause. And I am convinced 
that when Satan pursues me with glooms and threatenings, I 
ought to believe that all is permitted to exercise my faith and 
patience. I feel at all times that my heart has embraced the 
glory of God, as my one sole care, and therefore I have nothing 
to do even with my state, whether it is joyous or sad, but only 
to cling to the Covenant I have entered into, of being a whole 
burnt sacrifice to the Lord ; and leave him to choose for me 
every moment, who is in himself all wisdom and love. This 
thought brought with it a sweet peace ; and these words were 
applied to my soul, "Cast not away therefore your confidence, 
which hath great recompense of reward ; for ye have need of 
patience, that after ye have done the will of God, ye may receive 
the promise." I see also that I must singly trust in Jesus, 
resolved to believe that he will make me more than conqueror 
through all. " None ever trusted in him and was confounded." 
My one cry therefore shall be, " Lord, glorify thyself in thy 
poor creature, and that is enough." In the night I was exer- 
cised with pain more than common, but my mind seemed to be 
fixed on this, Lord, glorify thyself ! I slept ; and waked in 
that thought, and it brought peace. 

Aug. 3. — This time of the year returning affects me much. 
This day twelve months was the last in which my dear husband 
enjoyed perfect health, and the last in which he visited his 
people. O ! how does every hour present the past scenes to my 
view ! But I find power to live in the spirit of sacrifice. As 
I was this morning reading Mr. Wesley's note on Judges, 
chap. iv. ver. 14, it was made a blessing to me. It is said of 
Barak, " He went down from Mount Tabor," — Mr. Wesley 
adds, " He did not make use of the advantage which he had of 
the hill, where he might have been out of the reach of Sisera's 
iron chariots. He boldly marches down into the valley, to give 
him the opportunity of using his chariots and horses, that so 
the victory might be more glorious." So it seems to be with 
me. When I had every help and every comfort, he brought 
me into the valley indeed! Unto the loss of all my earthly 
comforts ; and into deep and fierce temptation. And yet those 
very things which would have been a great trial to me, and a 



224 



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great alarm to my fears, when I had my dearest companion with 
me, are nevertheless rendered easy ; and my Captain, going 
before, seems to gain for me an easy victory. He is my light 
in difficiilties, my protection in dangers, and my continual 
shield. But that word of the Lord spoken to Gideon, " The 
people are too many for me to deliver Israel by them,'" casts a 
still clearer light on my path. I was the happiest of women ! 
I had every thing which friendship, the most heavenly and re- 
fined, could give. My helps were too many ; I could not feel 
my deep nothingness. God has stripped me of all ! Yet I will 
look every moment for the complete victory. 

Aug. 14, Monday. — How awful a Sabbath was yesterday to 
me ! The remembrance of the tremendous scene that day 
twelve months deeply penetrated my heart. The whole of the 
last week has been to me very solemn. Every hour has pointed 
out some part of the bitter cup which I have drunk, and do still 
deeply drink of. 

This day has also been a time of deep examination. What 
difference do I find between this and the last fourteenth of 
August, the day of my dear husband's death ? I find a good 
deal many ways. First, I have more vehement longing after 
Christ. Secondly, I am stripped of all desire of human com- 
forts, and dead to earth in a fuller degree than I ever was before 
in any part of my life. Thirdly, That fierce conflict of tempta- 
tion, which I endured at that time, has wrought for my good- 
Fourthly, I am more constant and faithful in private prayer ; 
indeed it. is my one business ; and I have a more watchful spirit. 
Fifthly, I feel a more perfect resignation; and though my^ 
wound continually bleeds, yet I can continually say, " Thy will 
be done." Yet nothing can supply the place of the full in- 
dwelling Spirit. The Lord is ever with me ; I have surprising 
helps and deliverances, and victory in every trial. I feel I am 
crucified to the world ; but yet I want " the promise of the 
Father" in its fulness. 

Aug. 15, Tuesday. — Yesterday being (according to the days 
of the month) the annual return of the time when my dearest 
love departed this life, I set it apart for prayer and close ex- 
amination, to know what I had gained or lost in this black year. 



Mils. FLETCHER. 



225 



Most of the day I wa^ in heaviness ; but by the light of God 
I clearly discerned his powerful hand was upon me. The entire 
deadness I find to every thing worldly ; the purity in which the 
Lord continually keeps my soul ; the increasing vigour of my 
spiritual affections; my great love for souls, and abundant 
liberty in speaking to them, with the many degrees of resigna- 
tion to the divine will which I feel my soul sunk into ; and that 
spirit of love which ever prompts me to turn the other cheek, all 
give me good hope. Now, thought I, though I felt a measure 
of all this before, is not the increase of all these an evident 
mark, that the work of God is deepened in my soul ? I saw it 
was so, and was constrained to cty out, This hath God 
wrought ! 

I then was led to reflect on my union with my dear husband, 
and saw how much of the heavenly state we had enjoyed to- 
gether ; and it seemed as if I so longed to give up all for God, 
that I offered up to his divine will even our eternal union, (if it 
was in reality, as many suppose, that separate spirits forget all 
they have known and loved here,) that His will might- be done! 
I seemed content, so my dearest Love, and my own soul, were 
lost in his immensity, and should know each other no more ! 
I then found, as it were, a conversation carried on in my mind. 
The question arose. What part of our union can heaven dis- 
solve ? It will take away all that was painful ; such as our fears 
for each other's safety, our separations, &c. But what of the 
pleasant part can Heaven dissolve ? I answered from the bottom 
of my heart, — Nothing, Lord, nothing ! Clear as light it 
appeared before me, that Heaven could not dissolve any thing 
which agreed with its own nature. Let two drops of water, two 
flames of fire, or any two quantities of the same element be put 
together, they would not destroy each other, but would be in- 
creased. So what came down from God, would, when returned 
to its source, live for ever, and be corroborated, but not lessened. 

I am quite at a loss for words to describe the feelings of that 
hour ; but it fixed in my soul an assurance of our eternal union. 
And as it increased my tender affection towards my dear hus- 
band, so it seemed to spread it to all around. I felt it reflect 
as it were backwards and forwards, to and from all the heavenly 

p 



226 



THE LIFE OF 



host ; all seemed doubly dear through that endearing love I 
found to him. At the same moment a peculiar sense of union 
with my friend Ryan sprung up in my soul ; and I seemed to 
worship with them both before the throne. As I rose from my 
knees, I had an application of these words, as from his own 
dear mouth, — 

" The days that in heaven they spend, 
For ever and ever shall last." 

O, what did I feel ! my eyes overflowed with tears, and my 
heart with praise ! 

Nov. 15. — Last Sunday (the 12th) was to me a heavy day. 
That was the day my dear husband gave himself to me, and 
that I gave myself to him, or, rather, the Lord gave us to each 
other. But I was enabled to go through the duty, which the 
Lord called me to that day, with calmness and resignation. 

This day I had, at my ten o'clock hour, much freedom in 
pouring out my heart to the Lord. I prayed that I might have 
an increase of faith. I then opened an old book which helped 
me to make some reflections very suitable to the present posture 
of my mind. I had been considering whether I might expect 
as fully to glorify my Saviour as one who had been less guilty 
and sinful ? For two days that question had been uppermost 
in my heart, and the following words much in my mouth, 

" If so poor a worm as I 

May to thy great glory live ! " 

But to-day I was led into the following considerations : — The 
Lord Jesus hath said, " They to whom much is forgiven, love 
much ; but " they to whom (comparatively) little is forgiven, 
love little : " and this is corroborated by three parables, the 
Lost Sheep, the Piece of Money, and the Prodigal Son. But 
why is it so ? Can I find suflicient ground for my faith to set 
its foot upon ? The following thoughts occurred to my mind. 
First, We generally love best what has cost us most. My 
Saviour has drunk a more bitter draught for me, than for many; * 

* Here is a tine iUustratiou of those words of the Apostle, " In lowliness of 
mind, let each esteem the other better than himself." Can we keep the " unity 
of the Spirit " without this ? Ed. 



MRS. FLETOHER. 



therefore he hath paid a higher price for me. All the pain, 
shame, and evil consequences of sin, "He hath borne in his 
own body ; "He hath borne my grief, and carried my sorrows/' 
Well, then, I have more to love him for than any other. 

Secondly, The author observes, " It is certain we may believe 
that God will give them the first place in his esteem who have 
glorified him most in this world." But who are they ? Doubt- 
less those who believe most, — who come nearest to the faith of 
Abraham ; for to believe in God's faithfulness to his promises, 
and in his power to perform them, is to give him glory. (Rom. 
iv. 20 and 21.) " He staggered not at the promise through 
unbelief, but was strong in faith, giving glory to God ; and 
being fully persuaded that what he had promised he was able 
also to perform.'' From hence it foUov/s, that to believe the 
truth and faithfulness of God in his promises, and in his power 
to perform, (even in those cases where the performance is most 
difficult and rare,) is a greater glorifying of God, and shows a 
higher degree of faith, than to believe in ordinary cases only, 
wherein the belief is not so generous and noble, or so remote 
from the common principles of reason. The high commenda- 
tion of Abraham's faith, by which he is said to give glory to 
God, {i. e., in a very signal and transcendant manner,) is ex- 
pressed in these words : " Who against hope believed in hope." 
His faith breaking through the strong oppositions which the 
dictates of reason and nature made against it, was highly pleas- 
ing to God, and cast an abundance of glory upon him in that 
respect. Hence he pronounced him " the Father of the faith- 
ful," and " made him the father of many nations ; " that is, he 
conferred and settled this great dignity upon Abraham, to be 
for ever after reputed and acknowledged the great exemplar, or 
pattern, of all who to the end of the world should believe ; and 
who for their number should equal many nations. Therefore, 
that believing in God which accords most with this faith of 
Abraham, hath most of the spirit and power of that grace. That 
which lifteth up itself in the soul against the strongest assaults 
or encounters, must needs glorify God more than that wliicli 
hath only the common impediments and obstructions to over- 
come. Now it is plain, that he who hath been an inveterate and 

p 2 



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obdurate sinner, and the most deeply ungrateful; and who 
hath on his conscience a heavier burden of guilt than any other ; 
when he believes, I say, he hath much communion with Abra- 
ham in the excellency of his faith, and believeth against many 
fierce lions and bears in his way, against the strongest and most 
violent temptations to diffidence and despair. Whereas he who 
hath no such mountains in the way for his faith to leap over, 
he who hath no such -armed fears, no such imperious contradic- 
tions of sin to encounter, his faith, though it hold good corre- 
spondence with the faith of Abraham, in the nature and truth of 
it, yet it is far beneath it in that crowning property, whereby it 
gave glory to God so abundantly.* 

Dec. 12. — In prayer this morning, I was led to see the beauty 
of faith in reposing the whole soul on God. Surely, O Lord, 
thou requirest nothing of me, but to believe on thee for all I 
want ! I find the strongest dart of Satan is against my faith. 
He tells me all day long, that I believe because I will believe, 
and not by the immediate gift of God, — ^not by the operation of 
his Spirit, It seems that it is the only hold Satan has on my 
soul. But was not my first word (when seven years old) an in- 
vitation to believe ? 

W[\o on Jesus relies, without money or price. 
The pearl of forgiveness and holiness buys." 

The same is often applied to me now : and does not the 
whole Scripture lead to, and require believing ? Were not the 
Jews rejected for unbelief .^^ Was it not esteemed hardness of 
heart in Israel because they would not believe the bare promise 
of God, and so enter into the good land ? I feel a continual 
power to trust my all to Jesus, and the more I trust, the more 
it unites me to God. Then I do, I will trust him, though 
legions of temptations appear to hinder ! What mercy ! I have 

* " The weaned child shall put his hand on the cockatrice' den." To a mind 
less devoted than Mrs. Fletcher's, these speculations might be dangerous. They 
might lead to Antinomianism ; which, as Mr. Wesley observes, (in the Minutes 
of one of the first Conferences,) comes in doctrine, within a hair's breadth of 
the highest truths of the Gospel. Mrs. Fletcher, however, was preserved from 
this danger, and always found divine aid in tlte exercise of faith. By it she 
overcame. Ed. 



MKS. FLETCHER. 



229 



no temptation to sin ; no ; my soul hates all that God hates ! 
But every stroke is against my faith, as if I believed too much. 
I prayed the Lord to direct me to some book on the subject ; 
and found, as soon as I rose from my knees, one which I never 
saw before, among my dear husband's collection. I opened it 
on this subject, — " Christ the example of our faith." The 
writer observes on these words, " He is near that justifies me : 
who shall contend with me ? That Christ is brought in, as if 
uttering them before the High-Priesf s tribunal, when they spit 
upon and buffeted him. When he was also condemned by 
Pilate, then he exercised faith in God his Father : ' He is near 
that justifies me : ' and as in his condemnation he stood in our 
stead, so in this hope of his justification, he speaks in our 
stead also, and as representing us in both. And upon this the 
Apostle pronounces in like words, concerning all believers, 
(Rom. viii.,) It is God that justifieth ; and who is he that con- 
demneth ? ' Christ was condemned ; yea, hath died, — who, 
therefore shall condemn.? We have this communion with Christ 
in his death and condemnation ; yea, in his very faith. If he 
trusted in God, so may we; and we shall as certainly be de- 
livered. Observe, Christ also lived by faith. We are said 
(John i. 16) to ' receive of his fulness, and grace for grace ; ' 
that is, Grace answerable, and like unto his, and so among 
others. Faith." 

" To explain this : — First, in some sense Christ had a faith 
for justification like to ours, though not a justification through 
faith, as we have. He went not out of himself to rely on 
another for righteousness, for his own was perfect : he was ' the 
Lord our righteousness.' Yet He believed on God to justify 
him, and had recourse to God for justification, ' He is near 
(says he) that justifies me.' If He had stood upon his own 
person merely, and upon his divinity, there would have been 
no occasion for such a speech ; but as He stood in our behalf 
there was ; for what need of justification, if He had not been, 
in some way, exposed to condemnation ? He must therefore be 
supposed to stand here at God's tribunal, as well as at Pilate's, 
with all our sins upon Him. And so Isaiah tells us in chap, 
liii., ' God laid on Him the iniquities of us all.' He was made 



230 



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sin and a curse, and stood not in danger of Pilate's condemna- 
tion only, but of God's too, unless He satisfied Him for all 
those sins. And when the wrath of God for sin came thus 
upon Him, His faith was put to it to trust and wait on God 
for justification, that He might take off those sins, and His 
wrath from Him, and acknowledge himself satisfied, and the 
Surety acquitted. Therefore, in the twenty-second Psalm he 
is brought in as putting forth such a faith as we here speak of, 
crying out, ' My God ! my God ! ' when, as to sense, His God 
had forsaken him. Yea, at the sixth verse, we find Him lay- 
ing himself at God's feet, lower than ever any man did ! ' I 
am a worm and no man ! ' a worm which all tread on, and no 
one thinks it wrong to kill ; and all this, because ' He bore 
our sins ! ' 

" Now his deliverance and justification from all these (to be 
given him at his resiu'rection) was the matter, the business, he 
trusted God for ; even that he should rise again, and thus ap- 
pear acquitted from them all. Secondly, Neither did he exer- 
cise faith for himself only, but for us also; and that more 
than we are put to it to exercise for ourselves : for he, in empty- 
ing himself and dying, trusted God with the merit of all his 
sufferings beforehand ; there being such a countless multitude 
of souls to be saved thereby to the end of the world. God 
trusted Christ before he came into the world, and saved mil- 
lions of souls upon his voluntary offering and engagement, and 
then Christ at his death trusted God again as much.* In He- 
brews, chap. ii. ver. 12 — 14, it is made an argument that Christ 
became a man like us, because he was put to live by faith, and 
the Apostle brings in these words as prophesied of Him, ' I 
will put my trust in him,' as a proof of his being so constituted. 
Now how should the consideration of these things help us to 

* *' Great is tlie mystery of Godliness," especially in every thing respecting 
the Holy Trinity. Eternity will be employed in developing the divinity and 
glory of our redemption. That the Father should become the God of the 
Son, by the incarnation I And that " God manifest in the flesh," should be- 
lieve, obey, and suffer; and, " through the eternal Spirit," tlius " offer himself 
a sacrifice to God," in the truth of the nature which he had assumed, — what a 
depth is here! "Angels desire to look into it." The whole universe is in- 
terested iu it, and will be affected by it for ever. Ed. 



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231 



believe, since in this example of Christ we have the highest 
instance of believing that ever was. Hast thou the guilt of 
innumerable sins upon thee.^^ Consider what Christ had, though 
not his own. Luther boldly says, ' Christ was the greatest 
sinner that ever was," — that is, by imputation. And yet he 
trusted God to justify him from all, and to raise him up from 
under the wrath due to them. Dost thou say, Christ was God, 
and knew he could satisfy ; but I am a sinful man ! Well ! but 
if thou art one who castest thyself on Christ, and believest on 
him, thou art made one with Christ, and Christ speaking these 
words, ' He is near that justifieth,' spake them in thy name as 
well as his own, for he stood in thy stead. It was only thy 
sins, and those of others, which exposed him to condemnation ! 
and thou seest what his confidence was beforehand, that God 
would justify him. And if he had left any of them unsatisfied 
for, he had not been justified. But by his being justified from 
all sin, shall all sinners be justified who believe in him. Cer- 
tainly for this very reason our sins shall not hinder our coming 
to God. He then brings in those words, (John xvii.) ' For 
their sakes I sanctify myself, that they also may be sanctified 
through the truth ; ' showing how we possess all spiritual bless- 
ings in Christ Jesus."' 

I found a sweet and a clear light shine on the above, and 
many other passages of the book ; and praised God for the 
answer of prayer. In short, I felt we have all in Christ, — and 
that they feel it most who believe most ! 

Dec. 28. — My soul seems entirely fixed on the glory of 
God ! For some days that thought has been continually in my 
mind : O that I could really know that he did glorify himself 
on me ! * If I was sure that all I feel is according to his will, 
then, whatever sorrow or conflicts I endure, I should have a 
continual heaven. I entreated the Lord to show me what it 
was to glorify him ; and in what manner the soul could bring 
him most glory. 

* The " unction of the Holy One," giving a consciousness of our conformity 
to the Son of God, and to his word, can alone bestow or continue this high 
{M'ivilege. Ed. 



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In a few days my prayer was in part answered. He showed 
me, if a lamp was set on the middle of a table, and several 
crystals around it, some more, some less clear, that the clea*iBst 
crystal would best reflect that brightness of the lamp. As to 
my question, Which were the souls that brought most glory tb 
God? I was taught that I must "judge nothing before the 
time,""* for no true judgment could be formed till that day 

when he should come to be glorified in his saints, and ad- 
mired in all them that believe ! Then those who had been 
most emptied of self, most deeply humbled, and most fully 
prepared to receive and reflect the image of Christ, should 
eternally bear the highest resemblance to their Lord. I saw 
all good, all glory was in Him, and nothing could bring honour 
to God, but our becoming nothing, that he might be all in all ! 
I say, I saw it, but I mean in a far deeper sense than ever I 
did before ! O how short are words ! I used to feel a pain in 
writing a Diary, because my words seemed to convey more 
than I meant ; but now for some time I have felt just the con- 
trary : I feel more than I can express. 

Jan. 2, 1787- — My mind has been, yesterday and to-day, 
much affected with the thought of beginning a new year. This 
day five years I left Cross-Hall in company with my dearest 
husband. O, what have I seen in five years ! And what may 
I see before the end of the two next ? Those words have been 
much with me for some days, " Stand still, and see the salva- 
tion of the Lord."" O that I may learn to do it in the most 
perfect manner ! ^ 

I am amazed at the goodness of the Lord in many things. 
I see him opening all my way before me, day by day. He cuts 
out my work, and shows me how to employ every hour. My 
heavy affliction, which I continually feel from the loss of my 
dearest Love, I do find power to offer up each moment to the 
Lord ! Yea, I praise him in the midst of my sorrow that I 
have such a sacrifice to off'er. What hath my Saviour done 
and suffered for me ! I shall not repent when I get to glory, 
that I have suffered a little for him. Though of all I have 
felt, nothing ever came near this ! It has left the finest strings 



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of nature bleeding! But all is well. I feel my mind drawn 
to live on that word, " Thy will be done." In that I rest, and 
wTIl for ever rest. My soul, wait thou only upon God, for of 
him Cometh my salvation. A deep watchful spirit is what I am 
praying and waiting for. I mean, that continual cleaving to 
Jesus, which is implied in that word, " Thou wilt keep him 
in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee." 

Jan. 9. — Thinking this morning of my temptation, that my 
feeling of God is not sensible, and consequently my joy but 
weak ; the following thought came to my mind. Do I not be- 
lieve, " the whole world lieth in the wicked one ; " and that he 
" leadeth them captive at his will ? " But was I conscious of 
his presence or power in any manner that could be called sen- 
sible ? I was not. Do I not believe this was my own state ? 
I do: I know I "abode in the wicked one," and was "led cap- 
tive at his will." But I know I was in him, by the way and 
disposition I walked in. I walked in the way to hell, adding 
sin to sin ; except when now and then a touch of God inter- 
fered. I walked in the disposition of loving and caring for life ; 
I took my own care on myself, and sought my own happiness 
out of God. But I called all this following my reason and my 
understanding, so that all the work of the wicked one on the 
spirit was invisible, and hidden from me. Now the Apostle 
says, "As ye have rendered your members servants to iniquity, 
so render them unto righteousness." Thus the work of God on 
the spirit is invisible, and hidden many times. But I have 
known the sensible deliverance, and the converting power; 
and now also he leads me in a way and disposition just con- 
trary to what I was ; in the way to heaven, for I feel my trea- 
sure is there, though I seem to know only the marks of his 
feet. I feel my wishes dead to all of earth. I feel his will is 
my refuge ; and as to my disposition, I long for full conformity 
to him. I live in an act of offering up my whole self to God 
almost every moment, with a blessed degree of peaceful earnest- 
ness. And therefore I will rejoice in this. If I knew before 
that I was in the evil one, and led by his will, though I had 
only a hidden communion ; I know now I dwell in God, and 



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am led by his will, though I have not what some call sensible 
joy.* But I seem to have given my hand to God, as a child 
to its mother, and he leads me hour by hour. The above 
thought was much blest to me. A sweet light shone on the 
work of grace in my soul, and I have since quietly leaned upon 
the bosom of my Saviour. 

Jan. 10. — All day yesterday my faith seemed to grow 
stronger, and more nakedly to hang on Jesus. Now and then 
also sweet glimpses of the glorious power of faith opened before 
me. I said. Lord, give me a word to be as a sword in my 
hand ! immediately it came into my mind, 

" I shall o'ercome through faith alone. 
And stand entire at last." 

April 30. — Having been called to take a journey, I often 
thought while changing from place to place, and meeting with 
some things rather difficult, that I was as a ball which could 
never fall wrong. I left all to God, and every thing came 
right. Yet my loss, and painful remembrance of what the cir- 
cumcising knife of death had done, seemed to be renewed by 
every scene. Herein I learned a lesson. Many had said, a 
journey would help me ; variety of objects would tend to lessen 
my grief. But I did not find it so. My health was more 
J)oorly than at home, and sorrow seemed increased and not 
lessened by all I met with. Nevertheless I saw the will of God, 
and can say. He gave me to acquiesce every moment ; and 
whatever my body might feel, my soul gained good, and my 
faith is much increased by a thousand instances of the love and 
care of my adorable Saviour manifested to me in that season. 
Deep humiliation attended me in all my exercises, public or 
private ; and I know the journey was of the Lord. 

May 3. — Since my return home I have felt my soul sink 
deeper into God. Some time ago I was awaked with these 
words : — 

* How greatly she whs perplexed on this point by the injudicious conver- 
sation of some of her friends, whom the Lord, for wise and good reasons, led 
in a way more directly sensible ! Ed. 



MRS. FLETCHER. 



235 



Give to the winds thy fears, 

Hope, and be undismayed ; 
God hears thy sighs, and counts thy tears, 

God shall lift up thy head." 

Two days ago I was stirred up with reading those words in 
Dr. Doddridge's Life, — " There must be an enlargement of 
soul before any remarkable success on others, and a great 
diligence in prayer and strict watchfulness over my own soul, 
previous to any remarkable and habitual enlargement in my 
ministry ; and deep humiliation must precede both." I cried 
for power to redouble prayer. I was afterwards much tempted, 
but in prayer I saw how perfect a sacrifice Christ had paid to 
the Father for all my sins ! I at this moment exult in the 
thought, 

" Fully absolv'd through this I am. 

From fear and sin, from guilt and shame." 

Aug. 16. — All this last fortnight has been a time of great 
trial to me; I think as deep as in the last year. Every hour 
presented some part of the awful scene. A few days before the 
anniversary of my dear Love's death, I waked one morning out 
of a dream, in some measure spiritual, but could recollect 
little of it. I was thinking. Will the Lord indulge me on that 
day with such communion with my dear Love as he did on the 
last fourteenth of August ? These words were then applied 
to my mind : 

Be in all alike resign'd, 
J esu's was a patient mind." 

From which I thought I would not look for it ; — I saw the 
leading of the Spirit at this time was quiet resignation. In 
that posture therefore I have held my soul before him : and on 
that day I did not find any such communion as on the former 
anniversary. 

Dec. 8. — Sally being ill with a bad cough, which that morn- 
ing seemed worse, her head also much affected and some fever, 
I asked of the Lord, in submission, her restoration. She scarcely 
coughed afterwards ! Her head was no more affected ; and she 



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found herself, from that time, quite well ! This particular 
answer to prayer raised much thankfulness in my heart. O 
Lord Jesus, I ask in thy name to be made the temple of God 
through the Spirit ! O Lord, in Jesu's name I ask, do all thy 
will! 

Dec. 10. — For two days various texts have dwelt on my 
mind, relating to suffering, and yesterday an observation which 
Mr. Horne made in his sermon was blest to me ; vi%., That 
those virtues were most valuable, that most prepared us for 
suffering ; because by that we were most conformable to our 
suffering Head. I know not the cause, but my spirit has all 
day been much depressed. I am very poorly in body ; and the 
sense of my separation from my precious Love seems to enter as 
• iron into my soul. But, blessed be the Lord, it does not prCr 
vent me from following the order of my God. 

Dec. 17. — These words were given me with some power, 
" With the Lord is plenteous redemption, and He shall save 
Israel from all his sins." I have found some answers to prayer 
this week, and my soul is thirsting and waiting for the fiilfil- 
ment of this promise. Lord, show me how I may be most 
perfectly pleasing unto thee ! Desire increases in my soul ; 
yet there is a want unsupplied. I long to know how to get 
into a full and close communion. 

It seems to me since prayer this afternoon, that there is but 
one way, a looking continually unto Jesus, as the Israelites to 
the brazen serpent. 

Jan. 10, 1788. — And do I see the beginning of another 
year ? I can still set to my seal, the Lord hears and answers 
prayer. O that this year may all be devoted to thee, my 
adorable Head ! 

Jan. 17. — I was blest last night in what Mr. Horne said of 
his former experience. That " He took those words, ' Pray 
without ceasing,' in a literal sense, and strove every moment 
to be in the real act of prayer. Soon after he was brought 
into so spiritual a frame, that wherever he went he carried such 
a sense of the awful presence of God as cannot be expressed."'"' 
O my Saviour, I want more of this ! My soul has been kept 
this day going out after God ; but I want a fulness which I 



MRS. FLETCHER. 



237 



cannot think but it is the will of God to give. These words 
are much on my mind : " Let patience have its perfect work ; 
and, " After ye have suffered awhile, he will strengthen, 
stablish, settle you." I have strangely seen the hand of God 
in all things ! Every thing tells me, " the hairs of my head 
are numbered." Yet I cannot rest till I can more fully glorify 
my God. Lord, increase my faith ! 

Jan. 29. — My way is the way of heaviness. There is a 
weight of sorrow lies on my spirit ; I cannot account for it. 
Others have much joy; I have but little. My dear husband 
used to express the same thing ; but O, I did not then under- 
stand him. Had I but now the advantage of his dear com- 
pany, how different a use could I make of it ! Then I had 
him to flee to in every trouble, and " cares by dividing were 
hushed into peace." Now I remember he used to say, " What 
others were satisfied with he was not." And really so it is ; 
for I am sure I have more of God than I had then. And yet 
I was then quite satisfied very often ; and had I kept the 
presence of God, as I now do, I should have called it walking 
in constant peace. But, O, I want a clear passage into the 
heart of my Beloved ! I think I can truly say, " I wrestle 
not with flesh and blood : " I feel no temptation to any sin. 
But I am fiercely attacked with weights of sorrow, and thoughts 
that like barbed arrows tear my heart. 

This day I have covenanted afresh with the Lord, to try 
what a total abandonment will do. From this day, (four o'clock 
in the afternoon, Jan. 29,) I abandon myself without reserve, 
delivering up myself into the hands of God, to the end that he 
may execute on me his whole will, whether in the way of justice 
or mercy. I will embrace all sufferings of every kind ; though 
I should see that they are the consequences of my former sins, 
or present follies. Yea, I am thine, my Jesus ; save me ! If 
thou wilt not save me, I am lost for ever ! But I will singly 
trust in Jesus ! I will turn to no other for help. I have long 
tried what creatures could do, but all in vain. Now I will re- 
nounce all reasonings, — all reflections on my state ; and only 
fix the eye of my soul on Jesus, always content with what thou 
givest me, Lord ! though it should only be a bare remembrance 



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of thy presence, and an alacrity to meet thy will ; and this 
thou dost give. The strongest desire of my soul is, that thy 
will may be done in me. 

I was blest to-day by an observation in a spiritual writer : 
"Not to come out of abandonment, in the extreme pains through 
which we pass, is something ; but the not coming out of repose 
in this abandonment, whatever trials we may pass through, in 
all the rough paths where we may tread, — this it is which is 
very precious in the sight of God." * Again she observes, "Like 
as he who is in a ship moves not himself, but leaves himself to 
be moved by the motion of the ship in which he is ; so the 
heart which is embarked in the divine good pleasiu-e, ought 
not to have any will of its own, but leave itself to be carried 
* by the wiU of God." 

Feb. 12. — This morning, in my hour of prayer, I had some 
sweet glimpses of the all-sufficiency of Christ. He bore the 
whole weight of my sins before I had committed one ; yea, 
before I was in being He made " a ftill, perfect, and sufficient 
sacrifice, oblation, and satisfaction, for the sins of the whole 
world." Again, I had a feeling sense of these words : " He is 
made of God unto us wisdom, and righteousness, and sanctifi- 
cation, and redemption." I was led much to cry for a strong 
and powerful faith, and for deep humility. I find, on reflection, 
I love to be abased, yea, I embrace contempt as with open 
arms : but I do not promptly acquiesce, when the trial presents 
itself I rather start back,-f- and only embrace it in the second 
thought. Therefore, I am not so sunk into Christ as to be 

* This high attainment in the divine life may not be easily understood, as 
expressed by this " Spiritual Writer." The inspired writers express it with the 
utmost plainness and simplicity. It is indeed the being saved from all self-will; 
and, in consequence, the resting every moment in the will of God. It is thus 
oaly we can " rejoice evermore, and in every thing give thanks." The faith 
by which we are thus saved can only be sustained by " praying without ceasing ; " 
as Kempis finely expresses it : " To thee is my heart without a voice, and my 
silence speaketh unto thee ! " Such is the victory given by " Christ's dwelling 
in the heart by faith." (Ephes. iii.) Ed. 

t We ought to feel a repugnance, yea, an abhorrence to that which is evil." 
But this should be attended with resignation to the Lord. In this abhorrence, 
and in this resignation, " the mind of Christ " principally consists, and they 
were constantly manifest in the whole of his blessed life and conduct. Eu. 



MRS. FLETCHER. 



239, 



fully a new creature. Lord, grant me this, and I shall have 
an incontestable evidence of what thou hast done ! 

Feb. 29, Thursday. — On Tuesday night, as one was saying, 
" I do not desire to look on myself at all, I only want to look 
at Jesus Christ, for when I look on myself I reason,"* — I felt it 
come with power to my heart, and ever since I have felt a further 
lift in faith. 

April 3. — Last Friday Mr. Wesley came. It was a time of 
hurry, but also of profit above any time I ever had with him 
before. I could not but discern a great change. His soul 
seems far more sunk into God, and such an unction attends his 
word, that each sermon was indeed spirit and life. In preach- 
ing on the Trinity, he observed, it was our duty to believe ac- 
cording to the Word of God ; but we were not called to com- 
prehend ; that was impossible. Bring me, said he, a worm that 
can comprehend a man, and I will show you a man that can 
comprehend God. He observed, that if three candles were 
burning in a room, the light was but one.* 

Many answers to prayer I found during the season they were 
here, and though my body is now too weak for any hurry, yet 
all was ordered well, and we were carried through with tolerable 
ease, and every opportunity was blessed to my soul. 

Yesterday I heard that dear Mr. Charles Wesley died on 
Saturday last ! O, how often have we, in years that are past, 
taken sweet counsel together ! It has left a deep solemnity on 
my spirit. 

April 11. — Last night I felt a peculiar liberty in prayer, in 
begging for mercy in behalf of my friends in Switzerland. It 
seems to me it will be answered through my nephew. He grows 
in grace, and at some seasons appears to enjoy very deep com- 
munion with God. O, how shall I praise the Lord for his great 
goodness and abundant faithfulness to his poor creature ! 

May 2. — I often wish I had more time to attend to my diary; 
such wonderful answers to prayer are given to me as ought to 
be recorded. 

* O that men were satisfied thus to believe, and wait upon the " High and 
Lofty One," that they might comprehend, in its glorious effects, the doctrine of 
the' sacred Three ! Ed. 



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" Why should the wonders he hath wrought. 
Be lost in darkness, and forgot ? " 

May 15, Monday. — It is amazing how the Lord answers 
prayer. I have written letters (I may say in faith) about this 
Preaching-house, and have met with success beyond all expecta- 
tion. If we can but get the ground, all will be well. I do 
think the whole hundred will be made up before we strike one 
stroke. On Saturday evening, considering these words, " No- 
thing shall be impossible to you," I acted faith on the Lord for 
spiritual blessings, — ^for that fulness I long for. I prayed that 
I might have the next day a better Sabbath than common ; and 
so it was. In the morning-meeting I found a further degree 
of resignation, and entire confidence in Jesus ; and in that spirit 
I passed the day, during which I had to encounter such a va- 
riety of incumbrances and trials as were quite imcommon. This 
encouraged me much. Both Mr. Home's sermons were blest 
to me, and the noon-meeting was attended with an extraordinary 
power. I find it best to carry every thing to Jesus, and draw 
all from him, determined to believe that he who hath undertaken 
my cause will not leave his work imperfect. 

June 11. — For some days I have had a clearer sight of the 
perfect Saviour than ever in my life before ! I was much blest 
in considering the type of the brazen serpent. The following 
observations, as I read them in a book which fell into my hands, 
made a deep impression on my mind. First, " It may seem 
strange, that a serpent should be an emblem of the amiable and 
dove-like Redeemer ; — ^but Moses's serpent was void of poison, 
and had no sting, but was only in the form of a serpent. So 
" God sent his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh,"' but an 
utter stranger to the venom of sin. Again, it was a method of 
cure solely constituted and appointed of God. Who could have 
thought that looking at a dead serpent, and of brass, could have 
cured the bite of a living one ! Especially if it be true, what 
some affirm, that the sight of burnished brass is naturally per- 
nicious to those who are bitten of serpents ; and that to look on 
the shape of any venomous creature, increases the torment of 
the unhappy sufferers who are bitten by them. So, the method 



MRS. ft,etchi:r 



241 



of our recovery by the cross of Christ, is a device which claims 
God himself for its divine author : and thus the whole method 
of Gospel-salvation is, To them who perish foolishness, but 
to those who believe, it is the wisdom of God and the power of 
God." — Secondly, it was a method of cure that never failed ; 
being no less sure than strange. Not an Israelite died, as 
Moses assures us, who looked at the brazen serpent : and who 
were ever confounded that trusted in Christ ? — Thirdly, it was 
a method of cure easily put in practice by an Israelite. If he 
received his wound in a remote part of the camp, and was too 
ill to draw near, yet if he turned his eye and looked at the 
serpent lifted up for him, it was enough ; he was healed ! — 
Fourthly, it was a remedy that might be repeated as often as 
there was occasion for it. So " Christ is the propitiation for 
our sins,*' to whom we may warrantably have recourse as often 
as we are wounded, and in every time of need. — Fifthly, it was 
a remedy that proved effectual, though the sight of the wounded 
person was ever so weak. So weak faith is saving in its degree, 
as well as strong, because the object is the same." I had such 
a clear view how all our wants were supplied by Jesus as I 
cannot express. Yes, He has atoned for all our sins ; he has 
" reconciled us to God while we were yet enemies ! " But 
we must look to, and trust in him alone; and we may look 
every moment. The following day, Sunday, as also Monday 
and Tueday, I had much outward exercise, but was carried 
through all as in the arms of the Almighty. 

July 16. — I was this day led to consider the advantage of 
living longer, if the Lord should not take me at the time Sister 
Ryan's dream seemed to point out, viz., the beginning of next 
year. This subject I set myself to consider, lest any murmur- 
ing thought should present itself in the disappointment. First, 
if I should live, it must be the will of God ; and is not his will 
dear to me ? It is true I may have much more to suffer, but is 
not that suffering the will of God ? Perhaps I can serve God's 
children, both their souls and bodies ; and did not my Lord 
absent himself from the joys of heaven to become a man of 
sorrows for me ? Nor is it to be despised if 1 can tnus help my 
I^ord's people by my income. Mr. Baxter says, " Do good to 



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men's bodies, if you would do good to their souls. Say not, 
things corporeal are worthless trifles for which the receivers will 
be never the better. They are things which nature is easily 
sensible of ; and sense is the passage to the mind and will. Dost 
thou not find what a help it is to thyself, to have at any time 
ease or alacrity of body ; and what a burden and hinderance 
pain and cares are ? Labour then to free others from such 
burdens and temptations, and be not regardless of them." 
Indeed, I see it a great honour if I am permitted to sweep the 
dust from under the feet of the saints. Again, I believe there 
is a mansion appointed for each, a state and employment for 
which we are to be fitted. It does not appear I am fitted for 
the lowest mansion there ; but then I know my Jesus can do 
the work of a thousand years in one day, and I know I may, 
as my righteousness, claim the Lord my Saviour. 

Aug. 5. — Last night I had a powerful sense, in my sleep, of 
the presence of my dear husband. I felt such sweet communion 
with his spirit as gave me much peaceful feeling. I had for 
some days thought that I was called to resist, more than I did, 
that strong and lively remembrance of various scenes, both of 
his last sickness, and many other circumstances, which fre- 
quently occurred with much pain. This thought being present 
to my mind, I looked on him. He said with a most sweet smile, 
" It is better to forget." What, said I, my dear love, to forget 
one another ? He replied with an inexpressible sweetness, " It 
is better to forget ; it will not be long; we shall not be parted 
long : we shall soon meet again." He then signified, though 
not in words, that all weights should be laid aside. His presence 
continued till I awoke. 

Aug. 15. — Last night was the anniversary of my dear 
husband's death. Three years I have now passed in solemn 
awful widowhood ; but, glory be to my God ! I have found it 
three years of prayer. Never did I know three years of such 
suffering, and never did I know three years of such prayer. 
Sometimes I have sweet glimpses of the millennial state brought 
into my soul. At others my way seems thorny, and as if I 
walked wholly by faith, like my dream of the little star.* Yet 

* See page 10;'>. 



MRS. FLETCHER. 



243 



I am conscious of a great change, but I want a more abundant 
evidence that not only many, but " all things are become new." 
It seemed as if my dear husband remembered the season, for I 
had a most particular dream. I thought the side of his tomb 
was opened, (I mean the wall on which the iron plate lies,) and 
I saw him lying under it, while I lay at his side. We remained . 
so a considerable time, and I felt that sweet tranquil composure 
that I always do when he seems sensibly present. He then said, 
with a sweetness which I cannot describe, — " Put thy arm over 
me, and feel what companions I have ; they must be thy com- 
panions too." I put my arm, and felt bones and broken coffins, 
at which nature seemed to shrink ; but I did not speak. He 
tenderly answered to my thought, " Thou wilt lay thy head 
upon me." I felt some regret at the thought of his being there. 
He again answered to my thought, " I entered this habitation 
with great comfort and satisfaction." Then I thought two 
gentlemen came up, aud stood by the tomb, and said one to the 
other, " It is a pity Mr. Fletcher was laid here, it would have 
been better to have carried him to Mr. Ireland's vault." My 
dear love looked on them, and answered, " There was no need 
of that. We count it our privilege to be laid together, and we 
ought to count it our privilege both to rise from one spot." 

Aug. 28. — All this week my soul has been drawn out after 
that promise ; " He shall baptize you with the Holy Ghost and 
with fire." Indeed it is "a narrow way." I seem fighting with 
principalities and powers, but blessed be God I do not seem 
ever to be fighting with sin. Yet I am not at rest : I am not 
entered into perfect rest. I can say, " I wrestle not now, but 
trample on sin ; " but I want what I have not, and which I 
firmly believe I shall have. Yet when I think death is near, I 
seem almost impatient for that fulness, that I may begin to 
live to my God in the full sense. 

Jan. 1, 1789. — I feel my soul affected much at the thought 
of seeing the beginning of another year. Perhaps this will be 
the last with me. May I live each moment as if I were sure it 
would be so ! Lord, be with us in renewing our covenant this 
night ! I have for some time been praying for an enlightened 
understanding in divine things ; and light has reflected more 

Q 2 



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clearly on the wonderful work of redemption. These words 
are sweet to me, "In the Lord have I righteousness and 
strength ! " The account I have received of my dear Mrs. 
Cayley's death is precious. She was not in high rapture, but 
in profound tranquillity and peace. Such has been her life, and 
such her death. Lord, let me follow her as she followed thee ! * 
Nurse Peters also has reached the goal. Glory be to thee, my 
dear Lord, that I had the honour of sending her that one 
guinea, and to have her last message, — that " It helped her 
to praise Thee more abundantly." O how many dear friends 
have I on the other side the river ! And I too am on the 
wing ; only I wait a little, till the Lord renew my spiritual 
strength, — 

Till of my Eden repossess' 
From self and sin I cease." 

Jan. 7- — I have been reading over some of my old diary, 
and found it much blest to me. It brought to my mind many 
past scenes, which increased faith and thankfulness; also, it 
cast a clearer light on my present state. Comparing my 
present state with that I felt at Hoxton, I can truly say now I 
not only feel all the purity, all the spiritual-mindedness, and 
all the resignation I did then, but in many things I prefer my 
present dispensation to that. Yet my soul is not satisfied, for 

* Mrs. Cayley, well known in that day in London, was a woman of the most 
devoted spirit, and of tlie most elegant and polished manners. She drank 
deeply of the cup of affliction, but "rejoiced evermore " in the will of HI^^ 
who gave it to her. Mr. Wesley preached her funeral sermon in London, from 
Philippians iv. 8, "Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever 
things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, 
whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report ; if there be 
any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things." He declared 
that he never knew one who thought more upon this divine assemblage of 
graces, or with more success. Speak of her loving and unwearied efforts to 
win souls for God, he quoted that line of Prior, — 

*< Marina was on her tongue, and witchcraft in her eyes." 

Nurse Peters was also well known in London. She was a plain good woman, 
of admirable sense, and deep experience in religion. It is with great pleasure 
that I embrace this opportunity of embalming the memory of those excellent 
women by uniting them to that of their admirable Friend. Ed. 



M^S. FLETCHER. 245 

I see a far greater salvation before me. In short, it is not the 
gift, but the full possession of the Giver, my spirit longs for. 

March 6. — Last Sunday, as I went to the Lord's table, I 
renewed my covenant, determining to consider Jesus more 
immediately as the husband to whom I am joined in every 
sense of the word ; — as he who hath undertaken all for me. 
Since that time, I have more particularly found my soul 
abiding in his presence, and he every moment carrying on the 
work of purification. The great promise of my life, on which 
he hath made me to hope, is that given me when eighteen, 

Thou shalt walk with me in white," and repeated in these 
■words, " Thou shalt walk with me in white ; I will make thee 
worthy." The posture of my soul is that of a poor beggar 
before the Lord, holding before him that petition, Lord, 
accomplish to me the word on which thou hast made me to 
hope ! " 

March 24, Wednesday. — Yesterday, dear Mr. Wesley left 
us in apparent good health ; what a miracle is he ! Eighty- 
six years old, and thus supported ! He is going directly to 
Ireland, and thinks to visit every society there this summer. 
The Lord preserve him, and accomplish all his will upon him ! 
As he was speaking on Monday on these words, " God has 
not given to us the spirit of fear, but of power, and of love, 
and of a sound mind," — what an unction attended the word ! 
O may we never rest till fully restored to that perfect soundness 
he described ! 

April 11. — This Lent I have found a deep sense of the 
sufferings of my Lord. Yesterday, being Good-Friday, we 
had a solemn meeting at night, but I did not find quite as 
much life in speaking as at some times. The men (many of 
them with families) who are come to work at the navigation, 
lay much on my mind. We ought to do something for their 
souls. — Lord, open the way ! O let them not go without some 
light at least. 

April 27. — My soul is all upon a stretch for God. Last 
night and this morning, as I was repeating in prayer, " Thy 
will be done ! " my words were lost. I felt the desire of his 
adorable will being done so strongly, that I was forced for some 



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time only to groan. I am continually led to offer up my free 
will to God. I long to be as mere clay before him. I plead 
that word on which he hath made me to hope, " Thou shalt walk 
with me in white ; I will make thee worthy." Yet my faith 
hath a strange drawback ; something would suggest that it 
only meant, in eternity, and that I should never glorify him 
here as I longed to do. Were I to die immediately, this would 
not be so great a trial ; but my health is now much better. I 
thought I saw the port, but I seem put back again ; and 
perhaps I may live some years. And must I always live at 
this poor rate ! My very heart and soul seem to groan for a 
closer communion with my God ! At some moments (I think 
every day) I feel as it were a sweet rest ; I seem centred in 
J esus. But in a few minutes it draws in again, and then I 
seem to be always believing and longing ; but yet without any 
immediate answer. It is true, faith does not fail ; it is in con- 
stant exercise, and often seems to hope against hope. But all 
this I would not mind. Though Naaman was made whole in 
seven dips, I would not mind if the Lord made me dip seventy 
times seven. But my grief lies here, I am condemned, often 
once or twice a day, for some word, or thought, or action, — 
chiefly in words. Indeed the condemnation does not seem to 
be from the Lord, as if it would come between my soul and 
him. But I see I have spoken unadvisedly with my lips, and 
I cannot bear the horror of the view. There are some persons 
with whom I have much business to transact, who do not see 
alike, or cordially love one another. In some things both are 
right, in others both are wrong. I have this connexion at 
present two ways ; personally and by correspondence ; and I 
find it a hard thing to bear my testimony against that which 
is wrong, and to approve that which is right in both ; and yet 
neither to write nor speak but exactly so far as truth and love 
require. O that I may from this day see, as in letters of blood 
before my eyes continually, those words of the Apostle : " He 
that offendeth not in tongue, the same is a perfect man, able 
also to bridle the whole body ! Ah ! Lord, how far am I yet 
from this perfection ! 

April 29. — I had some liberty in prayer three times to-day, 



MRS. FLETCHER. 



247- 



the most in the three o'clock hour in the room. I was praying 
for a clear discovery of the grace or state I might ask for, and 
expect. It came before me as a representation of Christ as 
the vine, and of my soul as being a branch ingrafted therein. 
Then I saw clearly that every believer was as a branch in him, 
in part united ; but when the branch is perfectly united, it is 
absolutely a part of the vine. The sap runs freely through 
every part, it is completely of one nature with it. Then " the 
mind is in us which was also in Christy" We " live no longer, 
but Christ liveth in us,''' and are preserved from moment to 
moment by faith. Now if any knot or impediment were in any 
of the branches, it would hinder the free circulation of the pure 
sap through it, and that branch would wither, and in a degree 
be barren. Hence I saw sanctification in a clearer light than 
ever. It is to be perfectly ingrafted into the vine ; to have no 
impediment remaining to hinder the flow of the sap, and while 
the soul thus abides by faith, it brings forth much fruit, and 
experimentally knows the meaning of those words of St. John ; 
" He that abideth in Him sinneth not." 

April 30. — My soul hath been led to-day to look at the 
wondrous love of the Father. He spared not his own Son ; 
he so loved the world as to lay on him the iniquity of us all, — 
and shall he not with him freely give us all things ? 

June 4. — Satan is striving hard to draw my mind back, but 
I have found this day a liberty to commit my whole cause into 
the hands of God. I feel a strong encouragement from these 
words ; " Every one that asketh receiveth." I ask in Jesu's 
name to be made a holy soul ! O that all this day I may be 
kept, and directed by the Lord, and walk as in his immediate 
presence ! O for that mind that was in thee ! 

June 26. — Various providences, of late, have more and more 
convinced me of the need of a further change. I have it at 
times ; but something arises that seems selfish ; and again, like 
Anger for a moment, which, though never abiding, clearly con- 
vinces me that I have not yet entered fully into rest. I long 
to be all devoted to my Lord, and to bring glory to him by 
every power. 

July 6. — At the class, as I was saying, — It was not any 



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peculiar or sudden comforts that so tended to the souPs sancti- 
fication, as a constant abandonment and resignation of the 
whole soul, with every concern, into the hand of Jesus ; I felt 
in a moment such an insight into the love, faithfulness, and 
wisdom of Christ, as I cannot describe. O the security I saw 
in abandoning my soul to him ! It was for a minute glorious 
indeed. I kept looking ; but it drew back, as if a curtain was 
for a moment drawn up, discovering some glorious scene, and 
then gradually let down again. But it has left an increase of 
confidence. O could I always feel what I felt just then, it 
seems to me it would be a real heaven, and banish all sensibility 
of fear and suffering. It was what I never felt before in that 
degree. 

July 15. — I had some liberty in prayer this morning, as also 
at the ten o** clock hour. I found a blessing also in reading 
Mr. Whitefield's account of the dealings of God with his soul, 
written on board the ship in his way to Philadelphia. He 
prayed for the humility of Jesus ; and observes,—-" From my 
first awakening to the divine life, I felt a particular hungering 
and thirsting after the humility of Jesus Christ. Night and 
day I prayed to be a partaker of that grace, imagining that the 
habit of humility would be instantaneously infused into my 
soul But as Gideon taught the men of Succoth with thorns, 
so God taught me humility by the exercise of strong temp- 
tation." I was thus led to consider the point ; and thought I 
clearly discerned the same workings of Providence over myself. 
How often have I been led to pray more for humility than for 
any other grace, because by nature it is the virtue I am the 
most contrary to ; but in my deep affliction, I now discern, 
this was the Lord's way. There have been many seasons in 
which through pride, imprudence, sin of various kinds, I have 
brought great humiliations on myself; — and even where they 
are caused by our own sin, if they are borne with subjection of 
spirit to the corrections of God, they work in the end for the 
salvation of the soid. But at the season I refer to, that of the 
death of my dear husband, although it really seemed I spoke 
and acted in an upright spirit, and am now conscious how 
tender my heart was with the fear of offending, yet I said and 



MRS. FLETCHER. 



249 



did many, very many, unwise things, which tended to lessen 
me greatly in the eyes of others. O how needful for me to lie 
still in the hand of God, making it my only business to accept 
of every thing as from the Lord's hand, hanging on that word 
by faith ; " Thou shalt walk with me in white ! " I am con- 
vinced that the most profitable of all humiliations are those 
that arise, through his grace, from a view of our own blunders, 
and even from our corruptions. 

Sept. 14. — I have been much drawn to pray that the great 
design of the Lord's coming may be answered ; " That he may 
destroy the works of the Devil." I see through his grace, my 
understanding is darkened. I ask in Jesus's name this work 
to be destroyed ; for by the knowledge of Christ alone can I 
be changed into his likeness. I see Satan raises false fears, 
false views, and wandering imaginations : I ask deliverance 
from all these !''* My soul lies before the Lord in a waiting 
posture : in particular I ask power to consecrate the faculty of 
speech to the service of my God, so that I may never again 
speak an unadvised word. 

Sept. 15. — Last Saturday (Sept. 12) I was fifty years old. 

0 my God, how little have I gained of Thee in fifty years ! 
Lord, let this be a jubilee year to me ! I will try what prayer 
can do. — Lord, give me a measure of that spirit in which thou 
didst spend whole nights in prayer ! Never was I more 
stripped, more empty ! I have no dependance but on Thyself. 

1 long for close communion. My soul pants after it. I have 
wonderful answers to prayer ! And I feel that my humiliations 
do me good. Yet I do not embrace them as I ought to do. 
It is perhaps a minute before I rightly enter into the gracious 
design. When I look to the Lord, all is right ; — but I want 
such an habitual look, as shall enable me to receive them as a 
hungry man does his food ! not only to take up, but to glory 
in the cross of the Lord Jesus. I seem to walk much more by 

* It is not clear that those '* great and precious promises, by which we are 
made partakers of the divine nature," secure to believers such a deliverance 
from these attacks, that they should not trouble them, and, at times, even 
agonize the soul. But they secure to them such an abiding in Christ, that none 
t>f thu^e devices should prevail to unsettle their faith, or separate them from 
his love. Ed, 



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faith than by sight. My soul seems to go out in desire and 
silent prayer. I am mostly in the act of crying, Come ! But 
there seems silence on the side of the Lord ! He does not 
answer by sweet comforts ; only by power over sin, purity of 
mind in a good degree, and an almost constant act of sacrifice.* 
I love his will, bitter or sweet ; but I want him as the Bride in 
the Canticles, "to kiss me with the kisses of his mouth, for 
his love is better than wine." 

Sept. 16. — This morning at the ten o'clock hour, I had a 
freedom in praying for an entire change. I thought, — My 
situation as to outward things is the most advantageous to a 
religious life that can be. I have no cares ; indeed I have no 
need of care. I have plenty of all I can want. Sally, though 
a tender child, is one of much ability ; laying herself out to 
serve and please me in all things. Matty, my other servant, of 
a most quiet and peaceable spirit, and rigidly honest and faith- 
ful. Blessed be God, her soul also comes forward in the divine 
life. Reflecting *on this ; I drew from it the following en- 
couragement : — If I am thus favoured, is it not plain the Lord 
designs me to be one of those who are brought into close fellow- 
ship with himself ? May I not attain to a friller salvation than 
when involved in all my perplexities ? My heart was en- 
couraged. I thought on those words, " Men ought always to 
pray, and not to faint." Again, "I am come that they may 
have life, and that they may have it more abundantly." My 
soul longs for this more abundant life. Lord, pour out on me 
thy light and truth, and make me, in the complete sense of the 
word, a new creature ! I was led to think of the familiar 
manner in which our Lord conversed with the women and his 
disciples after his resurrection. He met them and said, " All 
hail !" (i. e., happiness attend you !) And bid them " tell his 
brethren, he would see them in Galilee." Probably on Mount 
Tabor, where his glorious transfiguration was manifested before 

♦ And was there no divine comfort in all these glorious marks and fruits of 
the new creation ? There was. — Comfort high as Heaven, and which Hell can 
never imitate ! far superior even to those sweet consolations which are so gra- 
ciously bestowed on young converts, and which some sincere souls so greatly 
need throughout the whole of their pilgrimage : " The lambs that he carries in 
his bosom." Ed. 



MRS. FLETCHER. 



251 



them ; and where they heard the voice of God, declaring him 
" the beloved Son whom they were to hear." They were also 
commanded " to tell the vision to no man, till the Son of Man 
should be risen from the dead." The thought struck my mind, 
— ^perhaps in this very assembly they were first to tell it .' All 
this encouraged me greatly. 

Oct. 5, Monday. — This has been a day of recollection and 
prayer : glory be to God ! I have had some views of the great 
designs of God on his redeemed ; how, through the Son, He 
will form his own bright and glorious image in us. We are 
" appointed to be conformed to the image of the Son ; " and is 
He not " the express image of the Father ? " A little glimpse 
of what the Saviour is, and will be to me, now and then for 
some time beamed forth, and set my soul in a longing posture. 
Yet it is but like " seeing through the lattice." I long to 
know, whether what I see before me, and grasp after, may be 
attained in this life, or must I die to prove it ? O my divine 
Director, my Prophet, speak and tell me ! This is all that 
keeps me back, not knowing what I may ask, having been so 
great a sinner. Something says, I shall not fully enter into 
the good land here.* To-day I was reading those words, " In 
the last day, Jesus will present himself as judge, to angels, 
men, and devils." I asked myself. Do I embrace with all my 
soul, Jesus as my judge ? My heart sprung at the thought ! 
Yes, my adorable Judge ! I choose thee with all my powers ; 
— I acquiesce beforehand in thy sentence, be it what it will : 
yea, and in all Thou shalt appoint from this moment to that 
time ! Many times to-day these words have been my food ; 
" The Lord God Omnipotent reigneth ! " 

Oct. 6. — I was ill most of last night, but was recollected, 
and had a sense of undeserved mercies. Reflecting to-day on 
that point which hath so often hindered me, viis. : Some say, 
when we have sinned we should wait for a fresh pardon, a fresh 
sense of it, before we believe. I prayed for light, how to walk 

* Certainly not the good land of perfect enjoyment ; but the good land of 
perfect love, inducing perfect submission, and prompt obedience, we may enter 
into this day. See Mr. Wesley's sermon entitled J'hc Scripture H ay of Sal- 
vation. Ed. 



252 THE LIFE OF 



in my present state, and the following reflection arose in my 
mind. — I feel my will is turned to the Lord. — He who knows 
all things, knows I long, I pant, to love him perfectly, and to 
live every moment to his praise, with the full exertion of my 
powers. But sometimes when I am waiting before God, it is 
suggested, I have indulged in the last meal, or, I have spoken 
unadvisedly at such a time. These things have kept me in 
bondage long ; but to-day, I clearly see my one business is to 
maintain faith. How is it that the soul is ever recovered after 
any fall ? Is it not at last by believing Christ hath atoned for 
that sin ? Now I feel I could, on the recollection of any 
stumble, immediately fly to and weep on the bosom of my 
Lord. — But that thought has presented itself, Am I not an 
Antinomian ? But I will no more take man, but the word of 
God for my director. What were my Lord's words to Peter ? 
" I have prayed for thee that thy faith fail not."' So then his 
faith ought not to fail, though he denied his Lord with oaths 
and curses ! And what a word was that, when his Lord, 
foretelling his fall, added, " And when thou art converted, 
strengthen thy brethren. What tenderness was showed unto 
him ! He wept bitterly ; but he still claimed his interest in the 
Saviour ; for he ran to the tomb to seek him. And how did 
our Lord wipe away his tears ! He was seen of him before 
any of the eleven. (1 Cor. xv. 5.) He was the first Preacher 
at Pentecost ; the first messenger to the Gentiles. An angel 
must wait on him to bring him out of prison ; and at last he 
received the crown of martyrdom. Did not Christ on the cross 
foresee, and die for all my sins, before I had a being ? Did 
he not pay the price for all ? But it is only mine by believing. 
Then if I always believe, does not that word belong to me, — 
" There is no condemnation to them who are in Christ Jesus, 
who walk not after the flesh but after the Spirit."'* It is true, 
if the will and affections draw back, the soul will find it hard 
so to believe, as to return to the former fellowship. And yet 
there is no way for them but by believing. The case I mean 
is, — I see it my privilege to live always under the atonement ; 
and though I do wrong, and fall short continually, yet I may, 

* Sec the note in page 228, Ed. 



MRS. FLETCHER. 



253 



and must run directly to ray God, just as I did with my husband. 
If he said, Polly, thou shouldest not have said or done so ; I 
asked his forgiveness, and had no fear of his loving me the less. 
Nay, usually I found more tenderness when I acknowledged 
my fault, than before I fell into it. That word also came to 
my mind, " Blessed is the man to whom the Lord will not im- 
pute sin." And again, " If thou canst believe, all things are 
possible." " He that believeth is justified from all things." 

Oct. 31. — These words have made a great impression on 
my mind of late : When one of the Scribes asked our Lord, 
" What he should do to inherit eternal life ? " he replied, 
"What readest thou in the law.?" The Scribe answered, 
" Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and 
mind, and soul, and strength ; and thy neighbour as thyself" 
Our Lord replied, " Thou hast well said ; this do, and thou 
shalt live." I discerned a fulness in this passage which I never 
did before, and all my soul cried for the possession of that spirit 
of love, to which this absolute promise of life is made. Many 
times I have observed in prayer, or at some peculiar seasons in 
other means, such a spirit of purity, humility, and love, as over- 
whelmed my soul, as is hardly to be expressed. At other times, 
the divine glory appeared but dim. I saw at once the cause. 
At the former times, the soul turned from every intervening 
object, and sunk into her proper place, discerning the immense 
distance between a holy God and sinful self Then she begins 
to shine in his brightness. " Her light is come," because "the 
glory of the Lord is risen upon her." But if she rises out of 
her deep absorbment, and lets in self-esteem, what wonder if she 
then reflects the odious image of sin, instead of the beauty of the 
Lord Jesus. I perceived also, that there is a great difference 
between humble thoughts, and despairing thoughts. Humble 
thoughts, though they may cause much pain by the horror and 
detestation which they cause the soul to feel, yet they exalt 
the Saviour, and make the soul admire the justice as well as the 
mercy of God. But despairing thoughts, injected by the Devil, 
drive the soul from God, and represent him as " a hard Master, 
gathering where he hath not strawed." The faithful soul will 
find many such attacks ; therefore the safest way is continually 



254 



THE LIFE OF 



to give up herself to the Lord, crying, — " Thy will be done ! ' 
That is a weapon Satan cannot stand against. 

Nov. 12. — This day being the day of our marriage, many 
painful remembrances would present themselves to my mind. 
Each year I wrote, " We are happier and happier ! " But I feel 
a great thankfulness, that I have such an offering to bring to 
Him who gave up all for me ! Yes, I praise thee, my Lord, 
that thou hast done thine own will, and not mine ! At ten I 
took my hour before the Lord, and felt some power afresh to 
dedicate myself to Jesus, — entering into a marriage-covenant 
with him. A light shone on my soul to discern how the husband 
hath undertaken the whole cause of the wife, and I saw both 
body and soul safe in his hands. I then entreated my adorable 
husband to take all the freedom of my will into his own hand ; 
— and, as we say to the surgeon. Bind me, (for an operation,) 
so I entreated my Lord to conform me to himself, in any way 
that He pleased : only that He should be glorified. A thought 
again presented itself, — What if in eternity, it be His will that 
I should neither know nor have any communion with my dear 
husband ? I was enabled to answer. Lord, thy glory is all in 
all to me ! I felt that he should choose for me. And I was 
enabled to give up soul, body, life, death, time, and eternity to 
him, and covenanted to live on his will alone t And hence- 
forward I wiU consider this day as my wedding-day with the 
Lord, holding my dear husband in him, whose soul I know will 
have joy in heaven upon every nearer approach which I make 
to his Saviour, and my Saviour ! his all, and my all ! 

Nov. 14. — After I had spent some time in prayer this morning, 
I felt an increasing freedom in imploring that the whole mind 
of Christ might be brought into my soul. Those words are 
much in my thoughts : " Be ye not afraid, neither doubt ; for 
God is your guide." (2 Esdras xvi. 75.) Lord, increase my 
confidence ! I saw how impossible it was to have union where 
there was not similitude ; and my cry was. Fulfil that word, O 
Lord, on which thou hast made me to hope ! " Make me 
clean through thy word!" and "present me to Thyself without 
spot!" Afterwards, reading the Life of Ignatius Loyola, and 
especially what pains he took, and what labour he went through 



MRS. FLETCHER. 



255 



to gain souls, I could not but be struck at the glaring difference 
between him and me. One day, having taken a step he believed 
to be his duty, but which caused him both pain and ignominy, 
and being rebuked by a friend, he replied, " I should not 
object to traverse all the streets of Paris barefoot, with horns 
on my head, and clothed in the most ridiculous habit, could it 
but gain one soul to God." * The conviction immediately 
struck me, that all I wanted was to be filled with the love of 
God, and that would produce every effect in its proper order. 
Lord, let my incessant cry be for this ! O give me this most 
excellent gift of charity ! 

Jan. 7? 179^- — ^i^d another year is gone, and I am so 
much nearer eternity ! Yes, my faithful Saviour, I will re- 
joice in the thought, because thou art faithful, and I do believe 
for the fulfilment of all thy promises: "they are yea, and 
amen, in Thee," on whom I rely. I believe " I shall walk 
with thee in white ! " O, carry on thy work ! I long to be 
just what my God pleases. 

In the last month I have had a peculiar experience. I was 
often tempted to think, that the deadness I felt to all earthly 
things, might be produced by my great affliction on account 
of my dear husband's death : and I was sometimes damped by 
that thought in my ardour of praise. But a few weeks ago, 
I was permitted to feel all the temptations I ever felt, except 
resentment, and I was conscious I could fall into the same 
desires of comfort on earth, from which I had been so long 
delivered. My soul was grieved exceedingly ; yet, strange, I 
seemed nearer to God than before ! I was amazed ; but these 
words came to my mind : " Know that from Jesus alone is your 
salvation." I cried to the Lord that he would graciously prove 
it by removing the temptation : and so it proved. Glory be 
to my complete Saviour ! It is now like a dream ; but I know 
and feel the divine reality. 

I seem to be surrounded with blessings, and see such a care 
of the Almighty over all that concerns me, as I cannot ex- 

* Pious Protestants well know how to appreciate this. True piety is of no 
sect : it is truly Catholic. Ed. 



256 



THE LIFE OF 



press. Sally had been very ill, but raised again in answer to 
prayer, as by miracle. My house is a sweet rest, and " a 
secret place in the wilderness to hide rae in." Many storms 
are without, but none can touch me. I seem bid from all the 
evils of which my letters inform me. I have peace within ; 
resting in hope ; and " peace in all my borders."^ I have 
communion with my friends above, and none below can harm 
or injure me. As to temporal things, I inherit now (and have 
done some years) the frdness of that promise given to me in 
my deep poverty, — " Thou shalt be the head, and not the 
tail: thou shalt lend, and not borrow.'" It is amazing how 
many I can help, both by lending and giving; and when I 
made up my book this last Christmas, I was surprised to see 
on how little we had kept the house, and how large was the 
poor's account ; * yet a little is always left to go on with. He 
does bless my bread and my water. I want for nothing. I 
live better than I think I need, and yet, according to the pro- 
mise, I have always " plenty of silver." 

Jan. 13..-T-Two days ago a gentleman and his wife came to 
see me from a considerable distance. He told me that for two 
years he had walked in the ftdl liberty of the sons of God. 
But for the last eight years he had been in the darkness of 
unbelief I was led to speak freely on the way of faith ; and 
mentioned an instance I had lately heard of a good woman, 
who when in prayer, her eyes being shut, had a sight of para- 
dise, where she saw our Lord as sitting in the midst of the 
glorified spirits. There proceeded from him such beams of 
purity, light, and glory, as penetrated th^m till they were all 
irradiated, and shone with his glory. She saw also the same 
glory stream down on the saints below, and they, in the same 
manner, keeping their eyes on the Lord, were divinely changed. 
But when any of them turned away their eyes, they received 
his beams no longer. The same glory still shone round them, 
but they complained of being barren and dry, and that they 
could get no answers to prayer. I observed, that I thought 

* In an account for one year, I find tlie whole expense ot ber weaving: apparel 
amounted to a tritie more than two pounds. Ed. 



MRS. FLETCHEK. 



257 



this was his case. If we keep faith in exercise, we shall and 
must receive, for we may have of God what we will take of 
him. As I spake, I said in my heart, If this is the truth as it 
is in Jesus, Lord, set to thy seal ! And so he did, for the 
power of God came down on the gentleman, and constrained 
him to cry out, " O, now I feel it again! I feel the power of 
God go through me ! When I came into this room, my heart 
was as hard, and as heavy, as if the whole world lay on it. 
But now it is all gone, and I feel the power of God penetrate 
my whole frame.'"* His wife also was much affected, and I 
trust the blessing will abide. 

Jan. 25. — A dream which was told me the other day by S. 
CoUey was blessed to me. She thought she was surrounded 
by dangers, but looking up, she saw a large eye always con- 
stantly fixed on her, which much encouraged her faith in an 
over-ruling Providence. Then she thought she got into a river, 
and began to sink. It was very deep and clear, and she was 
much afraid ; but looking down, she saw this great eye under- 
neath her, which caused such a faith to spring up in her soul, 
that she laid herself down on the water with as much comfort 
and ease as if upon her bed. She felt she could not sink with 
the power of the Almighty underneath her. 

Jan. 27. — My soul was yesterday and this day much drawn 
out in prayer. Those words are often before me, " None 
knoweth the Father but the Son, and he to whom the Son 
will reveal him." 

I long for this revelation. I feel it is, in its fulness, the 
thing I want. Thus only St. PauFs prayer can be answered : 
(Ephes. iii. 14 — 21.) O for this revelation of thy love ! I 
wait for it moment by moment. And thou sayest, " They 
shall not be ashamed who wait for Thee ! I wait for the 
salvation " which shall be brought in at the revelation of Jesus 
Christ." 

Feb. 11. — The seventh of this month, (on which was our 
quarterly meeting,) I found it a good day. My soul saw the 
way of faith, and felt a degree of that liberty which from be- 
lieving flows. At our class on Tuesday night, we agreed to 
unite our prayers the ensuing week for power over Imagina- 

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ti07is ; (2 Cor. X. 5 ;) especially during the time of prayer; and, 
blessed be God, I find some answer. 

Feb. 26, Friday. — I have found this a comfortable day. 
While talking with Brother T., the way of faith was more and 
more beautiful in my eyes. In prayer T had a sweet discovery 
of the depth contained in these words, — " Whatsoever things 
ye ask in prayer, believe that ye receive them, and ye shall 
have them."' Yesterday I proved that truth. I asked in the 
name and in the right of my Lord, that His will might be 
done without interruption in me all the day ; and that I might 
be kept and taught in every word and action, and enabled to 
abide as in the presence of God. And though I had no sen- 
sible joy, yet I found the power of God keeping me, and ap- 
proving me, each moment since that time. I have been poorly 
in body, but I so see the hand of God in all, that I seem like 
a little baby held in the arms of its mother. As Brother T. 
was speaking, I saw the way of enjoying pure love clearer than 
ever. O, wherefore did I ever doubt ? According as I be- 
lieve, so it is ! Surely of late the Lord is increasing my faith, 
and teaching me anew to walk with himself. Mr. T. observed, 
that " God brought his children through different dispensa- 
tions, sometimes of sorrow, sometimes of joy. — That it was 
our part to trust him in all, belie^dng all would be right in its 
season; and equally accepting either correction or comfort. 
God knew what he was about to do with Job, and Job had 
only to lie still under the hand of God ; for a time was coming 
in which God would surely lift him up. He had no need to 
plead his own cause, for he was safe in God's hand, who was 
then making him a spectacle of glory before angels and devils, 
though to man he appeared very different." 

June 26, Saturday. — -I am much led this morning to pray 
for a resigned will, to stand to the beck of my Lord with a 
ready mind. — Yes, he shall do with me and mine as seems to 
him good. Company in the house is a great cross ; they con- 
sume much time; and the ser\dng tables seems to clash with 
my sabbath-employment. But in this also, thou, my Lord, 
shalt dispose and direct ; only give me a watchful mind, and 
then set me to entertain all the strangers thou pleasest. 



MRS. FLETCHEK. 



259 



know not what blessed angels may come with them as their 
attendants, and I will keep to my old motto :-— 

" O that my Lord would count me meet 
To wash his dear disciples' feet ! 
After my lowly Lord to go. 
And wait upon his saints below ; 
Enjoy the grace to angels given. 
And serve the royal heirs of Heaven ! " 

But I see there needs a determination to be singular. Some 
professors, when they have company in the house, sit chatting 
with them all day. This I must not do. It was one of the 
first lessons God taught me, to keep to my rules of retirement; 
to do my business, as to writing, visiting the sick, meeting the 
classes, &c. : leaving them to their freedom, and taking mine. 
One part of my work must not overturn another. 

August 14. — What have I seen within these five years ! 
This day five years my beloved was on his death-bed. But 
how is it with me now? I answer, and from the ground of my 
heart. It is well. — I have nothing to do but to praise ! I love 
him at this moment as much as ever I did in my life ; but 
I love the will of God still better.- — Yes, I adore thee, my 
almighty Saviour, that thou hast done thine own will, and not 
mine ! And that my dearest love has been five years in glory. 
O that I might be permitted to feel a little of what he now is, — 
lost and swallowed up in Thee ! Lord, are we not one.^^ "The 
head of the woman is the man, as the head of the man is 
Christ ; " and " whom God hath joined together none can put 
asunder.'"' Adam and Eve were never intended to be separated, 
and shall sin so overturn thy original design, as that it cannot 
be restored by the Saviour ? Surely no ! As thou hast taken 
away the sting of sin, so thou hast taken away the smart of 
separation. We are yet one ; and shall I not feel a communi- 
cation from thyself passing through that channel ? Lord, make 
me spiritually minded : " meet to partake of the inheritance of 
the saints in light ! " 

August 24. — My soul is much stirred up by the thought 
that I have lost time more than any one that has really walked 
in the ways of the Lord. It seems to me that I begin to see a 

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fulness in the word of God, — such a depth in the promises, 
that I have been looking hitherto only for the first principles 
of Christianity. — O for that baptism of the Spirit ! that sanc- 
tifying grace ! It seems as if I wanted the Lord to come and 
take away the last breath of nature's life ! I see a great deal 
in these words, " The kingdom of heaven is .^t hand." The 
kingdom of abiding "righteousness, peace, and joy in the 
Holy Ghost." Surely that is " the kingdom of heaven," of 
which our Lord said. That the least member of it "was greater 
than John the Baptist." Lord, bring me into that liberty ! I 
ask it in the name of my Saviour and Advocate. 

Last night I prayed that I might not have so distiu-bed a 
night as I have found of late, but that the Lord would keep 
away those hurrying dreams which often disturb the quiet re- 
pose of my spirit. And it was so : I found a difference. About 
the middle of the night I saw my dear husband before me. 
We ran into each others arms. I wished to ask him several 
questions concerning holiness, and the degree to be expected 
here, &c. : but I found something like a dark cloud on my 
memory; so that I said in myself, I cannot frame the question 
I would ask ; I am not permitted. At length I asked, My 
dear, do you not visit me sometimes He answered, " Many 
times a day." But, said I, do not " principalities and powers" 
strive to hinder you from communing with me ? He said, 
" There is something in that." And does their opposition 
cause you to suffer in coming to me He answered, " There 
is not much in that." But do you know every material thing 
that occurs to me ? " Yes." And may I always know that thou 
art near me, when I am in trouble, or pain, or danger ? He 
paused, and said faintly, " Why, yes ; " then added, " but it 
is as well for thee not to know it, for thy reliance must not be 
upon me." He mentioned also some in glory who remem- 
bered me, and said, " Mr. Hey is with us also : he bid me tell 
thee so, and by that thou mayest know that it is I that speak 
to thee." Mr. Hey died a short time before, very happy in 
the Lord. 

Sept. 14. — As I was in prayer about ten to-day, a thought 
came into my mind : God is incomprehensible ; but we are 



MRS. FLETCHER. 261* 

called to walk by faith, therefore I am to believe what I cannot 
comprehend. And O, what sweet condescension did I see in 
that stupendous goodness ! He took our nature that we might 
be able to form some conception of him. He stooped to me, 
to lift me up to liimself. " God so loved us as not to spare his 
own Son ; then will he not with him freely give us all things ? 
I see clearly, it is the infinite desire of the blessed Triune God 
to communicate himself to the creature. — Ah ! why is it, then, 
I do not enjoy more of him ? 

Sept. 17- — I was much struck with the comparison of the 
sun drawing up the vapour, and purifying it as it draws. As 
I was walking to the Lloyds I thought much on it, and said 
in my mind. How shall I know, and coincide with this attrac- 
tion ? Immediately it came to my mind, by that word, "Thy 
will be done : " — ^by this resignation we instantly enter into the 
attraction, whatever state we were in before ; * and by a simple 
look to Jesus, a waiting on the Spirit to do its office on us, 
we continue therein. Lord, give me so to wait every moment ! 
I was comforted in my visits yesterday morning, and again to- 
^ day. Glory be to God, souls come forward, and I have been 
enabled to walk about more this summer than for a long time. 
Lord, make me to be as a leaf to the wind before thee ; ready 
to obey all thy will. — Great liberty and power I have found 
for some months, both in public and private meetings. O what 
a favour to be permitted to speak a word in thy name ! 

Sept. 22. — I was thinking to-day, what is sin ? It is a turn- 
ing out of the presence of God, and departing from union with 
Him ; drawing back from the attraction.-]- While that is kept 
up, no sin is imputed. Many blunders may be made; but 
while the heart keeps attached to Jesus, cleaving to him by 
faith, these words stand good, " There is no condemnation to 
those who are in Christ Jesus." The will being still fastened 
to his cross, all that is wanting is a closer attention to the 
spirit. Then these blunders would be rectified. My one con- 

* But the call to '* repent and believe the Gospel " must be first obeyed. Ed. 

t St. John tells us, — " Sin is the transgression of the law : the Jaw written 
in the heart," or recorded in the Word. But Mrs. Fletcher evidently means. 
How does sin revive in those believers " who were dead to sin ? " In this 
view of the question, the remarks that follow may be profitable. Ei>. 



262 



THE LIFE OF 



cern must be to keep in this presence of God, lying before him 
as clay, and He will do all His will in me. 

Sept. 30. — I have found it on my mind some time, that 
something more should be done for the souls in the lower part 
of the town. We have had preaching there, and prayer-meet- 
ings, and yet they seem all dead and cold. Sally thought of 
several persons, and we got the names of twenty-eight families. - 
We both laid it before the Lord, considering that our good 
class, which meets on the Tuesday night, were all raised at 
first by in\'iting them to a meeting. We proposed to do the 
same with these. But Sally did not feel freedom to meet them. 
At night in prayer, the Lord laid it on my mind to take this 
meeting also. Therefore she and I set out in faith, deter- 
mining to call on as many as my strength would reach. We 
saw much of the Lord all the way. I have got a promise from 
all we have asked, which is fifteen. We visited many more, 
but did not see the time come to ask them: we have many still 
to go to. I have appointed ten o'clock on Tuesday morning 
for this new meeting. The Lord pour his blessing upon it ! I 
was pleased to find some old ones, on whom my dear husband 
had spent much labour, seemingly without fruit, now begin to 
feel, and they attend the public meetings. 

Oct. 8. — The following observation was blessed to me as I 
read it this day, — " There is among men here on earth an 
almost infinite diversity of gifts, talents, knowledge, inclina- 
tions, &c. The scale of humanity rises through innumerable 
steps, from the brute man to the thinking man. The pro- 
gression will continue no doubt in the life to come, and will 
presei;ye the same essential relations: or, in other words, the 
progress which we shall make here in knowledge and virtue, 
will determine the point from whence we shall begin our pro- 
gress in the other life, or the place we shall there occupy.'' * 
What a powerful motive to excite us to grow continually in 
knowledge and love ! The Judge of all will " render to each 
according to his works ; " according to the use he hath made 
of his talents ; and " to him who hath shall be given." It 

* Tliis may be admitted, if the blood of Christ have previously removed all 
p^uilt. Ed. 



Mils. FLETCHER. 



263 



follows that the degree of perfection acquired in this life, will 
determine in the life to come the degree of happiness or glory 
which each individual shall enjoy. Certainly the degrees of glory 
will be as various as the degrees of holiness have been ; and 
therefore we have the clearest reason to suppose there will be 
an eternal advance from one degree of perfection to another. 
One degree of acquired holiness will lead to another : and be- 
cause the distance between created beings, and the uncreated 
Being, is infinite, they will tend continually towards supreme 
perfection, though without ever arriving at it. 

Nov. 12. — My soul has for some days been in a particular 
exercise. — But I was enabled not to regard the violent sugges- 
tions of the enemy. I strove to pass over or through the 
thoughts, as they presented themselves, and took refuge in 
the Lord. O, how important it is not to give into one thought! 
The least turn of the eye of the mind may be sufficient to let 
in the Tempter. It has been an amazing trial! Truly "we 
wrestle with principalities and powers ! " In the midst of it 
the Lord said,- — " I have redeemed thee, thou art mine ! " 
Sometimes it seemed as if I had lost all strength. I could not 
feel condemnation, and yet I would fain have condemned my- 
self ; for I hardly knew what thoughts were my own, and what 
were injected. But, strange to say, during this season, though 
I almost trembled to speak for God, my words seemed to be 
attended with more than common profit to others ! Lord, awake 
the spiritual powers of my soul! This day I have been re- 
newing my solemn dedication to the Lord. — On this day I took 
my dear husband, now in glory ! And I will ever consider it 
as my day of marriage with the Lord. 

Jan. 1, 1791. — Last night I found much desire that I might 
awake so as to devote the first breath of the new year to the 
Lord ; and I found it in some measure. Between five and six 
I got up and read the Psalms for the day, but did not find any 
thing particular, except that word, which has remained on my 
mind, — " Salvation belongeth unto the Lord, and his blessing 
is on his people ! " My soul is waiting on him, and my ex- 
pectation is alone from him. 

April 20. — The posture of my soul is, I still wait in full 



264 



THE LIFE OF 



reliance that the Lord will do his whole will upon me. Souls 
come forward, and it seems as if every one grows faster than I 
do. I am much pained that I do not feel more under the 
means. It seems as if the word preached had a more powerful 
effect on others than on me. Lord, why is this ? Reading is 
to me the greatest of means, except private prayer. I think 
the Lord is giving me to see myself in a clearer light than 
ever. 

July 13. — Mr. Valton's* visit I have found blessed to me. 
His word came with power ; and while we were talking together 
of faith, I felt my soul refreshed. O how clearly could I see 
the way for him ! and that all his trials arose from his not be- 
lieving more ; from his not claiming the privilege of his state. 
Just then I saw clearly for myself also. O, my Lord, let thy 
light ever abide ! God is faithful to do for us all we trust him 
for. Well, I trust to be kept from all sin ; from all departure 
from God ; and I find it is to me according to my faith. 

Last night at the intercession I was not able to speak one 
word, having such a hoarseness as I never had in my life before. 
I once attempted to pray, but could not, so I was silent all the 
rest of the time. I looked on the congregation, who were all 
expecting me to speak to them, and could not even say, I love 
and pray for you. And it may be, the Lord is about to take 
this power from me. My eyes fail ; my hand is weak with a 
rheumatic pain, and I can write but little. My feet fail ; I 
can now walk but a short way. My breath is short ; and if 
my voice be also taken, then I have no more to do, but to care 
for my own soul and others in silence. Well, I am quite con- 
tent, and am as willing to be silent as to speak. O thy dear 
will, my Lord, let it be done for ever ! 

July 15. — Reading Mr. Valton's experience, I was yesterday 
much struck to see the difference between him and me, and 
my soul has this morning received a fi-esh con\dction to offer 
up every thought in a deeper manner than I have ever done. 
Lord, thou art faithfid to keep that which is committed imto 
Thee. I here commit my every thought, with all the powers 

* A Travelling Preacher, and a member of the Methodist Conference; now 
with (Jod. Eo. 



MRS. FLETCHER. 



265 



of my imagination. Lord, keep them in one constant going 
out after Thee ! 

August 11. — This has been a very solemn week to me. It 
was six years last Friday since my dear love began to be ill. 
This year, each scene falling on the same day of the week as 
well as the year, brings all afresh before me. Last Sunday 
was the awful day in which he took his last leave of his church 
and people, and began to die in their immediate service ! It 
was our quarterly meeting at the Wood. I was in full exercise 
all day, and felt my spirit deeply resigned, and a good deal 
drawn out in the Lord's work, though it was a suffering time. 
Each day I have passed through every scene, and had some 
calls to take up other crosses, and to be much employed for the 
Lord. I feel He sustains me, and gives me to say and feel,— r- 
" Thy will be done ! " Last Lord's Day I felt a stirring up 
in my soul, with an encouraging hope that I should yet be 
brought into a closer walk with God than ever. Yesterday 
was a day of more than common recollection. I seemed to 
bear in mind the nearness of Jesus, and felt all good come 
from him. I find we have nothing to do but keep uniting our 
mind to Him by faith and love ; and if we keep " the tree of 
life," we shall be sure to have " each fruit in its season." 

August 17. — Last Sabbath was the day which closed the 
sixth year of my dear love's inheritance in glory. I had many 
outward calls all day in the work of God, and found support 
and comfort therein. 

" What cannot resignation do ? 
It wonders can perform ! 
That powerful charni;, — ' Thy will be done ! * 
It lays the loudest storm." 

Nov. 15. — It is a great cross, this change in our ministry. 
Mr. H. going away, now we were so settled, is a trial. Lord, 
undertake for us, and order in the way thou pleasest. Only 
let me do as my dear husband ever did, sink under every hu- 
miliation and cross, and rise by all nearer to Thee ! I long to 
be more abundantly " the temple of the Holy Ghost." — I feel 



266 



THE LIFE OF 



it is " a narrow way." But O, keep me ever under the atoning 
blood ! I cast me thereon : I rest alone on Thee. 

I shall now make a few observations. First, I must observe, 
I have been led all the way through my pilgrimage by an ex- 
ercise of faith, in a very particular manner. Two great pro- 
mises have been given to me, on which the Lord hath made 
me to hope. One, in which spiritual and temporal blessings 
are united ; and the other relating wholly to spiritual things. — 
The first was sealed on my heart, in a time of particular trial, 
at Laytonstone ; — " If thou return to the Almighty, thou shalt 
be built up ; thou shalt put away iniquity far from thy taber- 
nacles. Then shalt thou lay up gold as the dust, and the gold 
of Ophir as the stones of the brook ; yea, the Almighty shall 
be thy defence, and thou shalt have plenty of silver. Thou 
shalt decree a thing, and it shall be established unto thee ; and 
the light shall shine on thy way."' This promise hath supported 
me through the rough path in which I was called to walk. But 
the words of the Apostle, impressed on my mind when I was 
seventeen years old, vi;^., "If she have lodged strangers; if 
she have brought up children ; if she have washed the saints' 
feet ; and diligently followed after every good work,'** — ^the 
Lord has enabled me also to attend to. After all my wander- 
ings, I am returned to the Almighty ; and he hath built me 
up. " Iniquity (glory be to God !) is put far from my taber- 
nacles."" My beloved nephew is brought to the Lord. My 
family are pious and upright ; nor have I any thing to lament 
under my roof, as displeasing to God. My prayers seem to 
have free access to the throne, and the speedy answers amaze 
me ! I wished for a large commodious place for the people to 
meet in, as their number greatly increases ; and though it 
seemed impossible, it is now accomplished. I wished for a 
hundred pounds to build a meeting-house at the Bank, re- 
membering how much my dear husband desired it. Laying 
it before the Lord, that word was again applied : " Thou shalt 
decree a thing, and it shall be established imto you ; and the 
light shall shine on your ways."" I subscribed thirty pounds ; 
and have now the whole sum ready before the ground is pre- 



MRS. FLETCHEK. 



pared to build it on. I desire nothing, in earth or heaven, but 
for the glory of God. I feel " the Almighty is my defence ; 
and % confirm my faith in spiritual things by temporal, he 
does give me "great plenty of silver."" 

The other great promise of my life was, — " Thou shalt 
walk with me in white : I will make thee worthy." Lord, how 
far is that accomplished ? O ! shine on thy poor creature, and 
let me clearly discern and make known the work of thy hand ! 
Thou art the author of all good ! 

That salvation I experienced at Hoxton was certainly a drop 
from the living fountain ; but I had not then a full discovery 
of sin. Since that time, O what a depth of iniquity, what 
huge mountains of ingratitude, have I mourned over ! I once 
thought I could not sit down on a level with the greatest out- 
ward sinners. In repeating those lines, — 

" O might I as the harlot lie. 

At those dear feet, transfix'd for me ! " 

I have stopped and thought, — -I fear I am not right. I cannot 
feel myself "the chief of sinners." I cannot repent of the 
sins which (through preventing grace) I have not committed. 
But, alas ! the sight I have had of inbred sin ; the base de- 
parture of my heart from a close walk with God ; and the 
depth of self and pride I have there discovered, is in my eyes 
more dreadful than outward transgression. I have sometimes 
looked on those sinners universally despised by men, and felt 
in my heart that I preferred them to myself, while the depth 
of that " carnal mind which is enmity against God," struggled 
for the mastery. In these conflicts of soul, how often have I 
thought, if I did but know there was as great a sinner as my- 
self before the throne, who nevertheless had been here filled 
with the fulness of God, after all they had felt and done, it 
would bring a heaven into my breast ! How often have I wept 
over those words ; 

If so poor a worm as I, 
May to thy great glory live." 

I feared, though the Lord was gracious, that I must not look 



268 



THE LIFE OF 



to be sav^d, except "as by fire ; " and that I should never 
bring that honour to God which my soul desired. But now, 
glory be to God ! that fear is done away. I seem to have 
forgot myself ! I am wholly taken up with Jesus I The more 
I look at him, the more my faith increases. He applies to my 
heart these words ; " The sin of Jacob shall be sought for, and 
there shall be none ; and the iniquity of Israel, and it shall not 
be found.*" He hath shown me the way to rise above the 
moimtains of inbred sin. He has enabled me, " in hope, to 
beheve against hope and so come nearer to our great pattern, 
"the Father of the faithful, who staggered not at the promises, 
but was strong in faith, giving glory to God ! " * He is the 
author and the finisher of my faith ! Yes, he will make us 
worthy. I sink into nothing, and look at the " Lord my 
righteousness ; and I feel those believing views are transform- 
ing views : and the more entirely I abandon myself into his 
hands, the more permanent is my peace. 

I now praise the Lord, " that where sin hath abounded, 
grace doth much more abound." The clear light I have into 
the mysteries of redeeming love, causes my strains of praise 
to run the higher. Yes, they shall love him most who have 
most forgiven ! I do not know that I ever feel my will and 
affections depart from him. I feel a child-like simphcity, and 
a purity, which, it seems to me, my very outward person must 
express; yet I am always committing blunders, and even show- 
ing roughness, when really there is nothing but love. I used 
to feel just the contrary. I used to strive to act as a Christian; 
but it was a constraint: and though by the power of God I 
kept within the line, yet it was not free and natural. Now I 
often feel, if I could be turned inside out, I should bring more 
glory to God than I do. But that there stiU should be these 
blemishes in my deportment deeply humbles me, and for in- 
ward and outward defects I cry ; 

" Every moment. Lord, I need 
The merit of thy death ! " 

* O that all who feel their spirit oppressed in beholding these uiountains, 
Hould take this way I How soon would thoy all sink into a plain ! Ed. 



MRS. FLETCHER. 



269 



One day lamenting before the Lord, that I did not in my 
conversation more adorn the truth ; it was brought to my mind, 
that gold must be kept in the fire till purified from all dross ; 
and that even then it would be liable to be sullied. For that, 
however, a rub would suffice. This was very different from 
the purification it needed at first. I must ever be ashamed 
before Him ! And if any one ignorantly ascribes any thing to 
me, it gives me a pain I cannot express. Yet I think that 
word is more exemplified in me now than when I was at Hoxton ; 
(though I then used the same expression in a lower meaning ;) 
" I live not, but Christ liveth in me." I now, however, dis- 
cern such a vastness therein, that I am constrained to cry out ; 

A point my good, a drop my store ; 
Eager I thirsty I pant for more ! " 

I am not led to speak much of my state ; I am more drawn 
to a quiet waiting on Jesus ; but on this occasion, I feel a call 
from the Lord to give my last testimony to his faithfulness. I 
sit at my Saviour's feet. " I am poor and needy, but the 
Lord careth for me ! " Therefore " I am not afraid for any 
evil tidings, for my heart standeth fast, believing in the Lord." 
I think I discern the near approach of dissolution, and am 
daily made sensible of decay.* But swelled legs, short breath, 
and other morbid symptoms, give me no dreary prospect. The 
will and order of God is my choice, in whatsoever way it 
manifests itself. Sometimes it is suggested, that I shall be 
called to endure great conflicts in death, both outward and in- 
ward. Well, I have no care about it. Once I wished to be 
able to express some joy in death, in order to encourage those 
I leave behind. But now I see things in a different light. 
My life hath been a life of backslidings and unfaithftilness. I 
know not therefore what kind of death will bring most instruc- 
tion to others, and most glory to God. All is in His hand, 
and all my prayers are lost in this : " Father, thy will be done." 
I feel a bleeding wound from the loss of that dearest and best 

* How true is that word, " Life is yours, and death is yours," — all shall be 
ordered for your good 1 She lived twenty-four years after this time. Ed. 



270 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



of men: but I am conscious he is not dead! No; he that 
" believeth in Jesus shall never die." And the will of God is 
so dear to me, I rejoice it is done ; though against my tenderest 
feelings. He is wise, and I kiss the rod. I admire and adore ! 
I have communion with my dearest love before the throne ! 
He waits for, — he beckons me away ! I rest in the will of 
God ! And, at this moment, 

Not one wave of sorrow rolls 
Across my peaceful breast." 

I have found of late much comfort in those words, infinite 

WISDOM ! INFINITE POWER ! INFINITE LOVE ! O my God ! 

thy infinite wisdom swallows up all my choice ! Thy infinite 
power forbids my fear ! And thy infinite love makes all my 
own! 

And now I know this day in my heart and in my soul, that 
" not one of the good things hath failed me, of all the Lord 
my God hath spoken ! " Therefore, looking for salvation and 
victory alone " through the blood of the Lamb, and the word 
of our testimony," I conclude with Simeon's words, " Lord, 
now lettest thou thy servant depart in peace, for mine eyes 
have seen thy salvation." 



PART VII. 



EXTRACTS FROM HER JOURNAL. 

We have now gone on with Mrs. Fletcher, from the time 
when in early youth she obeyed that call of God : " Come ye 
out from among them, and be ye separate, saith the Lord, 
and touch not the unclean thing ; and I will receive you, and ' 
be a Father to you, and ye shall be my sons and daughters, 
saith the Lord Almighty.^'' — We have seen her, like the great 
Father of the faithful, " go forth, and follow the Lord, not 
knowing whither she went." — We have seen her pass through 
the wilderness of cares, and fears, and sorrows, " leaning upon 
her Beloved ; " not forgetting, however, his warning voice, 
" Remember Lot's wife." — We have beheld her wading through 
the depths of self-knowledge, made manifest by the law, and 
the painful process of which is so strikingly displayed in the 
seventh chapter of the Epistle to the Romans. — We have 
travailed with her in birth, while she groaned, oppressed with 
the " carnal mind," yet thanking God, and not despairing of 
deliverance, " through Jesus Christ our Lord." — We have an- 
ticipated the victory, while she "encouraged herself in the Lord 
her God." — We have seen her struggle, not in vain, till the 
opening heaven, displayed in the eighth chapter of that glorious 
Epistle, claimed and received her whole heart ! We have seen 
this divine process continue, without any of those unscriptural 
abstractions, or subterfuges, which have obscured or deformed 
" the work of the Spirit" in other devoted souls. What remains, 
but to see if she carried her blessings through the trial of her 
remaining years.? — If she maintained the same undeviating 
path.? — If she held fast simplicity and love in all her intercourse 
with her fellow-creatures ? — If she continued to " deny herself 



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daily, and take up her cross ? " — If she persevered to the end 
of her race, trusting in the Lord, doing good unto all, and 
especially to the household of faith."' An extract from her 
journals, which are very copious, will furnish us with a clear, 
and we hope not a tiresome, answer to these very important 
questions. Ed. 



Jan. 1, 1792. — This has been a solemn day. At the sacra- 
ment I gave myself afresh to the Lord. At night we renewed 
our covenant ; my soul strove for a perfect dedication. It is 
the last time, I suppose, that Mr. and Mrs. Horne will be with 
us on this occasion, which added to the solemnity.* 

Jan. 6, Friday. — A day of solemn prayer in many parts of 
it, yet much temptation and distraction at others. O how 
does my soul long for the frill union ! I feel a fixed reliance on 
Jesus, and an increasing desire after him. "O tell me, thou 
whom my soul loveth, where thou makest thy flock to rest at 
noon ! " I long after thy meridian brightness. This day ten 
years I came first to Madeley, and my dear husband led me 
through the house. We prayed together, and gave ourselves 
up into the hands of the Lord. What have I seen since that 
time ? Well, blessed be the Lord, I am nearer to Him, and 
more free to serve God, both inwardly and outwardly, than I 
was that night. But, I want to be a meet partaker with my 
dear holy husband now in light ! I want to feel a fuller degree 
of the spirit in which he lives ! Lord, thou hast said, " Whom 
God hath joined together, let no man put asunder."' Are we 
not still ONE.? Thou knowest, O Lord, our union was far 
more in the spirit than in the flesh ; and 

" Can death's interposing tide. 
Spirits one in Thee divide " 

Surely no. G then make me " a partaker of the inheritance of 
the saints in light ! " 

* Mr. Home, Curate of Madeley, was then preparing to go to Sierra-Leone, 
as Chaplain to that settlement. Kd. 



MRS. FLETCHER. 



Jan. 7. — Received to-day a striking conviction how careful 
I ought to be not to expose the fault or infirmity of any one. 
I want so to love my neighbours, as to feel all their concerns 
as tenderly as if they were my own. When I err in the least 
from this, I feel the Lord's rebuke. 

Jan. 12. — A day of recollection. I prayed last night, that 
I might not offend with my tongue all the day. I knew I 
should be exposed to some hurrying circumstances, and I 
pleaded in faith, that there might not come one word out of 
my mouth, that I could have a sorrowful thought for. And, 
blessed be His holy name, I have found a constant sense of a 
divine monitor, warning and keeping me the whole day. Yes, 
thou hast answered my prayer, glory be to thee, O Lord ! I 
have this day also found a sweet idea of Christ's condescending 
love, and gentle manner, in reproving his disciples. And is 
not his heart the same in heaven ? Yes, it is ! " He is the 
same yesterday, to-day, and for ever. Then he does pity and 
bear with me ! Yes, his blood hath atoned for all. 

Jesus protects ; my fears be gone ! 
What can the Rock of Ages move ? 
Safe in thy arms I lay me down. 
Thy everlasting arms of love." 

Jan. 25. — Last Saturday Mr. Horne and his family set out 
from our house for Sierra-Leone, the place of his mission in 
Africa. For three weeks we have been a good deal taken up 
in helping them to prepare for this great undertaking. I found 
much of the approval of God iu all we had to do, and a de- 
light in the thought, that so poor a worm can in the least con- 
tribute towards what appears so much for the glory of God. 
The next day was solemn. Mr. Gilpin kindly assisted us, and 
encouraged us to believe we should not suffer for what we 
had given up in obedience to God's order. His sermon was 
attended with unction. In the afternoon he was obliged to 
leave us, and return to his own congregation. I had a meeting 
in our room, as there was no service in the church. There 
was a weight on my spirit. I now missed my dear husband. 
Our being without a Minister may cause many disagreeable 

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things ; and I alone feel the burden. Here is no Mr. Home, 
thought I, to consult with. However, we had a very sweet 
time ! The Lord was present in a more than common manner. 
I felt liberty and freedom to speak, but we were greatly 
crowded. Numbers went away for want of room, at which I 
was grieved. Lord, direct us all in our ways 

There is a good spirit in our people ; they feel the loss of 
their Minister, and yet seem resigned to the will of God. 

March 4. — Since the above, I have passed through various 
scenes. Our room being too small for the Sunday congrega- 
tion, I thought it a call to go to the Dale, and believed the 
badness of the roads was not to hinder. But the Lord has 
been pleased to visit me with illness, and has quite confined 
me to my room. I found much peace in the divine appoint- 
ment. One day the Doctor told me he thought my case very 
bad ; and I had reason to believe I was very near my Father's 
house. I felt all my soul acquiesce in the divine disposal ; 
and though I had no particular joy, but rather darts from the 
enemy, nevertheless I felt my soul lie down as it were on the 
will of God, as on a soft pillow. Soon after it appeared, I 
should for a time be better. All was still right. O the bless- 
ing of having a God to trust to I 

I am now again enabled to attend the meetings, and I find 
an increasing power and freedom ; but we are still without a 
Minister, which causes many difficulties. Every day, and 
almost every hour, things occur to make me feel afresh the 
want of that Shepherd who so naturally cared for our souls, 
and so tenderly led this flock for such a number of years. 
But I feel a pleasure in the cross. — It is a favour, a great 
favour, to suffer any thing for my God. A new ministry 
has something awful. Should it be carnal, what a pain will 
it be to me to see my Dear's pulpit so occupied ! Should 
he be a spiritual man, yet perhaps he will not agree with 
the Methodist Preachers, and that will cause dissensions, a 
thing unknown at Madeley as yet. But in all I stand still, 
determined to be well pleased with all that the Lord provides. 
Should there be a disagreement, I must bear the weight on 
both sides. O thou great Shepherd and Bishop of souls, I 



MRS, FLETCHER. 



hang on thee ! I hide me in the cleft of thy side, and, as it 
were, wrap me in Thy will ! Crosses are very profitable. I 
have one foot in the grave, and often but a rough path. It 
reminded me of a dream I had when about twenty-three, before 
my soul had lost that liberty it got at Hoxton. I thought I 
was looking through my breast at my heart, and it appeared 
very smooth and white. Presently I saw the fingers of a hand 
with something like the blade of a pen-knife. It began to 
scrape ; immediately all was rough and brown, till after a time 
I saw one spot like white velvet. Then it was spoken to me, 
You must endure that circumcising knife till the whole is like 
that spot I There was a great change at that time, and a real 
renewal as far as it went. But when afterwards the keen and 
close knife was laid to, all appeared rough. O, let me endure 
till thy whole will is done ! O, the perfect atonement ! Yes, 
" the blood of Christ cleanseth from all sin ! " When a room 
is dark, let in the sun, and it is light ! Yet there is no light 
from the room, it is all in the sun. So the soul, uniting itself 
to Christ by faith, is made pure by that union, and kept pure 
by the continuance of it. As I was pleading that word to-day, 
" In this is my Father glorified, that ye bring forth much 
fruit," — I thought, it is only union with Christ that can make 
me fruitful. I had a ghmpse of that union, and saw it was all 
free gift. Therefore I may ask and have the fulness of the 
Spirit ! Hallelujah ! 

June 22. — What cause have I to trust in the Lord ! On 
May 31st, Mr. Walter came to reside. Nearly five months I 
had the cross of being without a Minister, but now the Lord 
hath provided one who, I trust, will prove " a man after his 
own heart." I have only to stand still and see his salvation in 
all, and my spirit finds rest in so doing. I have of late had 
some very comfortable seasons in speaking to the people, and 
much of the presence of God. I have had a dream, from 
which I derived some profit. I seemed to be assaulted by 
Satan. Immediately I saw a man at a distance partly covered 
with a cloud. He seemed to take no notice of me for a long 
time ; at last he came up to me. As he drew near, Satan fell 



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back. The man laid his hand on my arm, and said, "Be 
strong."' On which I felt a strength go tlirough me I cannot 
describe. He then returned to the same spot, and seemed to 
take no more notice of me. After a time the enemy came 
again, and struggled hard with me. I often looked towards 
the man, but he appeared to take no notice. When my strength 
was almost gone, I raised my left hand, and weakly put it 
against the enemy, saying, " The Lord Jesus bruise thee be- 
neath my feet " from this time for ever ! upon which he fell flat 
to the ground. The man behind the cloud then said, " Do 
you hear that ? Do you all witness it ? " To which a great 
number of voices, as in a musical note, answered, — We do f 
we do ! we do ! They seemed above me, around me, and on 
every side ! And their voices were so loud, the sound awoke 
me. It seemed to point out to me two great truths. — First, 
That at those times when the Lord appears not to answer as 
my soul could wish, I am still to see him as looking upon me, 
and equally trust him when he does or does not speak. Se- 
condly, That we are continually in the sight of the eternal 
world. Indeed this I always knew ; but I felt it more deeply 
impressed. I seem peculiarly conscious of the presence of the 
heavenly host, and would act, think, and speak, with the 
deepest reverence. 

August 16, Thursday. — On Tuesday last was the anniver- 
sary of my dear husband's death. Seven years have passed 
since that awful scene. Seven years has he been in glory ! 
And I a poor mournful widow, walking below through my pil- 
grimage alone. But what mercies have I seen in those seven 
years ! O, had I at first known I should have stayed so long 
here, it would have looked very sad. But I feel more and 
more we are to live the present moment, and I find help and 
strength are given for every hour. It was a solemn and good 
day to me. My husband seemed unspeakably dear and near 
to me ; but the love of the will of God kept me all day above 
every painful feeling, 

Sept. 12. — This summer I have been much called to speak 
in the name of the Lord, and such a way has been made for 



MRS. FLETCHER. 



277 



me, as to weather, and conveyance, and various circumstances, 
that it fully convinced me I have no need of care. O, how 
sweet is that command, "Cast thy burden upon the Lord, and 
he will sustain thee ! " I do not know also, that ever I felt 
such help and liberty from the Lord in all my life, as I have 
done in speaking this year, both winter and summer, at home 
and abroad. It is a cross to the flesh ; but glory be to Thee, 
thy light doth shine on my ways ! 

This day I am fifty-three years old. O that I may from this 
day begin a new life ! Once more we are free from company ; 
and I am led to give myself more abundantly to private prayer. 
Since we have been alone, a deep conviction has rested on my 
mind of the shortness of time, and how little longer I may 
retain any degree of health. Therefore I determined to seek 
for an increase of the Spirit, to unite me more to himself, as 
he sees good, so I may but glorify him. I seemed to be threat- 
ened with a cancer, and rather seemed to shrink at the pros- 
pect. But it may be the answer of my own prayer ; and I 
still say. Only make me holy ! 

Oct. 4. — I was led this morning to offer up my whole self to 
God. First my body, for any suffering he saw good. I leave 
it all to him. If any means are to be used, I believe the 
Lord will himself direct what shall be done. Secondly, My 
reputation, — To be esteemed or despised. Thirdly, My sub- 
stance, — To be continued or withheld. Fourthly, My soul. 
I commit it altogether to the Lord. He knows that I want to 
be fully saved; and I will consider it as my one business. 
Lord, get thyself glory upon me ! The other morning I was 
awaked by those words powerfully impressed, — 

" O glorious seat, thou God our King, 
Shalt thither bring our willing feet ! " 

Last night those words were precious : With favour will I 
encompass them as with a shield." My spirit seems to long 
for a closer communion. I have thought on those words, — 
" If any man love me he will keep my words, and my Father 
will love him, and we will come unto him, and make our abode 
with him.'" I see I must apply myself more to do the will 



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of God," watching each word and thought, and taking up 
every cross with cheerfulness. 

Oct. 12. — I have been reading over, with deep attention, 
the Life of Mr. David Brainerd. O, what a deep searching 
book have I found it ! Many times before have I read it 
through, but never so entered into the spirit of it as now. He 
observes. It was always his heaven to do the will of God from 
his first conviction ; and he could never rest, but in doing 
something for the Lord, even when death was upon him ! 
Lord, make me to be of that mind ! To have our happiness 
in doing and suffering the will of God, is indeed the strongest 
assurance the soul can have of future glory. For can any 
thing separate God's will from Himself .^^ Neither life nor 
death can then divide the soul from his eternal presence. Glory 
be to God, I feel some little measure of this spirit. My de- 
light is, that the Lord reigneth, and my rest is in his will. 
As I was thinking the other day, perhaps I may be called to 
have the cancer cut out of my breast, perhaps out of both, as 
there is pain in the other, — and formed the idea of the hand- 
kerchief tied over my eyes, and my arms bound to the chair. 
As I was offering myself up to the will of God, I felt those 
words applied : " I am ready not only to be bound, but to die 
for the Lord Jesus." 

On Monday morning I had a peculiar sweetness on my spirit 
in meeting the people ; and at night I read and spoke from 
the 21st of Matthew. It was a good time, and some souls 
were blest. On the Tuesday, being our intercession, I do not 
know when I have found such liberty. The Lord was very 
present, and a deep solemnity rested on the congregation; 
some of whom have since told me, the Lord wrought much on 
them that night. Blessed be God, he still gives me to bear 
his message to the people. O that my little remaining strength 
and time may all be devoted to him. Yet I have of late been 
much tried with such a stupor upon me in the morning, that I 
cannot rise till near seven o'clock. This pains me much. Lord, 
make me more active in thy work ! I have since observed 
some answer to prayer, with regard to rising in the morning. 
Lord, give me to persevere ! 



MRS. FLETCHER. 



Nov. I. — The Lord gives me to abound in charity as to the 
outward act, but where is the difficulty of being so, when the 
Lord hath made my cup to run over? If ever my charity 
was great, it was when I had little, expecting a prison for my- 
self, while I was helping others. Yet at that time I am not 
sure it was " cheerfully done ; " — a necessity seemed laid upon 
me. But now, though I give much, and am much employed 
for the poor, yet I fear I do not save all I might for them out 
of what is spent on my worthless self How has the Lord 
appeared for me ! Another'^s grace, another's wisdom, another'*s 
management ! — My father's and husband's money all devoted 
to my service ! all gathered together to serve me ! While 
these thoughts came rolling over my mind, those words pre- 
sented themselves : " When I sent you without purse or scrip, 
lacked you any thing ? And they said. Nothing." 

Nov. 13, Tuesday. — Yesterday concluded eleven years since 
my dear husband and I were made one. It was a solemn day 
to me. I strove to renew my marriage-covenant with the 
Lord ; but it was a day of gloom ; I had no near access. — 
Much of it was employed among the people, as Monday usually 
is. In the morning-meeting I had some liberty, and more at 
night while reading and speaking on the 12th of the Hebrews. 

Dec. 1. — I was much encouraged in considering, that it is 
the office of Jesus to " baptize with the Holy Ghost." How 
is it we so neglect to look for the fulfilment of that office of 
our Lord ! Did he not say, " He that believeth on me, out 
of his belly shall flow rivers of living water. And this he 
spake of the Spirit, which they who believe on him were to 
receive." This gift of the Holy Ghost is therefore the very 
thing believers are to look for. No matter what they call it ; a 
clean heart, salvation from evil tempers, purity, or what they 
will, — it makes no difference. There is a baptism of the Spirit 
for believers to receive, and which I have had a taste of ; but 
I want the fulness. The Lord is faithful, — it shall come. 
Yes, I see it, I come near it, I feel a touch of it while writing ; 
yet my faith wants a further lift. Lord, it must be all thy 
own doing ! 

Dec. 2. — I was talking yesterday with one who told me, 



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many were much alarmed about the nation. — That inflamma- 
tory papers were throwing about among the army, and it is 
feared they will raise among them such a spirit as reigns in 
those of France. I was led to consider that, and various other 
things, which appeared to me as signs of the times. At night 
I felt much liberty in pleading for our good King, and that 
God would restrain the evil ones, who are striving to raise a 
spirit of ingratitude and rebellion in our nation. I felt com- 
fort in my old word, — " The Lord reigneth ! " 

Dec. 11. — This has been on the whole a good day. I cannot 
say I have found so much liberty in the times of family prayer 
as I usually have ; but in the five times of my private ap- 
proaches to the Lord, I think I have each time had a greater 
degree of it. 

Dec. 16, Sunday. — My spirit pants after God ! O Lord, 
glorify thyself upon me ; this is what I long for, and pray for. 
I seem Hke a poor beggar, waiting at mercy's door ; oft fiiU of 
hope, and then again the door seems shut. I want the spirit 
of prayer. I want also a more self-denying spirit. Last 
night I dreamed my dear husband wrote a line for me 
to read. I took up the paper with desire, and read, — 
" Those who closely follow J esus Christ, can discern the mark 
of the thorn in his steps." As soon as I was dressed I lighted 
a candle, and opened the Bible to read, when I cast my eyes 
on those words, " Seeing Christ hath suffered in the flesh, 
arm yourselves also with the same mind." I see it. If I 
would walk with Christ, I must know my path by that very mark, 
a constant death to my own will. Lord, show me how to walk 
thus ! Give me a steady power to rise the very moment the 
alarm goes off To watch against sloth all day, and to use 
more abstemiousness in my food. I believe this would be good 
both for soul and body; and I have asked it of the Lord, 
that Sally may see it in the right light, and not fret and be 
unhappy when I do not take what she thinks I ought. This 
is oft a mighty hinderance to me in little mortifications which 
I would use. I am quite clear I have no right to hurt my 
body. I am not, I think, in any danger of that. But often 
self-denial promotes health. I hope to begin to-morrow, — a 



MRS. FLETCHEH. 



281 



day which we had set apart to pray for the nation, and for the 
children on whom the Lord hath begun to work. I propose 
to keep a watch over my appetite each day, and this indeed 
the Lord hath already given me ; but to this I would add, a 
shadow (for I cannot call it more) of a fast, twice a week. On 
Mondays and Fridays I would omit butter in the morning, 
eating dry bread, and, as usual, rosemary tea without sugar. 
For dinner, water-gruel, with salt and pepper, and, as on other 
days, tea for my supper. This cannot hurt my health, and 
may be a kind of remembrancer, that there is such a duty as 
self-denial. 

February 9, 1793. — The watch-night, the last evening of 
the year, and the intercession, the first of this year, were both 
favoured with much of the presence of God, and some souls 
were a good deal stirred up. Blessed be the Lord, the work 
does not cease. How melancholy did our situation appear when 
Mr. Home was called away ! But we are comfortably provided 
for in a Minister. O, how good it is to stand still, and commit 
all our ways to God ! This day my spirit has been waiting on 
the Lord, and enabled to keep in his presence. 

March 20. — This morning I felt a power to ask, That I 
might be kept from grieving the Holy Spirit all the day. I 
knew there would be much hurry and many distractions. Glory 
be to my God ! I found Jesus a sweet refuge, and a freedom 
from all confusion or hurry of thought all the day. The pre- 
sence of the Lord keeps all in peace. This day I have ex- 
perienced afresh the fulfilment of my former promise of having 
"plenty of silver.'^ Among other things I have had some 
singular opportunities of helping the Church and the poor, 
each in small portions. O ! how can I praise the Lord sufii- 
ciently for such an indulgence ! What numbers of his dear 
children am I enabled to assist ! Bless the Lord, O my soul ; 
and all that is within me, bless his holy name I 

March 26. — This morning having some painful thoughts 
respecting the cancer, I carried them to the Lord. A sweet 
calm came over my spirit. I could freely offer up all to God. 
He knows, if I saw my way clear, I am ready every hour to 
submit to the operation. While I waited in calm and peaceful 



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resignation, that word occurred to my mind : " Can there be 
evil in the city, and the Lord hath not done it ? I said, 
No ; it is all in his hand. It can rise no higher than he pleases. 
I thought also, if my dear husband was with me, and had 
power over the complaint, should I be under any concern about 
it ? I answered, No ; I should not. My tender partner would 
direct and help me through all. Well, said my heart, my 
heavenly Bridegroom is more powerful, more loving, more 
present, than the dearest human friend can be. I have nothing 
to do but stand still, and he will instruct me in the way I 
should go. I have his own promise, " All shall work together 
for my good." Even my mistake, if I am under one respecting 
this disease, all shall be for good. I am alone, and have none 
to direct me. Therefore I give up all to my Lord ; and as we 
order for an infant, so will he order all for me. Whatever is 
His choice is mine. 

April 1. — Yesterday being Easter Sunday, I felt a desire 
to give up all my concerns into the hands of God, by a fresh 
dedication of myself to him at his table. I was much troubled 
the night before with a suggestion. That I ought to have the 
cancer cut out, and that I should see it so by and by. I ven- 
tured to pray that if it were the will of God that I should 
stand still and wait on Him, He would give me a peculiar 
blessing on the morrow. My prayer was graciously heard. So 
comfortable a Sabbath I have not had for years. I gave up 
soul and body into the Lord's hand, with a firm confidence 
that he would order for me as a tender husband for a wife; and 
when I went to the table I was enabled to consider it as the 
seal of our mutual covenant, and my faith has ever since found 
an increase. The marks of death seem to be upon me, and 
they are a great blessing ! I seem continually called to offer 
myself up as in martyrdom ; and so many sweet promises came 
before me, assuring me of the tender care of my Lord, that I 
sometimes think never was a creature so safe and so happy. 

April 4. — Reflecting this morning on the various ways in 
which different persons express themselves concerning sanctifi- 
cation, or what is called Christian perfection, I was led to 
think, — May it not be thus expressed ? I feel a degree of faith 



MRS. FLETCHER. 



283 



which continually unites me to God, through the atoning 
blood. I " abide in Christ," through whom I am always ac- 
cepted, and I feel nothing contrary to love. Yet I am far from 
what I ought to be ; and I obey with joy my Lord's admoni- 
tion : " When ye have done all, say, I am an unprofitable ser- 
vant.**' Being taken into Christ, as a drop of water into the 
ocean, I lose myself in him, and find in him my all, for time 
and for eternity ! Now a measure of this state I do feel ; and 
I feel strong drawings to expect a clearer fellowship, — a throw- 
ing open the everlasting doors of my soul, and a more powerful 
entrance of the King of Glory ! 

April 6, Saturday. — I went this morning to see a sick family 
lately come into the town, and ill of a putrid fever, of which 
the father died. O, how dark did I find all those who were 
recovered ! The various places I called at yielded little satis- 
faction, till we came to D. The girl was just on the point of 
marriage with a pious young man, and every way to her ad- 
vantage. But instead of this, she is now brought to death's 
door by a painful and dangerous disorder. — She told me she 
did not find her inclination at all to this world ; that she had 
much rather die than live. She added, " How good is the Lord 
in all he does ! The Apothecary gives me bitter medicines to 
do me good, and I love him for it, though he may mistake and 
do me harm. But God cannot mistake ; and shall I not love 
Him ? O, he keeps my mind so quiet, I can leave all unto 
Him. Sometimes I have great temptations, and reason whether 
I have not brought it all on myself, by taking too hard a 
place." I observed. But you went there believing it to be for 
the best? "Yes, (she replied,) and the Lord soon comforts 
me again, if such thoughts come." 

" The other night I dreamed I was dead. I thought I was 
looking down on this bed, and said. There is the spot on which 
my crown was brightened, and I have not had one pain too 
much ; and so I shall say when I get to glory." Her words 
were exceedingly animating to me. When she first met with 
me, among the children, I always observed her deep attention. 
O, how she has grown in grace ! 

May 14. — The first Sunday of this month I was at the Dale 



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We had a crowded house; but I felt such liberty both of mind 
and voice, as I but seldom remember to have had. I spoke 
nearly an hour from that word, — " They shall ask their way to 
Zion, with their faces thitherward/' In the last meeting we 
had great liberty, blessed be the Lord ! On Monday night I 
found also uncommon freedom at our home meeting, and the 
congregation was very large. Tuesday's class was also good ; 
but from that time I have been laid up with pains in my head, 
face, and all over me, attended with a slight fever. During 
this season I have been led to consider what numerous mercies 
I am surrounded with ! My cup runs over. Though I have 
not that near access to my God I long for, yet I do feel such 
safety, such confidence in his love, that I am, in the midst of 
all, enabled still to say and feel, 

" One only care my soul shall know. 
Father, all thy commands to do." 

July 1.— -Last night a man called, whose daughter lies in 
this infectious fever which has carried off so many. He said, 
she desired to see Sally, as she was much distressed in her 
soul, and it was too far off for me to go there. Sally asked me 
what she should do ? Finding her own mind quite free to it as 
the call of God, I felt it come near, for she is my greatest con- 
solation, next to God, and useful as a right hand. I looked 
up, and felt the power of these words : " The hairs of your 
head are all numbered." I said in my heart. If the Lord 
should have appointed to take her from me by this means, shall 
I say to him. What doest thovi? No, I will chng to that 
word : " Thy will be done on earth, as it is done in heaven.'" 
It was suggested, you lost your husband by a putrid fever ; 
perhaps Sally may be taken also by it. But shall I refuse her 
devoting her life to the glory of God ? Shall I hold back the 
dearest thing I have upon earth from Jesus, who gave himself 
for me ? My soul cried out. No, my Lord and my Saviour, 
no ! I offer up every Isaac to thy will. She went, and found 
the woman under a concern for her soul. All consequences I 
leave to my God. 

I am amazed how free my mind is from care ! Those things 



MRS. FLETCHER. 



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which used to burden me, are now as nothing. I have learned 
to stand still, and Jesus, my adorable Saviour, takes care of 
all. 

August 14. — This has been a solemn day. And is it indeed 
eight years since my dearest husband went to glory ? What a 
night was that to me ! I was at this hour waiting at his bed- 
side, with my eyes immoveably fixed upon his dear, calm, peace- 
ful, dying countenance. I have this day gone through the 
scene ; but, glory be to God, in a different manner than when 
we seemed on the point of separation, — yea, already parted ; 
for he could not show any sensibility towards me. — But this 
day it has been constantly on my mind as if we thought and 
did altogether. Yes, thou dear spirit, well didst thou say to 
me in that dream, " I am not dead, I live ! " Yes, thou dost 
live ; and I have no doubt hast helped me this day to feel an 
uncommon peace, such as I sometimes have felt when dreaming, 
and having in a peculiar manner, a sense of the presence of 
heavenly spirits. There are seasons when the mind, joining 
itself to the Lord, and abiding in that posture, feels a kind of 
anticipation of the blissful union enjoyed in the realms of light, 
and has communion, more or less sensible, with the spirits be- 
fore the throne. Some faint touches of this I have felt this 
day. At my first waking in the morning, my soul cried to the 
Lord that it might be indeed a day of consecration and dedica- 
tion of all my powers to that God, whose I am, and whom I 
desire perfectly to serve. 

Dec. 21. — My soul has for some days been in a peculiar ex- 
ercise. O Lord, keep me from every snare, and never let me 
be drawn into any thing but according to thy will ! I wish to 
help souls, and to obey thy order ; but in so doing it is hard 
to avoid many things disagreeable. Lord, give me a fuller 
plunge into thyself, that my conversation may be always in 
heaven ! And the desire to please, or fear of contempt, re- 
move far from me ! O for a single eye, fixed alone on God ! 

The lump in my breast is removed in a wonderful manner, 
in answer to prayer ! I could not find freedom to use any of 
the things I was advised to, only the goose-grass juice, a quarter 
of a pint twice a day. After some montlis, the upper lump 



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became less, and is now quite gone, as far as I can perceive ; 
nor do I find now any pain in either. Glory be to God ! 

May 7? 1794. — I had some encouragement in prayer last 
night and this morning ; and I was led to plead that my soul 
" might be filled with the Spirit ; that my tongue, being 
touched with the fire of heavenly love, might be enabled to 
plead the cause of truth, in a different manner from that which 
it now doth. 

We have been encouraged in seeing some souls brought in. 
G. M., for whom we have long waited, sometimes with hope, 
sometimes with fear, has now found the Lord most clearly. O 
what a change does grace make ! She is indeed "a new crea- 
ture ; and her mouth is open in His praise who hath brought 
her out of darkness into his marvellous light. 

June 4. — What answers to prayer have I seen of late! My 
gracious Lord seems to count each hair indeed. When I was 
at the Dale again last Sunday, he gave such a liberty in speak- 
ing as I have seldom experienced. The congregation was very 
large. As I entered the chapel, the heat was almost ready to 
beat me back. When I had got through to my seat, the sun 
lay on it, and there were but a few small openings to admit air. 
One of these is by my seat, but I observed no air come in that 
way. It appeared as if my voice must be lost with the heat. 
I looked to the Lord, and said, — My Father, turn the air this 
way, if thou seest good ! The time being come, I began giving 
out the hymn, and forgot my prayer. But as I was just ready 
to faint, such a fine breath of fresh air came in as quite revived 
me. Then I recollected what I had asked. The next two 
lines which I had to give out were, — 

" For our Shepherd and King 
Cares much for his sheep." 

O how my heart went with the words, and set to its seal that 
they were true ! Contrary to what is usual with me, I was an 
hour and three quarters. My strength held out, and the dear 
people, though violently crowded, stood like wax-work ; and 
many wished the service had been longer. 

An affair which perplexed my mind, I find quite removed by 



MRS. FLETCHER. 



287 



prayer. I can do nothing but in that way. O my Lord, did 
ever a soul feel more of that word ; " Without me ye can do 
nothing ? But I wait for a revelation of Jesus Christ in my 
soul more full and strong than I ever had. 

June 10. — While I was this morning speaking to a back- 
slider, I had such a sight of " the narrow way," as greatly 
animated my soul. I see there is no way to keep life and com- 
munion with God, but by strictly adhering to the words of 
St. Paul : " I am determined to know nothing among you, but 
Jesus Christ and him crucified." There must be a shutting 
the door of the soul against any thing else; not only sin, 
but any care, or meddling with what we are not called to attend 
unto. 

August 1. — I feel my health decline. This very hot summer 
affects me exceedingly. My legs swell greatly, unless con- 
stantly bound with many yards of Hannel. I am very weak, 
and my breath very short : yet I am enabled to keep all my 
meetings both abroad and at home, and have found the Lord 
much with me all the summer in this respect. He gives me out 
strength for my day. Some remarkable providences have 
happened lately. I think them worth preserving. A short 
time since, a man and his wife, who lived near some of our good 
brethren, were by them oft invited to the preaching that has 
been lately established in that place ; but they turned it off, 
saying, they had something better to do. When the Bridge- 
north races came on, they were preparing to go. R. W. then 
reminded them of their plea against hearing the word, that 
" They must mind their work, and had something better to 
do." But the man said, they were determined to go, and have 
two good days there. In the first day he got so heated, that 
on the second he came home in a fever, and died the day follow- 
ing ! How little did he think, when setting off for the races, 
that he had not three days to live ! 

Another awful judgment was as follows : — A young man was 
working with Brother Williams in the Forge. He swore in a 
dreadful manner. Williams reproved him, urging the destruc- 
tion such a conduct would bring upon him. He turned all into 
ridicule, saying. He was a match for the Devil. Presently 



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after, he went to the ale-house and got drunk. He then got 
into a waggon which was going his way. As he sat on the side, 
he fell backwards, and was taken up dead ! O, the Httle day 
of life, how eminently precious ! 

August 14. — Nine years this day my dear love has been in 
glory ! But I have seen much of mercy in this time, and have 
learned more abmidantly to trust in the Lord. All convinces 
me, in a deeper and deeper manner, of that truth, All my ways 
are in his hand, and he directs my paths. Though my dear 
husband seems as dear to me as ever, yet I can praise the Lord 
for full resignation. Reflecting the other day on the manner I 
was affected at the awful season of his death, I could not but 
see in it cause of praise. Though his life or death was the 
closest thing under the heaven to me, yet each day and hour 
of that most solemn week, I could never once ask his life, 
without adding, — " Thy will. Thy will be done ! " 

August 22. — I grow very poorly in body. My tabernacle 
seems taking down. I feel an almost constant fever, with great 
confusion and dizziness in my head. I can scarcely do any 
business ; and the writing a letter seems to affect me strangely. 
In this state I have been some months, so that the least exer- 
tion wearies me, and gives me pain all over. Yet when the 
hour of meeting, whether of people or children, comes, I am 
enabled to get through the duty, and sometimes with uncom- 
mon power ! Glory be to God ! My nights also are very rest- 
less, yet I get some sleep, and am not in any violent pain. j\Iy 
Lord does all things well. 

Sept. 12. — This day if my dear husband had lived, he would 
have been sixty-five years old, and I am fifty-five. I have 
lived more than half a century. Lord, to what purpose ? I 
know the Lord is still graciously working in my soul. I feel a 
more constant going out after God. My spiritual senses seem 
more awake :— and yet I never found it harder to pray when on 
my knees ! The resistance of "principalities and powers I have 
been made particularly acquainted with. Indeed it is a narrow 
way. With regard to outward things, I see nothing but mercy, 
— miracles of mercy ! Every thing appears so in the hand of 
God as I cannot express. Even the smallest occurrence in my 



MRS. FLETCHER. 



289 



affairs seems directed of God! I wished, or rather thought, 
if the room could be enlarged, it would be a blessing. And 
now, on account of the Church being taken down, the Wardens, 
in order to accommodate the parish, are enlarging it, for the 
Sunday service to be there. By this means, the meeting will 
be enlarged, without any expense to me.* 

Sept. 30. — I found this morning, while at prayer with the 
family, and with the work-people who were taking up the 
potatoes, that the Lord was present. I felt him so. At the 
time of morning-prayer in private, I had also an unusual liberty. 
I then had a foreign letter to write, in which I sensibly felt 
the help of my gracious Lord. He rendered some things easy 
which were in themselves difficult. " O Jesus, thou art made 
unto us wisdom ! " It appears to me, and experience confirms 
it, that it is peculiarly pleasing to the Lord, that we should 
look up to Him for help in the least things as freely as the 
greatest. He who " numbers every hair," will lead us as a 
child is led by its mother, and carried in her arms over every 
difficult path. 

Dec. 5. — My soul has been much drawn out lately, to ask a 
close walk with God ; more brokenness of heart, and a clearer 
sight of my utter helplessness. I have found this week, that 
several souls have been blest. I seem the only dry fleece. The 
Lord has been pleased that I should suffer some humiliations, 
which always do me good ; yet he is much with me in speaking 
in his name. This morning, as we were rising, Sally told me 
what a sweet dream she had in the night. She thought she 
was meeting the people, and while at prayer, she was so over- 
whelmed with the power of God, and had such a sense of the 
Divine Trinity, entering into, and purifying her soul, that she 
said in her heart. This is "the baptism of the Spirit," which hath 
purified my heart from all sin ! And such a light shone in her 
soul, as seemed to bear a clear witness thereto. She thought, 
I will tell the people, that they may glorify God. Immediately 

* Henry the Fourth of France used to say to his great and faithful Minister, 
Sully, mind my business, and I will mind yours." Ed. 

T 



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it was suggested, No ; stay till you have got through the trials 
which are before you. She answered, No : I will glorify him 
now : and in earnestly pressing the people to seek the same 
liberty, she awoke. I can never enough bless and praise the 
Lord for the great favour he hath done me in this dear young 
woman. She is niece to my honoured friend, Mrs. Ryan; and 
truly she partakes of her spirit, and her whole soul seems to be 
engaged in the work. This has been a day of recollection. I 
felt my want, and followed after God; and, I think, have 
found in some sense, " each thought brought into subjection 
unto Christ." 

Dec. 24 — Many mercies have I seen of late. Some circum- 
stances of expense occurred, and immediately some increase of 
necessitous objects followed. I felt this to be a weight. When 
Sally, or myself, visited the poor, and beheld great straits, we 
were sometimes constrained to withhold help, because my calcu- 
lation would not allow it, though I had cut off what expense I 
could, according to my best light. This I therefore laid before 
the Lord, and felt thoroughly content, either to help or not, 
as should be most for his glory. In a few days I received a 
letter from my brother, with a proposal so to dispose of a part 
of my money, as was likely to raise me several additional pounds 
this year. One called also, and promised the payment of five 
guineas, which I had quite given up for lost. In a variety of 
little incidents, I have discerned such a guiding hand of Pro- 
vidence, as hourly confirms the truth of that word ; " The 
hairs of your head are all numbered." 

April 7j 179^' — Grlory be to God ! He hath been work- 
ing on some souls of late ; and I see a spirit of mighty prayer 
poured on one in particular. Yet it seems as if Satan was 
striving to bring hinderances among us. Some things, I fear, 
will cause offence ; in particular this child, whom the Lord 
hath certainly blessed in a wonderful manner. Lord, keep out 
all wrong spirits, I beseech thee ! I know the wisdom of man 
cannot comprehend thy work ; but let no real enthusiasm 
enter! Keep us steady and firm, resting only on the sure 
foundation. 



MRS, FLETCHER. ^ 291 

Some days ago I called on Mrs. Yate.* — We had a close 
and comfortable conversation. She told me she had for some 
months had a very sweet and solid rest ; and all her words in 
the class had expressed the same. She had be^ long very 
poorly, but she had strove to bear up under it without com- 
plaint. She now felt her strength fail, and had an almost con- 
tinual pain in her right side. Her peace, however, continued, 
and she could leave all to the Lord. She further observed, — 
That she had for some time found such a full sense of the all- 
sufficiency of God, as she could not express. Shortly after, as 
she was one night lying awake, she felt a powerful application 
of that word, "Cast thy burden on the Lord, and he will sus- 
tain thee.'"* In a day or two more she was confined to her bed, 
the fever strong, the pain in her side severe, and oft forced to 
rise in the bed to breathe. In this situation she has been 
several nights ; and this morning she has been confirming to me 
what she had already observed. That the Lord kept her every 
moment. ' I have (said she) never found a shadow of impa- 
tience. I can neither eat nor sleep, but I have no desire for 
either. My strength goes fast, but I feel myself perfectly 
content with all the Lord's dispensations. I used to feel great 
fear of death, but I have not any of it now ; and the thought 
of leaving my children, whom I so much desire to bring up 
for the Lord, used to fill me with much pain. But I feel 
strangely free, and can with confidence put them in the Lord's 
hand, and leave them there ! ' Her words were to me refreshing 
and animating. I can bear witness what a pattern of tender 
conscience and meek submission she has been. — She is now 
better, and I trust will be spared to us a little longer. 

May 22. — I had a sweet lesson from the Lord this morning. 
I was inquiring why I did not hold the blessing of sanctifica- 
tion more steadily? — and it seemed that the Lord answered 
me, — That it was because I forgot the observation I have so 
often made to the people, of the rattle-snake and the squirrel. 

* Mrs. Yate was daughter of the late Nathaniel Gilbert, Esq., Speaker of 
the House of Assembly iu the Island of Antigua. He was an intimate friend 
of Mr. Wesley, and the first Preacher of the Gospel to tlic Negroes in the 
West Indies. He " end'.ned that cross, despising the shame." Ed. 

T 2 



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She looks at the rattle-snake, till through fear she drops into 
his mouth.* So when my soul is striving to abide in Jesus, 
under some peculiar trials, a temptation to discouragement 
presents itself ; I look at it, and grow discouraged. Instead 
of that, I ought to " reckon myself dead unto sin, and alive 
unto righteousness." In so doing I should "resist the Devil, 
who would soon flee from me." Also, I clearly saw, that I 
should watch in conversation, and never contradict, unless for 
conscience' sake; remembering that command, "Let your 
gentleness be known unto all men;" as carrying that conscious- 
ness, " The Lord is at hand." 

June 24. — Glory be to God ! I have experienced many 
very particular answers to prayer of late. For some time past 
I saw it the call of God that I should go out every Sunday to 
the Wood and the Dale alternately, for a time. I feared the 
heat of the houses, but the Lord took care for that. If the 
weather was ever so hot in the week, it was always cool on the 
sabbath. Blessed be the Lord, he was with us of a truth, 
and I experienced both inward and outward help beyond my 
expectation. 

August 14. — Ten years this day I have been a widow. Last 
night I found liberty in pleading with the Lord for the fulfil- 
ment of my dear Love's last prayer, " Head of the Church, be 
Head to my Wife ; " and this day I have been renewing my co- 
venant with the Lord, to be wholly at his disposal : To aban- 
don my whole self, body, soul, and spirit, with every concern, 
for time and eternity, into his hand. Often have I done this, 
but on this day I peculiarly love to renew the solemn dedica- 
tion. I have found a deeper view than ever into the sinftJness 
of sin, — I mean, what an aggravated burden my sins added to 
the sufferings of my Redeemer ! Those words, " Ye are not 
your own, ye are bought with a price," were impressed on my 
mind. Then I thought on that word also, " They to whom 
much is forgiven shall love much : " and I had some power to 
claim that abundant love my spirit so pants after. But I dis- 
cerned so many blemishes in all I have ever done, said, or 

* The illustration is good, whatever becomes of the fact. Ed. 



!mRS. FLETCHER. 



2&3 



thought, that 1 was forced to look to my great Sacrifice. 
There I could see infinite perfection. " It pleased the Father 
that in him should all fulness dwell." Casting my eyes on the 
Bible open before me, it presented the cure of Naaman. I was 
led from that to consider, how easy it was with the Lord to 
perform as perfect a cure on my soul, as on Naaman's body! 

Sept. 12. — Had a good time this morning in prayer. After- 
wards in reading the account of Prudence Williams, (Maga- 
zine, vol. xii.,) I was much struck to think how the power of 
Ood was seen in her great salvation. In the bloom of youth, 
a good husband, whom she had been happy with for one year, 
a fine boy likely to live, affectionate relations, every thing to 
hold her here; — and yet with what noble freedom did she 
leave " all,"" preferring her heavenly Beloved to every earthly 
joy ! It brought to my mind a word given me the other day 
in prayer : " The glory of the Lord shaU arise upon them, 
and his glory shall be seen upon them."" This day I am fifty- 
six. O Lord, how little of thy glory has been yet seen upon 
me ! O let my remaining life be spent to thy praise ! 

Sept. 21. — We began the Monday meetings again this morn- 
ing, which had been stopped a few weeks on account of the 
women being in the harvest. Blessed be God, they have not 
lost as much as I feared they would. In this the Lord hath 
heard prayer indeed. B. T. spoke sweetly: her words animated 
my soul. — And B. B. observed, in a very lively manner, what a 
difference she found between this and former harvests, and 
plainly described the fruit of the new creature. She was 
astonished to think what unthankfulness she used to feel. But 
said she, every bit I picked up this year, seemed so to come 
from the Lord ! and her heart overflowed with praise and 
thanksgiving. Poor Jane also gave good proof of a mighty 
change, though a few months ago an open sinner ! 

Oct. 8. — The Lord has been in a very particular way showing 
me the depth of iniquity which hath been in all my life.* O 

* What a mystery is this unveiling of the human heart to the self-satisfied, 
self-righteous world I When God discovers to his children, (for to none else can 
it be discovered,) " by his holy law written in their hearts," not only the iniquity 
that is manifest there, but all that their hearts are capable of; — this is a scene 



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what a scene ! the heights of folly, and the depths of selfishness I 
What did my Jesus bear for me ! Yes, he hath borne it all. 
He hath made a full and perfect sacrifice for me ! I can come 
to him as my full atonement. But I cannot bring him that 
glory I would, without a fuller change. I seem to have a hold 
of God more firm and steadfast, and a great expectation from his 
mere mercy. He hath done the work indeed for me, and I 
believe He will do it in me. So I shall become the "little child," 
to whom it is the " Father's good pleasure to give the King- 
dom.*"' 

Last night oui tickets were renewed. It was a very solemn 
time. We had four new members. Mr. Baldwin preached on, 
— "Are there few that be saved ? He showed how, out of a 
company of professors, few might be truly in the "narrow way."*' 
— That it called for the full exertion of all our powers, that we 
may "enter in at the strait gate." I found it a very sweet 
season. Afterwards, while he met the men's class, Mrs. Walter 
and I had a comfortable conversation on holiness ; and as I was 
speaking to her, O how did I see all depended on having the 
mind stayed on Jesus ! That our one business is to look at Him, 
our complete Saviour. 

Nov. 10. Tuesday. — I awaked this morning with these 
words : — 

" To keep your armour bright. 
Attend with constant care ; 
For ever walking in his sight. 
And watching unto prayer." 

At my time of prayer, I found a cry in my soul that I might 
do so. When pleading for the people and the work, that it might 
be carried on in any way the Lord sees good, I felt my mind 
divested of any choice. Some shghting things had been said of 
late by one, with whom I have taken much pains, as if he could 
now do far better than his teachers ! I brought this to the Lord; 

iadeed ! Let those to whom these discoveries are made take heed that " their 
faith fail not." " The blood of the covenant," and " the great and precious 
promises," will fully reach their case. This discovery is a needful preparation, 
in order to their being cleansed by faith from all uurightcousncss." Ed. 



MRS. FLETCHER. 



295 



and felt my soul quite willing to be hid and covered in all He 
called me to, or blessed me in ; and my heart sprang with joy 
at the idea of his Spirit being poured out through any channel. 
As I was thus hiding myself in Jesus, and enjoying the slight- 
ing things thrown out, on what I think a sweet revival which we 
have had of late, I felt what I know not how to describe. I saw 
myself as espoused to Jesus my husband, and consequently one 
interest with him. Before I was aware, I cried out, If Thou 
art glorified, I am glorified ! Struck at my own words, I stopped. 
When it came to me with much power, " They that are joined 
to the Lord are one spirit."" It also followed, they that partake 
of my humiliations shall partake of my glory. O how willing 
did my spirit feel to wait for that day ! and such a sight was 
opened before me of the great blessing of being nothing in the 
eyes of man, as I can better feel than write. 

Last night at the meeting we had a great congregation, and, 
blessed be God, I felt liberty. Two more notes of thanksgiving 
were presented for spiritual blessings received. When I came 
out, a person desired to speak with me. She gave me a blessed 
account how the Lord had given her the full assurance of peace 
and pardon ! and M. D., who came in with her, appears to be 
sinking much deeper into God. Glory be to his holy name ! 
Many of late are thus brought in, and several are either seeking 
the great blessing, or do " love the Lord with all their heart." 

Nov. 12. — A solemn sense of the mercies received in these 
last fourteen years, has deeply sunk into my soul. How different 
was my state this day fourteen years, when I first became a 
wife ! How tossed was my mind with a thousand fears, not yet 
fully knowing the "Angel of the Church" to whom I was joined; 
and also encumbered with various difficulties. But now this 
night there is not one clog left ! What a marvellous change ! — 
My dear Love's blessing does rest upon me ! The Head of the 
Church is indeed my head; and mercy, with overflowing good- 
ness, does follow me all the day long. And with respect to the 
work : O my God ! Thou didst not call us to have children ac- 
cording to the flesh ; but what an accomplishment do I see of 
those words, "Thy sons shall come from afar, and thy daughters 



296 



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shall be nursed at thy side.'' Yes, I see them coming on every 
hand ; 

" Better than daughters or than sons. 
Temples divine of living stones, 
Inscrib'd with Jesu's name ! " 

According to my usual custom on my wedding-day, I have 
been renewing my covenant to be all the Lord's ; and beseech- 
ing him to possess every thought, and to reveal himself more 
abundantly to my soul. May I from this moment be all activity 
in following hard after God ! I am filled with blessings ! O 
that I may be filled with the spirit of praise ! 

Dec. 21, Monday. — Yesterday was a fatiguing day to the 
flesh, but I trust the Lord was glorified among us. In the 
morning I awoke about two, and being afraid to lose the early 
opportunities, I could hardly sleep afterwards. Between four 
and five I rose, but was so poorly, I could but think and offer 
up my soul in prayer. At the nine o'clock meeting I found the 
Lord was with us. At half after ten, (as Mr. Walter was from 
home,) I had to meet the congregation. For an hour and three 
quarters I felt much freedom, and some life in speaking, singing, 
and prayer. In the other meeting (when Sally had taken that 
of the two o'clock, in which she had a great company and much 
of the power of God) I spoke to about twenty young beginners ; 
and, blessed be the Lord, they come forward. A company at 
tea, and a private meeting in the evening, seemed to break me 
down. Between six and seven I retired, and for an hour and a 
half my soul was refreshed by being enabled to look, by faith, 
to my adorable Surety, now " at the right hand of the Majesty 
on high," fully set free from all my sins, wherewith he had 
charged himself. I saw him " delivered to death for my trans- 
gressions, and raised again for my justification." I had a sweet 
view, how the believer, though weak and feeble, continued thus 
free. The Saviour "bears the iniquity of our holy things." 
How true, how sweet, is that word ; " If thou canst believe, all 
things are possible I " Yes, he hath said, " He that cometh unto 
me, I will in no wise cast out." My soul rested on his satisfac- 
tion with peaceful enjoyment ; and I fed on those words of the 



MRS. FLETCHER. 



297 



Prophet, "And he shall build the temple of the Lord.'' Yes, I 
depend on thee, " my Priest, my Atonement, my Intercessor;" 
I depend on thee alone to make my soul and body " the living 
temple of the Holy Ghost.*" 

Jan. 5, 1796. — This year has begun with a solemn sense of 
eternity on my soul. On the first day we had the covenant with 
peculiar solemnity, and many were blessed. On the third, Mr. 
Walter preached in my room, on, "Cut it down, why cumbereth 
it the ground ? " It was a precious time. 

Jan. 5. — This day I have been fourteen years in Madeley. 
It seems but as yesterday. What crucifying scenes have I 
passed through ! Yet not one too much. No, my adorable Lord, 
" Thou hast done all things well ! " 

April 27. — Reading a little diary of dear Mrs. Yate, has been 
as marrow and fatness to my soul. It searched me deeply. O 
how much earnest agonizing do I discern in her soul ! And yet 
she is ever complaining of sloth. O, my Lord, what am I ? Yet 
I feel the Lord does keep me more steadily looking to himself. 
But I do not get into the full rest I want, every moment feeling 
an all-sufficient God. 

May 11. Tuesday, — These words were powerful : " They 
that wait on the Lord shall renew their strength." But I did 
not continue on my diligent watch. Some useless thoughts crept 
in ; and though I have been striving most of the day, I seem 
as if I could not feed as I did yesterday. O Lord, heal me I 
Thou knowest my unfaithfulness, and thou alone canst make 
me what thou wouldest have me to be. A circumstance occurred 
yesterday, which I found good. One who came to me told me 
some things that had been said, which to nature would be 
grating, and once would have been a great trial. But I found 
power to embrace the humiliation, and could share with joy His 
lot, who was " counted a worm and no man, the scorn of men, 
and the reproach of people." 

Considering my various complaints, I see death not far off; 
and it seems my business, and one concern, to bend all my 
thoughts that way. O, to " awake up after His likeness!" Lord, 
get thyself glory on me ! I pant to be all like thee ! 

June 10. — Last night for some hours I could not sleep, having 



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much fever. But I found it a good time of pleading with the 
Lord, that he would glorify himself on me. I pleaded that 
blessed word ; They who have much forgiven, shall love much."*' 

Dec. 31. — Another year is almost at an end. How is my soul ? 
Lord, what have I gained this year ? I feel more liberty in 
prayer, more hunger and thirst after God ! yet only in a small 
advance to what I would be. I feel an unspeakable nearness to 
eternity, and a deep sense of its importance. O that I may live 
to God as I have never yet done ! This morning, pleading that 
word ; " Whatsoever ye ask in my name, I will do it," I felt my 
confidence increase, and can firmly rely on the word of the Lord. 
I did, and do now, ask such a state of soul as will most glorify 
my Lord. I ask to " dwell in love.'' It appears to me there 
can be no witness equal to this. When I dwell, constantly dwell, 
in the element of love, there can be no room for doubt. But 
my hinderance from entering fully into this state, is the want 
of looking every moment to Jesus. I am sensible I should grow 
fast if I unremittingly kept my eye fixed on Him. But since 
I have more ardently desired it, it seems as if all Hell opposed 
it,* and, as it were, forced away my mind, or brought back 
clouds between me and my views of heaven. Yet will I per- 
severe ; yea, I will hang upon thy word, beheving the cloudless 
day shall come. 

Jan. 4, 1797- — Much comfort I have had in meeting the 
Tuesday class in the morning. They almost every one seem to 
have renewed their vigour with the new year. O, how did they 
praise God, saying, they had never known such a Christmas ! — 
Several of these were, a few months since, strong in the Devil's 
service. They are now rejoicing in the Lord ! But poor C. D., 
nothing could comfort him. He seemed locked up in dark 
despair, till at the covenant on Sunday night the Lord set him 
at liberty. On Tuesday night, while he was speaking, how did 
my heart leap for joy ! O what an answer to prayer ! On 
Wednesday morning the meeting was also very lively, and 
several seem to have begun the new year in the most solemn 

* The Devil knows it is the very thing that will overcome him. It is this alone 
that will deliver us from that worldly spirit, which is the element in which he 
works. Every thing is little compared to this faith. Ed. 



MRS. FLETCHER. 



299 



spirit of prayer. How many of these likewise were, a few months 
ago, dark sinners ! O Lord, we hope to see more and more of 
thy power among us. 

March 20. — " Gracious is the Lord, and merciful." O, how 
much of his faithfulness have I seen of late ! More and more 
do I discover how he orders all for us. Some affairs of late have 
threatened distress to the nation, and loss to me. But the tender 
care and wise disposal of the Lord was so set before me, that I 
was enabled to praise him as I could not have done had not these 
things occurred. And he made me to know in the end, that he 
does indeed make " a hedge about me," and all concerning me. 
O what a treasure do I see in these words ; — " I will be your 
God, and you shall be my sons and daughters, saith the Lord 
Almighty ! " 

April 1. — For some days my soul has been keenly tried by 
an accusation of the enemy, on account of a former transaction,^ 
in which it was represented I had injured my neighbour. I 
cried to the Lord to make it plain if it were so, for He knew it 
would be the very joy of my heart to make amends. Yet I had 
reason to think it was a snare of Satan, because when my soul 
was most drawn out in prayer, it came as a fiery dart, that I 
must first inquire into, and set that matter right, before I could 
expect a blessing ;- — though it was not possible at that time to 
do any thing. And so it proved. But it seemed whenever the 
accusation came, immediately some word of the Lord, or some 
plain answer, presented itself to my mind. During this trial, 
which was very painful, O what a view I had of my state by 
nature ! What depths of pride, folly, and all kinds of evil, were 
apparent from my infancy. I cannot express what I saw and 
felt ; but I carried it all to the Lord ; and every view, as it 
cam.e before me, seemed to have the effect of driving me more 
to the bosom of my God. 

April 8. — After the trial already mentioned, I have found a 
stronger faith, and more firm reliance on the Lord Jesus ; and 
one day, reading that passage in Job xxii., which has so often 
been applied with power to my heart, I felt it more than ever 
so ; and looking to some of the marginal references in the great 
Bible, a sweet light shone into my soul. Meditating on that 



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verse ; Then shalt thou have thy delight in the Almighty, and 
shalt lift up thy face unto God, — I turned to the references. 
(Job xi. 15.) "For then shalt thou lift up thy face without spot, 
yea, thou shalt be steadfast, and shalt not fear ; because thou 
shalt forget thy misery, and remember it as waters that pass 
away, and thine age shall be clearer than the noon-day. Thou 
shalt shine forth, thou shalt be as the morning ; and thou shalt 
be secure, because there is hope. Yea, thou shalt dig about 
thee, and thou shalt take thy rest in safety. Also thou shalt 
lie down, and none shall make thee afraid. Yea, many shall 
make suit unto thee." In how many particulars is this already 
accomplished ! But that word, " Thine age shall be clearer 
than noon-day," in the margin, " shall arise above the noon," 
was powerfiilly applied ; which gave me to discern a prospect, 
that my old age shall be favoured with a far closer communion 
than my noon was. O my Lord, I see the dawn ; but I wait 
for " the Sun of Righteousness " fully to " arise on my soul." 

April 18. — Mrs. Walter's death has been much blessed to me. 
Had I such sufferings to go through, O my God ! I could not 
bring glory to thy cause by patience as she did, unless thou 
gavest me a fuller change. From the first of her coming to 
Madeley, I observed in her an earnest upright desire of living to 
God. As soon as she knew of our private meetings, she inquired 
into the nature of them, and begged to be admitted as a member; 
ever showing by her whole carriage that the language of her 
heart was, — 

" Number'd with them may I be 
Here, and in eternity." 

She had experienced the pardoning love of God before she came 
into Shropshire, in a very clear manner; and often felt a wish, her 
lot might be cast among some people who walked closer with 
God than any she had yet seen. And when her husband became 
Curate of this parish, she felt a strong impression that her prayer 
was about to be answered. She loved her children tenderly, and 
was exemplary in her care both of them and of her household. 
She had many conflicts with the evil of her heart ; yet often telling 
me what sweet returns she felt in private prayer : in the practice 



MRS. FLETCHER. 



301 



of which duty she was truly vigilant. She longed for the day 
when she should find those words verified in her soul : 

No anger may'st thou ever find. 
No pride, in my unruffled mind ; 
But love, and heaven-born peace be there." 

For some weeks, when near the hour of nature's sorrow, she was 
most sweetly carried on ; often declaring she could feel no fear ; 
for the Lord poured in his precious promises, and so filled her 
with his consolations, as to keep her mind in perfect peace ; as- 
sured from his own mouth, He " would make all her bed in 
her sickness." 

On Saturday, March 4, she was seized with a violent shiver- 
ing. Then " the enemy came in as a flood," with that thought. 
That she must die and leave her dear children. This conflict 
was severe; but she was enabled, as a true daughter of Abraham, 
to overcome. From this season her will appeared to be entirely 
lost in that of God. The next day she was delivered of a child ; 
which died the same night ; and soon after she proved to be in 
a strong fever. Her sufferings were great and long ; as she lived 
to the twenty-first day after her seizure. But she was a pattern 
of patience and thankfulness. What adds to both her and our 
trial was, the inflammation lay so on her lungs that we could 
scarce understand any thing she said. But in this trial also 
she showed no impatience ; and when a blister was brought for 
her back, (by which she had formerly suffered much,) she looked 
on it some moments, and said. My dear Saviour " gave his back 
to the smiters," and so will I. She constantly declared the 
Lord was with her ! and one day, when my Sally reminded her 
of that promise. That " the Lord would make all her bed in 
her sickness," she answered, " He doth ! he doth ! " On the 
Tuesday she told me, with tears of love and praise, how very 
sweet those words had been to her : 

" All thine afflictions my glory shall raise. 
And the deeper thy sorrows, the louder thy praise ! " 

Twice she had a sweet view of the invisible world, and the at- 
tendance of many of the heavenly hosts. Of this she would no 



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doubt have told us much, but we could understand but little of 
her speech. One time, as she was saying, " Hard work, hard 
work,". — Mrs. Purton (who was almost constantly with her) 
said. What is hard work ? She replied, " To leave the dear 
children. But the Lord says, ' Leave thy children to me, I 
will preserve them ! ' " Inquiring one day how she found her 
mind ; her answer was, " I have no will ; it seems all lost in 
God. — If he were to give me my choice, I do not know whether 
to choose life or death. But if the Lord should raise me, I am 
determined to live more to God than ever ; and, above all, to be 
more faithful in private prayer." The last night Mrs. Yate 
said. Is your mind as calm as ever ? She replied, " Quite so." 
And is Jesus as preciously present as he hath been all along ? 
Her answer was, "More so than ever." On Friday, March 24, 
1797? she appeared to be just going, about eleven o'clock; breath- 
ing very hard, as she had done some hours. We went to prayer, 
and found the Lord very present : after which, as I was looking 
on her, I repeated, 

" A convoy attends, — 
A ministering host of invisible friends ! 

Ready wing'd for their flight, 

To the regions of light. 
The horses are come ; 

The chariot of Israel, to carry thee home ! " 

And in a few moments her happy spirit left this vale of tears, 
to mingle with the blaze of day ! She was in her thirty-third 
year. Her disorder was such as called for a very uncommon 
degree of attention and care. And O, how did we see the faith- 
fulness of God! Such friends were raised, and such helps given 
in the hour of need, as made us say in truth, " He counts our 
every hair ! " My Sally was enabled to be a great comfort to 
her ; and oft did she express it. One day, looking earnestly on 
me, she said, " I have a deal to tell you, but I cannot speak it." 
When we meet above, she will perhaps tell me of some glorious 
views and divine consolations wherewith she was favoured, 
though she could not utter them here. 

June 8. — My faith seems increasing. I have clearer views of 
the fulness of the Saviour, and of the unbounded privilege of 



MRS. FLETCHER. 



303 



believing. Many have observed, " You have what you believe 
for ; and some have made a bad use of that privilege, not under- 
standing what it is truly to believe." But it is still a great truth, 
"Whatsoever ye ask in prayer, believing, you receive. God 
speaks of the things that are not, as though they were." So 
does faith. It sees the blessing of sanctification, and takes hold 
of the promise, and cries, — " Through Christ it is mine ! " I 
am not in full possession ; yet, like a man that has an estate left 
him, he claims it as his own ; and though opposed, struggles to 
get into the possession, and does not quit his claim, though often 
repulsed by him who unlawfully pretends to the right. The 
believing soul says, — It is the will of God that I should feel evil 
no more, — that is, I should no more let it in, however tempted. 
It is His will I should always conquer. My Lord tells me in 
His word, " This is the victory by which we overcome, even 
our faith." I must therefore use my weak faith, that it may 
grow stronger, which it certainly does by use. I must hold fast 
that strong rock. First, " Jesus hath borne all my sins in his 
own body on the tree ; " therefore they are atoned for, and the 
atonement is mine by believing. Secondly, " Christ is made 
unto me of the Father, sanctification." He hath by his one 
offering perfected the whole work, needful for the purification of 
the heart ; and this is mine also by believing. He hath received 
the Holy Spirit, to pour it out on His Church, — therefore it is 
mine, as far as I can believe, and so unite my soul by faith to 
God. Abiding in him, I am so far sanctified ; and by the ex- 
ercise of this hope, the soul is said (by St. John) " to purify 
itself, even as God is pure." Not in degree, but in becoming 
of one nature. The light of the candle is fire, as really as the 
sun. So it may be said, that little flame is as the sun ; both 
are of one nature. The promise of the baptism of the Spirit 
is to me. I claim it. Yea, and my dear Lord hath told me, 
" Thou shalt walk with me in white. I will thoroughly purge 
away thy dross, and take away all thy tin." I believe it is His 
will to do it this moment ; but the way He hath appointed is 
faith : that is the appointed channel. " By grace ye are saved, 
through faith." Now as far as faith can lay hold, I have it, and 
no farther. This is " the secret of the Lord, which is with those 



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that fear Him." They turn to Jesus, and find all in him. It 
is impossible to stand one moment in any state, but by union 
with the Saviour, as the Lord says, by Isaiah, " Without me 
ye shall bow down among the prisoners ; " and the Saviour, 
" Without me ye can do nothing." 

As I was at prayer this morning, my spirit was dissipated, 
and could not get near to the Lord.* While I waited before 
Him, I felt those words applied ; " To be spiritually minded is 
life and peace." I discerned such a light in the words as I 
never did before. One of my greatest conflicts has been with 
idle thoughts, about doing that good which is not in my power. 
I remember an observation greatly blessed to me on this head, 
by a good man now in eternity: — "Thoughts are of two kinds, 
— either the reptile, or the winged kind. Either they crawl 
on earth, as the reptile, or rise to heaven as on wings." This 
idea has been often blessed to me. But this morning I had 
such a clear view into the blessing of keeping the mind oc- 
cupied on spiritual things as encouraged me much. I now feel 
the power of it ; "to be spiritually-minded is life and peace." 

Nov. 6. — Blessed be the Lord, I feel him at work in my 
soul. He hath brought me into a narrow path ; and I find 
His faithful Spirit reproves me many times a day. O the need 
I feel of watchfulness ! I have prayed many times for a tender 
conscience, quick as the apple of an eye ; and in a measure I 
feel it so. But I want so to put on the Lord Jesus, that my 
God "may look and love his image there." I feel a sweet love 
to, and rest in, the will of God ; even in those things which 
come nearest to my heart. But there is a close communion, — 
an intercourse, which I have not. Lord, take away whatever 
stands between ! 

An observation of a spiritual writer was last night very pro- 
fitable to me. He says, " The soul who would come to the 
Lord, and be filled with the Holy Ghost, must begin by be- 
lieving in Christ as Mediator. But he must force himself to 
that which is good, however his heart may be set against it. 
He should force himself to take insults and humiliations for 

* How little the most edifying reasons avail when faith is not in excr* 
cise. Ed. 



MRS. FLETCHER. 



305 



the Lord's sake as with joy ; and to exert a liberty in prayer, 
speaking to the Lord as if he had it. Above all, let him force 
himself to an assurance of the favour of God ; * and shortly 
the Spirit of God will come upon him, and enable him to do 
all those things freely, from a pure nature within, which now he 
does by force. But never let him quit his hope, for then sin 
gains ground. But while a man retains his hope in God, sin dies 
away." I felt a sweet power all the time of my reading ; and 
that word, That we should force ourselves to assurance in 
God's love, was life to my soul. It is always a blessing to me 
when I resist discouragements to faith. 

Dec. 19. — This is the day set apart for a national thanks- 
giving, on account of the victory gained at sea -over our enemies. 
Blessed be the Lord, he hath hitherto preserved us. But 
clouds yet hang over our heads. Lord, teach our Senators 
wisdom ! Bless our good King, and guide him in every thing, 
that he may take such measures as shall tend to unite the hearts 
of his subjects ! 

We have had several deaths lately round about us. Some 
of them our own people. That blessed woman, Mary Barnard, 
is one. She died very happy, declaring to the last, that the 
covenant was signed and sealed with her Lord, and she was his 
by a marriage-bond. She set to her seal, that the blood of 
Jesus Christ had cleansed her from all sin." She had known 
the pure love of God many years. Another was our neighbour, 
W. Weston, who endured a long and heavy affliction with 
much patience. Sally often visited him, it being too far for me. 
The night before he died, she was with him ; on her return she 
gave me the following account : " My soul did praise the Lord 
to hear him declare the love of Jesus, — Saying, ' O he is pre- 
cious to my soul ! ' On my asking him, Hath the Lord often 
visited you since I was with you last ? He answered, * Yes ; 
many, many times. God hath heard prayer for me indeed, 
and now I long to die.' We seemed to enjoy a little heaven 
together, while conversing of many of our dear friends now in 
glory, ready to welcome him there. I reminded him of the 

* That is, he should resolutely believe, that the general declarations of good 
will, made by the Lord to the human race, belong to him. Ed. 

u 



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observation which my dear master made in one of his letters 
from abroad, — That perhaps he might (if he should not live to 
return to England) be permitted to accompany the ministering 
angels, who should be sent to convey the spirits of his dear 
parishioners into glory ! He seemed to delight in the thought ! 
I observed. You are going now, and I trust by the grace of 
God, I shall be enabled to fight my passage through, and then 
we shall meet on Sion's happy shore, there to praise our dear 
Lord together. Smiling, he answered, ' We shall, we shall/ 
I read those two hymns, — ' Come, let us join our friends above, 
who have obtained the prize ; ' and, ' How happy every child 
of grace, who knows his sins forgiven." After conversing some 
time, I repeated those lines : 

' For you is prepar'd, the angelical guard ; 

A convoy attends, — 
A ministering host of invisible friends ! 

Ready wing'd for their flight. 

To the regions of light. 
The horses are come. 

The chariot of Israel, to carry you home.' 

He stretched out both his arms, looking upwards, as with eager 
desire, and cried, — ' O, I am longing for that convoy to come 
for me ! ' I took my leave of him, saying, I shall see you no 
more here ; but it will not be long before we meet above. And 
I pray the Lord may be with you in the dark valley, and 
sweetly support you with his presence. He caught hold of my 
hand, and said, ' Farewell ! God bless you for ever, and dear 
Mrs. Fletcher. Tell her, I thank her for all her kindness to 
me; but above all, for the prayers she hath offered for me. 
They have done m^ much good, more good than my own. 
May God bless her, and bless you both for ever ! '' Some 
others also, the Lord hath taken to his bosom, and among them 
one out of my little household. — Poor dear Martha Clark, who 
had lived with me eight years, being ill, left me last August 
to try if her native air would restore her. One letter I received 
from her. In it, she said her mind was in peace, stayed on the 
Lord. Not long after she dreamed she had returned, and that 
on opening our back door, she saw the Lord Jesus all in white ; 



MRS. FLETCHER. 



307 



who told her, he had brought the chariot for her. In the morn- 
ing, she said to her brother, she should die soon, for the chariot 
of Israel was come for her. And so she did on October the 
sixteenth ; I believe suddenly. She often repeated that verse 
of the hymn : " For you is prepared, the angelical guard," &c. 
And frequently would be saying, "When will the chariot come 
for me ? " How solemn is the thought ! — My family is partly 
in paradise, and partly on earth. On earth I have none but 
my dear child Sally ; but above I have many. Blessed be God 
for that word : — " We shall be gathered to our people." Martha 
Clark was one who so walked as truly to adorn the Gospel. 
While in my house, I do not know there was ever one thing I 
wished her to put away, or to do, but she immediately complied 
therewith. In nothing was she worldly-minded ; but often was 
ready to refuse any little addition to her wages, when I saw it 
right to give it to her. She was in many respects truly a pat- 
tern of sobriety of mind, and of a quiet spirit. 

Jan. 4, 1798. — At the watch-night, held the last evening 
of the year, I was sensible of a deepening of the conviction 
which I had for some days felt, of the littleness of my grace. 
In this spirit I begun this new year. I do certainly feel God 
hath done me good in the last ; but I see, as I never did, the 
need of a far deeper work, a faith at all times lively and vigor- 
ous. I have not such a perfect conquest over my thoughts as 
I must have to cause a continual sense of the Almighty. I 
am not always faithful in resisting, if the thought does not 
appear to be evil. Since the first day of this year, I have 
found more power to watch : Lord, stand by me ! Some ob- 
serving to me, they could not find as much profit from my 
words and prayers, as they did from Sally's, and wondering at 
it,* — I thought, it is no wonder ; for I have not such a degree 
of the Spirit as she has. But I will bless thee, O Lord, that 
I am permitted to make her way; and will with pleasure do 
more of the little things of the house, that she may have more 
leisure to carry thy truth about among souls. She is a faithful 

* They are not to be commended who spoke thus ; nor was Mrs. Fletcher's 
consequent re^solution, though admirable, wholly without danger to the young 
woman. £u. 

V 2 



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follower of the Lamb, and though she has been my orphan to 
bring up, I now desire to tread in her steps. 

Sept. 12. — Fifty-nine years this day I have seen the light of 
this world ; but never did I see eternal things more important 
than at this hour. I am led to live one moment at a time, offer- 
ing up my whole self to the will of God, to be purified by his 
divine influence ; — to be just what he wovdd have me to be. 
Lord, get thyself glory on my soul. I had some humbling 
thoughts concerning my dear husband. — How much more com- 
fort I might have yielded him, oft presses hard on my mind. 

0 " I have much forgiven, let me love much ! " 

Some years ago I was much struck with that observation of 
Mr. Bridges: — "Where God designs to confer a great blessing, 
he frequently puts a sentence of death on the means that seem 
to lead thereto ; as in the case of Abraham and Sarah." I am 
sure it has been so with me in various instances. At twenty- 
four I had a plentiful fortune, but all seemed lost. Yet, God 
said in my heart, " Thou shalt lend, and not borrow." I was, 
however, at that time, borrowing of many, my own money 
being in estates. I feared I should not at last pay all; there- 
fore, for fear of deception, I spoke freely to several of my 
losses, and especially to those whose money I had on interest. 
Many said, "Depend upon it she is not worth ten pounds, for 
every one makes the best they -can of their affairs." Such a 
sentence of death seemed to come over all my worldly affairs ! 
And yet, when God's time came, how did all turn about ! 
Now it may be asked. Why does God take this way ? Mr. 
Bridges gives a sweet answer, "God gives his blessings in that 
manner which shall most show that ' He is God." " Now had 
my fortune remained unlessened, as it came from my parents, I 
should not have so clearly seen the hand of God. But, like 
Joseph, we must sometimes be sold into Egypt, in order to 
have our promises fulfilled, — of becoming the "sheaf lifted up." 
Of late I have feared lest I should look to my plenty more than 

1 ought, and not live by faith. Perhaps to prevent that, the 
Lord hath taken this thirty pounds in France, and fifty pounds 
per annum in Switzerland ;* and yet, I feel no lack. 

* Lost by the invasion of the French, Ed. 



MRS. FLETCHER. 



309 



Nov. 15. — Last Monday, the 12th, was a solemn day to me. 
That day seventeen years, (and on a Monday,) my dear hus- 
band and I were made one before men. We were before made 
one in the Lord. O that my spirit could more partake of what 
he feels in glory ! I have no doubt that an eternal growth be- 
longs to happy spirits ; and sometimes I think he has so long 
got the start of me, and was so much before me even here, 
that I fear I shall not be in one tribe with him above. — Well, 
I feel the will and order of God is right, let my mansion be 
where it will. If Jesus is glorified, I know I shall delight in 
that. 

Nov. 21. — What an awful time do we live in ! This Irish 
rebellion has occasioned the death of thousands. To what dis- 
tress also are numbers reduced, stripped of all they have, their 
houses burned, and themselves forced to flee for their lives ! 
But many of our people have been remarkably preserved. I 
have not yet heard of one of them who has not escaped, though 
often as by miracle ! When I look on these things, I think 
How different is my situation ! I am lost in wonder, love, and - 
praise ! O my God, here I sit under my own vine and fig-tree, 
filled with every good thing ! Plenty of money for all I want, 
and some to spare. I say, when I look at these things, I am 
astonished at the tender mercy of God ; and encouraged to be- 
lieve, that He who thus graciously deals with my poor dying 
body, will answer every prayer for my soul. Last night I * 
seemed, almost the whole of it, to hear and repeat with sweet 
power, these words, — 

" Still, O my soul, prolong 
The never-ceasing song. 
Christ my hope, my joy, my theme ; 
His be all my happy days ! 
Bow my every power to him. 
Every thought be spent in praise ! " 

When I awoke I could not say it, — I could not even begin ! 
But no sooner did I drop to sleep again, than it flowed as it 
were out of my heart and lips ! 

Jan. 15, 1799. — I have found the beginning of this year a 



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very solemn season. O that I may feel in the course of it 
what I have never before felt ! On Christmas Eve, the Scrip- 
tures which I read in the meeting were the first and second 
chapters of Luke ; and it seemed to many of us, as if we were 
with Zacharias in the temple, with Mary when the angel Ga- 
briel came to her, with the shepherds in the field, and, above 
all, with the little company in the stable in Bethlehem, hearing 
the shepherds relate their vision, and Joseph and Mary con- 
firming their faith, by a relation of all the wonderful things 
they had seen and heard ! Our hearts exulted also with Simeon 
and Anna in the temple ; * and my soul was led to cry aloud, 
that all who waited for salvation in Madeley, should behold 
my Saviour ! 

I was able to go out on Christmas Day, but I was ill the rest 
of the week. On the first day of this year, in the evening, we 
had a full meeting, and the Lord was with us. We then con- 
sidered a few questions which had been brought to my mind for 
that purpose. First, Has this last year been a year of prayer.^ 
Have my prayers been serious, fervent, and recollected ? Or, 
have I drawn near to God with my lips, while my heart was 
far from him ? Secondly, Have I watched my thoughts, and 
been much in holy ejaculations ? Thirdly, Have I been thank- 
ful for mercies received, and attentive to observe deliverances, 
and answers to prayer ? remembering that word, " He that 
offereth me praise, he honoureth me.*" Fourthly, Do I feel a 
deep sense of sin? Do I loathe my sinful self, and cry often. 
Lord, " cleanse me from my secret faults ? * Fifthly, Am I 
deeply conscious that the root of all sin is in having lost God, 

* A gennine instance of true faith, in ordinary life and duty. " Faith," 
sajrs St. Paul, is the evidence of things not seen : " that is, — of the " unseen 
things which God hath revealed," and of which the Holy Scriptures are the 
record. These " things," (events, discoveries, declarations, promises, threaten- 
ings,) are either past, future, or spiritual, and therefore not the objects of sight. 
This ** evidence " (•Xe7xo») gives to those ** unseen things of God," a present 
subsistence. Hence this "faith" is said to be *' mighty through God;" to "work 
by love," to ** purify the heart," and to *' overcome the world." As this 
" evidence " is more or less clear and constant, so is the \nctory," and so is 
the consequent holiness, — the righteousness, peace, and joy." Lord, increase 
our faith 1 " Ed. 



MRS. FLETCHER. 



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and found self in his place .^^ And do I continually see holiness 
to consist in the being sunk into my own nothingness, that God 
alone may be exalted in my soul ? Sixthly, Does my faith in- 
crease ? Do I come more freely to a crucified Saviour, seeking 
all my salvation in and through him alone ? Seventhly, Do I 
keep hold of every promise given me, as I would of a purse 
of gold, knowing it will be good another day ? Do I so look 
for the fulfilling of those given me long since, pleading that 
prayer, " Lord, accomplish the word on which thou hast made 
me to hope." 

As to my outward walk : Have I watched over my tongue ? 
David says in Psalm xxxix., " I will take heed to my ways, 
that I offend not with my tongue. I will keep my mouth as 
with a bridle, while the wicked are in my sight." You who 
work among the ungodly, do you do so ? Those words of St. 
James are very important : — " My brethren, be ye swift to 
hear, and slow to speak." And in the third chapter, he calls 
the tongue " a world of iniquity, set on fire of hell, and setting 
on fire the whole course of nature." Secondly, Have I watched 
over my appetites ?■ Has my table been that of a Christian, or 
that of a beast ? A beast only seeks to feed ; but a Christian 
should make his table an act of devotion : " Whether ye eat or 
drink," says St. Paul, *' or whatsoever ye do, do all in the 
name, and to the glory of God." Now this may be done in 
three ways. First, Some little act of self-denial should accom- 
pany each meal, as a check to intemperance. Ask yourself 
after each meal, — In what have I denied myself this time ? 
Secondly, Your table should be a time of godly conversation; 
if with others; of meditation, if alone. Thirdly, These blessings 
should raise your heart to thankful gladness, and increase your 
faith in that Providence, who, by thus providing for your body, 
gives you a proof how much more he will provide for your im- 
mortal soul. To help you thus to spiritualize your meals, use 
much attention and fervour in asking a blessing, and returning 
thanks. 

With regard to my neighbour : Do I strive to be faithful 
and diligent in my station? Obedient to superiors; careful of, 
and tender to, my inferiors ? Secondly, Do T pray and strive 



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to love my neighbour as myself? Do I forgive, as I hope to 
be forgiven ? Do I do all I can for the souls and bodies of 
those about me ? If I hear of the death of any neighbour, do 
I ask myself, Have I ever had an opportunity of warning that 
soul which I have neglected ? Will that soul have a just ac- 
cusation against me at the last day ? Again, Let us cast a look 
on those who are from among ourselves in this last year, laid 
up in the garner of God. Have we honoured and served these 
saints of God ? What a blessed opportunity have we in this 
of serving the Lord Jesus ! For, if he takes as to himself all 
we do for his little ones at any time, how much more in their 
sickness and death ? " For right dear in the sight of the Lord 
is the death of his saints.^' I never hear of the death of a 
child of God, but I ask myself that question, — Have I done 
all I could for that person in every way ? Jesus saith, "Make 
to yourselves friends of the mammon of unrighteousness, that 
when you fail on earth, they may receive you into everlasting 
habitations." How many do you think are thus waiting to re- 
ceive you above ? Let us this night awake to dihgence. Let 
us be more earnest in seeking, and we shall be more enriched 
in finding. Good Mr. Frazer * observes, " Ever since I can 
remember, proportionable to my diligence in seeking was my 
finding; nor made I ever any extra aim at God, but I got 
something extra. Also,'' says he, "I learn that a Christian's 
assurance of faith, though it do not at first flow from holiness, 
yet it is, in its progress, ever in proportion to his holy walk with 
God." This is a great truth, for " the mystery of the faith " 
must be kept " in a pure conscience." 

Feb. 7- — How many have been called away lately I Three 
precious souls, three nights running, have I seen brought to 
the church-yard ! The first was Brother Brook, one of my 
dear Mr. Fletcher's first children. He has been a steady 
walker, but not clearly awakened to the work of sanctifi cation, 
till a few years ago. He dreamed that he heard a voice say to 
him, — John, are you ready to die ? He could not remember 
what he answered, but the "purport was, that he hoped so. 
Next day he was rather uneasy, and wished to have the dream 

* A very pious Minister of the Church of Scothuid. Ed, 



MRS. FLETCHER. 



313 



again, that he might answer better. Some time after he thought 
in his sleep, he heard the voice again. Then he said, Lord, 
am I ready ? On which such a discovery of the evil of his 
nature was laid open to him, that he cried out. Ah ! Lord, I 
have all to do ! I have to begin ! From that time, he felt 
a strong desire to be a new creature in the full sense of the 
word ; and began to strive " to take the kingdom by force."" 
But still he did not see clearly the way of faith. One night 
he dreamed my dear husband came to him, and pointing to a 
wall, said, John, you must get up above the top of that wall. 
He replied. Sir, I cannot, it is impossible. Mr. Fletcher 
answered, Yes, John, you must, or you will perish. He im- 
mediately lifted up his heart to the Lord, and began gently to 
rise, till he was even with the top of the wall, on which he 
laid his hand to lean, when instantly he dropped down to the 
bottom, and awoke. This much discouraged him. But a 
second time he dreamed the same dream, and leaned as before, 
when he again dropped down. He had many thoughts about 
these dreams, what they could mean. After some time he again 
dreamed that M^:. Fletcher came to him, and as before bade 
him rise above that wall, adding, — The reason, John, why 
you fell the other times, was because you leaned on the waill. 
If you but touch it, you spoil all. Then he again lifted up 
his heart in faith as before, and gently rising till he was above 
the wall, he found himself in a most beautiful place, and his 
soul in a profound peace. From this dream he saw it was by 
" looking unto Jesus," that he was to " enter that rest which 
remains for the people of God.'^ During a very long and 
painful illness, he has been kept in a sweet calm peace. In 
the beginning he was much tempted, but his confidence re- 
mained firm. In the latter end it was much increased. He 
said, a few minutes before his death, to a neighbour, " O, 
Tommy, this calls for much faith and patience ; " but added, 
that his confidence wa© unshaken. He then cried, " Come, 
Liord Jesus ! " and entered his everlasting rest. 

The next night poor Sister Smith was buried. She appeared 
to me more than commonly stirred up, the last two or three 
times I met her in class. In her illness, which lasted a month. 



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she was constantly crying out for " a clean heart lamenting 
the unbelief she felt, which, said she, is as a wall. O that 
this wall of unbelief were removed, that I might have a clear 
evidence ! O that the heart of stone were taken away ! One 
night, about a week before she died, she called hastily to her 
son, telling him, the Lord had " taken away the heart of 
stone," and filled her mouth with praise. She continued in 
peace, though in much pain, till lier spirit returned to God. — 
The following night a man was buried, who had been a suf- 
ferer for some years, but in that time brought home to God. 

Feb. 14. — My mind is sorrowful. It seems as if the Lord 
was about to take my Sally from me. She grows worse and 
worse ; her legs swell much, her strength fails, and all means 
used appear unsuccessful. I have been so supported as I could 
not have expected ; not with great joy, but a determined re- 
signation, — a clinging to the will of God, be the event what 
it may. She has been as the tenderest of daughters to me ; a 
spiritual friend both to soul and body ; a most useftd house- 
keeper, and the best of nurses : in short, the staff of my old 
age. If I lose her, I shall be stripped of all that makes my 
life comfortable. We keep a kind of inn for the Lord's people ; 
and I am so infirm, I cannot supply her place in care and 
management. In the work of God she is also admirably use- 
ful, and together we get through a good deal : but left alone, 
what a poor creature shall I be, to go through all these 
fatigues But I will encourage myself in the Lord. We 
shall not be parted. She goes a little before, and I shall 
follow after. 

March 9. — I have still a season of trial, but not without 
profit. My dear Sally is yet ill, apparently going into a con- 
sumption. I must now, as Abraham, lay the whole of my 
earthly comforts on the altar ! But I cling to the will of God. 
Christ left all for me. , O my Lord, enable me to " glorify 
thee in the fire ! " This morning I was blessed in those words, 
" Casting all your care upon him, for He careth for you." 

March 19- — This was our Quarter-Day. I found in the 
morning a particular faith, in devoting myself to the Lord, 
that his whole will might be accomplished in me, and by me, 



MRS. FLETCHER. 



315 



that day ; and I saw the immediate guidance of his hand in 
each particular. I felt thankful, that our application to Mr. 
Young had apparently been blessed, and my dear friend was 
better, and enabled to assist me through the hurry of the day. 
We went to bed in peace, though fatigued. But in the night 
she spit blood again. This circumstance seems to take away, 
humanly speaking, all hope of her recovery. The discharge 
continued, though lessening, all the next day and night. 
Blessed be God I felt power to go through all that I was called 
to in the Lord's work, and to cling fast to his will by resig- 
nation. 

March 25. — Sally is very poorly. The bleeding continues, 
though the discharge is small. Yesterday morning, Easter 
Sunday, I felt power to throw myself on the Lord, and was 
helped through the duties of the day. I asked her how she 
felt her mind when she began to spit the blood ? She repliedf^ 
She felt no fear of death, but a firm confidence that the Lord 
would finish his work if he took her directly. At the same 
time she felt tenderly for me. She added, " On Thursday, 
being in great pain, I dropped into a dose, and thought I 
heard the voice of my dear Master, saying, as if he stood by 
me, ' The sufferings of the present time are not worthy to be 
compared with the glory which shall be revealed.' " It was a 
refreshment to me, to have as it were a message from heaven in 
this time of trouble. As I sat in my pew at church, I thought, 
I must now go to the table alone. Once I had my dear hus- 
band there, and my child at my side. Now, as Naomi, I must 
say, " I went out full, but return empty." As I knelt at the 
table, it seemed as if her spirit was one with mine. On my 
return to the pew, as I was pleading in prayer that the Lord 
would order all, it came to me, — 

" Leave to his sovereign sway 
To choose and to command ; 
So shalt thou, wond'ring, own his way. 
How wise, how good his hand." 

I said. Lord, look upon us ! It was answered, " The hairs 
of your head are all numbered." I then said, My dear Saviour, 



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our concerns are regarded in the court above: I freely leave 
them there ! It came with power, " And the care of them is 
with the Most High." That so melted my heart, I could not 
help bursting into tears. But they were tears of gratitude. 
The Lord did not seem to tell me what he would do with me ; 
but " patience must have its perfect work." 

May 8. — Many mercies and many trials have I passed 
through since I wrote last. My dear Sally is yet very poorly, 
and I feel myself called to stand on my watch-tower, that I 
may gain all the good designed me in this trial. I desire to 
be in the posture of Abraham when he was going to Mount 
Moriah. What will be the end I know not, but it has been a 
time of much pain. 

May 30. — The Lord hath in great mercy heard prayer in 
many respects of late. I know not where to begin to recount his 
goodness. My dear Sally is much better, and seems to gather 
strength beyond expectation. On Sunday night last I was led 
to make a fresh dedication of my all to God; and he showed me 
I was to confide alone in Him. I fear much for my dear friend ; 
but I am not called to hinder her in any thing, but commit all 
to the Lord, for I have given up all into his hand. 

J une 28. — Blessed be God, I do feel an increase of union, and 
a recollected posture of mind. Beading that line to-day in one of 
Mr. Wesley's Letters, "Entire resignation implies entire love: 
Give him your will, and you give him your heart : I felt a 
spring of satisfaction arise in my mind. I am sure I do feel 
an increasing resignation, and that not in theory, but in prac- 
tice. My most near and tender feelings have been touched of 
late. I live under those trials at this time, not only in the 
continued illness of my dear Sally, who still seems consumptive, 
but other circumstances beside. I can feehngly say, " The 
Lord liveth ; and blessed be my Bock, and exalted be the God 
of my salvation." There appears to be one design in all the 
Lord''s dispensations towards us, vix., the bringing us to lose 
our wills perfectly in His adorable will : and I find nothing so 
helpful as to be quite still in his hand ; committing all to the 
Lord, however difficult things may appear. I am to stand still, 
and the Lord makes a way through in his own time, and often 



MRS. FLETCHER. 



317 



the trial is only a shadow. Like Abraham we all are called to 
offer our Isaac, and then the cross is removed. We have had 
peculiar expenses of late, and my gracious Father hath pro- 
vided for that. A few days since I received a letter from my 
eldest brother's wife, in which she sent me a present of twenty 
pounds. Lord, didst thou not tell me, " I will bless them that 
bless thee ? " Let this kindness be so returned, O Lord, in 
spiritual and temporal blessings ! 

July 20. — Lord, thou art good ! I feel thine arm does sup- 
port me. O teach me the way of faith more perfectly ! " My 
dear child grows worse. She coughs almost continually. I 
feel it as a knife in my heart. She is my earthly all ; and in 
the whole universe there is but one thing I love more than her, 
that is, " The will of my God : " to that I do, I must, I will 
refer in every thing ! 

August 6. — Having been called to take a little journey of 
thirty miles, I have found it a good deal disorder my body, as 
of late years travelling always does ; and with the continued 
illness of my dear friend, I have little time for writing, except 
the letters I have to answer. But, blessed be the Lord ! I 
have been carried through all my weekly meetings, with a pe- 
culiar sense of the presence of God. Last Tuesday, in our 
intercession, we laid her case again before the Lord, with much 
freedom, and I think she has been better since. We are called 
to hang on Jesus, and cleave to his will. My dear child is kept 
in much peace, and she prays that the trial may answer all that 
the Lord intends before it is removed. Lord, I add my prayers 
to hers ; so let it be ! I shall certainly feel her loss severely. 
With her I can consult about every circumstance. To her I 
can tell every temptation ; and her watchful attention over each 
infirmity of my body is uncommon. Her skill in managing all 
the affairs of my family is very great : she takes off all burdens 
from me, and leaves me wholly free. Her help in the work of 
God also is unspeakable. She assists in memory, in speaking 
to the people, in judging concerning them, in reproving and 
exhorting ; and I do nothing in the church affairs but with her 
counsel. In her own meetings, a few of which she still will 



318 



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keep up, her word is clothed with power; and many, very- 
many, are weeping through fear of her loss. I feel the Lord 
requires me to keep looking to him alone, and living only the 
present hour with a continual Abraham-like spirit, holding my 
sacrifice before the Lord, to whom my more than all is due. 

August 14. — I have been renewing my covenant with the 
Lord this day, — to abandon all my whole cause, both of soul and 
body, into his hand; and to offer afresh, "to follow the Lamb 
whithersoever he goeth." Fourteen years of widowhood have I 
this day completed. And now it seems as if my last, my only 
remaining friend and comfort, was called for ; and I have been 
pleading with the Lord, that I may cling to His dear will. 
Yesterday morning I had a sweet refreshing gale from Sion''s 
top, and such confidence I felt in the all-sufiiciency of the 
Saviour, that I could lean all my weight of care on the Lord, 
and saw his arm was under both my friend and me. It lifted 
off my care, and healed my suffering mind. This morning I 
have strove to humble myself before the Lord, and to inquire, 
whether I may ask the healing of my child ? It seemed as if 
I was led to stand still ; — for though no trial of the kind could 
be so near my heart, yet I feel my dearest concern is " the 
glory of God." And therefore I can only say, " Thy will be 
done ! *" But if this cup may pass from me ! — Lord, let silence 
plead my cause ! I will not ask any thing, but such a gracious 
conduct towards us, as will bring most glory to Thee, and for 
which we shall most praise Thee in eternity. 

August 30. — This has been a day of searching into my 
heart. I see there is great need of the Lord to lay to his 
hand. I want a deliverance I do not yet feel. The Spirit of 
God is a spirit of illumination. That I, in a low degree, feel. 
I have a light which increases in reading the Scriptures; and 
some fresh views of the amazing glory of redemption are given 
to me. Secondly, The Spirit of God is a spirit of prayer ; 
of groans unutterable. A little of this I feel, but out of 
seven times a day in prayer, often I have not what I call the 
" spirit of prayer, above three or four times. Thirdly, The 
Spirit of God is a spirit of humiliation. Surely I may say I 



MRS. FLETCHER. 319 

have this mark ; but I do not love humiliation, at least till I 
have had time to reflect. I do not run to embrace it,* nor pick 
it up as I would a jewel. Fourthly, The Spirit of God is a 
spirit of sanctification^ purifying the heart. I do feel it is 
working that in me. Yet I am not free from reptile thoughts : 
those which crawl on the earth. They do not, it is true, carry 
the stamp of sin upon them, yet they hinder prayer. Fifthly, 
The Spirit of God is the spirit of love. What shall I say to 
this ? My love to God does increase. T can say, O God, my 
chief joy ; but I can very seldom say, O God, my exceeding 
joy ! My love seems faint and dim, and that to my neighbour 
keeps pace with it. I deny myself for their sake ; — but that is 
nothing. The pleasure I feel in helping the distressed is greater 
than that which I deny myself in. Indeed if I did not do so, 
I should know, " the love of the Father was not in me." But 
I cannot rest till I feel a greater measure of that love which 
brought my Saviour from heaven to earth, to take on him the 
iniquity of us all. O Jesus, let that mind be in me that was 
in thee ! I ask it in thy name ! 

Sept. 12. — I am this day threescore. My dear husband 
would have been seventy. But he has had fourteen years in 
glory. Lord, prepare me for all prepared for me ! O let me 
live my last days to thy glory as I have never done ! Yesterday 
the Lord gave me that word, , " When thou goest through the 
waters, they shall not overflow thee." I asked if I might pray 
for my dearest comfort to be spared. That text seemed an an- 
swer : " Be careful for nothing ; but in every thing by prayer 
and supplication make your requests known unto God." For 
some days her cough has been more strong, and more frequent. 
I feel the will of God my sure defence. If he please he can 
yet raise my dear friend ; but if he have otherwise determined, 
" it is the Lord." He cannot err : I will not choose. 

Oct. 7- — We have had the comfort to hear of the happy 

* Is not this too strong' ? Ought we to run to meet that which must be sin 
to others ? We must indeed be " conformed to the Son of God ; " and we should 
bear his reproach, not only with patience, but with joy. In a mind so devoted 
as Mrs. Fletcher's, the meaning must be good, but there may be some danger 
to others in this strong way of expressing it. Ed. 



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death of Miss Styche. She told me the conviction she got 
while at Mrs. Micklewrighf s school abode with her for some 
time. But, said she, afterwards, when I got into the world, 
all you had said seemed wiped away. Then the Lord laid his 
hand on me by this illness. A blessed illness it has been to 
me, for it has brought me to seek Him. But now I fear he 
will never receive nor forgive me ! When we told her of the 
great atonement and perfect righteousness of the Saviour, she 
seemed as if she would swallow every word. She then said, 
When Mr. Walter visits me, I often feel 'comforted ; but I 
cannot retain**it ; and I feel my heart full of sin. At this time 
she was torn with evil tempers ; unable to live, and afraid to die ; 
suffering much, and having no comfort : so that nothing seemed 
to please or satisfy her. Yet she struggled hard to obtain not 
only consolation, but " the mind that was in Christ." One day, 
as a few of us were at prayer with her, she received such a hft of 
faith as delivered her from all her bonds. From that hour all 
about her were amazed at the change. She was all the lamb, 
and the dove ! The new creature shone clear indeed. When 
my Sally was saying, Shortly you will come to the blessed 
moment, when, " ready wing'd for the flight,"" you shall see the 
chariot of Israel come for you ; her eyes sparkled with delight, 
and she said, " I am so happy as I cannot express. Sometimes 
I have fiery darts ; but I look to Jesus, and he turns them away. 
He is always with me." She continued thus to the last. A few 
hours before she died, she seemed to have much of the presence 
of God ; repeating with great delight, " Ready wing'd, ready 
winged ! She then begged her young sister to turn to God ; 
saying, " You must cleave to those who have done me so much 
good. You see how I am, and I would not be otherwise ; I 
would not live for a thousand worlds. I have such a prospect, 
— so clear into eternity ! Jesus hath saved me ! ' He hath 
washed me from my sins in his own blood." He hath put on me 
' the white robe," and I see my way clear. O cleave to the people 
that have been so blessed to me."" Soon after she said, " Molly, 
Molly, look! do you not see these sweet creatures .P"" Her sister 
replied, " No ; I do not."" To which Miss Styche said, But 
I do ; they are come for me."" Molly asked. What are they like ? 



MftS. FLETCHER. 



321 



She feplied, " They are glorified spirits ! They are virgins,— 
they are come for me ! Yes, they are come for me ! " And im- 
mediately, she 

" Clapp'd tile glad wing, and tower'd away, 
1^0 mingle with the blaze of day ! " 

She died October the 4th, in her twenty-first year. 

Nov. 12. — Many solemn thoughts, yet such as have led td 
God, have Occupied my mind to-day. When I look back 
eighteen years, it gives me pleasure to I'ecollect) that my dear 
LoVe and I agreed, that we would not limit our union by that 
word, " Till death us doth part,"''' but that we would consider our 
covenant as eternal. Not that we meant to tie each other from 
a future marriage ; but that our union of soul was never to be 
broken. OfteUj when we have been speaking together of this^ 
he would say, " Wellj Polly, then our spiritual as well as our 
temporal mercies are mutuaL" From this recollection I was led 
to consider that text, "He hath made us meet to partake of the 
inheritance of the saints in light,'' and felt a power to pray, as I 
have often done, that I might be permitted to share in his joy, 
now inherited before the throne. At night, in the society, my 
faith was somewhat increased* 

Dec. 23.- — I am a woman of a sorrowful spirit. My dear 
child grows worse : well ; I will cling to that rock, " Thy will 
be done ! '' This shall be my momentary employ the remainder 
of my life. Not one on earth with whom I can Converse of the 
past trials, through which she hath walked with me ! Well, my 
Lord, thou knowest my solitary situation. The pains she suffers 
from that dreadful cough, and a complication of complaints, 
would constrain, I think, any besides herself to keep their bed. 
But while there is a grain of strength given to her, she will use 
it, both in the work of God, and in the care of our affairs. 1 
will hang upon that word, " I will bring the blind by )a way they 
knew not. I will lead them in paths which they have not known. 
I will make darkness light before them, and crooked things 
straight. These things will I do for them, and not forsake them."" 

Jan. 20, 1800. — This morning, as I was laying before the 
Lord the sufferings of my dear child, I thought, if " the hairs of 

X 



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our head are numbered," then I am sure, each time she has that 
cough, so hard, so violent, it is noticed by the Lord. I feh 
that it was ; and asked with submission that it might be removed^ 
or that he would graciously show that it was sent in love. After 
awhile, these words were sweetly impressed on my mind, " The 
light affliction which is but for a moment shall work out for us 
a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory."' I felt that 
word, "far more exceeding,'' so that I answered. Well, my 
blessed Lord, I will hold to my old word : " God shall choose 
our inheritance for us." Give me, O Lord, to find my all in 
Thee ! Last night, in the society, those words were impressed 
on my mind, " Seek first the kingdom of God, and all things 
else shall be added unto you." 

March I7. — Yesterday, Mary Wyke entered glory, in the 
nineteenth year of her age. She is a remarkable answer to prayer. 
In the beginning of her illness, she was very careless and hard; 
but after much suffering, she was brought to know herself, and 
to seek the Lord. He was pleased to manifest his love to her 
in some degree, but still she had a great hankering after life ; 
and at times she was much troubled with unholy tempers, which 
she sorely lamented. A few months ago, her body being brought 
to the state of a Lazarus, she was considering, whether there was 
any likelihood of recovery, when those words were powerfully 
applied to her heart : " Thou shalt die, and not live." This she 
told me, she knew to be the voice of God ; and felt all her will 
for life immediately taken away. From that day a mighty 
change appeared upon her. She has had much of the presence 
of the Lord, and been kept in a sweet, calm, loving state, ripen- 
ing for glory, declaring she was willing to suffer as long as the 
Lord should please, for she knew her pains were working out 
a farther " weight of glory." Sometimes she was triumphantly 
happy ; at other times, she could only lie and groan in agony : 
but even then she would say, if asked, "I am happy ; I have 
no will." A fortnight before her death, she dreamed, her grand- 
mother, who died here in the Lord a few years ago, came to her, 
and a person whom she did not know, came with her. That 
person said, " Mary, hold faith and patience a little longer, and 
you shall be with us." The night before she died, she was very 



MRS. FLETCHER. 



323 



liappy. Ten minutes before she departed, her mother said, Are 
you happy, my dear ? She, with difficulty, answered, Yes," 
— ^and soon ceased breathing. — Eternity is very near ! O for a 
swifter progress in our souls ! 

March 31. — This has been a day of recollection, and of groan- 
ing after a fuller manifestation of the Lord's power. It is a time 
of trial. My dear child, what does she suffer ! Yet how 
patient and passive in the hand of God. I seem left to suffer ; 
yet I am wonderfully supported too. — Well, comfort is not that 
which I most desire. I feel my strongest desire is, that the 
nature of God may be more powerfully stamped on my soul. 

May 21. — The Lord does not suffer my sorrowful attention 
to hinder his work. Last Sunday I was at the Wood. Never, 
I think, did I feel more freedom. O my God ! work for the 
glory of thy name on this people ! I feel their souls very near 
to me. The Lord is with us in trouble, and my dear Sally is 
kept in a calm, quiet frame. Through all she suffers, she says, 
she has such a sense how safe she is in the hand of God, that 
His time, either for ease or death, is the best time. 

August 1. — My dear friend is yet no better. Last night was 
a painful one. O that this trial may have its due effect on us 
both ! I long for full conformity to all the will of God. I see 
every grace increases by use. I am called to exercise faith, and 
as faith gathers strength, I know every other grace will keep 
pace with it. I have had much temptation since I wrote last ; 
but how can faith be in full exercise if we see aU clearly ^ 

Sept. 24. — Lord, thine eyes are upon us ! We see and feel 
thy help in the midst of our trials. I have little time to write, 
my dear child being now so very bad, but I am led to live on 
that word : "Thy will be done."' It is a day of clouds, and at 
times of thick darkness. All my help seems to be in clinging 
to the will of God. One sentence Miss Ritchie (now Mrs. 
Mortimer) read in Sister Johnson's letter from Bristol, was 
blessed to me. She says, — " When we look at Jesus by faith, 
Satan loses his power ; and, if I may so speak, his place ; which 
is the reasoning faculty.'' * 

* An undue dependance on the reasoning faculty is indeed Satan's strong hold, 
and highest delusion. Any repulse to this temptation, he will suggest must 

X 2 



324 



THE LIFE OF 



Jan. 1, 1801.— What have I seen and felt since last I wrote 
On December 3d, my dearest child and friend went triumphantly 
to glory ! I was helped to write an account of her devoted life 
and happy death, and read it to the society, while her precious 
corpse was in the house. I have now scarce strength to look it 
over. How does the Lord help us in the needful hour ! In 
the ordering of her funeral, and various things which fell on me 
alone, I have been brought through, and proved her dying words, 
" He will put his everlasting arms underneath you." He doth, 
and I am borne up. But O, what a loss do I sustain ! God 
only knows what she was to me ; and Himself alone can fill the 
aching void ! What adds to the weight is, I have not that com- 
munion with God I long for. I am amazed at the resignation 
which I feel. Yes, I do, I will adore him, for taking away my 
all from me.* I fear I hung too much on her. I did nothing 
without her counsel, and truly I was dearer to her than herself. 
To the last she felt in the most tender manner for me, and often 
said, " If the Lord saw good, how gladly would I drink the 
bitter cup instead of you ! and close your eyes instead of you 
closing mine. But the will of God is all to us ; in that we are 
agreed; — ^we live in, 'Thy will be done.' I do not know indeed 
" the heart of a stranger ; " and I do trust the Lord is about to 
make me "his own habitation through the indwelling Spirit.'^ 
Now and then, for a moment, I have such a display of God, as 
I know and feel would turn my gloomy night into a bright day. 
But it is but for a moment, and then seems to shut up again. I 

amount to a renunciation of that noble gift of God ! It is thus " the strong one 
armed " with the pride, self-will, prejudice, and worldly spirit of the sinner, 
(which he will call \vi%reason,) " keepethhis house, and his goods are in peace." 
In this state our Lord found the fallen Jewish nation; and in this state Luther 
(not to mention other reformers) found the fallen Christian Church. Almost in 
this state (but with a pure doctrine in the established creeds and Liturgy) did Mr. 
Wesley find this favoured kingdom. In this state also does the *' Spirit of 
Christ " find every natural man, however learned or wise. But who will sink 
under that sentence of death which the Holy Spirit pronounces (John xvi. 8 — 
11) against all this " deceivableness of unrighteousness.^ " Only the man who 
submits to have faith placed on the throne usurped by the " reasoning faculty." 
Nor can any man know " the salvation that is through faith," but the man who 
resolutely maintains that divine allegiance ; who steadily " walks by the same 
rule, and minds the same things." Ed. 

* This was beyond the highest sensible consolation. Ed. 



MRS. FLETCHER. 



325 



ftiust remember my dear Sally's words : " We are both waiting 
for the Lord ; and ' It is good to hope and quietly to wait for 
the salvation of God.' " I begin this year as a hermit : ah ! 
that I may end it as a saint. Come, Lord Jesus, and fulfil all 
thy gracious promises to my waiting soul ! 

I sometimes feel her as being present with me. We had all 
things in common here ; and I trust I shall partake of her 
heavenly inheritance. Thinking of that one night when I was 
very sad, in a moment all the gloom went off, and such a sweet- 
ness came over my soul as seemed to wipe away all grief. I 
dropped asleep, and these words sounded in my ears all night : 

They drink the deifying stream. 
And pluck the' ambrosial fruit." 

March 11. — What cause have I to bless the Lord! How 
often have I feared, if I lost my dear friend, I should not be able 
to glorify God : that I should have no spirit to go through any 
thing. But it is not so. I never felt more light and liberty 
in speaking to the people than I do now ; and though very trying 
circumstances have occurred in the work of God, as well as in 
my family affairs, yet I have been carried through all in a manner 
that amazes me. How faithful is the Lord ! 

June 5. — I continue to feel my loss severely ; yet I also feel 
I love and adore the will of God. Yea, and I admire it. What 
wisdom and love do I see in all this cutting dispensation ! I 
cleaved too much to that precious gift, which was lent to me in 
order to raise my soul to God. One night I dreamed I saw 
her standing before me. — I cried out, O my dear love, are you 
come ? I have waited for this. — She expressed the tenderest re- 
gard, but without words, and it left a sweet sensation on my 
mind. Another time I dreamed * I was involved in great trials, 
and thought, O, if my Sally had been now with me, all would 

* In this way of divine dircclion and encouragement the Lord acts as a 
Sovereign, and gives as He sees good. To this the Holy Scripture bears full 
testimony. Mrs. Fletcher was often thus favoured. But how mercifully was 
she preserved from placing any undue dependance on these favours I The 
^ Word of God " was tlie guide to which she referred every thing, and by which 
isJic " tried the spirits whether they were of God." En. 



326 



THE LIFE OF 



have been nothing. — ^Immediately I saw her just by me ; and 
she gave me to know, she was nearer than I thought, I know 
oar friends are not really divided from us ; they are only become 
invisible. Perhaps if we saw the spirits of our dear companions 
at such seasons, we might be much tempted to put our trust in 
them. A veil is therefore drawn between ; and all for our eternal 
good. But the Scripture declares, " We are come to the 
spirits of just men made perfect r — ^but this is far more plain 
to their eyes than to ours, which are as yet under the veil. Lord, 
give me to rely on thyself alone I 

July 14. — I had this morning a comfortable season while 
meeting the class. Tliose words of Fenelon were much on my 
mind : — " I will, with J ohn, lean on his breast, and feed on love,^ 
by joining my heart to his.**' Sometimes, while speaking on 
faith, such a sweetness overspreads my soul, as if I had run inta 
the bosom of my Lord. I see, at those times, such an all-suf- 
ficiency in the Saviour, and such a vastness in that thought, 
" We have boldness and access through him,^' — and again, " He 
hath borne all our sins in his own body on the tree,'" that it 
seemed I had only to run to the Saviour every moment, as a 
child to its fond parent ! Lord, open the way of faith more and 
more to my waiting soul ? 

August 15. — Yesterday was a solemn day to me. Sixteen 
years are passed since my eyes beheld the awfiil scene of my dear 
husband's entrance into glory. O what have I passed through 
since that time ! Could I then have known that my precious 
friend would have been taken also, how it would have aggravated 
the bitter cup ! But blessed be God that all the future is hid in 
his will. There I find a solid rest. It is now a httle more 
than seven months since I lost her ; and I have been, and am 
enabled to say, " Jesus hath done aU things well."" I feel my 
soul more on stretch after God, and my old promises seem to re- 
vive afresh, as if drawing near to the time of accomplishment. 
That promise in particular : " Thou shalt walk with me in white."" 

August 20. — I awoke this morning with strong desire and 
prayer, that every thought might this day be the Lord's. O 
why is there any distance ! Come, my Beloved, and take the 
full possession of every power ! My soul is grieved that I have 



MRS. FLETCHER. 



3^7 



not lYioTe ardour in speaking for God ; though, blessed be his 
name, I have found him graciously with me at times in the meet- 
ings. But I do not catch every occasion as my dear Sally did. 
The other day a man came to sell something we wanted. Being 
engaged in writing, I sent one of the family to take it for me. 
After he was gone, she told me the man had said, he had two 
children sick of the small-pox, and had never had it himself I 
asked earnestly, — And did you talk to him about his soul ? She 
answered, No. O what did I feel ! Had I gone down myself, 
how much better should I have been employed ! 

August 23, Lord's Day. — In the meeting this morning I 
found the Lord present ; and I had also a little opportunity of 
helping his people. O what a favour ! I, who once expected 
to be left without the necessaries of life for myself, have now such 
frequent opportunities of helping the poor ! Lord, thou art 
good to me beyond expression ! This evening I spent two hours 
in retirement, and found it the best of all the day.^ God gave 
me a praying spirit. — But it was also a time of deep humiliation. 
Such a crowd of words and acts, — foolish and sinful, which were 
spoken or committed forty or fifty years ago, pressed into my 
mind like so many barbed arrows. I see in myself, from a child, 
a depth of the fall beyond, I think, any other. But this evening, 
though I felt deeply sorrowful, and ready to lie down under the 
feet of all, I found it mixed with encouraging hope. These 
words bore much on my mind : 

" I shall sooH obtain the grace, 
Pure in heart to see thy face." 

August 28. — This morning I awoke, after a restless night, ■ 
with a strong desire to live to God. In prayer I found some 
encouragement. In visiting some sick also I felt the presence 
of God. J. B. seemed very comfortable under his affliction, and 
much led to look to Jesus through all ; for, said he, What a 
delight it is to rejoice in God, though in anguish and pain ! 
Why it is all from him ! all from him ! that is my comfort." I 
see more and more, souls grow best in the furnace. It is our 
proper soil while here ; to enjoy is by and by. 

Oct 17^ — Lord, perform thy word, on which thou hast made 



328 THE LIFE OF 

me to trust ! That saying of our Lord, in Mark xi., concerning 
the fig-tree, was much laid on my heart. If ye have faith and 
doubt not, ye shall say to this mountain. Depart l'^ and, "What- 
soever things ye ask in prayer, believe that ye receive, and ye 
shall have them.'" That is, believe that it becomes yours as sure 
as ye ask ; yea, at that time the grace ye ask for is, as it were, 
held out to you ; and you may say, — I have asked a clean heart, 
a stayed mind, a baptism of the Spirit. Well, they are mine ; 
I shall enjoy them. They are given as an estate left to me : 
but I now want to enter into the possession. My Jesus is pre- 
paring my heart for his own abode. He wiU enter, and with him 
all his fulness, to fill up every aching void. 

August 14, 1802. — I have not written much the beginning 
of this year, except what concerned the death of dear Mrs. 
Yate * She has long walked in the ways of God, and often en~ 
joyed sweet and close communion with him. When very young, 
she received a letter which treated on the different states of the 
inward and outward court wor shippers. She threw the letter on 
the table, and clasping her hands together, she fell on her knees, 
and cried to the Lord with a strong and vehement cry, that she 
might become one of those who should "worship him in spirit 
and in truth." Her prayer was answered, and she became truly 
devoted to a crucified Saviour. The souls of her children lay 
very near her heart, and she spared no pains to bring them to 
the knowledge of God» In the cause of God she was deeply 
engaged, and to the utmost of her strength, visiting the sick, 
and inviting sinners to the Lord, She was led in the way of the 
cross, and being weak in body, she was much exposed to tempta- 
tion. In her last illness, she was frequently buffeted by the 
enemy of her soul ; at other times she was much comforted. 
Her most painful temptation was, that the Lord would forsake 
her in the last conflict. After enduring this for some time, she 
told me of some promises which had been applied to her mind ; 
above all, that word : " There is no condemnation to them that 
are in Christ Jesus." Yet these glooms, as she called them, 
appeared dreadful to her. While we were conversing, the spirit 
pf faith came over us both ; the light dispelled all darkness, and 



* Sec page 291. 



t Written by Mis. Fletcher. M. To<?,Ui, 



MRS. FLETCHEK. 



329 



in speaking and prayer, there was a power quite uncommon. 
She said, " I think you never had such a time in this house 
before ; " and indeed it was true. From that hour she expressed 
herself as quite in peace, ever after saying, " I have nothing to 
trouble me now.'' One day she said, " When I look on my limbs, 
worn to a skeleton, it is with pleasure ; for I know I shall go 
to God." At another time she observed ; " These words are 
much with me, ' Beloved, think it not strange concerning the 
fiery trial which is to try you.' I leave myself in His hand, 
and all is peace." 

On the 21st of January, I was conversing with her, and ex- 
horting her to live the present moment as if she was sure to die 
the next. A clear light seemed to shine powerfully on my mind, 
as I was speaking : she entered into it, and was refreshed. As 
soon as I was gone, that word was strongly impressed on her 
heart : " This is the way, walk ye in it." On the 27th, she ob- 
served, how comfortably she had walked ever since ; — that life 
or death were now quite equal ; and that she wanted nothing 
but the will of God to be done. "I am (said she) quite happy ; 
and that word, ' our Father,' is so opened to me as fills me with 
delight. I have nothing to hold me here. No, I am ready to 
give all up. My children are near and dear to me, but I am 
ready to leave them at his call." She had close trials, such as 
caused the most tender feelings. She observed, " I cannot dis- 
trust the Lord, for he supports me through every thing. This 
morning, as I was in prayer, a wonderful sweetness came over 
my soul ; and my will was so lost in the will of God as I never 
found it before. I saw myself perfectly safe in his hand, and I 
cannot ask either for myself or my children any thing but his 
will. My dependance on the Lord is entire. I would not have 
a choice of my own for all the world. He orders every thing 
for me, small and great. No, I want nothing for soul or body 
but by his order. He is continually telling me, * In blessing I 
will bless thee.' O how sweet is that word, ' There is no com- 
plaining in our streets ! ' No, no ; I cannot complain ; I have 
no cause. All around me is blessing ; and the best of all is, my 
heart is full of love. O love, love ! Let there be nothing but 
love in my soul." 



330 



THE LIFE OF 



After a little while she said, " I want to feel the change 
more forcibly ; I want to realize heaven; — I do not seem to see 
glory ! I replied, Jesus was perfectly holy, yet " his soul 
was sorrowful unto death." Holiness is not to be measured by 
perfect joy, but by perfect resignation. You can see Jesus, 
and feel no will but his. She replied, " O yes, yes ; I can see 
him ; he is ever with me ; I have no will but what is lost in 
God: and I am waiting the accomplishment of many glorious 
promises, which have been given me."" 

March 7- — Sbe told me her cough had been very bad, and 
almost constant ; but, said she, " With every fit of coughing 
the Lord gave me some comfortable word. That word came 
with great power, ' Not a sparrow falls to the ground without 
your Father.'" She added, " I have had a night of suffering 
and of comfort ; all my sins were brought before me, even from 
my infancy, and I saw in myself such a depth of the fall as I 
cannot put in words, but I need not fear since Jesus saves me* 
* He forgiveth iniquity, transgression, and sin \ and I felt it 
was so. Afterwards that word was applied: 'Eye hath not seen, 
nor ear heard; neither hath it entered the heart of man to con- 
ceive what God hath prepared for them that love him ;' and O 
how I felt it was prepared for me ! Yes, he hath prepared a 
place for me, and I shall be with him. In the afternoon I was 
thinking of my husband and children, in particular the two little 
ones, when I had such a discovery of the tender love and guar- 
dian care of the Lord, as took away every anxious thought. 
O he is all in all to me: I would not take them out of his hand 
for the world. How is it when I lie awake for hours, and cannot 
sleep, nor hardly move, I can lie so comfortable ! I feel such 
a rest in God as sweetens all." She desired me to return 
thanks to all her dear friends who had shown such sympathy 
through all her sufferings. Thus like a truly patient lamb she 
lay before the Lord from day to day, longing for the happy 
hour of admittance into glory. As her outward strength de- 
cayed, her love, patience, and entire resignation, visibly in- 
creased. 

April 12. — She could scarcely speak, her throat being 
much affected as well as her lungs. She looked on me, and 



MRS. FLETCHEli. 



331 



said, " I am very ill, but happy in my soul. I have had a 
sweet night. I have no fear, no doubt ; — I am waiting for the 
Lord." Soon after she began to change for death. She asked 
to be lifted up, in order to tell more of the goodness of God; 
but could not form the words she wanted to speak. She at 
length said, " I have strong confidence ; — and soon after, 
without a struggle, she entered into the joy of her Lord. 

I praise the Lord for the measure of health I enjoy, which, 
when I do not^o beyond my strength, is quite comfortable. And 
now, my Saviour, shine upon my soul, and tell me how it is 
with that. I think I feel my dependance more singly on Jesus, 
more weaned from earth, and more athirst for the whole mind 
of Christ. Indeed there are moments when all is clear : but I 
want not to have a thought but such as is approved by a sjnile 
of Jesus ; and to have a witness, constant and clear, that nothing 
but love dwells in my soul. I know I do taste of pure love ; but 
I do not abide in Jesus ; therefore I do not bring " forth much 
fruit." There is an entering into rest which I have of late been 
particularly led to ask for : sometimes it seems near, and I ani 
waiting for it in a clearer manner than usual. Some observations 
which I read the other day, were much blessed to me. Speaking 
to a mourning soul, the Author says, " Make God, as He is 
in himself, the object of thy joy, without any consideration of 
thyself at all.* Let your soul exult in that thought : ' The Lord 
is my strength and my song. He also is become my salvation.' 
Observe, the Lord is then strong for and in you, when you 
look to him alone, unmixed with any thing else. But on the 
other hand, when the eye of the soul is double, looking partly 
for a fitness in itself, the light i^ put out : as it is said of our 
Lord, ' He could not do many mighty works because of their 
unbelief This ' looking unto Jesus "* is both an emptying and 
a filling grace. It empties the soul of self, and the creature, 
and fills it with God. It is a transforming view : the more we 
see of him, the more we shall be like him. Does he not tell thee, 
' This is the victory whereby we overcome, even your faith.' 
Wouldest thou have the victory first, and believe afterwards ? 
* But I am conscious of idols.' Then plead the promise : * From 

* See the Note in page 228. 



332 



THE LIFE OF 



all thine idols I will cleanse thee.' This is ' reaching out to the 
things before." ' But I fear I am not willing to part with 
them."* Perhaps not : but if thou wilt look to Jesus, and wait 
at his feet, and tell him of thy helplessness, he will so shine 
out on thy soul, that the love of all other things shall drop off. 
What becomes of the stars when the sun shines ? Do they 
not disappear before the greater light ? So shall every other 
love before that mighty love he will pour into thee. But re- 
member thou art to ' hold fast thy confidence which hath great 
recompense of reward; for ye have need of patience, that 
when ye have done ' the will of God ye may receive the pro- 
mise. Now this single eye, this constant act of faith, ' glory- 
ing in hope to the end, is doing the will of God ; ' and thus 
' you shall receive the promise." '" 

Nov. 13. — Yesterday concluded twenty-one years since I 
joined in an eternal covenant with my dear Mr. Fletcher. O 
what advantages I have had through my union with some of 
the most excellent of the earth ! But, alas ! how little have I 
profited to what I might have done! I have this morning been 
crying to the Lord to stir me up to more faithfulness. I am 
now in my sixty-fourth year, — almost at the end of my race, 
and the great work of an entire conformity to God is yet to be 
gained. I found freedom in prayer ; so that an hour on my 
knees seemed to pass as quick as a quarter usually does ; and I 
hope and believe I shall, from this day, keep up the intense 
desire. 

Nov. 22, Sunday. — Through illness I have been out but 
once this day. It is long since I have been forced to miss a 
meeting, but I find all right my Master orders. It has been a 
good sabbath to my soul. I was truly humbled to hear how the 
dear people wept and prayed for me ! O my God, let that 
word be perfectly fulfilled: "Then shalt thou have thy delight 
in the Almighty, and shalt lift up thy face unto God." As I 
was reading the 31st of Genesis, that word struck me : "I am 
the God of Bethel ! " Twenty years had elapsed, yet, saith 
God, I am He that gave thee those sweet promises in that 
place. I am the same for ever ! While meditating on this, it 
seemed as if He said to me, I am the God who told thee, 



MRS. FLETCHER. 333 

'■^ Thou shalt walk with me in white." Ah ! my Lord, I hang 
on thee with a firm belief. Thy words are "tried words, purer 
than silver." The Lord will keep his promise for ever. 

Dec. 23. — I was much struck this morning in reading, at the 
time of family prayer, the account of " Jacob wrestling with 
the angel." I felt it kindle in me a degree of ardour which I 
did not feel before, to say with him, " I will not let thee go 
unless thou bless me," — yea, with the full communion of thy 
love. 

Peb. 18. — I have been confined near a month, and only able 
to speak in a low whisper. The disease is supposed to be B. 
dropsy in the chest. I am sometimes in the night in danger of 
being suffocated. The night before last I was very bad : and 
as I lay waiting in peace before the Lord, that word was applied 
with unusual power : " Call upon me in the day of trouble ; I 
will deliver thee, and thou shalt glorify me." Ah ! my Lord, 
I do call on thee for more grace, but I cannot ask life or death ; 
I love the dear people, and feel a pain in leaving them ; yet I 
can only commit all to my adorable unerring Head. 

April 5. — Last night I laboured much for breath, and could 
not lie down. I saw myself encompassed with mercy and love. 
As I was reflecting on the uncertainty of the issue of my com- 
plaint, the thought struck me. My Lord was at this season sold 
into the hands of men, who strove to join with devils to afflict 
him ; and if kind physicians should mistake, and make me 
suffer, I may be said to be given into the hands of men, — but 
not without the Lord. These words were sweet : 

I fain with thee would sympathise, 
And share the sufferings of my Lord ! " 

As I was reflecting that I had nothing to plead ; only, 

" Jesus my salvation is, 

This shall stand, and only this," — 

a dart came across my mind, — What if Calvinism be true.? 
Then you may be one he hates! — Immediately that word came : 
" He hateth nothing that he hath made ; his mercy is over all 
his works." Well, my Lord, this I plead ; " I am thine, save 



334 



THE LIFE OF 



me ! " Give me to glorify thee, "through the fire and throiigh 
water." The tenderness of Miss Tooth, whom the Lord hath 
sent to me, is very great. 

April 11. — The Lord hath permitted me to be sorely exer- 
cised through the want of breath. The night before last 1 
was forced to sit up in bed till four o'clock. Last night, 
blessed be God, the fit lasted but one hour, and then I rested 
comfortably. My one act is that of clinging to the wiU of 
God. 

Jime 2. — Blessed be the Lord, He hath fulfilled his word. 
He bade me " call upon him in the day of trouble;" and in my 
deliverance I do glorify Him, and acknowledge his dear and 
powerful hand. I have been for some time restored to my com- 
fortable meetings, and preserved in tolerable health, with power 
to lie down in peace, and take quiet rest. O that this late dis- 
pensation may rouse my soul more abundantly to labour after a 
more perfect rest ! Lord, establish " me with thy free Spirit!''' 
This morning one called, who gave me the following extraor- 
dinary account: — "On Saturday I had that word applied: 'As 
the Father hath loved me, so have I loved you ; abide ye in 
my love.' But on the Sunday night, while you were speaking 
on — How we ought to venture on Christ, my soul was greatly 
lifted up, my faith began to rekindle, and I felt extraordinary 
power all the way home. At family-prayer my soul was sweetly 
drawn out. Just as we were going to bed, I opened my Testa- 
ment on those words : ' Ask what ye will, and I will do it for 
you.' I felt the power ; and thought, I will not go to bed : I 
will stay and wrestle with the Lord. I did so : and O what 
did I feel ! I have often had glorious times, but never such a 
time as that. Those precious words were apphed: 'You are 
sealed to the day of redemption.' Since then, as I was hearing 
a sermon on the New Jerusalem, I had such a glorious sight 
as I cannot describe ! I cannot tell it to you.'' I asked. Was 
it a sight of the place, or of the Saviour He answered, It 
was both. I had four distinct sights ; I saw the glory of the 
Father, the glory of the Redeemer, and then the Redeemer in 
his manhood, as covered with wounds; — and also the Holy 
Spirit in his glory, ready to seal every soul who would take 



MRS. FLETCHER. 



335 



shelter in those wounds ! I now feel my soul all on the watch. 
I seem as if I feared to speak or move, lest I should in any 
wise grieve that Holy Spirit." 

My soul was much comforted at hearing this. Ah ! Lord, 
hast thou begun ? Then thou wilt go on. I do now believe an 
out-pouring of thy Spirit will soon be given, and " times of 
refreshing shall come from the presence of the Lord.'' This 
man had a taste of pure love some months ago, but lost it 
through unprofitable reasonings. Ever since his first awakening, 
he has been a pattern to others, and, I believe, never lost his 
" first love." * 

July 4. — When I awoke I found those words applied, "Pray 
without ceasing ; and in every thing give thanks." This morn- 
ing, reflecting on them while in prayer, the whole passage 
seemed to be applied to my heart : " Rejoice evermore ; pray 
without ceasing; and in every thing give thanks : for this is the 
will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you." The last word 
made a deep impression : " concerning you ;" — and I take it as 
a message from heaven. Lord, give me power to fulfil this 
sweet direction ! 

July 18. — A few nights since those words seemed continually 
with me : 

In all my ways His hand I own. 
His ruling providence I see." 

The next day a change took place in my house, and several 
circumstances occurred in church affairs. O what a comfort 
was that sentence to me ! Yes, my Lord, I do see thou dost 
order all things, and on thee I rest. 

August 19. — This last week has been very solemn. Eighteen 
years my dear husband has been in glory. O how has each 
day brought its remembrance. O carry on thy work in my 
soul with more power ! I cannot have much longer to remain 
here. I see and feel thy gracious hand extended over me for 
good, and I long for a full conformity to my Lord. 

* It is with great propriety that Mrs. Fletcher bears this testimony concern- 
ing the spirit and conduct of a person who was favoured with such manifesta- 
tions. Ed. 



th£ life of 



Nov. 12.— This day twenty-two ye^rs, at this very houi*, 1 
Was in Batley Churchy solemnly engaging to be one soul, one 
body, one interest, with my beloved husband for ever ! But 
what have I seen in these twenty-two years .^^ What deep waters 
have I passed through ! I have been brought through, and 
mercy hath followed me to this hour. On this day I devote 
myself afresh to God. Let our wedding-day be a fresh conse- 
cration unto Him who is the centre of our union ! A little 
before my dear Love's last illness he indulged a train of thoughts 
on what I should do, and how I should live without him. He 
spoke tenderly of my marrying again; but finding I could not 
bear the thought, he said no more* Since his death, the light 
hath always shone quite clear on my soul, — that I was not called 
to join in marriage with any man on earth ; but to preserve the 
privileges of a single life which are so gi*aciously bestowed upon 
me. Satan has spared no pains to trouble me in this way : 
but, blessed be the Lord, my light in this hath never been 
darkened one moment. I am the Lord's, and he hath opened 
tny way before me, and still makes my cup run over with 
loving-kindness and mercy. " Bless the Lord, O my soul ; 
and all that is within me, bless his holy name." 

Nov. 14. — In meeting the people on Sunday morning I was 
struck with that thought : " The mind is to the soul what the 
mouth is to the body." I must take in food, or lose my strength t, 
but if I take poison I must die. Nay, if I avoid poison, but 
yet feed on wood and chaif, I shall as surely die. So the mind 
is the mouth of the soul; and though I should start at any 
thought apparently sinful, yet if I starve it instead of con- 
tinually endeavouring to draw " the sincere milk of the word," 
I still sow to corruption ; and " what I sow that I shall reap." 
Then let me fix my eye on the " great mystery of God made 
man ! " Why did God become man ? It was man by whom 
the covenant was broken ; and therefore man must have suitable 
punishment laid upon him. It was God with whom it was 
broken ; and therefore God must have suitable satisfaction made 
unto him. And as to that satisfaction, it was man that had 
offended ; therefore it was man alone that could make it suitable. 
It was God that was offended ; and therefore it was God alone 



MRS. FLETCHER. 



that could make it sufficient. Now being man as well as God, it 
behoved him " to fulfil all righteousness,""* to keep the whole 
law in the perfect manner required by the Adamic dispensation : 
yet, as being God co-equal with the Father, it was not from 
duty, but merely upon our account, that he thus subjected him- 
self to the yoke of his own laws. Himself, as God, being the 
lawgiver, and so no more under it than the Father himself. 
Whatever therefore Christ did or suffered in the flesh was 
meritorious, and the believer has accepted it. Mr. Wesley ob- 
serves in his note in the sermon on " The Lord our Righteous- 
ness," "This obedience of Christ, as it was infinite, pure, and 
perfect, did without doubt infinitely transcend all the obedience 
of all the sons of men, even if they had remained in their pri- 
mitive state ; for their obedience would still have been but the 
obedience of finite creatures, whereas the obedience of Christ 
was the obedience of one who was truly God as well as man, 
by which the laws of God had a divine obedience performed to 
them. They could command no more than the obedience of 
finite creatures; whereas the obedience of Christ was the obedi- 
ence of one who was the infinite Creator, as well as a finite 
creature ; and by this he hath purchased for us a far greater 
salvation than if man had not fallen. As our ' Head ' he hath 
also entered, yea, as our ' Forerunner," into that glorious union 
with the Deity which we could never have known but by the 
' Word being made flesh," and performing this righteousness 
in our behalf. Now this transcendant glory, ' called the joy of 
the Lord,' we are called ' to enter into, — to be heirs of God, 
and joint heirs with Christ." As himself hath said, ' The 
glory which thou hast given me, I have given them ! " "" 

Dec. 3. — This day three years my dear Sally entered glory. 
O that I may be permitted to share with her " the inheritance 
of the saints in light."" I think I do enjoy it in a measure: 
for it is amazing to me how calm and comfortably my mind is 
kept, and how the Lord doth provide help for me in every cir- 
cumstance. I have nothing to do but prepare for death. O for 
a constant look upward ! 

March 3, 1801. — I have a deep conviction on my mind to- 
day of that truth, The heart of man always seeks rest in 

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THE LIFE OF 



something ; therefore thoughts that please, and that have not 
the appearance of evil in themselves, yet, if they are unnecessary, 
they may lead to a seeking rest out of God. Here I have found 
Satan very busy, and am often forced to cry out, "I will know 
nothing but J esus Clirist, and him crucified."'' My heart is 
much in expectation of a closer union with my God than I have 
ever known. I wait for the Lord. 

April 26. — Glory be to God ! I find him near ; he seems 
to be " sitting on my soul as a refiner's fire,'" and so caBing 
every thought into judgment as I never found before. We have 
had very sweet times of worship lately. The Lord is indeed 
carrying on his work, blessed be his name ; and I trust this 
meeting of the children will be for good. In this ]\Iiss Tooth 
is made of great use to me. O my tender Father ! Thou dost 
not sufifer me to want any thing. 

June 17. — Help me, O my Saviour ! It seems as if I could 
not get these answers to prayer which I want. Yet he gives 
me little touches, — some tokens for good before I rise from my 
knees. But O, it is not what I long for. Such a sight I have, 
of late, into that word, "Let that mind be in you that was in 
Christ Jesus ! O how much is contained therein ! Yet I see 
it is my privilege, for so I see the privilege held out by St. John, 
— " Herein is our love made perfect, that we may have bold- 
ness in the day of judgment, because as He is so are we in this 
world.'' I find many have been blessed in our meetings lately; 
but I did not hear of it till several days after the time. And 
hence it has been a season of temptation and discouragement 
with me. I thought what I had said was so short of what ought 
to have been spoken, — that all the next week I felt a deep con- 
viction, that unless the Lord put words into my mouth, and 
gave power with them, no good would be done. I even feared 
that the Lord did not approve of my calling the people together, 
when there was no one but me to speak to them. Yet I knew 
weU that " all the good done upon the earth is the Lord's 
doing," and that he can work by the meanest instnmient. 
However, this was the conclusion, I must ask and wrestle for 
every meeting, public and private, and hang by faith on Christ 
alone, belie\ing that word: "It is not you that speak, but the 



MRS. FLETCHER. 



339 



Spirit of your Father which speaketh in you.'' On last Mon- 
day night I felt the answer. Then I had great freedom, and 
I cannot tell how many have since praised God for the blessing 
brought into their souls that night. I can do nothing without 
much prayer. 

July 10. — We have had an awful affair at a pit hard by. 
Three young men were killed outright. The following Sunday 
they were buried, and it was computed that more than a thou- 
sand persons attended their funeral. Mr. Walter took the op- 
portunity to speak to them ; I trust not without efl'ect. As 
some had been burned in that pit not long before, the master 
ordered the tools, &c., to be brought up, declaring he would 
have no more coal got there, at least for a time. Accordingly 
a man, one of our Exhorters, who was an Overseer of the 
work, went down with his eldest son, a fine youth about sixteen, 
and some other men. J ust as the Overseer got in, the vapour 
caught fire again, — killed his son, and a boy who was with him, 
and most dreadfully burned himself, and another man. Here 
was a trial indeed ! Both himself and his wife much delighted 
in that son, who was carried home dead, and himself not likely 
to live an hour. His wife, who had a child at her breast, 
fainted away, and for some time it was not known which would 
die first. But the Lord supported them both by his almighty 
power ; and the man was so filled with the love of God, in his 
greatest extremity of pain, that he has been a wonder to all. 
He declared, that the Lord did so " make his bed in his 
sickness," that he could feel no will but that of God; and in 
that will he did glory ! The other person who was burned 
was a young man that a few years ago had some desires after 
true religion, but of late he had wholly fallen back. Between 
the two there was a striking contrast. The young man was all 
terror, and shrieked dreadfully. He had no comfort in pain, 
and no pleasant prospect if it should end in death. O what 
need have we to use the present hour ! Lord, give us un- 
ceasing prayer ! O let us live in the constant view of eternity ! 
It is hoped both the men will recover. 

August 27. — Glory be to God ! I daily prove he is faith- 
fulness and love. A few mornings ago, I awoke with that 

Y 2 



340 



THE LIFE OF 



word: "As thy days so shall thy strength he:' I did not take 
particular notice of it then; but yesterday, through an un- 
common providence, I was called to go through such fatigue as 
to me seemed impossible. Yet I was carried through all with 
such ease, both as to body and mind, as amazed me. O let me 
learn by all to live without fear, for I have in thee, O Lord, 
such a treasure-house as will always supply my every want. 
There is no room for fear or care. No, " the government is 
on thy shoulder." All the weight lies there, and my business 
is to sing and praise all the way through. 

Nov. 9. — Many mercies am I surrounded with, and though 
I have many infirmities of body, yet they are so held as with a 
bridle that I do not suffer much, and am able to attend all my 
appointments. I see all right; to be sure there are circum- 
stances which would once have been a cross, but I am ftdly con- 
vinced all comes through my Saviour^s hand, and therefore I 
know all shall work for good. I see my situation well suited 
for growing in grace, and I do grow, but O that it were faster. 
I remember a time when I rather shrunk at repeating that line 
of the hymn : 

Give me to feel an idle thought;, 
As actual wickedness ; " 

but truly I do now feel it so. T see the need there is of being 
all eye, not only against what appears evil, but also what is 
called innocent, but is really useless. Last week I received a 
letter from Leeds, informing me of the death of Sister Crosby. 
I had a few days before received one from her own hand, a very 
precious one , and observed on it, how her eyes and strength 
held out though ten years older than me. Her call was sudden, 
— but one day's illness ; during which she was kept in faith and 
love, and departed (as it appeared) in her sleep in the evening. 
A mother in Israel hast thou been, and thy works shall praise 
thee in the gates. 

Nov. 12. — This day is particularly solemn to me. It is just 
twenty-three years this morning, both by the year, and by the 
day, since I was at this very hour going to Batley Church, to 
give my hand to my dearly-beloved Mr. Fletcher. O what 



MRS. FLETCHER. 



341 



fears did I feel, lest it should be a step out of God's way ! 
The light I had before, seemed that morning to be quite ob- 
scure ; but as soon as it was over, the light broke out on my 
soul, and it hath shone clearer and clearer ever since. Blessed 
be God that I ever took that step ! It was the Lord that 
brought us together, and joined us in an eternal union ! Nor 
do I find that union any less ; nay, it is at this moment far 
greater than on that day. O that I were more spiritual ! then 
I should partake more fully of the inheritance which he enjoys 
in the kingdom of our Father, 



PART VIII. 



HER DECLINING YEARS. 

January 1, 1805. — And now another year is gone ! Lord, 
what shall I say ? Have I got nearer to thee ? In some things 
I have, but ah ! Lord, show forth thy mighty power, and lift 
me above aU ! Make " my feet as hind's feet,"" that I " may 
tread on the high places,"" and never let in a thought that doth 
not lead to Thee ! In the last month, on the 7th day, my dear, 
my only sister, was caUed to her eternal rest. We had not seen 
each other for some years, but constantly wrote all our minds 
and every concern to each other. Providence had thrown us, 
as to habitation, far asunder. In her last hours she expressed 
faith and resignation, and that she was waiting for the coming 
of the Lord, and repeatedly begged me to give her up. I 
cannot but rejoice in her escape from suffering to eternal bHss, 
though the remembrance of our early pilgrimage is ever present 
to my mind. Her kind concern for me she has shown by leaving 
me fifty pounds a year for life. Some time since it seemed 
probable I should lose thirty pounds a year, and in that case I 
must draw back the help I give to some particular persons and 
affairs ; and now the Lord hath taken care for that also. O 
how faithful is my God ! Eternity seems very near, my breath 
grows shorter, and my strength begins to fail. Well, the will 
of God is all ; and it is all my desire that it may be perfectly 
done in me. 

February 23. — I have had views of my past life lately, 
which seem to have discovered a depth of the Fall of which I 
was not conscious. These openings endear the Sa^'iour abun- 
dantly. — O how little did I know myself when the Lord, who 
knew me thoroughly, was heaping blessings upon me, and 



♦ 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 343 

inviting me to his bosom ! Some years since, a person with 
whom I was intimate, and who meant well, was certainly very 
imprudent. Some of the blame fell on me, though I was quite 
clear ; but I feared the reproach, and in order to justify myself, 
I told many of the particulars which were not necessary, and 
thus I rather aggravated the circumstances. I was afterwards 
much pained. The other night, as I lay in bed, it all came 
before me. I was nearly crushed, until those words gave me 
some relief: "They to whom much is forgiven, love much." 
O my gracious Lord, let this be fulfilled in me ! * 

This morning in prayer, and afterwards in reading the second 
and third chapter of the Colossians, I felt much encouragement. 
This day I could not but observe, that a power had rested on 
my mind ever since Sunday, which had kept off the enemy 
when he would approach; and if a thought would strive to creep 
in, I felt as if my faithful Lord gave me instantly a check, 
and excited me to beware. All these days I have seen such 
various mercies as I cannot express. Truly I can say, 

" In all my ways his hand I own. 
His ruling providence I see." 

I was greatly struck last night by hearing of a young woman, 
who was to have been married next Monday. One of her un- 
godly companions on the pit bank, asked her where she intended 
to keep her wedding ? She profanely answered, — " In hell." 
Soon after being at her work near the mouth of the pit, her foot 
slipped, she fell in, and was dashed to pieces ! This and some 
other things which have lately occurred of the same kind, seem 
to have brought eternity very near. O how important is every 
moment 1 

Oct. 12. — Come, Lord Jesus, and give me the complete 
victory ! Last Sunday was a time of power to many, as they 
have since told me. This day I have been pleading with the 
Lord to take me altogether into his hand. O what a struggle 

* How afflicting to a . pure conscience does any transgression of the law of 
love appear, even after it has been forgiven, and the corrupt principle removed 
from the soul! Ed. 



3U 



THE LIFE OF 



it is to keep faithful in rejecting useless thoughts ! O how 
hard never to " offend with the tongue ! " 

Dec. 13. — Glory be to God for many mercies since I wrote 
last. Some peculiar answers to prayer I must relate. " The 
rich hardly enter into the kingdom," and therefore we the more 
abundantly praise Him in behalf of Mrs. B. and Mrs. E. 
Mrs. B. was by nature remarkable for a worldly spirit, a lion- 
like temper, and being hard to please. She had also used the 
means^ of grace for several years, without bearing fruit. About 
two years ago her health began to decline ; and soon after con- 
viction began to fasten on her soul, though her complaint did 
not appear dangerous. Her cry was, for the comforts of religion, 
and she wondered why she could not feel them as others did. I 
clearly saw she was still unawakened, though somewhat enlight» 
ened. We prayed for her, and with her; and in a few months 
she began to feel she was a sinner. Her disorder also grew ex- 
tremely painfiil ; but her cry now was, "01 hope the Lord 
will not take away my pain till he sees I shall not grow hardened 
again. O what a gospel-hardened sinner have I been ! I have 
sat under the strongest truths ; and all the time the world had 
my heart. Sometimes I did feel too, but as soon as I came 
home, all was gone. Yes, I had rather have my pain, bad as 
it is, than be gospel-hardened again." She continued mourning 
a long time, often saying, " I can get no answer, no, not the 
least answer, — yet I have a hope too. — Those words of the 
hymn are often on my mind: 

' I the chief of sinners am. 
But Jesus died for me/ " 

We now began to discern a great change. The lion was lost 
in the dove and the lamb. She continued to increase, by de- 
grees, in her confidence. Sometimes she found such a hold of 
the Saviour, and such overflowing love, as if she could never 
fear more. Then conflicts would return, but her faith grew 
more firm, till at length her peace was unshaken. For a long 
time either Miss Tooth or myself have seen her continually, 
and witnessed the mighty change which was wrought on her. 
One only darling child, a nice house just built, and many other 



MRS. FLETCHER. 



345 



ties, she had to hold her here ; but all was but as a grain in 
the balance in her accoxmt. She had truly " sold all for the 
pearl of great price," and in the possession of that she was 
content, and proved to the last moment that she was a "new 
creature." 

The other I shall give in Miss Tooth's own words. " October 
the 3d, Mrs. M. acquainted me with the illness of Mrs. E., 
expressing a wish that I would see her, as it was too far for 
Mrs. Fletcher. I went the next morning, and found her very 
weak, but desirous of help for her soul. She told me, she had 
for some time been convinced there was no happiness but in re- 
ligion. I endeavoured to point her to the source of all conso- 
lation, the atoning Lamb of God, who is ever ready to receive 
conscious sinners. When I had prayed, and was leaving her, 
she expressed herself in a most grateful manner, thanking me 
for my kindness in coming to see her, and begged to be re- 
membered to Mrs. Fletcher, adding, " How happy are the 
people who receive instruction from her." She had attended 

Mrs. M ''s school, and therefore was accustomed to Mrs. 

Fletcher's meetings. The next time I saw her, I read Mr. 
Fletcher's two letters to Miss Ireland, who died of the same 
complaint, — a consumption. She seemed much affected the 
whole time we were together. After prayer I entreated her not 
to rest satisfied with any comfort she might feel, but to be 
earnest with the Lord for a clear manifestation of his love to 
her soul. The next time I went, Mr. E. being at home, I 
could not see her, — he being quite averse to it. However I 
went again, and now all my fears were done away. O what a 
change had taken place ! the ' new song was indeed put into 
her mouth, even of praise and thanksgiving unto our God.' As 
soon as I came to her bed-side, she reached out her hand, say- 
ing, ' I am glad to see you.' — I answered. So am I, my dear, 
to see you, and I trust you have had some gracious visits from 
the Lord since we met last. She answered, ' O yes ! many, 
many.' Then looking earnestly at me, she said, ' That is sJ 
sweet word. Whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth, and \ 
scourgeth every son that he receiveth : And you know St. 
Paul saith, These light afflictions which are but for a moment, 



» 



346 



THE LIFE OF 



shall work out for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of 
glory." Then, with her arms thrown up, as in a rapture of 
delight, she repeated, — ' A far more exceeding, a far more ex- 
ceeding! O, it is not possible to tell you what I feel in 
those words.' I said, My dear, you have now a sweet foretaste 
of that enjoyment you will shortly have in full possession. 'O 
yes,"* replied she, ' that is the thing, that is the thing ! I am 
now so sure I shall be happy ! Yes, die when I will, I am sure 
I shall be eternally happy ! But it is no merit of mine ; no, 
it is nothing I have done. No, no, it is Jesus Christ hath 
died for me ! that is the comfort. O Miss Tooth, that is the 
comfort, Jesus Christ hath died for me!" Yes, I replied, that 
will never fail you. The Lord has been very gracious to you, 
and, when I get home and tell dear Mrs. Fletcher, how will she 
praise the Lord for this ! She then cried out, ' O beg her to 
pray for me. As long as I am here I hope she will not forget 
me. I have had those words very much on my mind. Be ye 
also ready, for at an hour that ye think not, the Son of Man 
Cometh.' With great solemnity she repeated, ' At an hour 
ye think not.' I said. You can now praise the Lord that he 
did not call you at an hour when you thought not of him. ' O 
yes,' said she, 'I praise him for it. I praise him also every 
hour for this affliction; this light affliction.' She again ex- 
pressed much love to Mrs. Fletcher, and said, ' I shall see her 
in glory.' She parted from me in words of heavenly love and 
triumphant joy. Soon after she desired one present to read the 
burial-service, to which she listened with great attention ; but 
when they came to those words, ' Thanks be to God who hath 
given us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ,' she was 
transported, and shouted aloud the high praises of her Saviour, 
who had given her the victory. ' I have it, I feel it ! ' she 
cried out. And in the same heavenly trimnph she departed, 
and entered her heavenly Father's house." 

Jan. 23, 1806. — Blessed be the Lord I feel an encouraging 
hope, that this will be the best year of my life. I am waiting 
for my Lord to come and make my heart his loved abode, the 
temple of indwelling God. O how sweet is the communion of 
saints, when we meet with those who are all alive, or who are 



MRS. FLETCHEK. 



thirsting so to be ! but, alas, how rare are they found ! Last 
Tuesday we had Brother H. to preach here. I found him a 
man of God indeed: both his sermon and his prayers had much 
unction. We had some comfortable conversation after supper. 
His words tended to raise faith and love in our soids. Among 
other profitable particulars, he mentioned one manifestation ; it 
was as follows : — In his sleep he thought he was going to die, 
and pleaded that the Lord would give him the meetness for 
glory. After a time it was spoken to his heart, " It is done, it 
is done ; and he felt it was so, and found himself filled with 
the heavenly mind. — Then he saw angels all round his bed, — 
one in particular of great beauty at the foot. He thought him- 
self dying, and lay with great delight waiting the event. It 
then appeared to him he drew his last breath, on which the 
I)eautiful angel at the foot of the bed clasped him in his arm.s, 
and conveyed him to the heavenly gates, which as he stood 
before them appeared very glorious. The angel then touched 
the gates, which immediately flew open, and such streams of 
glory came out, as seemed to constrain him to draw back some 
paces, as being a greater delight than he could yet bear ; but 
presently he went forward, and entered the holy city. There 
he saw an innumerable company of glorified spirits, and the 
Patriarchs in a circle. Next to that circle, he saw another, of 
the Prophets ; and within that, all the Apostles. He then cried 
out, "But where is Jesus .^'^ The adorable God-man then 
appeared in view ! which sight fiUed his soul with joy inex- 
pressible; and .he observed beams of glory which proceeded 
from our Lord, and touched every one of the glorified spirits, 
showing how all their glory sprang from their union with the 
Supreme Good. His ecstasy was now great ; he cried out, and 
shouted the name of Jesus till he awoke. He told me, that for 
about three days he scarcely knew where he was, his soul was 
so wrapt up in the heavenly vision. I felt my soul much re- 
freshed by his conversation. 

March 30, Sunday. — On Tuesday night I dreamed I was 
sitting by the table, on which lay the large volume of my dear 
Mr. Fletcher's Life. I was at that time very thoughtful about 
the printing of his Works, fearing any thing should be done 



348 



THE LIFE OF 



that he would not approve. He came into the room, but I did 
not look up ; and being desirous to be alone, I went into the 
next room, and sat down. He called me with his own well- 
known voice, sapng, What, art thou so afraid of me as to go 
out of the room as I come in ? " I started up, and cried, Xo, 
my dear, I am not afraid of thee. I then returned, and sat 
down in my chair by the table; he sat on the other side. 
Then taking up the book, he said, There is no need for anxiet}' ; 
I would have thee read this book, it will give thee pleasure. 
Take it up now, thou wilt find something that ^rill encourage 
thee. — Two days after, I received a letter from !Mr. Benson, 
informing me, that a person in London had translated Mr. 
Fletcher's French Poem into English, and they had some 
thought of printing it with liis other works, if found to be 
done in a respectable manner. Then I understood that my 
dear Love told me of it, in order to prevent the uneasiness I 
should have felt had he not shown a degree of approval. I 
had no recollection of the Poem ; and that he should know I 
had nor read the Life, and thus comfort me under the anxiety 
which I felt, was very pleasing to me. O how indulgent is my 
heavenly Father ! 

May 24. — A thought has much dwelt on my mind for some 
days, — That we should, many times in a day, ask ourselves, — 
Am I now causing joy or grief in heaven ? We are told 
there is joy in heaven over the sinner that repenteth, and, by 
parity of reason, over the advance of every child of God. 
Those words (spoken of our Lord) follow me much : " In all 
their afflictions he was afflicted." He hath taken our whole 
nature, and so will abide eternally. But his passions are all 
regulated by the divine nature. So in the case of Lazarus it 
is said, " He groaned in spirit, and troubled himself.'' * It 
appears then, that he looks with delight or with mourning on 
his children. It is said, " As a bridegroom rejoiceth over his 
bride, so will the Lord thy God rejoice over thee : He will 
rest in his love. He will joy over thee with singing." And 
the idea, that by timiing away from this hurtful thought, I am 

* In the original it is so. Ed. 



MRS. FLETCHER. 



349 



giving pleasure to my Saviour, and resisting Satan, is a very 
animating conviction ; but, alas, I cannot express it in words : 
it is as if Jesus said, " My desire is towards thee ; let me 
not lose one thought." 

J une 30. — Blessed be the name of the Lord for the answers 
to prayer I have experienced of late ! One above all the rest 
demands my loudest praise ! I have long been crying for my 
soul to be all eye, so that I should discern an unprofitable 
thought in its approach, and now I have, from one particular 
day, felt this power continually for about a month. I do not 
mean that my thoughts do not wander from the various objects 
which occur ; * but if a thought would present itself, so as to 
take up the mind unnecessarily, in a moment I am warned, and 
enabled to stand upon my guard. O my adorable Saviour ! 
come and fully possess my soul, and give me such a measure 
of thy enlightening Spirit that I " may clearly discern the 
things which are given me of God ! " 

July 7? Monday. — Last night when I came out from the 
Society-meeting, I found a letter from London, informing me of 
the death of my dear Brother Samuel, who died about eleven in 
the forenoon, on Friday last, the 4th of this month. I have 
had much encouragement in my mind about him for some 
days, and so have some of my spiritual friends. His death 
seems to bring eternity very near. 

August 14. — Three seven years have I walked in widow- 
hood. O what a situation was I in this day twenty-one years ! 
What trials have I since known, but what mercies also ! Yes, 
my gracious Lord, I find thou dost order all for me ! This 
day I renew my covenant to be all the Lord's. I know not 
what bitter cups may yet be preparing for me, but I here cast 
myself wholly into thy hands ! My body is weak with age, 
and threatened with many painful disorders ; but I leave all to 
thy adorable will. Miss Tooth seems threatened with a con- 
sumption. This would be an unspeakable loss, for she takes 
off all care from me, and is in every way an abundant comfort 
and help ; but this I also offer up to thee, my Lord. 

* Sec Mr. Wesley's admirable Sermon on Wandering Thoughts, lt.D. 



350 



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Sept. 12. — This day I enter into my 68th year. None of 
my family have lived to my age. Lord, what shall I do to 
live more abundantly to Thee ? O that I may take up every 
cross, and embrace it as a precious jewel ! O the great ad- 
vantage of living in the will of God ! 

Nov. 12. — A memorable day to me ! This day twenty-five 
years I gave my hand to my dear Mr. Fletcher. O what a 
oneness of soul do I feel with him still ! Lord, give me the 
meetness to partake of that joy he lives in ! — I have of late 
been convinced it would help my faith to consider deeply what 
great loving-kindness and guardian care I have experienced 
from the Lord, since he hath taken my dear partner to glory. 
I may say indeed, " Goodness and mercy hath foUowed me all 
my days."" What a mercy that this house is still my home ! 
The Vicar might have wanted it himself, or he might wish to 
let it to some other person. But in this Mr. Burton hath 
shown me much kindness, as also Mr. Kenerson, the Patron ; 
may God bless them for it, and give them both everlasting- 
habitations ! At this time I feel my soul drawn out after a 
closer union with the Lord. 

Feb. 13, I8O7. — Though " offences wiU come,'' yet we have 
great cause to be thankful that the work prospers. Since the 
beginning of this year we have had seven triumphant deaths. 
One of them was Mrs. B. When I first saw her she was an 
object of great pity. She had lived in affluence, but was re- 
duced almost to beggary. She had no bed. I procured a 
little one for her, and she praised the Lord abundantly. She 
had for more than half a year laid on the ground. " It was," 
said she, " very hard, and my bones were sore ; but I enjoyed 
such communion with God, it bore me above all.'' She has 
suffered much for many years, but always had the consolations 
of God, and sometimes very abundant. A few weeks before 
her death, when her son came home one day, she said, " I 
have had such a manifestation of the love of God as I cannot 
describe. I think if I was in heaven I could not enjoy more 
than I do ! " This continued with her to the last. She was 
one of the Lord's hidden jewels indeed, little known or no- 
ticed among men. Her appearance was mean, but " she was 



MRS. FLETCHEK. 



351 



glorious within." Another was a child not twelve years old, 
the son of W. Smith. He had a long and severe illness, 
during which the Lord brought him to rest in the will of God 
to a degree which amazed those about him, and much com- 
forted his parents. Some time before his death he had a won- 
derful manifestation of the love of God. He cried out to his 
father and mother, — to be all in earnest. "It is," said he, 
" worth your while. O what do I see I how pretty ! how 
sweet ! how grand ! how glorious ! " Then, as conversing with 
the Lord, he said, " Lord Jesus, shall I come now ? Shall I 
come now ? I want to be with thee. Let me come now ! " He 
became silent for some time ; then he said, " Not now, I must 
suffer longer." Three or four times after this he had glorious 
manifestations. In one of them, he told his father how his soul 
had been grieved to see their workmen play and trifle. — " Sure,'' 
said he, " they forget that God sees them every moment ; and 
when I think of backsliders, it makes my heart ready to bleed 
to think there are any who do not love Jesus." He pointed to 
a chest of drawers, and said, " Father, if those drawers were 
full of gold, I would not take it for what I feel and see." 
When near death, as he sat in the chair, (for he could not lie 
down, nor lean back, for want of breath,) he told them how 
happy he was, and yet how very bad. He then said, " Father, 
put the piUow, I will try to lean back." When this was done, 
he cried out, " Triumph ! triumph ! " He then fell into a 
sweet sleep for about three quarters of an hour ; when turning 
his face on one side, he died without any struggle. The others 
all died in clear light, but I have not the particulars. 

March 5. — Glory be to God, I see more and more his tender 
care is over me and mine. I have had a time of trial from 
Miss Tooth's illness this last fortnight, but much mercy was 
mixed with judgment. Lord, spare her if it please thee ! 
Thou knowest I have need of her help ; but thy will is the 
arm of the rock I cling to when the waves go over my head, 
and I know that rock will never fail me. 

A thought has struck my mind. That from some things 
mentioned in the notes subjoined to the Portrait of St. Paul, 
edited by Mr. Gilpin, after my dear husband's death, he might 



352 



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be thought to favour the opinions of Baron Swedenborg. I 
therefore think it my duty to bear my witness to the contrary. 
The first book which he saw contained but little amiss, and 
Mr. Wesley having observed concerning it, — " I think it will 
neither do good nor harm;"' — Mr. Fletcher, soon after writing 
to his brother, who had mentioned it, observed, that it was a 
book which he did not condemn. But when he had seen a 
little more of the Baron's works, he said to me one day, 

" Polly, I believe Mr. will be a Swedenborger, and I am 

very sorry for it." I said. Well, if he can believe there are 
wax-candles and feasts in heaven, he must have strange ideas. 
Mr. Fletcher replied, " My dear, thou dost not perceive the 
snake in the grass. These books deny the atonement, and so 
strike at the very root of all true religion." In the same mind 
he continued to the last. 

April 3. — I feel within these few days, a drawing nearer to 
the Lord ; and a loving recollection of his presence to be the 
element in which alone my soul can grow. I feel an increas- 
ing expectation that the Lord will come, and take up his 
abode in my soul. That verse in Jeremiah (ch. xxxii.) is 
much on my mind: " I will make an everlasting covenant with 
them, that I will not turn away from them, to do them good ; 
but I will put my fear in their hearts, that they shall not 
depart from me. Yea, I will rejoice over them to do them 
good, and I will plant them in this land assuredly with my 
whole heart, and with my whole soul." I look now hoiu'ly for 
this, that according to my former promise, I may " feed on 
Carmel and Bashan," and my soul be satisfied in a close com- 
munion with God. 

August 14. — This day twenty-two years my dearly-beloved 
husband entered glory. When I awoke this morning, the first 
thpught presented to my mind was, — How has my soul grown 
in these twenty-two years ? I felt a deep sinking before the 
Lord, that it had not grown more abundantly. I am sensible 
of a progress, but, alas ! it is very small when compared with 
what might have been. I place in J esus my whole confidence. 
My hope is in him as my great High Priest, and those words 
are very sweet to me : " The author and finisher of our faith." 



MRS. FLETCHER. 



353 



0 my adorable Saviour, I am as the clay in thy hand ; make 
me such a vessel as thou shalt choose me to be ! Some things 
have occurred which, years ago, would have been a great trial : 
but I now see and feel a great beauty in the cross ; and have 
such evident proof that He orders all, that I can leave all my 
cares in his hand. 

Sept. 11. — If I live till to-morrow I shall be sixty-eight 
years old, and my dear Mr. Fletcher would on that day have 
been seventy-eight. O how long has he been in glory before 
me ! He was ripe, and sweetly gathered into the garner. 
Lord, prepare thy poor creature to follow him. I have had 
my niece Whittingham (my dear sister's daughter) with me 
for some time, whom I had not seen since she was twelve 
years old. I have found much satisfaction in the interview. 
Blessed be God for the work wrought in her soul, and for the 
pious husband the Lord hath provided for her. How much 
better is she off than if she had remained in the world ! 
Truly " godliness hath the promise of this life, and of that 
which is to come." I am surrounded with blessings ; I want 
no earthly comfort. O that I had a more grateful heart i 

Dec. 15. — I have been a fortnight laid aside from a bad 
cold, and much weakness on my lungs ; but what cause have 

1 to praise the Lord ! I have experienced his tender care in 
many ways. One night, when more ill than before, I was 
offering up my soul and body, for time and eternity, into the 
hand of my gracious Redeemer, and longing for a fuller pre- 
paration for that day, which I saw could not be far off ; and 
being hardly able to keep in bed for want of breath, I found, 
all at once, as if I were surrounded, or overshadowed, with a 
sweet and sacred power ! I cannot describe it ; but I felt as 
if I was so encircled by, and drawn into the presence of God, 
that nothing could approach to hurt me ! I said. Not a 
thought can arise " to disturb my beloved till he please.""* It 
lasted about half an hour, and showed me how easy the Saviour 
can enclose the soul as an island in the midst of the sea ! 

Dec. 31. — O my God, how do I close this year.? I am still 
confined to my chamber, and mend but slowly. But I feel 
the Lord is at work in my soul. I pant for a more lively faith, 



354 



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and, blessed be God, I have found an increase since this 
illness. — Truly, he makes all my bed in my sickness, and 
keeps me night and day. 

Jan. 1, 1808. — And do I seethe beginning of another year? 
Yes, my Saviour ! thou dost yet spare me. I have been some 
time in a near prospect of death. O that I may use every 
moment to gain more of thy likeness ! I cannot be far from 
eternity. O my God, make me ready ! I have not been able 
to begin this year with the dear people as usual, being stiD 
confined; yet mercy is in all my cup. How light are my 
pains compared with others ! 

Feb. 9. — Blessed be the Lord, he hath wonderfully renewed 
my strength ! I have been out these three weeks, and have 
gone through my meetings in the week as before ; and, praised 
be the Lord I I feel greater liberty than ever. The other day 
I found among some old papers a few lines I wrote many years 
ago. They were blessed to me ; and, as I hope they will be a 
blessing to others, I transcribe them : — 

July 18, 1761, Saturday. — We had a good time at the 
meeting this morning, at Brother Biggs's. Mr. Fletcher was 
with us; and as I was speaking of my discouragements, he 
said, " Make more use of Jesus. The reason why you find a 
spark of faith and love, when you repeat those words, ' On 
thine arm do I trust,** which you do not feel at other times is, 
because at that time you make an act of faith ; but you do not 
continue that act of faith, which is the reason you do not 
always feel the same. If ' our anchor is cast within the veil,' 
we must be casting it further and further, that we may draw 
our souls nearer and nearer to God. There is nothing which 
draws my soul to God like the consideration of his love to me ; 
it is on that I must fix my eyes, and when I feel my heart 
has wandered, and I am cold and dead, and unable to watch 
and pray, this is my method, — I return just as I am to Christ, 
and cast myself again on his mercy, pleading, — Thou art the 
righteousness of the ungodly, the strength of the weak, the 
•helper of the helpless ; thou art the friend of sinners ; — in 
short, he is the God of fallen man." He again observed, — 
He doth not require us to stay for a broken heart; for what 



MRS. l-LETCHER. 



355 



"would repentance avail if he did not work it ? We also lose 
much for want of thankfulness. We should praise God for 
every good desire we feel, though, perhaps, as yet, we have 
not power to put it in practice.*" 

Mr. Maxfield was, at that time, a very blessed instrument 
among us, and great power attended his word. Although very 
painful things afterwards occurred,* I do not think myself clear 
unless I bear a testimony to that truth. I took down a few 
particulars of a sermon of his, which I will here repeat. 

Nov. 2, I76I, Sunday. — Mr. Maxfield preached on the his- 
tory of the Israelites taking Jericho. He observed, — "By 
what is said of Jericho, we may be instructed concerning the 
evils contained in our hearts. — It was the ' Captain of the 
Lord's host ' by whose command Joshua acted, and this Cap- 
tain was our Lord Jesus, who still goeth before every one who 
believes in his name. But,"' added he, " there is one thing 
very material to observe, — * Jericho was straitly shut up, none 
went out, and none came in." Now is this the case with your 
hearts ? Are you watching over your ear, your eye, your 
tongue ? Are you careful neither to see, hear, nor speak any 
thing, but what tends to draw your souls to God ? Many of 
you will perhaps ask. Why do not the walls of Jericho, my 
corrupt heart, fall before the Lord, as I have been seeking 
so many years. I will tell you why, — your Jericho is not 
* straitly shut up."' It may be, that every idle story your 
neighbour brings to your ears, or foolish imagination Satan 
suggests to your minds, finds a ready entertainment, and your 
minds are filled with unprofitable thoughts, which, like a crowd, 
get between you and your Saviour. You might seek thus for 
ten thousand years, and be no nearer. Every thought that 
doth not tend towards God, if indulged, stops the work of 
sanctifi cation ; and you will never advance towards holiness, 
till you exert with resolution the power which God hath given 
you, in resisting steadfastly every thought and word which 
would come between your soul and Christ. But those who are 
thus watching and keeping their hearts, so that nothing can 
find entrance till it be examined, and known from whence it 

* He separated from Mr. Wesley, and did much harm in the London 
Society. Ed. 

z 2 



356 



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comes, — let them take courage. I am sure your souls, thus 
waiting, will not wait long before your ' Joshua will command 
them to shout ! ' Only let them believe, and continue to 
watch. The Israelites were bid not to shout, nor make any 
noise, till they were commanded; and when that moment 
should come was known only to Joshua. They believed 
and followed. So let us hang by a simple faith on Jesus, 
listening every moment what his Spirit shall dictate to our 
hearts ; for ' the Captain of the Lord's host ' is with us, and 
' he hath his sword drawn in his hand," to conquer all our ad- 
versaries. And though you feel your sinful tempers, be not 
discouraged, for the inhabitants of Jericho were not only alive 
to the last, but in full strength. When the power of faith 
comes, the strong walls of unbelief shall drop down, and you 
shall go up and possess the good land ! How little and idle it 
would appear in the eyes of these enemies, thus to walk round 
the walls, blowing rams' horns ! So we think our labour and 
spiritual striving avail nothing; but only let us continue to 
cut off every word or thought which would give food to the 
old man, and thus obey, in firm reliance that ' our Joshua will 
be the author and finisher of our faith,' and we shall find him 
' faithful who hath promised, who also will do it.' " 

March 3. — This was a good morning to me : the Lord was 
very present when I awoke ; and I had such a view of the all- 
sufficiency of the Saviour as I cannot express ! Such a safety 
in trusting on his arm alone ! That thought struck me, — * 
Many great kings have said, " I have no cause to fear, for I 
have vast armies, great allies, &c." But, O, what a fly did it 
all appear to me, when compared to the power I felt in that 
simple word, "Jesus is on my side ! " 

March 18. — Yesterday I found an increase of faith. O 
what repeated proofs I have that the Lord doth watch over his 
poor creature with guardian care ! I had something to do in 
the work of God, which was attended with difficulty ; and yet 
I scarcely knew how to go out in the sharp east wind. But, 

0 how was every thing ordered ! I found also such liberty in 
visiting the sick, as if every word was immediately given me. 

1 had such a view into the way of faith, — and the atonement 
was made so clear as I cannot express. 1 saw also the Lord's 



MRS. FLETCHEPt. 



tender care in a variety of other occurrences. What a freedom 
from care hath the soul who singly trusts in J esus ! 

March 29- — I cannot be thankful as I would for the resto- 
ration of health which I feel. Cold as it is, I have been en- 
abled to keep to all my meetings, — seven or eight times a 
week ; and my nights are as "comfortable as when I was but 
twenty. I feel no complaint of my breath when still, nor in 
bed. O that I might use all my little strength to the glory 
of God ! I see death very near, notwithstanding this amend- 
ment. 

On looking over my Journal, I miss some observations which 
I wrote on the death of my dear father in Christ, Mr. Wesley. 
I think I must have mislaid that sheet, or perhaps lent, and 
so lost it. However, I wish now to bear my testimony to the 
truth. I shall have cause to bless God throughout eternity 
that ever I knew that precious and highly -favoured servant of 
the Lord Jesus. He was indeed a star in the Almighty's 
hand, and a wonderful instrument of good to our nation. 
When I was very low, after my dear husband's death, among 
the many gloomy thoughts which came to my mind, one was, 
that I had not so profited by Mr. Wesley's excellent advice as 
I might have done ; and I wrote to him expressing that senti- 
ment ; to which he gave me the following answer : — " My dear 
sister, I do not remember you ever disobliged me in any thing. 
On the contrary, you have for these many years done every 
thing in your power to oblige me." Indeed I saw it my duty 
so to do, and must acknowledge my many and great obligations 
to that great and good man. 

May 26. — How good do I find it to lie quiet in the hand of 
Jesus ! All, all works for good. I have been ill with a cold 
three weeks, and trust I am laid aside for a season, in order to 
gain the blessings of retirement. Some fatigues which have 
occurred from company rather threw me back. The providence 
of God appeared so clear, I could only say, O how true is that 
word, 

" Jesus doth my burden bear, 
Jesus takes my every care." 

Some nights, when I could not lie down for the cough and 



358 



THE LIFE OF 



want of breath, I felt a sweet sense of the presence of God, and 
of the heavenly spirits ! Not any particular rapture, but a 
solemn consciousness ; and those words were with me con- 
tinually, 

" Do what thou wilt with this weak clay, 
But let me all thy mind fulfil, 
But let me all thy will obey." 

June 1. — Blessed be the Lord I am better, and was enabled 
to meet the class yesterday morning, though I spoke with dif- 
ficulty. This morning I have found an increase of faith in 
reading the 10th chapter of Hebrews. O that perfect, that 
complete Sacrifice ! Yes, he hath once for all paid the whole 
debt ; there is therefore a free and open way into the Holiest ! 
I see death so near, I find it on my heart to pray for, and 
take thought of, the work of God in this place. O my Saviour, 
cause it to increase abundantly ! Keep away stumbling-blocks, 
and pour out thy Spirit in a peculiar manner on my dear hus- 
band's orphans. I could wish Miss Tooth to remain in Made- 
ley, if a way should be made for her, and that she might be 
able to take in the Preachers. I can see no other way so 
likely and proper ; and I think it would be the most comfort- 
able for them. All is in the hand of the Lord. She has the 
cause of God truly at heart, and if her health is restored, she 
will, I believe, be very useful to the people. That word I 
think of with pleasure, — " All things are beautiful in their 
season.'' — So I trust I shall find it. O that death may have 
no sting for me, and that her way may be opened before her 
by the Lord ! 

August 4. — Having been told by several persons that a re- 
port has got abroad, — That my dear Mr. Fletcher expressed a 
sorrow for having wrote his Checks to Antinomiaxism, and 
that he died in quite a different opinion, — I do solemnly aver 
there is no truth in the assertion. So far from that, a little 
before his death, speaking of the hurt that so close an applica- 
tion had caused to his health, I said, — But thou dost not re- 
pent the labour ? He replied,—'' O no; it was a great blessing 
to my soul. And if my strength was wasted thereby, it was in 
the cause of truth." I never knew him have the least variation 



MRS. FLETCHER. 



35i 



in his sentiments ; and I am sure he did not willingly conceal 
any part of his mind from me, any more than I did from him. 

I had this morning a solemn look at death. Many com- 
plaints seem to be gathering about me, and they seem to por- 1 
tend sufferings ; but I feel a spirit of true sacrifice, and those 
words are sweetly on my mind, — 

" Leave to his sovereign sway 
To choose and to command ; 
So shalt thou_, wond'ring, own his way. 
How wise, how good his hand." 

August 18. — From an uncommon hurry of strangers being 
here, and other circumstances, I have had no time for writing 
in my journal, though I should have liked to set down many 
things. All the last week was very solemn ; the day of my 
dear husband's death falling on the Sabbath this year, brought 
each scene to its own period, and caused me frequently to look 
back and praise the Lord, who had preserved me in the deep 
waters, through which I at that time passed. I had a most 
humbling view of the little progress I have since made ; yet 
I found a great confidence in my " good Shepherd," whose 
wise providence I have seen and experienced in a remarkable 
manner. He does so fit my strength to my day, and orders 
all in such wonderful mercy, that truly I am constrained to 
say, (unworthy as I am,) 

" Round me and beneath are spread 
The everlasting arms." 

Sept. 12. — At eight o'clock this morning, sixty-nine years 
ago, I was born. How many dangers I have passed through ! 
But Thy merciful arm has been over me, and proved by a 
thousand and a thousand ways, that " the hairs of my head 
are indeed numbered.'' O my great Deliverer ! how hast thou 
stood by me, and heaped mercy upon mercy on me ! 

Sept. 15. — I feel a fresh beam of light upon my soul ! A y 
further discovery of the extent of the atonement. On Tues- 
day night, when at prayer, I found the eye of faith grow 
brighter, and the open fountain more plain before me. O the 
liberty the believer hath of coming every moment to the 



THE LIFE OF 



Saviour ! If I shut my eyes I may fancy the sun doth not 
shine ; but the veil is not on the sun but on my eyes. The 
Saviour saith, " Whosoever cometh unto me, I will in no wise 
cast out." Lord, give me ever to feel the sense of this truth 
which I now do, that every moment I may " wash my robes,"" 
and both make and keep them white ; for " thy blood cleanseth 
from all sin."" 

Blessed be God, another is gone to her rest : our dear Sister 
Benbow, the account of whom, by Miss Tooth, I had not 
before time to enter. " From what Mrs. Benbow has told 
me, I have reason to believe she had been mider the drawings 
of God from her earliest youth. Some years since she began 
to come to the Monday meetings at Madeley. These she 
found so profitable, that, although the difficulty was great, 
owing to her weakness, she would still persevere. These last 
three years she has been confined by illness, but often expressed 
her longing desire to be at those opportunities again, if the 
Lord should permit. Upwards of two years ago I went to see 
her, and I may say, I have counted it my privilege and honour 
to visit her at every opportunity since that time. She drank 
in instruction from either conversation or reading. The ex- 
perience and death of the children of God were the delight of 
her soul. Mr. Fletcher's Letters, and his Appeal, were much 
blessed to her. Concerning the latter she would say, * Blessed 
be God for that book, for it hath taught me the way to Jesus 
by faith ! ' When I have been reading to her, observing her 
pain to be so violent, I have for a time laid the book aside ; 
but she would say, ' No, read on, it does me good. It re- 
freshes me, and gives me encouragement. O what should I 
do if " his everlasting arms " were not underneath me ; but he 
does sweetly support me, glory be unto him.** 

" She suffered great pain, even to agony ; yet not one mur- 
muring word was heard to drop from her lips. In one minute 
she would be crying out with the violence of the pain, — the next 
she would be saying, ' Thy will be done, my sweet Saviour i 
I would suffer all thy will ; — 

" I the chief of sinners am^ 
But Jesus died for me ! " 



MRS. FLETCHER. 



361 



I feel great peace, and those words are powerfully applied, " I 
know that my Redeemer liveth." I can say with David, 
" Though my flesh and my heart faileth, God is the strength 
of my heart, and my portion for ever.*" O that word, " for 
ever ! " There is something so sweet in that word, " for 
ever ! " ' Another day, as I entered the room, she cried out 
with triumphant joy, ' " His banner over me is love ! O the 
sweet times I have had this last week in reading the Scrip- 
tures ! Another time, as I was observing the power of divine 
grace in loosing the heart from earthly attachments, — she said, 
' I prove that ; for time was when I seemed to have ten thou- 
sand ties to this world, but now I have not one. Jesus has 
broken every chain.' Through all her sufferings her constant 
language was, blessing and praising the Lord for his goodness ; 
ever declaring all her trust and confidence was in ' the atoning 
blood.' Often in the midst of the most exquisite sufferings 
she would enumerate her mercies, saying, ' What comforts I 
Jim surrounded with ! Such tender affectionate children ta 
nurse me ! And, above all, the prayers of God's people. O 
I cannot tell half the things that call for thankful praise.' 
When the Preachers, or Mr. Walter, visited her, she has often 
observed to me, with delight, what a blessing it was to her. On 
June 3, she told me she had neither doubt nor fear, nothing 
disturbed her ; and though in the most violent pain, she cried 
out, ' Not one pain less ! I would not have one pain less, if 
this is thy will, my sweet Lord Jesus !' In the night of the 
7th of June, she waked and said, ' I am quite well ! I have 
neither ache nor pain.' Miss Benbow, who sat up with her, 
being much affected, and not immediately replying, she again 
cried out, ' Nancy, I have neither ache nor pain ! Give praise 
to the Lord I O give thanks to God ! ' Miss Benbow said. 
And are you happy, mother ? She answered, ' Yes, quite 
so.' A short time before she departed, she said, ' Sweet 
Jesus, come quickly ! ' These were the last words she uttered. 
From this time she lay with a smiling countenance, that be- 
spoke a sweet serenity within ; and at the last she went off so 
quietly, they could scarcely perceive when she drew her last 
breath, which was on Thursday morning, June 9, 1808." 



362 



THE LIFE OF 



Nov. 12. — Memorable day to me ! This day twenty-seven 
years, (the day of my marriage,) I was full of anxiety at this 
hour ; but, O what cause have I had to rejoice in the trans- 
action of that day ! As the morning approached I felt a fresh 
conviction, — this is the day I peculiarly consecrate to my ador- 
able Lord, and I felt it good to wait upon the Lord. — My faith 
was invigorated, and my expectation enlarged. O how little 
doth all appear to me that is not eternity ! 

Dec. 6. — I have been called, since I wrote last, to a new dis- 
pensation. I had for more than two months been lame at times 
with my right knee, yet walked about, though with some pain. 
But some days since it grew worse, till last Thursday, when it 
was so well I could walk without a stick, and thought myself 
cured. That night, as I was going to bed, in a moment I felt 
a pain in it which rendered me quite helpless. How it will end 
I know not ; but I feel a sweetness in repeating, " My Father 
cannot err, and I will never choose." This trial has been much 
blessed to me. It brings eternity near. I have also had a 
deeper conviction of the need of a more earnest pursuing after 
entire holiness, and my mind has been more stayed on the Lord, 
and kept in more abundant peace. I knew not how I should be 
) got out of the chamber, but we found a chair with wheels, which 
would go through the doors, so that I can be brought in and 
out of the study; and such a number of little helps (but to me 
great ones) has occurred, that I see the hand of my dear Father 
is all around me as I cannot express. 

Dec. 13. — Last night I had pain, but blessed be the Lord, 
with a mixture of ease and rest. My complaint is said to be 
an inflammation on the knee-bone ; but I am affected in various 
ways. As I had to sit up in bed a good while in the night, I 
felt it profitable. 

Dec. 26. — This has been a solemn Christmas to me. Though 
confined to my room, my soul has been on a stretch for holiness, 
especially to-day. O what cause of praise ! How truly is that 
promise fulfilled,* " Do not be frightened, God will make you 
a comfortable habitation.'' And so he doth indeed ; and that 



* See page 177. 



MRS. FLETCHER. 



363 



other word, so often given me of late, "As one whom his mother 
comforteth, so will I comfort thee." Yes, I can rely on his 
dear arm, and cling to his will. But O I long that God should 
take up the whole of my heart, as his abiding throne ! 

March 20, 1809. — Yesterday was a comfortable Sabbath. 
The Lord carried me through all the four meetings,* and 
blessed me with his gracious presence, glory be to his holy 
name ! Reading those words of Baxter, " There is far more 
procured for us by Christ, than we lost in Adam," — I felt a 
peculiar power in it ; and while meditating thereon, I said in 
my heart. Then how great may our expectations be ! Imme- 
diately that word came to my mind, " Open thy mouth wide, 
and I will fill it." O my God, how shall I comprehend what 
thou hast to bestow ! O for more of that sacred " violence 
which takes the kingdom by force." 

March 22. — We had much hurry yesterday, but blessed be 
God, I felt great calmness all day. My meditation ran much 
on that scripture, "He that receiveth you, receiveth me;" 
and again, — " Whatsoever ye do to one of the least of these, 
is done unto me." This morning, feeling some symptoms of a 
very painful disorder, I was offering it up to the Lord, that 
he might do all his will upon me, when I thought of those 
lines : 

The Lord my pasture shall prepare, 
And feed me with a shepherd's care : 
His presence shall my wants supply. 
And guard me with a watchful eye. 
My noon-day walks he shall attend. 
And all my midnight hours defend." 

I felt a power as I repeated them, but afterwards doubly so ; it 
was given me as my own. Yes, my faithful Lord, thou wilt 
not suffer me to be tempted above what I am able, but wilt with 
the temptation make a way to escape, that I may be able to bear 
it. I feel an increase of both faith and love. Lord, let me grow 
stronger and stronger in Thee ! 

April 5. — I have lately received some particular answers to 

* It seems she had now recovered from her lameness. Ed. 



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prayer. Lord, let my gratitude bear proportion with my 
mercies ! I have been now able to go out for several weeks, and 
to attend all my meetings, often very comfortably, even eight 
or nine times a week. My breath is better than it hath been 
for years ; and though my limbs are weak and stiff, I can walk 
so as to visit some sick who are near to us, and go up and down 
stairs many times a-day, blessed be the Lord who holds all our 
disorders in his hand, and times them as he sees good. O that 
I may use all my remaining strength to his glory ! 

April 26.— Glory be to God, I have felt him working on my 
soul for some days, and drawing my mind into a more steady re- 
collection. Reading the account of Israel passing over Jordan, 
I was led to reflect that I had nothing to do but believe^ and 
follow the Lord, and all difficulties would vanish out of my way 
in spiritual things, as they have done in temporal. He will 
fulfil all his gracious promises. Yes, my faithful Saviour, I 
look for the blessed moment when 1 shall have my delight in 
the Almighty, beyond all I have ever known. I feel a glorious 
day approaching. Lord, hasten the hour ! 

In order to make the day more profitable, let me consider, — 
I usually rise between five and six. Then let me behold J esus 
by the eye of faith, sitting on the right hand of God, exalted 
in glory, yet looking down on me ; inclining his gracious ear 
to my prayer, and saying, " Let me hear thy voice ; pray 
without ceasing. Every one that asketh receiveth."" My heart 
shall answer, O most faithful and loving Saviour, permit me 
again to throw myself at thy dear feet. Thy mercy has pre- 
served me this night from men and devils. Thou hast made 
me to rest in safety. For this my soul doth adore thee ! And 
I praise thee, O Lord, for some degree of health. While many 
are in racking pain, I am in ease, and have the use of my un- 
derstanding, and a comfortable degree of sight and hearing; 
yea, thou hast preserved to me the use of all my limbs and 
faculties ; and here I consecrate them all to thee ! O take my 
soul and body's powers, and let them be at thy disposal this 
day. I here renew my covenant to become altogether thine ; 
and to be obedient to thy will. Whatever thou shalt appoint 
this day, O my Lord and Master, give me to receive it in 



MRS, FLETCHER. 



divine order ! Give me this day to watch every moment, that 
I may not lose one opportunity of " taking up my cross," nor 
of doing good either to the souls or bodies of men. Yea, let 
me strive to confer happiness or comfort on every one, even to 
the brute creation. This is thy will. O do not suffer me to 
miss one instance in which I might have such an honour ! O 
Lord, grant thy Spirit's teaching, that I may lie at thy feet^ 
and listening to thy voice, have power to obey it. Give me, 
O Lord, this day, the spirit of recollected prayer ; that prayer 
of faith which cannot go unanswered. And O my Lord, I 
entreat thee, by all the mercy and love thou hast shown me, 
thy most unworthy creature, that thou wouldest favour me with 
the key of the holy Scriptures ! Thou knowest, O Lord, it is 
a sealed book, till thou openest the seals thereof. Confer on 
me, I beseech thee, that teaching of thy Spirit, that I may 
discern the deep truths, the glorious promises, and all the 
sacred mysteries, which lead to close communion with thyself ! 
That I may, in my measure, " comprehend with all saints, 
the length, and breadth, and depth, and height, of thy in- 
comprehensible love ! " 

May 28. — This morning I was led to look back on the 
mercies of my past life ; and I was amazed to see how in every 
part of it such tender love had been mixed with my crosses. 
When in my father's house, though I had many things to pass 
through which were trials and humiliations, yet when I could 
get into my own room I seemed to be quite comfortable, and 
had a continual sense that God would deliver me out of all 
when his time was come. When I was removed from my father's 
house, to my little lodging of two rooms at Hoxton, though 
really very inconvenient, it appeared as a most sweet asylum to 
me. When I took the little house on the road-side, I thought 
it a palace ! And though there was much, very much, to ask 
forgiveness for in all those places, yet there were abundant 
blessings; and I can recollect many messages from Heaven in 
them all. I next removed to Laytonstone. There I seemed 
in the land of Goshen : and though I can now look back and 
wonder how I stood under the galling crosses I had to encounter, 
yet at the time they often appeared swallowed up in mercies ! 



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At Cross-Hall, in Yorkshire, I had many humiliations and 
cares ; but I often thought that situation better than all the 
others, and that if the Lord would open me a way to abide 
there, it would be a great favour. But, O, he had something 
better, far better, for me. He brought me through fire and 
water, to this spot, — to Madeley ; and of all my situations, 
none hath been equal to this. O the loving-kindness of my 
God ! I remember in the year I766, being from home, on a 
journey with sister Ryan, and under very great trials, both 
outward and inward, as I was one day in prayer, those words 
were applied to me with a peculiar power : "I will bring Israel 
again to his habitation, and he shall feed on Carmel and Ba- 
shan, and his soul shall be satisfied on Mount Ephraim and 
Gilead. At that time, and in those days, shall the iniquity of 
Israel be sought for, and there shall be none, and the sin of 
Judah, and it shall not be found ; for I will pardon them whom 
I reserve."" This was so deeply impressed on my mind, that, 
when after some months' absence we returned home, I looked 
out (as well as I was able) the meaning of the words in the 
Hebrew Lexicon. I now repeat it here, being conscious, that 
at this very time I feel the beginning of the accomplishment. 
Outwardly it is indeed made good. I am in a most peaceful 
habitation ; and some of the clusters of grapes from Canaan I 
do taste of, and sit as on the banks of Jordan, waiting to be 
brought over. 

August 10. — At present I am under a particular exercise. 
Some time ago I found my relations deeply laid on my mind, 
especially my dear brother William, and my brother's widow. 
I thought, I have not been faithftil to them ; — and feared, as I 
had not seen them for twenty years, I should never see them 
again. I laid it before the Lord in earnest prayer. A cir- 
cumstance occurred which gave me some encouragement. But 
how was I surprised when I received a letter that they were 
coming to see me ! They are now here ! My soul is drawn 
out much in their behalf. Lord, I look unto thee, be thou my 
helper, and enable me to confess thee faithftilly before men, 
that I may not have the blood of souls found upon me ! 

August 24. — Glory be to God, I have found him very 



MRS. FLETCHER. 



367 



gracious indeed. All has been as I could have wished, and I 
had freedom and comfort in our different interviews. I saw the 
hand of the Lord in every circumstance. O what a Saviour 
have I ! Since that time some trials have occurred which have 
affected my health. I feel a great inward sinking, and, by 
various symptoms, it seems that the Lord is reminding me the 
hour is not far off. O my adorable Saviour, give me but to 
glorify thee to the last moment, to feel my whole will lost in 
thine ! 

• Sept. 12. — Lord appear in my behalf! I feel my body 
grow very feeble, and I want a fuller baptism of thy Spirit. 
My confidence is all in Thee ; but I want to feel an intimate 
close communion. Once I should have been well pleased with 
what I at present feel, but when death seems very near, there 
needs a peculiar smile of the Lord to carry the soul triumph- 
antly through the sufferings of that season. Indeed there are 
moments when he doth assure me, " As my day my strength 
shall be ; " and of late I have found such help in times of trial 
that I am greatly encouraged. This day I am seventy years 
old. Ah ! my Lord, how little have I done for thee in seventy 
years ! But I look to mere mercy. My hope is in the Saviour ! 
I have nothing to plead ! 

Sept. 19. — Last night I was restless and disturbed, and as I 
lay awake I thought. Is not God my strongest desire .'^ What 
would now give me the most pleasure ? My heart answered, 
" A smile from my Lord." I then thought of heaven, and 
considered myself as afresh united to my dear Husband, my 
Sally, and my friend Ryan. The thought was pleasing, and 
raised gratitude in my heart. But when I turned my thoughts 
to a sight of, and union with, my Saviour, — O how superior a 
spring of joy did I feel ! I think I can truly say, — " Whom 
have I in heaven but Thee ? and there is none upon earth I 
desire in comparison of Thee!" But, Lord, I am not satisfied. 
Ah, no; I want such a possession of thy love, such an intimate 
union, as every moment to feel thy approving smile ! 

Nov. 12. — Twenty-eight years this day, and at this hour, I 
gave my hand and heart to John William De la Flechere. A 



< 



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profitable and blessed period of my life.— I feel, at this moment, 
a more tender affection towards him than I did at that time, 
and by faith I now join my hand afresh with his. My Sally, 
and my friend Ryan too, — We are one in Jesus. O that I 
may follow them as they followed Christ ! 

Jan. 6, 1810. — Glory be to thee, my precious Saviour, for 
the great mercies I have received the last year ! O how many 
striking answers to prayer ! I feel also an increase of faith, 
and begin this year with a more firm confidence in thy faithful 
promises. Yes, my gracious Lord, I abandon all, all, into thy 
hand, both for time and eternity. I have been reading again 
that excellent work of my dear husband, " The Portrait of St. 
Paul." I had not read it for many years, but, O how sweet 
did I find it ! It is amazing that it should be so clear and per- 
fect as it is, when I consider what he said to me about it, — 
That it was a rough draft, wrote in his illness, when abroad ; 
and which he intended to write all over again, and to improve, 
had he been spared to do it. I felt a sweet unction as I read 
it, and am very glad it is taken into the Ninth Volume of his 
Works. 

Feb. 11. — I have been ill for about two months with a com- 
plaint on my lungs, but was enabled to keep to all the meetings 
till Tuesday last, when I grew much worse. My breath is ex- 
ceeding short, and the cough very severe. By the expectoration 
it appears to be such a consumption as old people have. I am 
glad I have had these opportunities with the dear people, 
though perhaps I have suffered by it. The Lord has been very 
present with us of late. Those words have been much on my 
mind: "Whom have I in heaven but thee, and there is none 
on earth I desire in comparison of thee " I feel no care about 
my body, only that I may do and suffer all the will of God as 
a Christian; — that "patience may have its perfect work." 

February 25. — I still remain ill, though something better ; 
and it is a great addition to the trial, that my dear friend, and 
kind nurse, Miss Tooth, appears to have a consumptive dis- 
order. This morning I was laying all before the Lord, and 
felt a desire to try myself in every point of sacrifice. I felt 



MRS. FLETCHER. 



369 



His will above all. — Afterwards that word bore on my mind, 

Stand still, and see the salvation of God." 

April 27.— Yesterday was a trial, as to outward things; but 
in the morning those words were in a peculiar manner laid on 
my mind, — " Commit thy way unto the Lord, trust also in him, 
and he will bring it to pass.'' — I did not understand what it 
meant at first, but before night it was explained. 

O my faithful God, thou knowest all that can approach thy 
tjhildren; and thy guardian care prevents our trials by a call to 
a fresh trust in Thee ! Many scenes of suffering appear before 
me. My left breast, I am told, is again likely to prove can- 
cerous ; but I lie still in the hand of the Lord. 

May 6. — As I was rising this morning, Mr. Grimshaw's 
advice came to my mind. " At your first awaking spend half 
an hour on five things. First, return thanks for the mercies 
of the night. Second, pray for a blessing on the new day* 
Third, examine the state of your heart. Fourth, meditate on 
Some spiritual subject. Fifth, lay a plan for your employment 
of the day."" I felt my heart drawn to praise, and to entreat 
protecting mercy, and spiritual guidance, for the ensuing day, 
and felt my petition was heard. Then I looked up for a spiritual 
subject of meditation. Immediately it occurred, — " I go to 
prepare a place for you/' Then, — " I am the way, the truth, 
and the life." I felt it a profitable time. 

Sept. 6. — The other day Brother Tranter preached in my 
Room very profitably, and told us afterwards a remarkable 
answer to prayer. — Mr. R. Growth er and his wife were going to 
their Circuit in a borrowed gig. They came to the house of a 
pious man and woman, accustomed to receive the Messengers 
of Jesus Christ. Having no place for their gig, it stood out. 
There were some persecuting spirits in the place. In the night, 
the man and his wife found they could not sleep, and said one 
to the other, I feel a great weight on my mind,^ — perhaps some 
hurt is doing to the gig* They got up, and went out. They 
found one wheel was gone. They looked all about, but could 
not find it. They returned into the house^ and went to prayer, 
laying before the Lord the difficulty Mr. Crowther would be 
in. At last one of them said. It comes to my mind they havd 

2 A 



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carried it to such a place, (about two miles off,) and thrown it 
into the swamp. The other said. Let us go and see. About 
one o'clock they set off. When they came to the place, which 
was full of water and mud, and covered with rushes, they looked 
about, but could see nothing of the wheel. They then saw a 
large stick ; upon which the man said, Perhaps on this stick 
they carried it ; — let us try again. He then took up the stick, 
and groped in the mud. Presently he felt the wheel. They got 
it out, brought it home, and put it on to the gig. So when 
Mr. and Mrs. Crowther got up, the gig was ready for them to 
set off. How true is that word, " Call upon me in the time of 
trouble, so will I hear thee, and thou shalt glorify me." 

Sept. 12. — At eight o'clock this morning I was solemnly 
struck with the thought, — I am at this hour, (the time I have 
been told I was born,) seventy-one years of age. — I was, as I 
have been told, in great danger of death from my tongue being 
tied, and much bleeding ensued from having it cut. It was 
thought I should be dumb. But thou, O Lord ! saw good to 
give me my speech. Ah, Lord, how have I used that great 
talent; ? How often have I abused thy goodness, and offended 
with my tongue ? I feel an earnest cry for a ftdl and perfect 
devotedness of soul to thee ; and my faith seems to be increased 
in the belief I shall be so. While speaking on Monday night, 
in a very full meeting, the Lord was very present, and I saw 
such a great salvation before me as I cannot express. And has 
my Saviour borne all the curse ? And has he taken our nature 
into the Godhead ? O what may we not expect I Lord, en- 
large my faith ! 

Nov. 24. — Since I last wrote, I have seen much of the good- 
ness of the Lord. What an answer of prayer is the amendment 
of Miss Tooth ! My gracious Lord would not give me sorrow 
upon sorrow. O how good it is to " stand still, and see his 
salvation ! '" This summer I have been better in health than 
for some years, and have found much of his presence in the 
work of God. 

On the 12th of this month, the day of renewed dedication 
of myself to God, I felt a blessing in the remembrance of the 
precious gift given me twenty-nine years ago. O what a train 



MRS. FLETCHER, 



of good things have sprung therefrom ! O my Lord, none but 
thyself ean know what an advantage I have drawn from that 
union ! O that my dear husband's prayers may be fully answered 
in me, that I may become " the habitation of God through the 
Spirit ! " 

Dec. 18. — Being ill I could not go out, but prayed, if the 
Lord saw it good, that I might have strength for Sunday noon, 
and Monday night, the times when we have large congregations, 
— and, blessed be his name, I have had hitherto the answer to 
my prayer. I felt, this morning, very lame in my knees, but 
yet able to walk about ; and in the Room last night, the Lord 
was with me, and brought me comfortably through. 

Jan. 7? 1811. — And do I see another year ! O my God, 
may I live this year as I have never yet done ! I have had, 
for six weeks, a return of my winter-cough, but have been enabled 
to go out on Sunday noon, and Monday night, as usual. Blessed 
be the Lord for that indulgence ! Never did eternity appear so 
near. I feel its importance ; but, O, I want it to drink up every 
thought, and fill up every moment. 

Jan. 14. — The complaint on my lungs grows worse. I seem 
to be going fast. Sunday and yesterday were days of recollec- 
tion, blessed be God ! I went out yesterday at noon, and had 
a comfortable time with the dear people. I read and spoke an 
hour. The subject was, Jacob blessing his sons. I seemed to 
be no worse, and on my return had a tolerable night ; but this 
morning I feel my breath much affected, and my strength seems 
to go fast. Eternity looks very sweet, yet I have " fiery darts." 
I long for a clearer view ; — but I praise the Lord for more 
constant power to obey that command, " Pray without ceasing.""' 

Feb. 9. — Those words seemed to dwell mightily on my mind, 

Praying always, and watching thereunto with all persever- 
ance."" Lord, give me the power this day ! Let my spirit every 
moment be looking out for thee, as "the watchman for the 
morning.'"' The Lord has been drawing my soul nearer to him- 
self for some days. O how my soul longs to be wholly lost in 
God ! This day I have been greatly humbled under a sense 
of the little progress I have made, seeing my lot hath been cast 
with the most excellent of the earth. 

2 A 2 



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May 25. — " Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all 
his benefits ! I am surrounded with mercies. Sure none ever 
had more cause for thankfulness. O that my heart could over- 
flow with praise in proportion thereto ! O my Saviour, purify 
my soul unto thyself ! I know thou hast " all power.*" The 
other day, as a useless thought occurred to my mind, I felt that 
word with a solemn weight, — " The place where his honour 
dwelleth.'^ It called me back in a moment, with that idea, 
that my soul is the place where his honour ought to dwell. It 
is a great thing to keep the heart with all dilligence from the 
dangerous avenue of the imagination. My soul doth rejoice 
over some who have been brought in of late. One young man, 
who was very wicked, came to one of the meetings ; and hearing 
Miss Tooth observe, " We must have that faith which brings 
purity of heart, and power over sin," he thought, I am sure I 
have no such faith. — From that hour the Lord began to work 
on his soul. The conviction was deep, and his wife, his father 
and mother, and a cousin, were stirred up through him, and 
are all now members of the Society. Glory be to God, he con- 
tinues all athirst both for his own soul and others. " Every 
moment. Lord, I also need the merit of thy death." 

July 3.— O how faithful is God ! None ever trusted in him 
and was confounded. Much of his loving-kindness have I seen 
of late in the times of united worship. Yes, my adorable Lord, 
thou hast helped thy poor creature, and given me to feel the 
words which I spoke. Several have been blessed, and most 
sweetly brought into pure love, and an awakening seems to spread 
among believers to press forward, and seek the rest which remains 
for the children of God. 

August 14. — What did I feel this day twenty-six years, when 
at the dying bed of my beloved husband ! And what have I 
gone through since that time ! Well, it hath been all for good. 
I have needed every bitter cup I have had to drink ; but what 
mercies have I also received ! What tender care hath my 
Almighty and loving Redeemer shown in my behalf ? That 
word hath indeed been fulfilled, " A judge of the widow is God 
in his holy habitation." But I might have grown much more 
than I have. O my Saviour, show me how it is now with my 



MRS. FLETCHER. 



soul ! Blessed be the name of the Lord, I feel my conscience 
more and more tender, and a greater power to embrace the cross, 
and to keep in the presence of God. It is a season of trial, but 
I expect much spiritual good to arise therefrom. I long to be 
lost and swallowed up in God. 

Sept. 12. — Glory be to thee, my gracious Redeemer, who 
hast preserved me seventy-two years ! I have been for some 
time very poorly with the complaint on my lungs, and one day 
as I was sitting in the study, thinking what I might have to go 
through, I felt applied to my mind a word my dear husband 
spoke to me, — " Thou shalt not suffer long : " then he added, 
" Hope to the end, in Jesus hope ; — you cannot fail if God is 
love." My heart answered, " God is love;" and I shall prove 
his faithfulness, whatever I have to go through. Blessed be 
God, I am still enabled to keep up my meetings, though with 
labour, and we have much of the presence of God. We have 
now got three new Preachers on the Circuit. Lord, make their 
word powerful ! We have prayed much for them. 

Sept. 19. — Last night in my sleep that word was spoken to 
me, " None shall pluck thee out of my Father's hand." I did 
not wake, but in my sleep made reflections on it. O my precious 
Lord, thou art gracious, but I long for a closer union with thee ! 
My breath is very short on the least motion ; and yet I can go 
up and down to the meetings, blessed be God ! We have been 
reading in the family of late an account of the martyrs. O how 
I admired the power of God in them ! Lord, how poor a 
disciple am I, ready to shrink at a little suffering ! O Lord, 
increase my faith ! Last night I was uncommonly ill ; — but 
as I lay quiet, it was spoken as if to both ear and heart, " Give 
to the winds thy fears." Then followed the whole verse, with 
great power :— - 

" Give to the winds thy fears, 
Hope, and be undismay'd ; 
God hears thy sighs, and counts thy tears, 
God shall lift up thy head." 

Oct. 16. — To-day, in reading the 1st and 2d chapters of 
Deuteronomy, where Moses bids them trust in the Lord who 
had done such wonders for them in Egypt, and in the wilderness. 



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&c., I was led to look back through my past life, and consider 
the tender care the Lord hath taken of me, even to this hour, 
yea, in the smallest things as well as the greatest. O what 
wonders I could relate ? O my precious Lord, increase my faith 
and love, I pray thee, abundantly ! I see eternity very near. 
Lord, open my eyes to a clearer view of that blessed world ! 

Nov. 22. — Solemn thoughts, the 12th of this month, rested 
on my mind, and also great thankfulness. Blessed be God for 
that sweet and gracious union commenced with my dear husband 
thirty years ago, and eternally to last. My asthmatic disorder 
increases, and sometimes in the meetings I feel much difficulty. 
Well, all is right. Thy will, O my precious Saviour ! is all. 
I feel a pain in the thought of giving up the Sunday noon, and 
Monday night meetings. If the Lord would be pleased to give 
me strength for these seasons, I should be thankful. I wish to 
give my last breath to the dear people of God. 

Dec. 27tli. — O my soul, why dost thou not praise the Lord 
in a more abundant manner ! Surely I am in " a land flowing 
with milk and honey." Last night, when uncommonly ill with 
my asthma, I was obliged to sit up in my bed a good while, and 
it seemed as if my breath would stop. O hdw gracious was the 
Lord ! I felt such a sense of quiet safety as I cannot express ! 
I thought, what a mercy is a good bed, — a fire in my room, — 
while many poor creatures are starving with cold this hard frost ! 
A kind friend in the next bed, who will attend my call ; and, 
above all, a God of love to trust in ! I said. Lord, speak to 
me ! — Immediately that word passed through my mind, 

" Jesus doth my burden bear, 
Jesus takes my every care." 

I thought of the great and amazing transaction commemorated 
at this season, and foretold for four thousand years ! Truly, 
" the secret of the Lord is with those who fear him." While 
the Jews expected him to come in great pomp, he came as a 
babe in the manger, quite concealed and unknown, except to a 
few ! Here is a lesson ! Some even now can find no comfort, 
except in something great, even in religion ! How often have 
I been thus deceived ! But now I see in another light. We 



MRS. FLETCHEK. 



are to lay hold on the smallest encouragement ; we are to accept 
a crumb,— and by looking in the Word, and feeding on it, the 
power follows. As he says, " Incline thine ear ; hear, and thy 
soul shall live ! 

Jan. 1, 1812. — Lord, let me begin this year with thee ! I 
have cause to praise the Lord for a good night, and am much 
better since I have kept in the house. But, O my Lord, wilt 
thou give me once more to go out among the dear people ? Well, 

Thy will be done ! " All is right that thy providence ordains. 
On the 5th of this month I shall have been thirty years in this 
house. That promise, given me at Bath, comes strongly to my 
mind, " I will bring Israel again to her own habitation."' Truly 
the Lord hath done so. I have drunk a bitter cup in losing my 
dear husband, yet I am so fiUed with blessings, and have such 
comforts and helps, that I may say, No kind of good is withheld 
from me. I have also communion with my friends above : a 
little while, and we shall meet to part no more. O my God, I 
beseech thee, let me live this year, if spared, as I have never 
yet done ! 

Feb. 6. — Many mercies I have seen in the month past. 
Though I have not got my voice yet sufficiently for the meet- 
ings, yet the Lord hath given us such helpers, that all has been 
kept up with advantage. Glory be to his name ! we are very 
comfortable with our Preachers ; they are so kind and friendly, 
we are quite of one heart, and the work prospers. I have had 
of late a deeper view into the mystery of redemption, and felt 
much power in that word, — " He appeared to put away sin by 
the sacrifice of himself." 

June 19. — The dear people so flock to us that my Room 
will scarcely hold them, though we consider it as holding three 
hundred, and the Lord hath been very present indeed. I was 
so recovered as to get out in March, and enabled ever since to 
attend the meetings. I have a prospect of great sufferings before 
me ; but I hang upon the will of my God, assured that the "suf- 
ferings of the present time are not worthy to be compared with 
the glory that shall be revealed." One great answer to prayer 
I must mention : A gay young lady, whom I knew from a cliild, 
it pleased the Lord to afflict. She was deeply awakened, and 



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cried out, " O how I shudder to look back on my past life ! 
In this state the Lord manifested his mercy, and for some months, 
she went on most sweetly. At her death, after bearing extreme 
sufferings with lamb-like patience, she said, " My pain is ex- 
ceedingly great, but it is not hell; and that I have richly de- 
served.'" Soon after she told her aunt, " I have had a great 
conflict both in soul and body. I am just going." — Then she 
added, O, I am so happy ! " and immediately departed. 

August 14. — -This is always a solemn day. Seven and twenty 
years hath my beloved husband been in glory. O what heights 
of holiness may he have attained! Lord, what have I gained 
in this long season ? I might have attained to much more than 
I have, but, blessed be the Lord, I do feel an increase ; and my 
spirit pants after the "fulness of God.'" I find stronger faith; 
— I am filled with blessings ! I see the hand of God in all ; 
and such answers to prayer as amaze me ! My body is full of 
infirmities, yet I am able to creep through each day, and to 
work a little in my Lord's vineyard. Truly, my last days are 
my best. 

Sept. 12. — I have this day reached my seventy-third year, 
and I feel a strong desire that this may be a birth-day to my 
soul. I have such a sense of a full blessing purchased for me, 
with such a near approach to God, that I long to attain it. I 
wait at the feet of my dear Saviour for a fuller display of his love. 

Nov. 12. — It is thirty-one years, this day, since I was imited 
to my dear husband. O blessed union ! What cause have I of 
praise for that providence ! It seems but yesterday, and he is 
near and as dear as ever. I cannot see to write half what I feel 
in my heart ; but I will add, — My cup overflows with mercy ; 
glory be to God ! 

Jan. 1813. — And now another year is gone, and I see the 
beginning of a new one. I feel an increase of faith within this 
last day or two ; some refreshing beams of glory now and then., 
have touched my soul. O for a deeper draught ! 

" From Sion's top the breezes blow. 
And cheer us in tlie vale below." 

Feb. 20. — I have read with much pleasure the account of the 



MRS. FLETCHER. 



377 



work of God in India. I praise the Lord for that excellent man, 
Professor Francke. It was from his college several of the Mis- 
sionaries went to India, and among others, that great instrument, 
Mr. Swartz. Glory be to God, who hath raised up these "Angels 
of the churches.'" Every look at them makes me shrink into 
nothing. Yet we may be permitted to follow them with our 
prayers. Lord, increase the number of such men ! Bless their 
endeavours, and fill them with thy Spirit ! * 

April 20. — Since I wrote last, on March the third, my dear 
brother William died. We were four in number, and I am now 
left alone. But I have cause to believe he is in glory. He hath 
been a kind brother to me ; and referring to the extraordinary 
communication of Mrs. Clapham,-|- I feel a desire to explain in 
what a singular manner the whole has been fulfilled. When I 
married, he sent me one hundred pounds as a wedding present. 
After the death of my dear husband, he came down to me, and 
with the greatest tenderness and affection brought me forty 
pounds. Some time after m.y uncle Claudius Bosanquet died, 
and left each of my brothers eighteen thousand pounds, and 
several of his nephews and nieces five hundred each; but neither 
my sister nor myself were mentioned. My brother William at 
that time divided one of his thousands between us. This was 
a great help, as I had some money still to pay off. Since that 
time he hath helped me yearly for my poor's expenses, and, for 
some time, has given me forty pounds a year. At this time of 
distress, when trade is so low, and the poor so straitened, this 
loss would have been a great one ; but, he hath left me two 
thousand pounds, so that my income, instead of decreasing, will 
be enlarged. I cannot reflect on this circumstance but with 
wonder and praise. When Mrs. Clapham told me, about a 
fortnight before we married, of these great helps, I declare I did 
not expect one penny. O how exactly has all come to pass ! I 
remember she said, that the last sum that she saw laid down 
was much larger than any before. How often has my heart 
cried to the Lord that he would restore him a hundred-fold ! 

* No doubt many pious persons, as well as Mrs. Fletcher, have thus prayed. 
How evidently are those prayers answered in the present day I Ed. 
t Sec page 140. 



378 



THE LIFE OF 



I trust it is SO. I have a strong confidence his cup is full in 
glory. 

April 30. — I feel the presence of the Saviour, and trust to enter 
more deeply than ever into him as my centre. Reflecting on 
my past mercies and present situation, I am struck with amaze- 
ment at the loving-kindness of the Lord. Never was I more 
comfortable than now ! Though I have so many infirmities, 
yet I have such a measure of health as renders life quite easy. 
Good nights, sufficient appetite, and a degree of strength, at 
times quite easy, and sweet liberty in the meetings. No burden 
with my family : — my friend Mary Tooth manages all. My 
confidence is all in thee, thou mighty Lord of all ! I feel thee 
drawing nearer and nearer to my soul. The wound in my breast, 
occasioned by the lump which had formed, puts me afresh in 
mind of eternity. But O how sweetly dost thou support me 
under it ! I am enabled to go through all my meetings, and 
have but very little pain. Yesterday that verse of the hymn 
was sweetly applied to my heart, 

Abundant sweetness, while I sing 
Thy love, my ravish'd soul o'erflows j 

Secure in thee, my God and King, 
Of glory which no period knows ! '* 

Sept. 3. — On the 14th of August I felt deep impressions of 
that most awful event, the death of my dear husband. But the 
renewed scene will, I trust, soon end in joyous days. 

January, 1814. — I have been much disturbed almost all night. 
My asthma was oppressive, and I had much fever. My head also 
was confused, but those words came powerfully to my mind : 

" Sweet is thy voice, my Spouse, to me, 
^ I will behold no spot in thee.' 
What mighty wonders love performs. 
That puts a comeliness on worms ! " 

May 7- — For some time the wound in my breast has been 
better, though it was thought in J anuary that I should not live 
many days ; and my breath is now more easy, especially in the 
night. I leave all in thy dear hand, my adorable Lord, and 
only long for a deeper plunge into God. 

May 20. — Reflecting on past mercies I find abundant cause 



MRS. FLETCHER. 



for praise. I am surrounded with loving-kindness ; but my 
strength and sight seem to fail. I am waiting for a closer union 
with my dear Lord. Though so weak in body, I feel a desire 
to praise thee, my adorable Lord, for thy abundant mercies. O 
my gracious Lord, I do feel great cause of praise ! How many 
have I seen of my near relations who have suffered much in 
illness through want of wisdom, or tender care, in those about 
them ! But I am favoured above all. O the wonderful care 
Providence hath ever had over me ! What snares he hath saved 
me from ! What dangers preserved me in, and what promises 
have I seen fulfilled ! I have every thing I can want. O my 
God, give me a watchful spirit, that I may not speak one word 
amiss ! Above all, answer that prayer, " Let no vain thoughts 
lodge within me ! Give me, from this hour, a mind continually 
fixed on thee, — ^never more to be drawn out of its centre ! 

July 1. — How tenderly the Lord deals with me ! I am very 
weak, and yet am oft five times in a week able to be in my meet- 
ings, and I have strength to speak so that all may hear, and the 
Lord is very present with us. Lord, fill my soul with abundant 
praise ! 

August 15, Sunday. — Yesterday, the 14th, was a solemn day 
to me. It is now twenty-nine years since my beloved went to 
glory. I am led to cry for a closer union with my Saviour. I 
feel his Spirit working in me; but it is a season of trial. That 
word is much with me : " Pray without ceasing." 

August 22. — Yesterday I had encouragement fi-om the Lord, 
and lay down in his presence. In the night, while asleep, those 
words came with power, — my heart seemed to speak them, 

^' Him eye to eye I soon shall see. 
My face like his shall shine! 
O what a glorious company. 

Where saints and angels join ! " 

I see more and more what a fulness there is in the Saviour. O 
my God, let me be wholly lost in thee ! 

Sept. 12. — Seventy-five years ago I was born. O my gracious 
Saviour, what great grace might I have gained in seventy-five 
years ! I turn me to that blood which makes the sinner whole. 



380 



THE LIFE OF 



I have, of late, had a view now and then as if the door of holiness 
was open, and the word spoke in my heart, " Believe, and 
possess to the uttermost." Lord, give the power ! 

Nov. 3. — On Saturday I was very ill, and thought death drew 
near. Since that time I have found a deeper work in my soul. 
The Lord seems to lay to his hand. O my Jesus, fill me with 
thy Spirit ! I long to be all thine own. 

Nov. 24. — The Lord is very good to me. I have found a 
clearer sense of his presence, and much answer to prayer. O 
I feel as clay before the potter. On the 12th of this month I 
had a clear remembrance of the solemn scene of the imion with 
my precious husband, and felt it was for eternity. What a favour 
do I also possess in my friend Tooth ! The Lord has made 
her every thing to me that I need. Dear Mrs. Gilpin's death 
seems to bring me nearer to eternity. How little did I think 
she would be called first ! Lord, prepare me, and fill me with 
thyself ! I am still able to be out twice on Sunday, though the 
cold weather has much effect on my breath ; yet last night and 
to-day I am a good deal relieved. 

Dec. 12. — I have had severe pain for a fortnight, yet mixed 
with much mercy. I thought I was near death. Yesterday I 
had an uncommon sense of the presence of God, and those words 
were much with me : "My peace I leave with thee and again, 
— " If ye abide in me, and my words abide in you, ye shall ask 
what ye will, and it shall be done unto you." I felt it good to 
look into eternity, though in much pain. 

Jan. 2, 1815, Monday. — The sabbath yesterday was precious 
to me. O I long that the year 1815 may be the best of all 
my life. Should I live a part of it, may that part bring heaven 
into my soul. Those words have been sweet to me : "I will 
heal their backsliding, I will love them freely." Looking back 
on my past life, and seeing so many blunders, I felt a weight, 
— when the words above were spoken to my heart. Yes, my 
precious Saviour, thou dost, " love me freely." O that I were 
more filled with thy love ! The wound in my breast is much 
less, and I am much better ; and, blessed be my God, I feel 
nearer to him than last year. O for a fiiller gale from Sion's 
hill! 



MRS. FLETCHEK 



381 



March 21. — I have had pain last night, but not so violent 
as it might have been. Towards morning I got some sleep, 
and awoke with these words, which came with power : 

" Give to the winds thy fears, 
Hope, and be undismay'd ; 
God hears thy sighs, and counts thy tears ; 
He shall lift up thy head." 

May 29. — Glory be to God, I am full of mercies ! I long' 
for a more full union. I am far better in body also than I 
could have thought ; yet I see myself on the very verge of 
eternity, and long for a full and perfect oneness with my 
Saviour. I know he doth bless me, and I cast my whole soul, 
with every power, on my Lord. O it is sweet to have my will 
fully sunk in the will of my God ! 

August 3. — I have had some trials, with regard to outward 
affairs ; but I have a full confidence all shall end well. We 
have had for thirty years a oneness among our people ; but 
now there is a division, by the desire of the Minister. It 
hurts me ; yet, I believe the Lord will order all. But I Yieye 
declare, I have been joined to the people united to Mr. Wesley 
for above threescore years, and I trust to die among them. 
The life of true religion is with them, and the work increases. 
If my papers fall into any hands, I entreat these lines may 
never be left out.* I have always considered myself as a member 
of the Church, and so have the united friends in Madeley. 

* I should have greatly rejoiced if I had been left at the same liberty respect- 
ing this painful passage, as the other parts of Mrs. Fletcher's writings. But 
her mind seems to have been deeply impressed witli the occurrence, and hence 
the injunction is absolute. Being thus obliged to insert the change which was 
at this time made in the Parish of Madeley, (by the Curate not choosing to act 
among the people as his predecessors had done,} — a duty seems to lie upon me 
to elucidate the cause of it in the best manner 1 am able ;— and this I hope to 
do with all the tenderness that truth will allow. — Two letters, written by Mi s. 
Fletcher to the gentleman who succeeded Mr. Horne as Curate of Madeley, 
will, I think, sufficiently explain it. 

*' Rev. Sir, Madeley, March 26, 1792. 

" Your letter to Mr. H. was not seen by me till yesterday, 
or I should have answered before. 

*' In order to draw what I have to say into the compass of one sheet of paper, 
I will divide it into three heads. First, The reason why / address you instead of 



382 



THE LIFE OF 



In some measure we are now pushed out. O let not one word 
of this be left out ! What I mean by being pushed out is,— 
The Church Minister has repeatedly expressed a wish that the 

the Vicar ;— Secondly, The temporal affairs of the Parish;— and, Thirdly, The 
state of the people as to religion. 

" First, I must observe, after the death of my dear husband, (whose tm- 
wearied labours and unexampled meekness had left on the minds of the people 
the keenest conviction of their loss,) the mantle seemed to fall on a young 
gentleman named Home, {at that time one of the Preachers on the Circuit,) 
whom my dear husband had before mentioned as the man he wished to be his 
successor. There were great difficulties in the way ; he however did take his 
place, and continued with us between five and six years. — But ' the Lord, who 
holds the stars in his right hand,' saw good to call him to Africa. The departure 
of Mr. and Mrs. Home was a great loss to me, because in every thing we acted 
mutually. The orphans of my beloved partner were dear to me, and I to them ; 
and Mr. Home considered them as consigned to his care by a man whom he 
esteemed above all others. But the Lord has been pleased to part us ; and, as 
we love his will, we cheerfully say. Let it in all things be done. When he left 
us, Mr. Burton, the Vicar, a mild, sweet tempered man, desired the religious 
part of the Parish to please themselves in the choice of a Curate. When I in- 
formed him the other day, that after having sought after several, we had been 
disappointed ; he replied, * I am sorry for it. I had rather that Mrs. Fletcher 
would choose one ; (though I have many applications ;) for she knows the mind 
of the Parish better than I do : and whoever she recommends, I will accept.' 
On that account it is. Sir, that 1 am the person to address you. Secondly, — 
As to the temporal affairs, — Our Church is far too small for the inhabitants, 
and yet so awkwardly built, that it requires a very good voice to be heard in it. 
Jt is, however, proposed to erect a larger, about a mile off, as this is near 
falling down. That will be more in the centre of the Parish, and more com- 
modious. As to the third head, — Those who are religious in the Parish, as well 
as those who attend from more distant places, are a simple, quiet people, all of 
one mind. They know nothing of dispute, nor think of any jarring doctrine. 
The dove-like spirit of my precious husband rests much on his flock, and they 
receive, as from heaven, every messenger who comes unto them. As to the 
service or duty required, you may do what you will here. Every thing good 
goes down at Madeley, if it has but unction. My dear husband and Mr. Home 
used to go through the whole service at Church, morning and afternoon, and 
then preach at the Dale, or the Wood, the two other ends of the Parish, at 
night. By that means they saw many who did not come to the Church j and 
at Church there are many who never hear elsewhere. 

I think I have now given you as full an answer as I am able ; — but I must 
beg an immediate reply, as there are several Curates waiting for theirs, — and 
we are quite unsettled. And, please to be clear in your answer when you can 
come. I should rejoice to see a Gospel-Ministry fixed here before my death. 

** That the Lord may direct you with clear light, and give both you and 
your partner to discern your way before you, is the prayer of, 
«* Rev. Sir, 

" Vour friend and servant, 

" M. FLETCHER." 



MRS. FLKTCHER. 



383 



Methodists should be a separate people ; as he always thought 
it best for the Church people, and the people called Methodists, 
to move in distinct lines. 

It appears, that soon after this gentleman came to the Parish, he became 
uneasy about his situation. Having expressed his dissatisfaction to Mrs, Fletcher, 
she wrote to him the following letter : — 

" My dear Friend, 

" Since our conversation the other morning, some 
thoughts have arisen in my mind which I believe will not be unacceptable to 
you. You will not reject a word of advice even from an inferior. 

I am persuaded you will clear me from the idea of having deceived you in 
any thing. I told you, on your first visit to my house, we were joined to that 
body of people called Methodists, and asked, Are you willing to labour among 
a company of Methodists ? To which you answered in the affirmative. This 
gave me a convincing proof it was not your own but God's honour you were 
seeking. This also engaged the hearts of the serious part of the Parish towards 
you, and caused them to receive you with open arms, as one who would walk 
in the steps of your worthy predecessor. Now I would observe, — should such 
a thought be suggested, that it would be better for them to leave that connexion, 
(under which several have been called,) and consider themselves as only belong- 
ing to you ; — if, I say, such a proposal was to be made, might it not be the 
means of sowing the first seeds of division ever known in Madeley } This, I 
am sure, would be very painful to you. — 1 do not believe you meant to do so; — 
but I lay these thoughts before you as an antidote to such a temptation, should 
it ever arise. 

Should that people, among whom, at present, the Lord so eminently works, 
— should they decline from the pure worship of God,— in that case, the Parish 
would naturally cleave to you. But while the Lord does carry on his work 
among them, let us be found with God and his people ; ' Yea, let us meet them 
with bread and with water in the way.' 

" Some years ago, a gentleman, whom I well knew and loved, settled in a 
Parish a few miles from where I lived. I believe there were about a hundred 
Methodists in the place. They were delighted with him, and all went on well, 
till he proposed to dissolve the Society, and have only one of his own. The 
people in general consented: — he applied to Mr. Wesley, and the Preachers were 
withdrawn. — But, dear man, though he was an upright soul, he had not as good 
gifts for discipline as for preaching, — he found much trouble, and confusion 
arose. The people began to scatter. Another living then presented itself, 
which he accepted, to the great offence of those who had left their first path to 
follow him. After this, they who had been Methodists wrote to Mr. Wesley, 
and got the Preachers again; and in a few years after there were 1,200 members 
in that Society. 

" I acknowledge, dear Sir, there may be some humiliation in thus acting in 
concert with others. — But is not humiliation the only way to exaltation ? Do 
we ever rise in the divine life, but in proportion as we sink ? If the prophets 



384 



THE LIFE OF 



August 6. — Blessed be the Lord, the work goes on, and 1 
feel very thankful that the Lord has answered prayer in the 
appointment of our Preachers. I do feel the Lord orders all. 

August 14. — Thirty years this day, I drank the bitter cup^ 
and closed the eyes of my beloved husband; and now I am 

of the Lord ' \v^eve sawn asunder, were stoned, if they wandered about in dens 
and caves of the earth,' — shall we start at a few trials which may, in a small 
degree, lay our honour in the dust, when the honour of our heavenly Father is 
advanced thereby ? I say again, should the Methodists decline, (which God 
forbid,) they would soon cast us off if we did not decline with tliera. 

" When the people of this place have bad, by some years' experience, a full 
proof of your holy and close walk with God, the purity of your doctrine, and 
the unchangeableness of your affection, that you * have them in your heart to 
live and die vvith them ; ' the)' will then cleave to you with an undivided love, 
discerning that the Lord has said unto you. Behold your children ; and in their 
hearts, * Behold your father.' A great step towards this has already been taken 
on our side ; but as yet j'our mind has been far less settled than ours ; and per- 
haps should we meet you with Jehu*s salutation to Jehonadab, you could not 
freely give us your hand. But this does not discourage me. I impute it fo 
the opposition of Satan, who sees you are in your right place, and in your right 
order, — as a stone now let into that very part of the building where God designs 
you to be ;^and he would fain disorder the whole by throwing you out, either 
through discouragement, or by any other way. 

" Permit me to add, I am more and more convinced that you are the gift of 
God to us, — ^to me in particular, — an answer to my own prayer. I daily feel an 
encouraging union with both yourself and Mrs. Walter. I often boast to the 
Preachers of the sweetness of your spirit, and the union of your heart in the 
worki O let not ray boasting be ever vain ; — but when I close my eyes in Made- 
ley, let me have the satisfaction to behold from the upper world, that the dove- 
like spirit which so eminently reigned in my dear husband has dropped, as his 
mantle, upon you, and that it shines forth as a double portion. 

*' Having an hour at command, 1 have freely opened my heart to you. Re- 
ceive it, as, perhaps, the dying advice of one who earnestly prays you may be 
filled with all the fulness of God." * 

The result of this most affectionate and pious epistle was, that Mr. W. was 
fully delivered from his uneasiness, and for twenty-one years laboured in the 
most affectionate and faithful manner, for the good of the Parish, and in every 
part of it, to the great edification of the people. His excellent partner, who 
was closely connected with, and very dear to Mrs. Fletcher, died at Madeley, in 
the full triumph of faith. See page 300. 

I am happy to add, that the people who were thus obliged to become a distinct 
body, have not. separated from the Church, but still attend the public service 
there. Ed. 

* This letter, which is in Mrs. Fletcher's own hand, has neither date nor sig- » 
nature ; but it was evidently written not long after the former. Ed. 



MRS. FLETCHER. 



385 



myself in a dying state. Lord, prepare rne ! I feel death 
very near. My soul doth wait and long to fly to the bosom of 
my God. Come, my adorable Saviour ! I lie at thy feet ; I 
long for all thy fulness ! Bless my dear and faithful friend. 
Keep her secure. I long for the day when we shall all meet 
above, 

Sept. 32. — This day I am seventy-six years old, and the 
same day my dear husband would have been eighty-six. Surely 
we shall remember the scenes we have had together. But O 
my God, give me power to cleave to thee every moment ! I 
feel the powers of darkness are vehemently striving to distract 
and hinder me. 0 my God and Father, enable me to walk in 
thy constant presence ! O Jesus, Jesus ! fill me with thy love, 
pour out thy Spirit abundantly upon me, and make my heart 
thy constant home ! 

Sept. 27. — I am filled with mercies ; but I want to be filled 
with holiness. O show thy lovely face ! Draw me more close 
to thyself ! I long, I wait, for a closer union. It is amazing 
under how many complaints I still live ! But they are held 
by the hand of the Lord. On the Monday evenings I have 
had some power to read and speak at the Room, till the nights 
grew dark ; but on Sunday noon I have yet liberty, though 
my eyes are so bad and sore. The Lord helps me wonder- 
fully. In the class also, in the morning, the Lord doth help. 

0 for entire holiness ! 

Oct. 26. — I have had a bad night ; but asking help of the 
Lord for closer communion, my precious Lord applied that 
word : "I have borne thy sins in my own body on the tree.''"' 

1 feel his presence. I seem very near death ; but I long to 
fly into the arms of my beloved Lord. I feel his loving- 
kindness surrounds me. 



Mrs. Fletcher's Journal ends here. I beheve she wi-ote no 
more She died on the ninth day of the December following. 

2 u 



386 



THE LIFE OF 



The particulars of her last illness, and of her departure, are 
supplied by Miss Tooth. I extract them from the short ac- 
count which she published soon after the death of her vener- 
able friend. 



For the last month of Mrs. Fletcher's life, her breath was 
more oppressed than usual : it had been much affected for 
some years, upon motion ; yet when she sat still, or laid herself 
down at night, she could breathe quite easy. But in the middle 
of November her breathing was affected both while she sat still, 
and when she was laid down. She had also a very troublesome 
cough. By these her strength quickly declined. She had had a 
wound for two years and three quarters in one side of her left 
breast, which was at first supposed to be a cancer ; but her suffer- 
ings from this were not to be compared with what she suffered 
from difficulty of breathing. Yet she would speak to the people, 
•though, as she said, "It is like as if every meeting would 
take away my life ; but I will speak to them while I have any 
breath."" 

One day when her sufferings were great, she said, "How 
sweet are the words of the Apostle: ' The sufferings of this 
life are not worthy to be compared with the glory that shaU 
follow And on the 11th of November she mentioned the 
divine aid she found in these words : " Call upon me in the 
time of trouble ; so will I hear thee, and thou shalt glorify 
me."' These words she frequently repeated, and sometimes would 
add, "Yes, my Lord, I will call upon thee; and I shall glorify 
thee too."" 

Another time she said, with peculiar energy, "They that 
trust in the Lord shall never be confounded."" She added 
also, with much animation in her countenance, " That promise 
given me so many years ago now comes with fresh power : 
' Thou shalt walk with me in white." And that also, ' I will 
throughly purge away thy dross, and take away thy tin.""" 
She added, 

" Everlasting life is won. 
Glory is on earth hegnn ! " 



MRS. FLETCHER. 



387 



On the 18th of November, she often repeated, with much 
animation, 

I am thine, and thou art mine, 
A bond eternal hath us join'd." 

Indeed, the goodness of the Lord, and the great things that 
faith will do, were subjects on which she delighted to dwell. I 
have often heard her say. The particular commission the Lord 
had given her, was, to encourage souls to believe : and herein 
she certainly was greatly blessed to many. 

On the 23d, she many times repeated these words, which, 
she said, came to her with unusual sweetness in the night : 

" Thy righteousness wearing, and cleans'd by thy blood. 
Bold shall I appear in the presence of God." 

All this day she had a great degree of fever upon her, yet she 
would sometimes say to me, " What were the sweet words the 
Lord gave me last night ? " As soon as I pronounced the first 
word, she would go on with the rest, and add, " I feel the 
power of them, though my head is so confused with this fever, 
that I could not immediately recollect them.'^ 

On the 6th of December, while looking on me with the 
tenderest affection, she said, " My faithful friend, my dearest 
friend ; — ten thousand blessings on her head." She continued 
also to cry to God for a blessing upon several persons whom 
she mentioned ; and upon all her relations ; though they were 
so far from her in body, they were to the last interested in her 
prayers ; and she would frequently plead with the Lord, that 
one day she might meet them all in glory. From the beginning 
of December she dozed much, whenever the cough, and the 
oppression upon her breath, would allow her any ease. This 
she often complained of, saying, " I lose my time ; I want 
every moment to be spent in prayer or praise." 

On the same day, when waking out of a doze, she said, " I 
am drawing near to glory ; " and soon after, " There is my 
house and portion fair ; " and again, "Jesus, come, my liope 
of glory : " and, after a short pause, " He lifts his hands, and 



388 



THE LIFE OF 



shows that I am graven there/' The two following days were 
indeed days of love and praise. Mrs. Perks and others visited 
her, upon whom she prayed the choicest blessings might 
descend. 

The day following, the 8th, her breathing was exceedingly 
difficult. In the morning she had walked into the other room, 
as usual, with only the help of my arm. In the middle of the 
day she wished to go into the chamber again, and I led her, as 
at other times ; but she was now weaker, and I could scarcely 
keep her from falling. I therefore asked her to sit down in a 
chair, which she did, and I wheeled her back again ; with this 
she was much pleased, and said, the exercise had done her 
good. All the afternoon she was extremely ill, either hot to a 
great degree, — shivering with cold, — or very drowsy ; but 
through all, her mouth was full of the loving-kindness of the 
Lord. 

At night, she said, she would not go to bed till after ten 
o'clock. We prayed together before we went into the chamber: 
but her breath being so greatly oppressed, she prayed but a 
short time. She then said, " Call upon the Lord.'' When I 
concluded, she said it was a very comfortable time ; and having 
heard in the afternoon, that Dr. Yonge (who had always shown 
her the greatest attention) was iU, she prayed particularly for 
him. 

When we were ready to go into the chamber, after ten 
o'clock, I got her into the chair, but she was now weaker than 
at noon. However, I wheeled her to the bed-side, and could 
not but look upon her as dying ; and indeed so she considered 
herself; for, when in bed she said, " My love, this is the last 
time I shall get into bed; it has been hard work to get in, but 
it is work I shall do no more. This oppression upon my breath 
cannot last long ; but all is well. The Lord will shower down 
ten thousand blessings upon thee, my tender nurse, my kind 
friend." 

After these and many more kind expressions to the same 
effect, she desired I would make haste to bed. I entreated 
her to let me sit up, repeatedly saying, — " Do let me watch 



MRS. FLETCHER. 



389 



with you this one night ; " but with all the tenderness imagin- 
able, yet with that degree of firmness which made me unwilling 
to urge the request further, she said, " Go to bed ; you have 
done all for me you can do. You know you can be with me in 
a moment if I want you ; but if you sit up, it will make me 
uncomfortable. I cannot rest without you go to bed.*" After 
I had made all the excuses I could for remaining up, and look- 
ing upon her dear countenance as long as her kind concern for 
me would admit, she again urged my going to bed ; and I there- 
fore laid me within the bed-clothes, without undressing. She 
then asked, "Are you in bed, my love I answered, "Yes."" 
She then said, " That's right, — now if I can rest I will ; but 
let our hearts be united in prayer, and the Lord bless both 
thee and me ! " 

These were the last words her beloved lips uttered ; for some 
time after this, about one o'clock in the morning of December 
9th, the noise her breath had so long made, ceased. I thought, 
Is she dropped asleep.'* It immediately came to my mind. 
Asleep in Jesus ! See a soul escaped to bliss."" I went 
directly to her bed-side, where I found the beloved body without 
the immortal spirit, which had entered the realms of endless 
day. My feelings are not to be described; I clung to the 
casket of the saint. I knelt down by the side of it, and cried 
to Him who had just now called home the spirit of my friend, 
that some portion of her spirit might rest on me. At length I 
thought I should injure her dear remains, if I did not call the 
family up. I therefore went and called my sister and the ser- 
vant, at half past one ; after which I sent for Mrs. Perks, 
who kindly came over immediately. I never left the chamber 
while any thing could be done for her. I had promised to be 
with her to the last ; and the Lord enabled me so to do. 

Her countenance was as sweet a one as was ever seen in death. 
There was at the last neither sigh, groan, nor struggle; and 
tshe had all the appearance of a person in the most composed 
slumber. When I first undrew the curtain, and saw her dear 
head dropped oft' the pillow, and looking so sweetly composed, 
I could not persuade myself the spirit was fled, till T took her 



390 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



in my arms, and found no motion left. I then perceived the 
moment she had so much longed for had arrived, — the happy 
moment when she should gain the blissful shore, and 



" See the Lamb in glory stands 
Encircled with his radiant band. 
And join the' angelic powers.'" 



WeU, 



" All that height of glorious bliss 
Her everlasting portion is, — 
And aU that heaven is oui's." 



A REVIEW OF HER CHARACTER. 



It is generally expected that the Memoirs of eminent persons 
should be accompanied with a view of their character, compre- 
hending the several particulars wherein they differed from the 
generality of mankind, and so became conspicuous. This may 
be, in general, edifying, and certainly is not a difficult task ; 
but it seems to me not so easy, when the Life of a real Christian 
(one who was truly such on the Scripture-model) is given to the 
world. We do not find that the Inspired Writers ever take that 
way, although they had the greatest characters on earth to de- 
lineate, — even those of whom " the world was not worthy." 
Mr. Wesley took high ground, when at Oxford (as he informs 
us) he " determined to devote his whole life to God." Hence 
" the world knew him not," because "they knew not Him whom 
he served." His own Works, especially the daily account of 
that whole life^ thus devoted, and which is contained in his 
Journal, can alone describe the man ; and if warranted by 
Holy Scripture, can alone show if indeed he kept that ground. 
Men may bring their line and plummet, and take the gauge of 
excellence, or the contrary, as they may be disposed ; but the 
principle of action lies beyond their ken. "He that is spiritual 
judgeth all things ; yet he himself is judged of no man." 

The same may be said of Mrs. Fletcher. If she were only 
an eminent person, and even eminent in the Church, it would 
be an easy task to display her character in the several points of 
view in which human attainments may be exhibited, so as to ex- 
cite admiration, and stimulate the readers to an imitation of her 
various excellencies. But I find an awe upon my mind in con- 
templating the task which may thus be supposed to have fallen 
upon me ; and I recur to what was said in the Preface, — The 
Life of Mrs. Fletcher will not be considered as a common 



392 



THE LIFE OF 



Biography, but as an account of a work of the Spirit of God, 
That she greatly differed from the generality even of those who 
have been favoured like her with eminent talents, and rich gifts 
of Providence, will not be denied by the most cursory reader 
of these Memoirs. But " who made her to differ ? and what 
had she which she had not received ? " These questions we 
know were so received by her, as to annihilate "all glorying in 
the flesh.'' How deeply she felt all this glory swallowed up in 
shame, need not now be set forth by me. She came to " the 
throne of grace,'' not with the humility of a creature, (which 
the Holy Angels well understand, and deeply feel,) but with 
the humility of a sinner, pleading only, the only true plea,— 

" Dust and ashes is my name. 
My all is sin and misery : — 
Friend of sinners, spotless Lamb, 
Thy blood was shed for me ! '* 

The pious reader has not read these Memoirs in vain. There 
is no danger that such a one will fall into the mistake of Agrippa, 
who, while he contemplated the great character of St. Paul, 
shining through his chains, forgot who and where he was, and 
cried out, " Almost thou persuadest me to be a Christian ! " 
Nor will he need the gentle, but firm correction which the loving 
Apostle gave to that Prince, — " I would to God that not only 
thou, but also all that hear me this day, were both almost and 
altogether such as I am, except these bonds : " thus intimating, 
that as "no man can call Jesus Lord, but by the Holy Ghost," 
so no man can be a Christian, but by being " created anew in 
Christ Jesus." * 

" Before honour is humility." The humility that belongs to 
man, as a sinner, we have already noted. It has in it the 
sentence of death. A heartfelt acknowledgment that it is just 
this sentence should take place, and that " in us dwelleth no 
good thing," is that humility which is alone founded in truth. 
Blessed are they who are thus " poor in spirit, for theirs is the 
kingdom of heaven," — even "righteousness, and peace, and 
joy in the Holy Ghost." Th'ese "unsearchable riches of Christ," 

* Sec Mr. Wesley's admirable note on the passage : Acts xxvi.?9» 



MRS. FLETCHER. 



393 



are made theirs by the " Holy Ghost, who glorifies the Saviour.**' 
Mrs. Fletcher's heart was thus, like Lydia's, opened, and "filled 
with peace and joy in believing.'" And she never lost the 
heavenly blessing. She kept her poverty, and she retained her 
kingdom. 

Like her admirable husband, Mrs. FletcTier did not rest satis- 
fied with being "plucked as a brand from the burning — she 
had not so learned Christ. Leaving therefi^re the principles of 
the doctrine of Christ, she "went on unto perfection." Her eyes 
seemed ever fixed on " the robe washed and made white in the 
blood of the Lamb." The work of the Holy Ghost, sanctifying 
the believer, " body, soul, and spirit," she knew was as necessary 
to "eternal salvation," as the work of the Saviour upon the cross. 
The Lord put that cry into her heart, 

" Father, Son, and Holy Ghost, 
Be to me what Adam lost ! " 

Nor did she forget that "far more exceeding and eternal weight 
of glory," that is become the privilege of believers, in conse- 
quence of God the Son, and not Adam, being now the Head of 
the human race. — " Beholding with unveiled face this glory of 
the Lord," in the salvation of guilty and sinful man, 

"Her soul broke out in strong desire. 
The perfect bliss to prove : 
Her longing heart was all on fire 
To be renew'd in love." 

A good judge of religion, as exhibited in the gracious re- 
covery of fallen man,* being many years ago asked his opinion 
of the Vicar of Madeley, replied, — " ' There is no occasion of 
stumbling in him.' Set down any of the scriptural marks of a 
Christian, or a true Christian Minister, and I will engage he 
will not be found deficient." W e know there are strong portraits 
in the sacred Word, drawn by the pencil of truth, of those who 
" added to their faith virtue, and to virtue knowledge, and to 
knowledge temperance, and to temperance patience, and to 

* The Rev. John Owen, some time Mr. Fletcher's Curate ; a gcnlknian 
afterwards well known, ami highly re^;pectcd in India and in England. 



394 



THE LIFE OF 



patience godliness, and to godliness brotherly kindness, and to 
brotherly kindness charity : and I believe the pious reader of 
her Life will not be disposed to doubt, that these things were 
evidently in Mrs. Fletcher also, " and that they abounded ; 
making her neither barren nor unfi-uitful in the knowledge of 
our Lord Jesus Christ.'"* 

No man could better detect the deceitfulness of the human 
heart, even in those who are religiously disposed, than her ad- 
mirable husband has done ; especially when treating his favourite 
subject, — (the subject also of his Divine Master in his sermon 
on the Mount,) Christian Perfection. Addressing those whom 
he calls " Perfect Christian Pharisees,"" he observes, — "Ye are 
most ready to profess Christian Perfection, though, alas ! ye 
stand at the utmost distance from perfect humility, the grace 
most essential to the Christian character. You have professedly 
entered into the fold where Christ's sheep, who are perfected in 
love, rest all at each other's feet, and at the feet of the Lamb of 
God. But how have you entered ? Not by ' Christ the door ; ' 
for Christ is ' meekness and lowliness ' manifested in the flesh : 
but ye are still ungentle, and fond of praise. Your proud minds 
are above stooping low to follow him who * made himself of no 
reputation,' that he might raise us to heavenly honours ; and 
who, to pour just contempt on human pride, had his first night's 
lodging in a stable, and spent his last night partly on the cold 
ground in an agony, and partly in an ignominious confinement, 
exposed to the greatest indignities. He rested his infant head 
upon hay, his dying head upon thorns. A manger was his cradle, 
and a cross his death-bed. Thirty years he travelled from the 
sordid stable to the accursed tree. — Shepherds were his first 
attendants, and malefactors his last companions. 

" Now, far from practising with godly sincerity either his first 
lesson, ' Blessed are the poor in spirit,' or those which he after- 
wards inculcated, ye abhor penitential poverty. Your humility 
is not cordial. You are humble in looks, in gestiu-es, in voice, 
in dress, in behaviour, from motives of Pharisaic ambition. But 
ye continue strangers to the unaffected simplicity and lowliness 
of Christ's perfect disciples. Ye choose the lowest place, but 
ye do not love it. If you chcerfiillii take it, it is not among 



MRS. FLETCHER. 



395 



your equals, but your inferiors ; and because you hope that men 
will say to you, * Come up higher.' — Ye still aim at some wrong 
mark. Ye have a narrow contracted spirit. Ye do not gladly 
sacrifice your private satisfaction, your interest, your reputation, 
your prejudices, to the general interest of truth and love, and to 
the public good of the whole body of Christ." 

Let Mrs. Fletcher be proved by these high principles. How 
often, how continually, do we find her, in these Memoirs, trying 
herself by, and aiming to walk according to, them ! How con- 
stantly did she struggle against the root of all this corruption ! 
How perseveringly did she eye the footsteps of her Divine 
Master, making it the one desire of her whole life, — " to be 
conformed to the image of the Son of God ! " 

Many who have aimed at " living unto God," according to 
the full spiritual rule of the Gospel, have been sometimes 
charged with neglecting, or lightly esteeming the Divine Atone- 
ment. This is certainly true of several eminent persons, who 
have, in this way of defective faith, professed to " follow on to 
know the Lord." Very celebrated names, and in whom was 
found much of the Christian character, have thus " gone about 
to establish their own righteousness ; " and in a way so refined, 
that they seemed to defy detection. But have they not 
"laboured in vain, and spent their strength for nought.'^" Has 
not a " spirit of bondage " been manifested in their approaches 
to God, and in their religious communion with men ? True 
repose, and liberty of spirit, while contending against sin, can 
only be found in " the blood of the covenant." If our abode be 
not the " horrible pit" of guilt and corruption, shall we not walk 
in the " miry clay" of doubt and fear, if we thus forsake " the 
strong Rock ? " I trust the pious reader has seen that Mrs. 
Fletcher never forsook it ; never gave place to this refined tempta- 
tion. As she " magnified the law, and made it honourable," 
as the rule of life, so she magnified that perfect and infinitely 
meritorious " Sacrifice, offered to God, through the eternal 
Spirit." It was her all in all, whether as a " babe in Christ," 
holding him with a trembling hand, or as " a mother in Israel, 
stablished, strengthened, and settled." The language of her 



396 



THE LIFE OF 



heart was, throughout her whole course, "Every moment, Lord, 
I want the merit of th}^ death/' 

Of her ordinary walk, the most competent witness now alive, 
has, in the fulness of her heart, given us some striking par- 
ticulars. Speaking of her domestic life, Miss Tooth observes, 
— " She was one of a thousand, as of mercy, so of economy ; 
always sparing of expense upon herself, that she might have the 
more to give to ' the household of faith." She would often say, 
' God's receivers upon earth are, Christ's Church, and his poor.' 
When I have proposed the purchasing of some articles of clothing 
for her, she would ask, ' Is it quite necessary ? If not, do not 
buy it ; it will be much better to give the money to some of our 
poor neighbours, than to lay it out upon me.' Nor was this once 
only ; it was invariably her conduct, and with great truth it 
might be constantly said of her also, that 

' What her charity impairs. 
She saves by prudence in affairs.' 

" She was always remarkably exact in setting down every 
penny she expended. She kept four different accounts, in which 
all she spent was included. These four were, the house, sundries, 
clothes, and poor. We have often at the end of the year been 
astonished to find the house expenses so small, considering how 
many had shared with us. At such times, she has said, ' It is 
the Lord who has blessed our bread and water.' I have, in 
former years, taken up the book in which she kept her accounts, 
and wept over it, with the consideration, that I should one day 
probably have to settle it alone ; and now I drink of the bitter 
cup. A few days ago, I entered upon the work ; and I think 
it right, as a confirmation of what I have before advanced, to 
state the difference between the expenses of her clothes, and what 
she dispensed to the poor. On making up the account of her 
apparel, I found the whole year's expenditure amoimted to nine- 
teen shillings and sixpence ; this was every penny that had been 
laid out on her own person for the whole year. The expense 
was not always so small, but I believe it never amounted to five 
pounds. 



MKS. FLETCHER. 



397 



" I then made up the poor's account, and found the amount 
to be 181/. 16s. Id. Thus liberally had she dispensed abroad. 
But her desire of communicating comfort to the afflicted was 
very extensive : I do not think she ever heard of a person in 
distress, but, if in her power to do it, she by some means con- 
trived to send relief. To comfort the distressed was always a 
real comfort to her. With regard to this world's wealth, it was 
no more to her ' than the dust on the balance."' She has often 
said, and I am sure with great truth, ' Gold is no more to me 
than dust ; the gold of Ophir, than the stones of the brook.' 
At another time she would say, ' It is not so important what we 
have, as how we use it.' 

" Her love to every one was so abundant, that she was un- 
willing to find a fault in any. She was ever desirous of casting 
the mantle of love over the failings of others, if the truth would 
admit of it. And while her kindness was thus extensively mani- 
fested to all with whom she had any intercourse, her gratitude 
to others, who showed marks of love to her, was no less. When 
her kind friends sent her any thing they thought would be ac- 
ceptable, it was her study to think how she could return them 
an equal token of love ; and if nothing was brought to her mind 
to do for them at the time, she would say, ' Well, if I can do 
no more, I can pray for them.' I never knew her sit down to 
partake of any thing that was the gift of a friend, without first 
praying for the donor. 

" And while her gratitude to the creature was thus evidently 
discerned, her praise and thanksgiving to the Creator was 
abundant. Indeed she lived in the spirit of praise, frequently 
saying, ' What blessings has the Lord bestowed on me ! How 
comfortable has he made me in my old age ; though I am left 
here, and my dearly beloved husband, and my Sally, in glory, 
yet I know no lack. And such a loving people ! — I may well 
say, ' I dwell among my own people.' " 

To this loving faith she added courage. This is very con- 
spicuous in her whole life. " The righteous," says Solomon, 
" is bold as a lion." This quality, it is well known, was possessed 
in a high degree by her admirable Husband. He was " valiant 
for the truth, and a terror to evil doers." Mrs. Fletcher was 



398 



THE LIFE OF 



not less SO, allowing for the difference of her sex. As a fruit 
of this Christian courage, a noble ingenuousness was found in 
them both. Mr. Fletcher's striking and bold discourse against 
Popery, (which had lamentably imbued his parish before his in- 
duction,) when, after some years, it again reared its head, is well 
known to readers of Ms Life. Mrs. Fletcher had this enemy 
to encounter also, but in a milder shape. We joyfully allow 
that Popery has had (and we doubt not still has) its true saints. 
It must be so while it continues sound in the doctrine of the 
Trinity, and the Atonement. Those in that Church " who are 
led by the Spirit of God," will thus find some portions of " the 
bread of life" amidst the mountains of chaff which satisfy earthly 
minds, and operate as poison on those who love to be deceived. 
It could not be but that the Romish Minister of Madeley should 
strive to gain a convert like Mrs. Fletcher. He presented many 
books to her, which were accompanied with long letters, and 
thus, with every appearance of the most friendly regard, he 
strove to turn her from what he believed to be the error of her 
ways. But though her earthly head and shield had been with- 
drawn, the zealous Pastor found he had not a flighty, un- 
informed, or unstable Christian to deal with. Her short answers, 
(short when compared with the letters which she had received,) 
fully exliibiting the christian spirit, may be found in the Ap^ 
pendix, A. 

If we look at what may be called her public life, — a long life, 
filled with " the work of faith, the patience of hope, and the 
labour of love, " — we cannot but observe, how carefully she at- 
tended to that sacred warning, given to all who are called to the 
arduous duty of saving souls from death : " They made me 
keeper of the vineyards, but my own vineyard have I not kept." 
We have seen how great, how constant, how persevering, even 
to the close of life, were her loving exertions; but did they ever 
prevent, or weaken in her mind, the great duty of self-exami- 
nation ? No ; her eye seemed fixed on the Apostle's words, — 
" I therefore so run, not as uncertainly ; so fight I, not as one 
that beateth the air : but I keep under my body, and bring it 
into subjection ; lest that by any means, when I have preached 
to others, I myself should be a castaway." 



MRS. FLETCHER. 



399 



I am sensible that I here tread on tender ground. The 
question of the lawfulness, or even the expediency of Female 
Preaching, will recur to every sensible and pious reader ; — 
especially as Mrs. Fletcher lived and died a member of the 
Church of England, and of the Methodist Society, neither of 
which sanctions a Female Ministry. But I cannot but think 
that much that has been said on this question, especially since 
the days of George Fox, (when the Ministry of Females re- 
ceived a regular establishment in his community,) may be spared 
on this occasion. Mrs. Fletcher has already spoken on this 
subject, (page 120,) and every candid reader has, I believe, felt 
the modesty and simplicity of that short statement. In truth, 
her preaching was but an enlargement of her daily and hourly 
conversation. Her family, — her visitors, might be said to be 
her constant congregation. And as she never, in her more 
public efforts, meddled with the government of the Church, — 
" usurped authority over the man," or made any display of a 
regular or authoritative commission, but merely strove to " win 
souls, by pureness, by knowledge, by long-suffering, by kindness, 
by the Holy Ghost, by love unfeigned, by the word of truth, 
by the power of God ; " — while she was herself " the least and 
the servant of all ; may not every pious Churchman and 
Methodist unite and say, — " Would to God that all the Lord's 
people were such Prophets and Prophetesses."" 

Mr. Wesley, who never sanctioned a regular ministry of that 
kind, permitted, and it may be said encouraged her Christian 
efforts in that way. Her conflicts were very great concerning 
her call in that respect ; and the taunts she had to endure from 
men were very painful. These she at length embodied in a 
letter to Mr. Wesley, declaring her willingness to abide by his 
decision ; and that she would gladly resist this impression, if 
the Lord should so direct her by him. Mr. Wesley, who well 
knew her " simplicity, godly sincerity," and admirable under- 
standing, replied, — " That he considered it to be an extra- 
ordinary call, — That he also looked upon the wliole work of 
God, termed Methodism, to be an extraordinary dispensation. 
Therefore," says he, " I do not wonder if several things occur 
therein, which do not fall under ordinary Rules of Discipline. 



4^00 



THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



St. Paul's ordinary Rule was not to permit a woman to speak 
in the congregation ; yet in extraordinary cases he made a few 
exceptions." — Mrs. Fletcher thanked God for this answer, and 
continued her labours of love to the close of her life. 

As I think it probable that those readers whom I am most 
disposed to gratify, may indulge a wish, that some specimen of 
her expounding on those occasions were recorded, I am happy 
that I can meet those wishes. They will find in the Appendix, 
B., some thoughts left by her, which may give some idea of her 
manner of teaching. — Behold her then sitting modestly in the 
corner of her large room, with the crowded assembly (among 
whom were not unfrequently some Ministers of eminent piety 
and learning) hanging on her lips ! — It has been said, that she 
was rather too fond of spiritualizing ; I am therefore not sorry 
that the discourse which I am thus enabled to give is of that 
kind. I think the sensible reader will not pronounce that there 
is any thing to blame in this specimen ; but will rather think 
that the subject is soberly treated, and with a due restraint on 
the imagination. It is however only the outline ; the enlarge- 
ment, the colouring, the unction, the life, are not there. These 
are gone ! The place of this Evangelical Prophetess knows 
her no more ! But she lives, and her name is "as ointment 
poured forth." — She " rests from her labours, and her works do 
follow her." She sees them not ; she sees only " the Lamb of 
God." But he sees them all: "not one of them is forgotten before 
"God. — They will appear to assembled worlds in that day when 
" the books shall be opened ; " and " being wrought in God, 
they shall be found unto praise, and honoiu-, and glory." 



APPENDIX, A. 



" Rev. Sir, 

"As there is no act of friendship greater 
than to care for the immortal soul, I consider myself as truly 
indebted to you for the kind concern you have expressed for 
mine. I have read your letter, and also the two books you were 
OS kind as to send me; but bear with me. Sir, if I say, I cannot 
be of your mind, — m%., " That no one can be saved out of the 
Church of Rome, if they have opportunity of being instructed 
by it.' I consider myself as a weak and unworthy member of 
the true Church, which I believe to be the whole body of true 
believers, scattered over all the earth ; who having experienced 
(or who are earnestly seeking so to do) the new birth, mentioned 
by our Lord in the third chapter of St, John's Gospel, feel that 
* they who are in Christ are new creatures ; ' and who rely on 
the Lord Jesus, our great atonement, alone, for pardon and «c- 
ceptance ; though also conscious, that ' without holiness no man 
shall see the Lord.' Now these sincere followers of the Saviour, 
I consider as the ti^ue Church, whether in England, Rome, or 
any other part of the world. I acknowledge the word Protestant 
was not used till Luther's time ; but the truths we contend for, 
I date from the time of our Lord and his Apostles. I believe, 
that after a certain season, * the falling away' foretold by St. 
Paul, (2 Thess. ii. 3,) took place, and a flood of error overspread 
almost all the christian world ; only a little branch remaining 
in small companies, against whom ' the gates of hell did not 
prevail,' though oppressed on all sides, till the Lord found ' a 
hiding place for the woman in the wilderness,' at that time which 
we call the Reformation. 

" If the authority of the Church really springs from St. Peter, 
I apprehend it remained with those faithful souls who abode in 

2c 



402 



APPENDIX, A. 



their primitive simplicity when the rest were carried away. But 
permit me to say, I lay no more stress on St. Peter, than I do 
on the other Apostles ; for it is plain our Lord gave afterwards 
the same authority to them all : and it is certain St. Paul did 
not acknowledge that St. Peter had any pre-eminence over the 
rest, for he claimed an equality with all the Apostles, (Gal. i. 
15, 17?) and, upon one occasion, ' withstood St. Peter to the 
face.' (Gal. ii. 11.) With regard to the doctrine of Calvin, 
which represents the God of love in a very wrong light, I therein 
agree with you, and mourn that so many good men do hold it. 
Had not Christ died for all, the Apostles could not have been 
commanded 'to preach the Gospel to every creature.** However, 
I believe we must all receive the Saviour in a double sense, as 
' given for us,' and as * living in us ; ' — that we are entirely for- 
given for his sake,' and must also have a change into his nature, 
as he himself said in the mission which he gave to St. Paul : 
. (Acts xxvi. 17, 18 :) ' That they may be brought from the power 
of Satan unto God, — that they may receive forgiveness of sins, 
and inheritance among them that are sanctified, by faith that is 
in me.' 

" O, Sir, may this loving, faith-producing hoUness, be found 
in you and me ! For if we are not one with Christ, as * the 
branch is with the vine,' continually drawing life from him, we 
cannot be saved, whatever Church we belong to. I thank you 
for telling me you will remember me before the throne ; give 
me leave to say, I feel myself led to do the same for you : and if 
we are both found on the right foundation, and meet in glory, 
how sweetly shall we forget the name of Romanist and Pro- 
testant, and, in one voice, unite in perpetual ' Hallelujahs to 
God and the Lamb for ever ! " 

" I am, Rev. Sir, 

Your obliged Servant, 

" MARY FLETCHER." 



APPENDIX, A. 



403 



" Rev. Sir, 

"All you say of the importance of the soul 
and eternal things, I most heartily agree with you in, and sin- 
cerely desire to turn my back on earth, and choose Jesus as my 
only portion. But O, Sir, bear with me when I say, I cannot 
be of your mind, nor receive your Church as truly Catholic. 
You say, ' She is one, whereas we are divided into many.' Alas ! 
how can she appear otherwise, when no member dares to speak 
his mind for fear of an Inquisition ? If aU hearts were known, 
how many opinions would be found among you ? But even this 
appearance was not always, for at times you have had more 
Popes than one, and each had his own party. There were then 
divisions and disorders. I do not say this by way of reproach. 
No ; in every Church there are tares as well as wheat : only I 
mean you are not free from division, any more than we are ; 
although force renders it more concealed. 

" Again, I cannot but greatly object to your doctrine of in- 
dulgence. Perhaps you will say, that is now given up, as the 
Council of Trent disapproved of it. But why given up ? If 
only because of the offence, then you still hold the same opinion. 
Alas ! how hurtful and offensive to the God of purity ! So a 
man may, for giving alms to the poor, &c., &c., commit his 
favourite iniquity, and it shall not be imputed to him as sin ! 
Ah no ! ' without holiness none shall see the Lord,"* whatever 
indulgences he may procure. As to the righteousness of other 
saints being imputed to him, is not this like saying, ' Give us 
of your oil, for our lamps are gone out ? ' But, perhaps, you 
say, No, not so ! we have given it up, because we see it wrong, 
and an error. WeU, if you have, I am glad of it. But in that 
case. Sir, permit me to ask. How can your Popes be infallible, 
who have maintained so sad an error for so many years ? 

" After I began my letter, I recollected that there were in 
the house two little Tracts, one a Roman Catholic Catechism, 
and a Reply ; the other entitled, ' Popery Calmly Considered ; ' * 
I looked for, and read them ; and as they contain some of the 

* By Mr. Wcsh y. iio. 

2 c 2 



404 



APPENDIX, A. 



ideas I was about to mention, I make free to send them, as 
writing is difficult to me, being very infirm. I have also in- 
closed an extract of the Life of M. de Renty, as a proof I love 
holiness wherever I find it. It is a book I much love. I have 
also put in an account of a young woman I much loved, which 
I think you will like. You may keep these books as long as 
you please, as I suppose your time is much taken up. The three 
books you lent me I have perused. I trust they were real con- 
versions. By real conversions I mean, from ' the kingdom of 
Satan to that of God's dear Son ; ' and I do not wonder those 
persons embraced an offer which appeared to be a refuge from 
the world and sin, when they seemed to be surrounded with 
nothing but carnal professors. 

" I cannot conclude our correspondence, Sir, without once 
more thanking you for your kind concern and prayers; and 
though we differ in some sentiments, if we agree in an earnest 
desire to know and do the ' whole will of God,' I can embrace 
you as a brother in the Lord, and regard you as such. One day 

I put this question to myself, if Mr. was to become possessed 

of civil power, and when he found, after all his pains, I could 
not see in his light, he should believe it to be his duty to con- 
sume me at a stake, — could I love him then? After a moment's 
pause, I replied. Yes, — if I really thought he believed it to be 
his duty, I could honour the upright intention, though I should 
see the action wrong. Christ shed his own blood for men ; but 
Anti-Christ sheds the blood of others. Yet, whatever I might 
suffer, I love an upright intention wherever I see it.* 

" I am, Rev. Sir, 

" Your obliged Servant, 

" MARY FLETCHER." 



* These letters have no date. Ed. 



APPENDIX, B. 



Acts xxvii. 29. 

They cast four anchors out of the stern, and wished for the 

day. 

The situation of the ship wherein Paul and his companions 
were, seems to me to illustrate the state and situation of many 
of us here. — We are told, — " There arose a tempestuous wind 
called, in that country, Euroclydon ; — a kind of hurricane, 
not carrying the ship any one way, but driving her backwards 
and forwards with great violence. So it is in general with those 
who enter on the voyage of life. Satan, who is called " the 
Prince of the power of the air, and who ruleth in the hearts of 
the children of disobedience,"' keeps the mind in a continual 
agitation. Sometimes they are sunk, and almost crushed, under 
a weight of care ; and again raised high in the waves of some 
expected pleasure. One while they are filled with resentment, 
on account of some slight from a neighbour, or an unjust ac- 
cusation from an enemy ; while the mind is harassed with the 
imagination, how it shall be cleared. Sometimes the most idle 
and extravagant fancies so deeply involve it, that no message 
from heaven could find any more entertainment than the Saviour 
could find in the Inn at Bethlehem. By all this, the soul 
becomes restless, and knows not where it is, nor which way it is 
going. It does not feel that it is in a state of probation, and 
that this trial is to fix its eternal lot. Dear souls, is not this 
the case with* some of you ? You do not know where you are, 
— you do not consider this may be your last night, perhaps your 
last hour. Your eternal state will then be fixed for ever. If 
the Lord should call you this hour, are you ready ? O, remember 
it is the word of Jehovah himself, — "The ox knoweth his owner. 



406 



APPENDIX, B. 



and the ass his master's crib, but Israel doth not know, — my 
people do not consider. Again, do you know where you are 
going ? Why, you are going " the broad road,'"* you are going 
to hell as fast as you can. It is a " narrow way that leads to 
heaven, and you do not know one step of it. You have not 
begun to walk therein, nor perhaps to think about it. " O that 
you were wise, that you understood this, that you would con- 
sider your latter end ! It may be you find a great many things 
to divert and take up your mind; it is employed by Satan from 
hour to hour. You are like the disobedient Prophet, " asleep 
in the ship when a great storm lay upon them." You neither 
see nor know your danger. Are you the safer for this ? Would 
not those who are awake cry out to such, "Awake, thou sleeper, 
and call upon thy God." Thou art on the very brink of destruc- 
tion. Well then, permit me so to call upon you, lest when we 
meet at the great day, you should upbraid me, that I had once 
an opportunity of warning you, and that I did it but by halves ; 
and so the blood of your souls shall be found in my skirts. I 
fear for many in this Parish. My soul oft weeps in secret for 
them, lest the word which to others proves " the savour of life," 
should to them become " the savour of death," and rise up in 
judgment against them. 

But I hope you who are this night within the reach of my 
voice, are in a degree awakened, and most of you earnestly 
longing to be brought out of the storm into the quiet harbour of 
Jesu's breast. To these I chiefly feel my message to be, though 
I was not willing to leave the sleepers wholly disregarded. WeU, 
let us see what they did in this great danger, that we may do 
likewise. Paul says, — " As we were exceedingly tossed with 
a tempest, the next day we lightened the ship, and the third 
day we cast out with our hands the tackling of the ship. And 
as neither sun nor stars appeared for many days,* and no small 
tempest lay on us, all hope of our being saved was taken away." 
Observe, first, they lightened the ship ; — lighten your hearts ! 
There is too much of the world in them. — They cast out their 
merchandise, — cast away your idols I You wiU say, perhaps, 

* Which was the more terrible, the use of the compass not being then dis- 
co vei-ed. 



APPENDIX, B. 



407 



" I cannot." True, I know you cannot yourselves ; but if you 
will " call on the Lord in the time of trouble, He hath said, 
" I will hear thee, and thou shalt glorify me." If you will 
begin to pray in good earnest, and persevere therein, as the 
Lord is true, you shall know "the liberty of his children," 
and have power to " cast all your idols to the moles and to the 
bats." Well, but " on the third day they cast out the tackling 
of the ship ; " — the very thing which we might think they 
would have kept, in order to manage the vessel. — No, all must 
go ! Cast away your false confidence in any thing of your own ; 
despair of any help but from the Lord Jesus. Yet obey his 
word ; " Look," remember He says, " Look unto me, and be 
saved," yea, " look unto him as the author and finisher of your 
faith." " Wait upon him ; " and remember the mind is the 
mouth of the soul, — therefore, according as you feed your mind 
with thoughts, so will the state of your soul be discovered. 
" Look," I say, " unto him," and your soul shall ride out the 
storm. 

And now a gleam of hope appears. Paul stood up and said, 
"Be of good courage, — ^for there shall be no loss of any life 
among you. The Angel of that God, whose I am, and whom 
I serve, stood by me this night, and said. Fear not, Paul, 
thou must be presented before Caesar, and, lo, I have given 
thee all them that sail with thee." — So may hope spring up to 
thee this present moment, whether thou art a poor backslider, 
or one of the ship's company, who till this very hoiu* hast been 
fast asleep ; but if now awake, if now in earnest, and willing 
to be saved, — come a step further yet, and observe what they 
did next. — "They cast four anchors out of the stern, and 
wished for day." There is no day to the soul till Christ mani- 
fests his cheering presence. In order to wait for that, follow 
their example, — " they cast out four anchors." — Let us do so 
this night. Remember it is your part to " believe," and it is 
the Lord's to give the " peace and joy " consequent on believing. 
Let us then make repeated acts of faith, so " casting our 
anchor " further and further within the veil, and we shall draw 
up our souls nearer and nearer to God. 



408 



APPENDIX, B. 



Well, let us try to cast out one anchor now. I am sensible 
your cable is short ; therefore we must seek for some ground as 
near you as we can. We will try, if we can, to find it in the 
" Creating love of God,'"' surrounding us on every side. Look 
through the creation, — observe the tender love of the birds to- 
wards their young, yea, even the most savage beasts ! From 
whence does this spring It is from God. It is a shadow of 
that infinite compassion which reigns in His heart. Rise a 
little higher. Fix your eye on man. How does he love a 
stubborn son who wiU neither serve God nor him ? True, he 
frowns on him, and corrects him, lest it should be said to him 
as to Eli, " Thou preferrest thy son before me." — But if that 
son shed but a tear of sorrow, — ^raise but a sigh of repentance, 
— ^if he but come a few steps, how do the father's bowels 
yearn towards him! How doth he run to meet him ! Now 
carry the idea a Ijjtle higher; — are ye not the off'spring of God? 
Has he not said^ " I have created thee for my glory, I have 
formed thee for my praise " Is not " his mercy over all his 
works '' Believe, then, that " this Author of all love is more 
ready to give the Holy Spirit to you, than you are to give good 
gifts to your children." Will not this anchor take Does it 
still come home Well, the ground is good, but your cable is 
too short. Let us try another anchor ; — and we will drop it on 

Redeeming love." 

Lift up your eyes of faith, — behold your bleeding Saviour ! 
See all your sins laid on his sacred head ! Behold him as your 
surety before the Throne, and hear him plead, — " I have 
tasted death for every man. Thou, Father, wast in me, recon- 
ciling the world to thyself, not imputing their trespasses to 
them." I stood before thee charged with them all. If this 
poor soul, who cries for mercy, is deeply in debt to thee, 

place it to my account ; I will repay." Now venture on him ! 
Venture freely. He hath drunk all the bitter cup for you^ and 
he offers this night to take you into fellowship and communion 
with himself. " He was delivered for your offences!" He hath 
cancelled all the charge against you ; yea, " He was raised 
again for your justification." Your Surety is exalted, in proof 



APPENDIX, B. 



409 



that your debt is paid. Come, let me hear some voice among 
you giving praise, and saying with the Christian Poet, — 

" Now I have found the ground^ wherein 
Sure my soul's anchor may remain ; 
The wounds of Jesus, for my sin_, 
Before the world's foundation slain." 

Methinks this anchor will hold. — Is there not an increase of 
hope ? Hearken ! You shall hear his voice. Himself hath 
said, " Hear, O my people, and I will speak ! " Heaven is 
never dumb, but when man hardens his heart. 

But, perhaps, there are some poor trembling souls still left be- 
hind. For the sake of such we will try to find firm ground a 
little nearer yet. We will drop our third anchor on the Pro- 
mises. Here are some quite within your reach : " He that 
Cometh unto me, I will in no wise cast out. Whosoever will, 
let him take of the water of life freely. I came not to call the 
righteous but sinners to repentance." — Yes, — " He came to 
seek and to save that which is lost." Are you lost ? Lost in 
your own estimation ? Then he came to save you. Yes, and 
to seek you too ; — and he seeks you this night as diligently as 
ever shepherd sought his lost sheep. Will you be found of 
him ? Yes, if you will believe in his love. Remember he 
"willeth not the death of a sinner; but had rather he would 
turn from his wickedness and live." And though it should 
appear to thee as if a mountain stood in the way, yet this is 
the word of truth, — " If thou canst believe, all things are 
possible to him that belie veth. Thou shalt say to this mountain, 
Depart ; and it shall be done." There is no getting one step 
forward in the heavenly road without courage, or, in other 
words, faith ; and I trust there are here many whose anchor 
has held in the first ground, " Creating love ; " more in the 
second, " Redeeming love; " and surely trembling sinners have 
found some hold in the Promises. The " Word of God " is 
full of them, and they are all for you. All belong to a wounded 
conscience, — to sinners seeking the power of faith, to conquer 
their sins, and bring them to God. But yet I fear there may 
be a feeble-minded one who is still left behind, and I am 

2 D 



410 



APPENDIX, B: 



unwilling any should remain in darkness, when Christ offers them 
light. But perhaps such will say, — " O, I am an ungrateful 
sinner. I have turned away my eyes from J esus. The world, 
and the wild imaginations of my polluted affections have stolen 
between me and the Saviour. Once ' the candle of the Lord 
did shine upon my head.' But now he is gone ; ' my beloved 
hath withdrawn himself;' and I am again 'shorn of my strength,' 
and feeble as another man." Well, do not despair. Thy soul 
shall yet ride the storm. There is yet one anchor more, but it 
is possible you will not all admire it. Some will cry out, Is 
that all ? O, it is too low. But let me tell you, low as you 
esteem it, because it seems within your reach, it will rise to the 
highest mansion in Heaven. It is, I own, a little dark at the 
first view, but the more you look upon it, the brighter it will 
grow. Remember it was the " sound of a ram's horn, and the 
shout of human voices," that shook the " mighty walls of 
Jericho." God delights to do great things by little means. 

The name then of my fourth anchor is Resignation, and 
there is a motto engraved thereon : "In quietness and con- 
fidence shall thy strength be." You that are asleep have 
nothing to do with this : but you who are awake, and groaning 
for the salvation you have forfeited, — you are invited, nay, 
mmmanded to cast it out. You have fallen by a worldly spirit, 
and by indulging a busy and idolatrous imagination. Come, 
then, let this be the moment ! Now cast your whole soul, — 
your everlasting concerns, on the free unmerited love of the 
Saviour, and live upon,—" Thy will be done ! " Let your 
soul cry out, " I will bear the indignation of the Lord, because 
T have sinned against him." Abandon yourself, as a victim, 
into his hand, and there lie as " clay before the potter." If 
you are tempted because you cannot pray, let this be youi- 
prayer, — ^let the constant cry of your heart be, — " Thy will be 
done on'earth, as it is done in heaven." And take knowledge, 
while you are so doing, your prayer is echoed by the highest 
Archangel in heaven, for the glory of that bright abode is a 
perfect resignation, fully consistent with the most faithful ac- 
tivity. You &e permitted to pray,— " Father, let this cup pass 
from me : "—Yet, while you add, " Not my will, but Thy will 



APPENDIX, B. 



411 



be done,'' you join in spirit with the " Saviour and Captain of 
your salvation/' I have often found, in an hour of temptation, 
when no other anchor seemed to hold, that thought, " The 
Lord reigneth," — his will and glory shall be accomplished, 
and in that I will rejoice, — ^lias brought peace, and laid the storm. 
Lie down at his dear feet, and remember, " Whom he loveth, 
he chasteneth, and correcteth every son whom he receiveth." 
He brings your sins to your remembrance, that your soul may 
be brought to know its misery and wants, and in order that he 
may burn them up with the purifying fire of his love. Take 
courage then, and, with one voice, let us all unite in the cry, 
— " Thy will be done ! Thy will be done ! " And our song 
shall be echoed through all the courts above. Here then drop 
your anchor. It is sound ground, and it will not come home. 
With this patient faith, therefore, be found in all the means of 
grace, walking humbly, while you do his will. " And pleading 
the promises, which are yea and amen in Christ. Blessed are 
all they who wait for him." 

We read of Paul's company, — That "they cast out four 
anchors, and wished for the day." Do you the same, for that 
is a wish very pleasing to the Lord. I observed before, — That 
it is not day-light with the soul till that promise is accomplished: 
" I will manifest myself unto him." Here is the great design 
of the wonderful plan of salvation, — to restore man to his 
original communion with God ; and he who hath said, " I will 
give unto him that is athirst of the water of life freely," — now 
waits to make your soul his loved abode, the temple of indwell- 
ing God. There is a rest which remains for the people of God ; 
and you who love the Lord, remember, " He came not only 
that you might have life," but that "you may have it more 
abundantly." Cry, my beloved friends, day and night, that 
you may " enter into the land of uprightness, on which the 
eyes of the Lord are continually " from the beginning of the 
year to the end. But when the people of Israel slighted the 
rest of Canaan, and had lost that courage by which alone they 
could enter, — how gi-eatly did it offend the Lord ! And will 
he approve lazy, dull seekers of that spiritu^ Canaan, that 



412 APPENDIX, B. ^ ^ , , 

Baptism of the Spirit to which every believer is expressly 
called? We often talk of the time when " righteousness is to 
overspread the earth,"*' but this millennium must overspread our 
own hearts, if we would see the face of God with joy. For 
the very end of our creation is, that we may become " the 
habitation of God through the Spirit." 



THE END- 



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